Break-ups aren’t always black and white. They can be complicated and tricky, depending on the terms you and your ex left things. During heated arguments, things get said, or maybe you guys just needed a break.
Today, we’re going to talk a little bit about things you can do if you want to know if your ex might come back, or even things that might help you guys get back together. These tips and tricks might be the first stepping stones to mending a damaged relationship.
That being said before we get into how to get back your ex back, there are a few things you need to consider to ensure that getting back together is the right step to take. And while you may miss your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend terribly, you need to make sure things will be healthy once you get back together.
- 1 Should You Date Your Ex Again?
- 2 Tips To Make Your Ex Come Back
- 3 Will You And Your Ex Be Getting Back Together?
- 4 Always Remember…
Should You Date Your Ex Again?
Is the relationship healthy? Exes are exes for a reason for the most part, and if you and your ex aren’t happy when you are together more often than you are happy, most likely you might just want to stay friends. Do you argue with each other a lot? Do you constantly break up and get back together? Do you two bring out the good or bad in each other?
Are you able to be around each other for long periods of time without fighting? Does either of you have unhealthy habits that contribute to the arguing or negativity involved in your relationship? If one of you is trying to make yourselves better, and the other isn’t actively participating, then you may want to reconsider letting your ex come back.
Will you have resentments towards your ex if he or she comes back? It’s important that you are able to let go of the past, and start a new chapter if you two end up reconciling. Will you be able to trust him if your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend comes back? And finally, is getting back together something your ex wants too?
These are all very important questions to ask yourself because there is no point in trying to learn how to get your ex back if your relationship is just going to end again in the future. You don’t want to break up again due to whatever lingering issues you two may have with each other if you two get back into a relationship.
If any of these questions made you have doubts, you can find out more about toxic and healthy relationships here, so you can make a better decision.
If you are confident that your relationship will be a healthy and happy relationship after you two have sorted things out, then here are a few tips that will help learn how to get back with your ex.
Tips To Make Your Ex Come Back
1. Try to be their friend.
It’s much easier to reconsider relationships if you guys are able to stay friends after a breakup. After a heated break up, give an appropriate time for both parties to calm down, before taking the first step in trying to start building the bridge between the two of you.
Establishing a friendship after a break up can be tricky, and it usually starts with an apology. Be clear about your feelings. If you don’t want to lose the one you love out of your life completely, then be clear about it. If the other person needs more time, then allow them that. Sometimes your ex wants space to think, and you should respect that.
Even if they hesitate at first, it doesn’t mean your ex won’t be coming back, it simply means for this moment they are still dealing with some feelings. Work with them, allow them to communicate their frustrations and feelings in their own way.
A break-up doesn’t just affect one person, it affects the lives of everyone involved or around the relationships. Life may be awkward at first when you are re-establishing your friendship with your ex, for both of you and everyone around you. Try not to get embarrassed or frustrated at social events.
Social media is both a blessing and a boon to social relationships. One thing that can permanently damage a connection is making the dilemma public on social media. When angry, avoid getting on Facebook or Twitter and venting on your wall about your ex.
Another thing to watch out for is not just your own personal posts, but posts of family and friends. The other person will greatly appreciate you stepping in and defending them even through the breakup if you notice posts from other people trashing your ex on your behalf.
To avoid confrontation you can ask your friends and family to respect your privacy at this time, and that you are working on making the situation better. Don’t allow comments to remain on your public wall about your ex, or respond to them publically. Your break up is no one else’s business anyway.
Being on social media the drama between two people is humiliating and embarrassing for the other person. If you are wondering how to get back at your ex, this would be the way to go if you don’t ever want your ex to come back.
3. Don’t speak negatively about him to mutual friends.
If you want your ex to come back, another good way to prevent that from happening is talking about him badly to mutual friends. The glorious thing about human beings is that we are all predictable. The glorious thing about human beings is that we are all predictable. And everything you say to your friends will make its way to your exes ears.
It’s human nature to gossip. So if you want your ex to come back then make sure you’re not trash-talking them to your friends. Tell them about happy memories, tell them you miss him, tell them life is not the same, anything positive. Just like with social media, avoid embarrassing your ex by blasting the drama and dirt about your relationship.
That being said, I am not saying you can’t share your side of the story if things are being misconstrued from the ex’s end. Be honest about the situation, but pick and choose who you confide in. Information in the wrong friend’s mouth can be dangerous, even if they do have good intentions.
You don’t have to keep information from your friends in your attempt to damage control, just be careful how you convey that information. Friends can even be a great therapy gateway. Sometimes couples have better success by having a mutual neutral party involved in their discussions if they have a tendency to argue.
However, if you need a neutral party to help you settle your differences, I suggest investing in a couple’s therapist. Using a friend as a soundboard may cause strain on the friendships between the three of you, as this person now knows all of your private business with your ex.
4. Work on bettering yourself.
Needless to say, there is always a reason that the relationship ended. In most cases, relationships don’t end suddenly without warning. Think back to previous arguments or discussions leading up to the break-up. Did your e ever mention anything that truly bothered them that you do?
While it’s important to note that I don’t believe anyone should ever change themselves for the pleasure of other people – there is always room for improvement. If the things that bothered your ex in previous arguments seem like something you could agree that you can improve on work on it.
If it’s something that can be done without changing an essential part of yourself or something that doesn’t hurt you or oppress you, then I would tell anyone that as a person and individual, it’s never bad to work on self-improvement.
For example, if one of his complaints was that the house could be cleaner, work on your housekeeping skills. Or if he complained that you guys were ‘always late’ to everything, work on your time management. These kinds of things are important to improve, as it would make your relationship stronger if your ex should think about coming back.
That being said, you should never feel as if you have to change who you are to get your ex back. Don’t give up your favorite music, or personality or lifestyle for the sake of anyone else. That way of life would not bring you joy, and if you can’t live happily there is no point in going backward.
5. Take responsibility.
Every coin has two sides, just like every story. And the first step to mending a broken relationship is an apology. It doesn’t matter really whose fault it is, if you two love each other and want to come back to being how you used to be, you can take the first step.
Whatever your part in the problem was, you need to own it, and sincerely mean it when you address it with your ex. No problem can get resolved as long as you both are not 100 percent honest with each other and yourselves. Instead of playing the blame-game, focus on what you could have done better and own it.
This is in my opinion, the most important part of fixing broken relationships, and trying to get your ex to come back. Life only works one way: Forward. Learn from the past, improve yourself in the present, and be better in the future, regardless of if you fix things with your ex or not.
6. Communicate and reciprocate.
Before you and your ex can jump into a relationship, there are probably a few problems you two need to work on to ensure your relationship is happy and healthy. The important part of this step is to learn how to communicate with your ex and listen to them as they communicate with you.
The reason I am emphasizing this is that it’s way more difficult than it sounds. Communication is one of the top problems in most relationships. Being able to express yourself without escalating to an argument takes practice. Listening can just as hard, because you may be hearing things you don’t want to hear.
It’s important to know when discussing coming back to a relationship with your ex that you are able to learn how to discuss and debate your differences without arguing, getting personal, or allowing yourself to be angry. Remember if things escalate, take a break, and come back to the topic later.
7. Respect their decisions and space.
Sometimes, especially if the relationship had a particularly hard ending, you and your ex just need some space. At the beginning of this article, I mentioned several times to respect your ex’s privacy and space.
If you are impatient, it could drive them further away. If you are waiting on an answer from your ex, don’t text or call a hundred times if they are displaying signs they just need a little more time to get over their feelings of hurt.
There is a fine line however, you want them to know that you’re not giving up on them, you’re just respecting their space. You can reach out sometimes, just try to avoid nagging them every day. Don’t pressure them. Be supportive when you do talk to your ex.
Life is complicated and messy. If your ex is the kind of person who would want you to show up and give them a dramatic display of affection, then do it. However, you should know the way your partner feels best. If they are the kind of person who needs time to emotionally recover after an argument, give them the space they need.
Will You And Your Ex Be Getting Back Together?
A woman will drive herself crazy wondering if her ex might come back to her. Knowing the signs that he may be coming back will help tame the anxiety of not knowing. The important thing to remember while trying to mend your relationship to get your ex back is to be patient, and let it happen as naturally as possible. If it is meant to be, it will be.
When someone has true feelings for you, they don’t just fade away when a relationship ends for either party. While it is possible to ‘fall out of love,’ usually this isn’t the case for sudden breakups. Everyone says things they don’t mean when they are angry, it’s how you both handle the situation afterward that matters.
If you are still sitting there wondering: “Will my ex come back?” then there are a few things to look for.
1. He says he misses you.
Regardless if you only talk occasionally or daily, if your ex says he misses you, you know he’s thinking about you when he’s alone. It’s a very lonely feeling when you are yearning for someone you’ve lost. A man who wants to fix things will let you know, and generally, they keep things simple.
A great indication that your ex wants to come back is if he verbally expresses he misses you. If you are feeling the same way, say it back. Remember to be crystal clear when speaking to your ex. If you want him to come back, say so. “I miss you too. I miss us, and how we used to be. I want to get that back.” It sounds simple to say, but it takes a bit of courage.
Remember, men are very proud. If he says that he misses you, remember his ego is in a delicate state, because it takes humility for a man to admit he’s vulnerable. And missing his ex is an extremely vulnerable feeling for a male.
2. He calls or messages you daily.
If your ex still talks to you daily, it’s a good sign he might want to come back. Depending on the context of your conversations, it may be a clue on if your ex is willing to try to come back and try again or not.
3. You hear from mutual friends he talks about you.
As mentioned earlier in this article, people talk and gossip. If he is telling his friends (or your friends) that he wants to come back to you, you will know about it. However, don’t take all the information to heart.
Sometimes when gossip is taken down the line, information gets misconstrued. If your friends tell you he wants to come back or that he misses you, reach out to him, and get the information first hand.
4. He still takes care of you.
I personally hate admitting to this, but there are just some things we can’t do on our own. I am not saying we need a man to help us with these things, but there are just somethings we absolutely do need help on. And if your ex still comes around to help you with those things, despite the end to your relationship then that means he still cares.
Take the opportunity to thank him, and express your feelings when the time is right one day, after all, he didn’t have to come back to help you.
5. He wants to stay friends.
One of the most obvious signs he still cares about you and wants you in his life is that he wants to stay friends. A lot of times, men are one way or another: They either want to have nothing to do with their ex, or they want to stay friends and still have a good relationship with them.
Depending on his attitude, and how the break up ends, you will be able to tell how your ex feels.
6. It will be obvious if feelings are mutual.
Keep in mind it will be obvious if your ex wants to come back to you. You will be able to tell after a period of time. His body language, attitude, and the way he treats you will be all you really need to tell. So if you and your ex have been broken up a while, and he is not showing signs that he wants to try to work on the relationship, it’s pretty safe to say he may not come back.
If your ex does come back to you, then the key to being happy is working out all of your issues of the past. Don’t let those unresolved problems with your ex to come back to cause problems in the future. And always remember to let your ex come back naturally.
I hope you enjoyed this article, and you found a few tips in here that have eased your mind or helped you find a way to repair your relationship. Share with us the comments on your experience if you have worked things out with an ex. How did you know he would come back? And remember to share this article with your friends.
When it comes to relationships, I have seen them all. I have spent the better part of 10 years giving relationship counseling to people of all ages for their relationships. I specialize in helping repair failing relationships. I also counsel others on Abusive relationships. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship for 8 years, before breaking it off. After finding my own peace and healing I have spent a lot of time helping people with similar situations.