Getting over a breakup can be really hard, especially when you have a gut feeling things were far from over. What’s more, the thought of finding someone new and starting all over takes a lot of work.
More often than not, an ex would probably move on in life, and so would you. However, if you are feeling heartbroken and are even vaguely considering the probabilities of getting ‘him' back, that means there could be a shot at getting back together.
I have to put this out there before we go on, there are many things you have to consider before thinking about getting a partner back. The truth is – break up can be so devastating; so much so, that you start focusing on the wrong things and going in the wrong direction in life.
That’s why you have to make a promise to be as open-minded, real, and honest to yourself when considering if an ex will come back and if you should accept him. With that said, let’s have a look at a few things to consider during a breakup as well as a few sure ways to tell if he will return.
- 1 How To Know If He Will Come Back
- 2 Break Up Lines and What They Might Mean
- 3 Signs He Will Never Come Back
- 4 Signs There Is A Chance Of Getting Back Together
- 5 FAQ
- 6 To Sum Things Up
How To Know If He Will Come Back
Those first few days, weeks and even months after a break-up generally leave people thinking a whole lot. Most of the time, conflicting thoughts of love, hate, envy, self-hate, and other intense feelings are made. Then come the questions; ‘Is that man worth it?' ‘Should I move on?' ‘Has he moved on?' or ‘Should I try to get him back?'.
A wide range of factors would determine the answers to any of these questions, and sometimes, the answers could be a tough pill to swallow. To gain the answers to the questions above, let's start by asking and possibly answering some basic questions.
1. Why did the relationship break up?
Psychology Today suggests that there are 10 top reasons couples break up; from infidelity to incompatibility to the plain old ‘unresolved conflicts' reason. In this case, such generalities are not enough; so, you need to piece together why he said he wants to break up and the possible reasons the relationship ended.
Please don't overthink it; you could quickly go crazy thinking about all the possible reasons that man left you (genuine, untrue, and unrealistic altogether), as well as why the relationship ended. However, exploring this question is still vital
First, the seriousness and finality of the break up usually ride on this as much as the chances of getting him back do. Secondly, coming to terms with the actual reasons for the breakup helps you learn from the experience and put certain things behind you, like bad habits, indiscipline, and the likes.
That's the only chance of considering a healthy relationship with an ex, or another person for that matter. What’s more, if the reason the relationship ended rode on behavioral issues, then it’s easier to tackle. Furthermore, it’s a different case when the cause of the breakup stemmed from physical abuse, verbal abuse, or any other unhealthy and toxic abuse or habits.
2. How long has it been since your break up?
When couples who were actually in love break up, there's no immediate detachment. No matter how it ended, there will always be thoughts on both ends of the viability of the breakup. In all of this, time is a critical factor; a break up of two weeks to three months is more likely to be repaired, unlike one that has been split for more than a year.
Again, this is just a generalization; we can't say what the yardstick is when determining the possibility of a make-up. It is possible for a relationship that had split years ago to be re-visited, but the best chances you have of getting an ex back is usually within the first three months of the break-up.
During this period, it's possible you both haven't moved on. Maybe there's been a few rebound situations, but rebounds usually have a high failure yet. There's no question why, it's mostly rushed, sometimes irrational, moved by the belief that a ‘next' will help you get over an ex. So, if this is the stage you are still in, it’s more probable for him to realize sooner than later that a mistake has been made.
Plus, after a break-up, the thought and idea of you might still be fresh in his mind; the only thing stopping him from reaching out could be pure male ego. Society has framed this mindset that a man is supposed to be strong and a bit detached from their feelings, while women should be soft, empathetic, loving, and understanding. That makes women more likely to express feelings during a breakup, while most men refuse to process what has happened.
3. How long did the relationship last?
Okay, so let's clarify; we are not really exploring the possibilities of a 3-week relationship re-igniting after some time. Some people would consider such relationship lengths as a fling and not an actual relationship. Of course, we equally have to take into consideration how long both of you had known that man before romantically getting involved. You will also have to consider just how much you love him.
I want to believe that if you're scrolling down this page, the relationship has been on-going for at least a month or more. This statement doesn't in any way suggest that a two-week relationship is baseless, but a relationship is worth saving when emotions, time, and other resources have been invested.
No doubt, it takes several dates to get to know someone truly, as well as figure out the compatibility, weaknesses, strengths, and, most importantly, if they like you. So, if a relationship ended prematurely, it could probably mean that someone felt out of place or didn't want to force feelings where there were none.
For long-term relationships that sometimes involve kids or a live-in situation, a lot more connections have been established that are worth saving. Especially where kids might be affected, a lot of partners tend to think about the kids and work towards fixing the relationship instead of remaining apart.
Again, where children are involved, you have to consider if getting back together for the kids would be more beneficial or toxic for their growth and psychological development.
4. Are the stakes different now?
If a poll was taken on how many women actually wanted their exes back, and a genuine response was given, the results would probably show more than 65% want to get back together with an ex.
It may be a general and unproven fact, especially when considering there are more serious reasons for a breakup like infidelity, toxic habits (smoking, taking drugs), physical and emotional abuse, and total disrespect towards a partner. However, if it's more like a case of “she squeezes the toothpaste from the middle, and I can't deal,” then that's at least subtler.
A question like this puts into perspective the thought, ‘should I expect my ex to come back?' In a situation where nothing has sincerely changed, the same mistakes could easily be repeated, and then someone would probably find themselves binge-watching chick flicks with a bowl of ice-cream and a pack of tissues.
In a case where the lady cheated or was abusive, I have to ask myself, has she changed? Has she dealt with her issues, and is she ready to make things right and not fall back to bad habits? If nothing has changed, and it's not plain for him to see, there are fewer odds of him ever coming back.
Break Up Lines and What They Might Mean
“This isn't working out anymore”
This line has to be the biggest slap to the face, especially if you thought things were going wonderful. It could be more of an excuse than an actual reason for a breakup 50% of the time, but the other 50, it's possibly true.
Sometimes, there is something more going on, but it's a straightforward way to summarize the reason for the breakup of any relationship. There is also the possibility that there's another person in the picture, but they are looking for the safest way to check out.
‘I think we should go back to being just friends”
Okay, so here's another slap to the face, dude pulled the ‘friend-zone' card? Nah, that's just cruel! These situations could mean that he sees how valuable you are, and probably doesn't want to lose you altogether, but is somehow not romantically attracted to you anymore; worse yet, he doesn’t love you anymore.
However, he might still like you and wants to continue a somewhat stable, yet awkward relationship but doesn't want any more strings attached. There's also the possibility that he just wants freedom for some reason, and is looking for the nicest way to say it without sounding like a jerk.
In such cases, he may not still want to be friends (and possibly get back with you) but will suggest it either way because he knows it's less likely to happen. The third case scenario might translate to the fact that he is having doubts, and still wants to keep you in the picture until he figures everything out, or in case he changes his mind, selfish much?
Regardless of which case it may be, make sure to never put yourself or your emotions second place. Your life must go on!
“There's someone else”
The famous break-up line that has had women cringing since time immemorial! So, you found another person while we were still in a relationship? How fun! As annoying as this line is, we can't scrap it out, plus, it takes a pretty bold person to say that out loud. A man stands the chance of looking like a jerk in front of you, family members, and friends, probably for eternity.
Sometimes, they have found someone else that seems more interesting at the time, but you know what they say, ‘not all that glitters is gold.' We all like shiny new things, and sometimes, some men get overly excited; they disregard something real and special, and chase after ‘Betty with the good hair.'
“It's not you, it's me.”
This select line has had a lot of eyes rolling since it became a famous go-to line for men during breakups. For such evasive reasons or excuses, it's harder to ascertain precisely why that man decided to break things off, if he will ever come back, and if he still has love for you. In such cases, you might have to think about what could have happened objectively.
Most times, he may have some other things in his life that are overwhelming, which might keep him from being present or fair in the relationship. So, it's better to give him space at this time, draining his battery with calls or texts might push him even further. Good things come to those who wait, and if the stakes are right, after some time, your ex may come back.
Signs He Will Never Come Back
‘’Will he ever come back?’’ That’s one question I know you want answered right now. However, there’s no need crawling all over his social media pages, or looking through those nostalgic pictures of both of you when life was high and dandy. Having an ex back could either be a good thing or turn out to be a terrible mistake.
Depending on the gravity of the break-up, or the individual in question, there's a possibility he may never come back. However, there's always that part of you that still has love for him and hopes things will go back to normal. If that’s the case, there are a few ways to figure out if that relationship is redeemable.
1. His actions and words show he doesn’t want to make-up.
First, let's take a minute and breathe because this fact is a tough pill to swallow. No one wants to believe that they are not wanted by another person. It almost gives the feeling that there’s something wrong with you. However, that’s not always the case, most people bring light and happiness to every relationship, but the truth is no one is perfect.
A lot of times, a boyfriend will leave because of bad habits, incompatibility, or the likes, and there are no chances he will ever come back. The question is, how do you figure if that man is hell-bent on staying with you, as his ex? Well, it's straightforward, there's a common saying when a man shows you who he is, you better believe him.
Some men take the high road and are very vocal about not wanting to make up, and they are within their rights to move on. Others may not be so vocal, but their actions show they are done, done, done! What’s more, if they stop responding to texts, or only message back after several hours or days, it's probably time to take the hint.
And if he tells his friends or your friends that it's over and there is no more love, please believe him and start your healing process. Still trying to contact him or beg is not just undignifying, it’s a bit too pushy and disrespectful to the other party.
2. He insists he is the primary reason for the break-up.
It takes two to tango; a relationship can only flourish when two of the people involved love each other and make a conscious effort to keep trying. So, don’t believe the unreliable idea that one person can have love enough for two; that’s an open cheque to get hurt. With that being said, if he dropped you with that one-liner break up excuses, “it's not you, it's me,” maybe it's time to believe him.
It's possible to search your head, looking for possible reasons why the relationship ended, but if he insists it's him, please let it go. This is no easy feat, accepting that an ex won't come back is hard and almost painful. Also, it's easier to imagine that there is something you can do to fix it, but this is a time to press pause and reconsider your options.
Furthermore, a man that gives you a solid reason for a breakup, (where there wasn't an obvious one) probably doesn't want to mend things. He knows that if he presents specific reasons, you may try to fix them or make him change his mind, so he shuts that possibility down.
At this point, you have to move from the girl who's waiting for a sign (for a long time) and still believes, to that woman whose ‘loneliness ain't killing her no more.'
3. He brings out the big guns.
Okay, so we don't mean physical weapons of destruction here, but it's exaggerated enough to get your attention. In my experience with people going through break-ups, there's always that ‘after-stage' where they deliberately lie to themselves.
It takes someone observing from outside to see how much of a douche a man is to the woman or vice versa. Being in denial might make you blinded to all the wrong-doings, insults, jabs, and darts thrown in your direction.
So, when you finally sit down with a clear head, there are basic questions that need to be asked. When last did he smile or say something nice to you? Does he use every opportunity to throw jabs, insult, or debase you? Does he try to make fun of the situation, as well as mock personal weaknesses or secrets you privately shared with him?
If the answer is mostly yes, then he may not only be a douche but you are dealing with a very mean and extreme card trying to get you to leave him alone. What’s more, if there was cheating or betrayal involved, it’s time to pick up your skirts, save yourself the humiliation and channel that hurt and pain into doing something great for yourself.
Signs There Is A Chance Of Getting Back Together
Up until now, your head has been ringing with the optimally important question; “Will my ex come back?” Well, there are a few signs your ex will eventually come back, although there are very few ways to know for sure. Human beings are unpredictable, and sometimes, even with the worst odds, love somehow wins.
So, before visiting the possibility of getting back with an ex, always ensure you understand the basic consequences with the significant one being history repeating itself all over again. Getting back together might also be a great thing, seeing that you already know the person, what ticks him off, or makes him happy and the likes.
Here are some signifiers that could mean your relationship is far from over.
- He's texting you and responding quite frequently to your texts
- He starts calling to confide in you or discuss the reasons for the breakup
- He continually asks if you are dating other people
- He may act jealous if he notices you are getting ample male attention
- He admits there is no one else with substantial proof to back it up
- He doesn’t unfollow or block you on social media platforms
- He regularly brings up nostalgic memories you both shared in the past
- He starts making up excuses to see you at work, family or social gatherings and work
- He admits to wrongful actions and asks for forgiveness
- He asks friends, family or the kids about you
If he is doing at least more than three of these things, there may be a real chance that he still isn't over you. At this point, it is important not to play any games with that man (jealousy games and the likes) because it is a sensitive period.
However, if he made the mistake, let him be the one to come back to you. Try not to stalk him or constantly check if he is posting about you. Wait things out a bit, and allow him to find his way back to you.
There are no statistics to prove if an ex will ever come back if you give him space, yet a lot of people swear by it. A lot of times, people need space to clear their heads, and time may just end up healing old wounds. This time would equally give you a chance to heal, grow, and generally be a better person for him or another person.
Some people may feel smothered or choked when you try to call or text them after a break-up. Yet, it could help to give them space, especially if they have asked for it. Make sure you abstain from calling, texting, or e-mailing them for some time.
There's no sure way of telling if an ex is coming back, human beings are too complex to predict or categorize. However, the comforting part of all this is that an ex that genuinely has a love for you will come back against all the odds. If you know he still deeply cares about you and still loves you, that relationship is worth fighting for a long time; especially if there are hints he is coming back.
There's no telling if an ex is coming back to your life after giving him space or not contacting him. However, restraining from contacting him, may give him a feeling of what he is missing. That may just be one of the last ways to get him to see both of you are meant to be.
The truth is, sometimes, love isn’t just enough, especially when they are serious underlying issues that caused the break up in the first place. The smart thing would be to stay expectant for some time but equally, be ready to move on if he never comes back.
To Sum Things Up
Knowing if an ex is going to come back is no easy feat, but I hope you enjoyed reading through the lists and the little nuggets of advice as well. If you are going through a break-up, please know that you're not in it alone and life goes on.
Surround yourself with helpful and positive family and friends who love you, and try to stay as happy and hopeful as possible. Please leave a comment below on how you found this piece, and maybe share it with a friend or two who are still in love with their exes and maybe going through the same dilemma.
As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn't an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.