Are you wondering why a man would want to keep you around if he doesn’t want a monogamous relationship with you?
In the eyes of most women, this is one of the worst things a man can do. Women only have a few years of being in their prime physical condition, so the last thing they need to do is waste time with a ‘player’ in disguise.
Often though, by understanding men’s motives for doing this, you can relate to them better and even change their mind about their romantic intentions.
This is why I have created this list of 23 reasons why men keep their ‘casual’ woman around.
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With that said, let’s take a look at the reasons why men keep women around if they’re not planning on dating them exclusively.
- 1 Why Does He Keep Me Around If He Doesn’t Want A Relationship?
- 1.1 1. He likes you but he doesn’t want a relationship.
- 1.2 2. He doesn’t know what he wants.
- 1.3 3. He doesn’t want to be alone.
- 1.4 4. He doesn’t want to be bored.
- 1.5 5. He wants to remain a part of your life.
- 1.6 6. He doesn’t want anybody else to have you.
- 1.7 7. He does not want to hurt you.
- 1.8 8. He is scared of drama.
- 1.9 9. He doesn’t want to ruin your friendship.
- 1.10 10. He wants you to pay for things.
- 1.11 11. Or, he doesn’t want to pay for things.
- 1.12 12. He loves to flirt.
- 1.13 13. He’s keeping his options open.
- 1.14 14. He feels pressured.
- 1.15 15. He’s not sure that you are serious.
- 1.16 16. He’s not ready for the responsibility.
- 1.17 17. He’s scared of commitment.
- 1.18 18. He has had bad experiences in the past.
- 1.19 19. He has personal connection issues.
- 1.20 20. He just got out of a relationship.
- 1.21 21. He doesn’t see you as “the one.”
- 1.22 22. He doesn’t want things to change.
- 1.23 23. He’s thinking about someone else.
- 2 Ultimately,
Why Does He Keep Me Around If He Doesn’t Want A Relationship?
Here are the reasons that he keeps you around, even if he might not want a relationship right now…
1. He likes you but he doesn’t want a relationship.
Many people who find themselves in a situationship, eventually realize that the guy actually really likes them. He just doesn’t want a relationship. There are many valid reasons that someone might not want to get into a relationship right now. Perhaps he just got out of a serious relationship, maybe he is too busy, or he is struggling with personal issues.
However, he may simply just not see a future with the person he is seeing. He may like you but is unable to see a relationship with you going anywhere in the future. Sometimes it is hard to tell which reason applies. It is a good sign that he likes you, but you really need to talk to him.
If he likes you, the next normal step is to want a relationship. If he doesn’t want that, it can be confusing for both you and him.
2. He doesn’t know what he wants.
You know that he doesn’t want a relationship with you, but he keeps coming back to you. He likes you, doesn’t love you, but doesn’t want to let you go. Even though you may want things with him to change so badly, you cannot make someone love you.
If he keeps coming back but doesn’t want a relationship, it is likely that the issue is with him, not you. Maybe that is why he wants to keep you around. He knows, deep down, that there is something good between you, but it’s too hard for him to commit to a serious relationship with you. He isn’t sure of what is going on in his head or how to resolve his issues.
He simply has no real idea of what he wants. This usually applies to his whole life and not just his relationships. He probably doesn’t know what he wants in life, and this makes relationships even more confusing. He keeps trying to figure himself out by coming back to you. Because he has no idea what he wants, it might not even be you that he is questioning.
He may be dating a few girls at one time and cannot decide who he wants. He cannot decide if he wants to date you or just sleep with you. He may keep coming back because of the fact that he doesn’t know what he wants. If he’s keeping you around, but cannot commit to anything serious, it is clear that he doesn’t know what he wants.
3. He doesn’t want to be alone.
It is human nature to desire to be loved and cared for. It is possible that while his feelings do not run below the surface level, he doesn’t want to be alone, so he keeps you to avoid this. When you are dating, you probably spend most of your time together and without you, he would have a lot of lonely days.
While many people enjoy their own company and are very independent, others will never be the type to enjoy being single. He may enjoy sharing text messages and a phone call with you. If he’s the type of guy that always wants company, whether he wants someone to go to the movies with, go out to dinner, or go on a weekend away, he may be just keeping you around so he doesn’t have to do these things by himself.
You don’t want to waste your time with him if this is the closest thing to a relationship that he can give you. Really think about what he offers you. If he is always asking you to hang out but doesn’t show any interest in something more, he might just be scared of being alone.
You need to know if this is how he feels, and if so, take control of your love life and let him go.
4. He doesn’t want to be bored.
Similar to the previous point, he might just be keeping you around to keep him busy. When you are dating, you are probably quite busy with spending time together, going on dates, spending whole days together and possibly nights with each other.
If he wants to see the newest movie in the cinema and his friends aren’t around, he may turn to you and expect you to be free. If he let you go, he’d be bored and have no one else to spend his time with. This may be why he is keeping you around despite that he doesn’t want a relationship or has no real romantic intentions with you.
You want to know whether this is how he feels, and if it is, it might be time to let him go.
5. He wants to remain a part of your life.
Sometimes the reason that he keeps you in his life but doesn’t want a relationship can be toxic. He may be a possessive type. He may be choosing to keep you around so he always knows what is going on in your life.
After a break-up, one of the hardest parts is often that you are suddenly out of their life, with no way of knowing who they are now spending time with and what they are doing. He may hate the idea of having no control over you, and keep you around for this reason, despite that he has no real feelings for you and doesn’t want a relationship.
Maybe he has always been a bit controlling over you, a bit overprotective, always judging you and getting annoyed if you spend too much time with other people. He may not let you go because he hates the idea of you having control over your own life. If this is this case, it is time to break up with him.
6. He doesn’t want anybody else to have you.
Some men can be possessive. They don’t want anyone else to have what they perceive as theirs. They want to hold on to what they have. However, this becomes an issue in a relationship, when what they want isn’t theirs. You do not belong to him.
If he is being dishonest by making empty promises but at the same time saying that he isn’t ready to commit to you, he may just dislike the idea of you finding someone else who will treat you better. He may find the idea of you being with someone else horrible, even if he doesn’t deeply care for you.
He enjoys your attention towards him and wants to hold on to you for the sake of his ego.
7. He does not want to hurt you.
Maybe he is really a nice guy and deserves the benefit of the doubt. He might be scared of hurting you by ending what has been going on between you. Breaking up with someone is hard, even for the person who initiates it. No one enjoys telling someone that they don’t feel the same way about them.
Perhaps he is putting off the inevitable because he is afraid of hurting you by telling you that he isn’t interested in a relationship, especially if you have told him that you like him and want a future with him. He may be being cowardly by avoiding telling you the truth, his reasons are pure.
Let him know that you want to know how he really feels.
8. He is scared of drama.
He may be worried that if he ends whatever has been going on between you, it will end in a complicated and dramatic break-up. Many times relationships end badly. Someone is inevitably going to get hurt if you both don’t feel the same way. There is a chance that he is scared of breaking things off with you because he doesn’t want to deal with the repercussions.
Perhaps you work together, go to school together, or share the same friends, he may be scared that it’ll be awkward or uncomfortable if your relationship ends in a break-up. Let him know that if he doesn’t see a future with you, you won’t cause drama. You deserve to know the truth and what he really thinks.
If this guy is worth your time he will be honest with you anyway.
9. He doesn’t want to ruin your friendship.
It can be awkward if a romantic relationship has developed from a friendship. Sometimes it works, but many friendships have been ruined by failed attempts at romance. If your romantic relationship developed from a great friendship, he may be keeping you around because he doesn’t want to lose you as his friend, despite not wanting a relationship.
Things can get awkward and difficult after a break-up. Feelings don’t suddenly go away, and break-ups are not always mutual and one side always gets hurt. It’s not that simple to return to a normal friendship after breaking up a romantic relationship. It may never return to how it once was.
In time, it may be possible to rebuild your friendship. It will take patience and you can’t force it too much. Make sure that you tell him that it is okay if he doesn’t want a romantic relationship with you because he will never lose you as a friend, even though he fears he might.
10. He wants you to pay for things.
Perhaps he is unemployed or struggling financially. He might be keeping you around because of your financial support to him. Does he often forget his wallet when he has offered to pay for dinner? If you are spending all of your money on him, he might be hanging on to you because of the money you spend on him.
11. Or, he doesn’t want to pay for things.
Money can be a major factor in relationships. It may be stopping him from committing to a relationship with you. He might not want to commit if he has built up his savings and doesn’t want to share his money with anyone else.
If you do really want him to commit, you have to be able to reassure him that you can support yourself. Make sure he knows that you will be able to contribute, and this may resolve his issues.
This may be true especially if his star sign is Capricorn. Capricorns don't want relationships just for the sake of it. It may be odd that he wants your finances in order, and to know that you are ready to settle down.
This is one way to explain why he won't commit.
12. He loves to flirt.
Some men are addicted to the idea of falling in love. They enjoy flirting and get to know different new women. He’s not ready to give up this part of his life. He’s a repeat monogamist. He enjoys jumping from woman to woman but never fully commits.
He may make you believe that he will commit to you, but his promises are false and he never fully does, to anyone. This is a hard thing to hear, especially if you saw this guy as the one.
This type of guy just never commits. He is completely freaked out by the mention of a serious, long term relationship. Often, it is easy to tell from the beginning if he fits this type, but not always. Sometimes, it is not obvious early on that he has commitment issues, so you need to be aware so you don’t waste your time if it will never turn into anything serious with him.
This may be especially true if he is a Gemini. Geminis often like to date multiple girls before they commit to just one person. He might like you, but someone else may also have caught his eye. He probably just isn’t ready for something serious.
Unfortunately, you may have wasted time on this guy while you could have spent it with a guy you deserve, who only has eyes for you and is ready to commit. But sometimes this is just unavoidable and you just have to move on and learn from it.
13. He’s keeping his options open.
Some men aren’t ready to settle down into a relationship, but they do like you. They are scared of the idea of commitment and labeling your relationship as official. Maybe he’s used to spending every night with different women, it is not surprising he is struggling to settle down.
If you’re just casually dating, there is not much stopping from each of you from seeing other people, there may be no rules unless you have set them yourselves. Some men struggle to leave the freedom of this lifestyle behind. They like the attention they receive from multiple women and don’t want to let go of that feeling.
If he constantly tells you that he wants to keep things slow, but you know that he is seeing other people, he probably does not want something serious to you. A guy who has true feelings for you won’t see you as just an option but will want only you.
14. He feels pressured.
He might feel pressured into taking the next step when he’s not ready. Even if he really likes you. Give him time to figure it out. If you think that he feels pressured, talk to him and ask him how he is feeling.
He needs to know how you are feeling too, but if you are already picking your wedding dress, you might be scaring him off.
Things may be moving too fast for him. Maybe you need to slow things down and take time to figure out what each of you really wants. He may be scared that things are getting too emotionally deep too quickly.
Aquarians especially aren’t comfortable with displays of emotions and can often feel the need to distance themselves if things are getting too serious too quickly.
You need to ask him if this is how he is feeling, and resolve the situation together. It may just be necessary to slow things down.
15. He’s not sure that you are serious.
This may be especially true for a Taurus guy, who when he commits, will do so with all his heart. He does want a relationship but is worried that he is making all the effort. He needs to know that it is safe for him to give away his heart. He may feel like you are not as serious about a relationship as he is, but he doesn’t want to lose you either.
Show him how serious you are, and how much you care for him, and convince him that you are serious about a relationship with him.
16. He’s not ready for the responsibility.
Some men might not be ready to take on the responsibility of a relationship and having to look after another person, and not just themselves. He may really like you and loves to spend time with you, but he might not be ready to take all the difficult things that come with a relationship. He enjoys the fun he is having now without the responsibility.
This may be especially true for Aries men, who need to feel in control of their feelings. If an Aries guy won’t want to lose his freedom, but he keeps you around because he has fun with you. But the more serious it becomes, the more distant he is.
It may be an understandable reason, but it’s completely up to you if it is acceptable.
17. He’s scared of commitment.
Maybe he does actually really like you, but he is just really scared of the idea of commitment. This may be because of experiences in his past or ideas in his head. The fear of commitment is quite normal for many people. It takes a leap of faith to give our hearts to someone, as they have the ability to then break it.
If he has been hurt by past relationships it is not surprising if he is afraid to commit to a new one, due to the fear that he’ll be hurt again. If you have been let down by someone in the past it can be very hard to trust someone new.
Past traumatic experiences can explain commitment issues. Maybe someone unexpectedly broke up with him in the past, or something terrible happened during a past relationship. This has led him to find committing to a new relationship difficult. The thought of giving his heart away again into something new can be terrifying.
If you know that he has been cheated on or treated badly in the past, be kind to him as he is most likely afraid that the past will repeat itself if he starts a new relationship. Make sure you reassure him that you are different. He may be scared to put himself out there if he has been hurt and humiliated before. Give him time to learn that he can trust you.
Maybe he was rejected in the past by someone whom he truly loved. All of these reasons could explain why he is slow to commit to a new relationship. If these things apply, make sure to be patient with him, and help him learn to trust you.
While people can change, it is unlikely that his feelings and fear of commitment will change overnight. It will take time, attention and guidance for him to learn how to trust someone again.
18. He has had bad experiences in the past.
Some relationships end terribly. If he has gone through a messy break-up in the past, it sort of makes sense that he would be wary of committing to a new one, no matter how much he likes you. This is about him, and not you.
It depends on the situation surrounding his past relationship and his ex. It might take him time to realize that you are different. But you cannot force him to see this. He’s probably scared and looking for signs that you are going to treat him the same way that he was treated in this past.
If you are patient, you may be able to stay around and let him figure it out. Otherwise, you’re going to have to let go and try and move on.
19. He has personal connection issues.
Why does he keep me around despite not wanting a relationship? If a guy says that he doesn’t want a relationship with you, it is easy to take that personally. You blame yourself. But it almost always has to do with his own issues with a personal connection.
If he says that he doesn't want a relationship but he just can’t seem to move on and keeps you around, he is dealing with much bigger issues. This usually says something about his connection issues more than any other reason.
He won’t be able to be in a happy, healthy relationship with anyone until he works on himself such as talking to a therapist to work through childhood or past relationship issues. He probably needs to look deeper into how he learned about love during his childhood. There are probably a lot of issues within him that is holding him back from committing to a relationship.
20. He just got out of a relationship.
Perhaps he has been having trouble moving on from a past relationship, despite trying his best to give this new situation all his attention. It can be difficult to fully commit to a new person after a break-up of a serious past relationship. If he wants you to stay around but doesn’t want a relationship, his previous relationship may explain his actions.
He may just need more time to move on from his ex, especially if his past relationship was a serious one.
According to relationship experts, many men will say that they are over their ex when they actually aren’t. This may make sense, as he wouldn’t have a chance with you if he told you he wasn’t over her. Actually, he may be trying to convince himself that he is over her, too.
It may be difficult to realize that you have opened up to him, been vulnerable and let him in, just to become his rebound. However, it is better to find out sooner or later if this is how he feels. You need to seriously find out if this guy is actually over his ex.
21. He doesn’t see you as “the one.”
This guy is attracted to you, but his feelings end there. Sometimes he may be honestly, really attracted to you, but he doesn’t, at the same time see a future with you. He can be physically attracted to you, enjoy spending time with you, and find you hilarious, but still does not see as someone he wants to commit to.
This reason is tough to swallow. You aren’t always going to be the one for every guy. There’s really nothing you can do to change this fact, no matter how badly you want it. He might know deep down that you are not the perfect one for him, but he keeps you around, maybe because he just enjoys your company.
This is where you have to make him decide what he wants– if it isn’t you, then you need to break up with him and move on.
22. He doesn’t want things to change.
This guy may be content with where he is with you right now. He may have decided to date you, even if he didn't really want a girlfriend. This is unfair, but it happens. He might enjoy spending time with you but his real priorities are his friends, sport, and work. He is not ready to stop being selfish and only having to think about himself.
Maybe you lure him in and treat him with passion, but your relationship is better suited as casual rather than something serious and long term. He keeps you around because nobody loves you like you do.
Unless you are okay with not being one of his priorities, it might be best that you call it quits.
23. He’s thinking about someone else.
This is a hard reason to swallow. Sometimes men cannot make up their minds and play in multiple fields. Although it is not fair or nice, it happens. You have to follow your inner feeling when it comes to this. If you believe that he is thinking about another girl, you need to be honest and ask him about it. He may have a history of seeing multiple people.
You deserve to be treated well so if you feel like he is wasting your time or not putting in enough effort, he is most likely not that interested. If he isn’t giving you what you want, don’t be afraid to walk away.
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As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn't an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.