Regardless of your age, gender, or race, everyone experiences rejection at one point in their life or the other, and it hurts the same. If you have been rejected once, it is easy to brush that off as mere bad luck. You may want to classify it as a coincidence by the second time, but there is no denying that something is off if it happens a third time or more.
At this point, you may start to feel a dent in your self-confidence, and you just want to crawl into a shell because suddenly, you are no longer single by choice but because it seems nobody likes you.
Suppose you have been getting tons of rejections lately from guys, and it seems like you can’t keep your dates interested for too long. In that case, it may surprise you to know that it has nothing to do with physical attraction. It could be any of these 17 reasons that I have researched and curated to enable you to take charge of your dating life.
- 1 17 Why You Keep Getting Rejected By Guys
- 1.1 1. You lack personal boundaries
- 1.2 2. You’re a negative Nellie
- 1.3 3. You lack ambition and intellect
- 1.4 4. You have an intimidating career
- 1.5 5. You wear too much makeup
- 1.6 6. You are too needy
- 1.7 7. You are inflexible
- 1.8 8. You have unique interests
- 1.9 9. You’re limiting your dating sphere
- 1.10 10. You are desperate
- 1.11 11. You are still in love with your ex
- 1.12 12. You have too many male friends
- 1.13 13. You are unapproachable
- 1.14 14. You have low self-esteem
- 1.15 15. You are a party girl
- 1.16 16. You are too independent
- 1.17 17. You’re picking the wrong guys
- 2 FAQs
- 3 The Bottomline
17 Why You Keep Getting Rejected By Guys
1. You lack personal boundaries
Everyone should have boundaries in their life. Those stop signs you can shamelessly raise when someone is going off track by being disrespectful to you. Personal boundaries help you set limits and standards for how a person treats you, how they act around you, and what they can expect from you.
When you lack personal boundaries, guys view you as a walkover. They will find it hard to take you seriously because it is a sign that you do not respect yourself. So, how do you expect them to respect and regard you? To create personal boundaries, you must first give yourself the time to know yourself.
2. You’re a negative Nellie
Listen; the world is already a hard place. No one needs a nagging Nancy or negative Nellie to make it worse. No man wants to deal with a woman who always dampens his spirit. Instead, they want to return home to a vibrant person who is always optimistic and helps relieve them of the day’s stress.
You can choose to stop being a negative to being a positive Polly by practicing gratitude and seeking therapy to help you unburden whatever past experiences you may have that make you pessimistic.
3. You lack ambition and intellect
Okay, damsel in distress; it’s time to get a grip of yourself for once. While the movies and romantic novels may have come to make you think that guys love ladies who are naive and damsels in distress, this is not entirely true.
No doubt, guys like to feel useful and might feel inadequate when their girlfriends are too smart and do not need them. However, they do not want a woman that lacks ambition.
The modern man’s expectations of a woman have evolved from him being fine with an ignorant woman to wanting a smart and ambitious woman who assists in supporting the household. So, if you want to keep your men from saying no, you will need to stop being lazy and up your game.
4. You have an intimidating career
The world is changing, and women are no longer forced to fit the stereotypical box of a housewife. We now have women who lead successful careers across all fields, including those that were described to be solely for men.
Irrespective of a woman’s career, what makes her love life successful is her refusal to bring home personality traits from her career. You should know that men do not want to feel less than their partners.
So, while a man may not have a problem with your successful career, he will feel intimidated if you choose to treat and relate with him the way you do with your coworker—which will make him reject you.
5. You wear too much makeup
We do many things as women that we think should make us more attractive to men, but instead, it pushes them further away. One of such is putting on a ton of makeup. Make-ups are meant to enhance our beauty and not transform us into a different person. Research shows that women tend to exaggerate the amount of makeup they need to apply to attract men.
You see, a guy’s first impression of a woman who has heavy makeup is superficial and fake. They prefer to be with a woman who looks clean, neat, and beautiful in a natural way. This does not mean you should not use makeup; it means you should use it simply to enhance your natural looks.
6. You are too needy
There is a misconstrued assumption that your partner should be your best friend, confidant, and lover all wrapped in one. While this is possible and indeed admirable, it is exhausting. Having to date someone who expects you to be their everything is a lot of pressure that can strain your relationship.
Perhaps, this is what you have been doing that makes men reject you. They do not find themselves capable of fulfilling your overly demanding expectation, and it puts a lot of undue pressure on them. The solution here is to try and rekindle relationships with your friends and family.
That way, you will have a healthy life away from your relationship, and you won’t be too needy for his attention.
7. You are inflexible
As we grow older, we tend to find solace in our comfort zone. This behavior is common in modern women who are successful and self-sufficient. For the most part, these women have created a routine for themselves that isolates them from the crowd.
When a man comes into the life of an inflexible woman, he might not feel welcomed because her lifestyle is not accommodating to changes. To avoid rejections, you must learn to be accommodating and flexible.
This does not mean you should bend over backward for someone you just met. Instead, understand that the man before you will like to have space in your life, even if it means starting small, like sleeping 30 minutes later than usual to communicate with him.
8. You have unique interests
Besides politics and football clubs, men like to be with a woman who shares similar interests. I mean, if you think about it, similarity in interests makes relationships easier. You can find the same jokes funny and have a couple of inside jokes that strengthen your bond.
However, when you keep meeting guys who share a similar interest with you, things can feel stiff. What he finds funny might not be funny to you, and what he thinks isn’t a big deal can be a big deal. This can make you come off as judgy, too sensitive, and a downy Debby.
There is no need to fret if this is the issue; there is nothing wrong with being different, but first, make sure that you are not overthinking things here and are not being stiff. Then next, you can choose to wait on the man who will understand and accept your quirks.
9. You’re limiting your dating sphere
Some of us women limit our dating circle to just the people around us or within our neighborhood. While this is safe and easier, it is limiting. You may be unique and share different tastes and values from those who are around you.
Darling, we are now in a global world, and technology makes it possible to find love anywhere around the world. Don’t be afraid to use dating apps or talk to as many men as possible outside your usual dating sphere. You will be surprised at who you will meet when you apply the law of averages to your date.
The law says that the more rejection you receive, the more your chances of finding the right one because it means you are putting yourself out there. Trust me; the reward is worth the hassle because it is always refreshing to talk to new people who share similar interests with you.
10. You are desperate
I can understand if it has been a while since you felt the warm touch of a lover or been in the arms of someone you love. As such, you find yourself desperate to make every relationship work even when it is not a good match for you.
Desperation is not uncommon among women. Notwithstanding, you must learn to put it under control to avoid scaring men away. When a man senses that you are desperate, it makes him worry that perhaps, there is something wrong with you which is why you are desperate, and trust me, if you keep up with this behavior, you can be sure of being dumped.
11. You are still in love with your ex
No one likes to be a rebound, and neither do they like competition, especially at the start of a relationship. Guys want to know that you are with them because you like them and not because you want to use them in getting over an ex.
When a guy senses that you are still in love with an ex, he will lose interest and probably let go of whatever affection he has for you. So, if you feel there is someone you are yet to let go of, now is the time to do so. Watch how you talk about your ex-boyfriend and, if possible, cut all ties with him and focus on building a new relationship.
12. You have too many male friends
I cannot tell you how silly this reason sounds even as I type it, but believe me, I have seen men reject ladies simply for having too many male friends. I have friends drawn to the male gender, and as life will have it, they just seem to build better friendships and bonds with guys than ladies, and it never goes beyond friendship.
Unfortunately, some guys can find girls like these to be unattractive. They doubt her loyalty and may even accuse her of insecurity. The good news is, if you suffer rejection because of this reason, it’s not your fault; those guys are just insecure.
The bad news is, you will encounter many men who are uncomfortable with a lady having too many male friends, and it will take you kissing a lot of frogs to find your confident prince.
13. You are unapproachable
The young ones call it a ‘resting B face,’ but it is basically looking unapproachable in reality. Some ladies have this disinterested look on their faces at all times, irrespective of what’s happening around them. This can be a turn-off for guys because it makes it difficult for them to read or understand your feelings.
If you notice you have an unapproachable look, make an effort to engage in conversations and make conscious efforts to use your words and body language to reaffirm your date of your interest.
14. You have low self-esteem
When a woman has low self-esteem, it means she does not consider herself worthy of love and might sometimes build walls around her heart for fear of rejection. Perhaps, you feel this way because, in the past, you have been rejected by men without an explanation, and now you believe there must be something wrong with you.
Low self-esteem is not something that kicks off in one day, and neither can it be dismantled in a day. You must first remember that the issue is not internal but external. Learn to love yourself, let go of past hurt, and allow your heart to heal.
15. You are a party girl
Sure! Every girl likes to have a good time now and then, but how often are you and your girls popping bottles and having wild nights?
Guys subconsciously have reservations against girls who are party lovers. For starters, they believe it is not lady-like (feel free to roll your eyes as I did). Secondly, when a girl is out drunk, it can put her and those around her in unsafe situations. While men will say they want a lively and spontaneous girlfriend, they have their limits and are likely not to take a party girl seriously.
16. You are too independent
On the one hand, we know guys do not want a needy girl, and now, on the other hand, they do not want one who is too independent. So what do men really want? Men want a strong girlfriend, but, at the same time, she isn’t afraid to be vulnerable and crumble in their arms at the end of the day.
So, while they admire your independence and ability to be self-sufficient, they still like to feel useful. They will want to know that they are the ones you call on to change a bulb or sleepover when you feel scared. It’s just an ego thing we ladies may never fully understand.
17. You’re picking the wrong guys
Of all the points in this list, this has to be the most redeeming because, for once, we can agree that a girl can be perfect and still be unfortunate to encounter the wrong guys.
Let’s face it; some guys are jerks who have no business dating. So, even if you get rejected by them, dust yourself off and believe that it was good riddance to bad rubbish. Focus on being more deliberate about the men you choose to date.
When left unchecked, constant rejection can increase a person’s sensitivity, damage their self-esteem, and cause them to develop social anxiety and fear of abandonment. It can make a person shun people and build a wall around themselves, thereby leading to loneliness and depression.
Rejection comes in many ways, and it is not uncommon to find people who develop feelings of rejection. The difference is those rejection feelings are nothing more than mere feelings without an actual rejection happening.
So, the reason why you keep having rejections may be because you are unwittingly putting yourself in situations where you will be rejected. For instance, trying to mingle with people who do not share similar interests with you.
There are several reasons why guys reject girls, but the top of this list includes reasons like a girl being too independent or too needy, unapproachable, lacking ambition and intellect, and having low self-esteem.
Undoubtedly, rejection can hurt, but what you do not want to do is wallow in it. The best way to deal with rejection is first to understand why it happened. If the guy can explain, great, but if otherwise, don’t beat yourself up. Think about what you could have done differently.
If it is something you can fix to make yourself a better person, go ahead and do it with hopes that the right person for you will come along and appreciate you for who you are.
When we face rejection, there is an increase in anxiety. We suddenly have so many questions that need to be answered, like ‘why is this happening to me?’ ‘Am I not worthy?’ etc. So because we want answers, we develop an obsession with this person who has rejected us.
The dating world can be rough, but it’s usually worth the trouble when you find the right one. So even if you may be getting a ton of rejections now, don’t lose hope.
I hope this list shows you areas where you can touch up to reduce your chances of getting a rejection, and I hope you enjoyed reading it. If yes, don’t forget to leave a comment behind and share it with your friends to make their dating lives a lot easier.
As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn't an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.