You'll likely agree with me that dating in itself is never an easy road. Knowing this, and also knowing that you can't land a boyfriend even after numerous hookups is enough to affect your self-esteem.
Have you ever asked yourself why guys only seem interested in making out with you, but seem to disappear at the thought of a long-term commitment? Does it have to do with your physical features? Or is it because they've been hurt by too many girls? It could be something related to you, or something that has nothing to do with you and everything to do with their trust issues.
In this article, we're taking a look at some of the reasons why a guy might not date you but will love to have you in his bed. If you're busy, take a little break for this one; you'll learn a lot.
- 1 13 Possible Reasons Why Guys Don’t Date You
- 1.1 1. You're easy to get
- 1.2 2. You ignored the signs
- 1.3 3. You both agreed to a casual relationship
- 1.4 4. You were not clear on what you wanted
- 1.5 5. He's getting all he needs
- 1.6 6. You're not a part of his future
- 1.7 7. You reply to booty calls
- 1.8 8. You don't make him a priority
- 1.9 9. You don't give off commitment vibes
- 1.10 10. You love what you have now
- 1.11 11. You always initiate the foreplay
- 1.12 12. You've never said what you want
- 1.13 13. You have low self-esteem
- 2 FAQs
- 3 In Summary
13 Possible Reasons Why Guys Don’t Date You
1. You're easy to get
We might be in the Gen Z era, but the truth is not much has changed when it comes to people's thoughts about sex and sexuality. If you're ever willing to have a guy in your bed after the first date, it is one of the signs that you're not looking for something extremely serious.
You might not see it that way, but your date might, and that will be an obvious reason for him not to want to be with you after that night.
If you do, however, see yourself wanting something more, try your best to slow things down, giving out such ‘treats’ later on in the relationship. Slowing things down do you more good in the long run, as they learn to see as more than a hot body they met on one of their various dating apps.
2. You ignored the signs
This is for those who choose to follow the course that love is blind. I've been there, so hear me out. We all know that one guy who tells us boldly, that he's emotionally unavailable. He shows you all the red flags with no remorse and yet we have the faith that somehow, he’ll develop mutual feelings for us and ask for a relationship.
Honey, you're better than that, and it's best to take the sign for what it is. If a guy doesn't take you out, spend quality time with you, or even doesn't sleep over after you've made out, you shouldn't be hoping for a relationship with him. Take his lack of interest as a sign he's not interested, and move on to the next best thing.
3. You both agreed to a casual relationship
Unless the feelings you guys have for each other are extremely intense, it’ll take a miracle for you to move from a causal relationship to something more serious. One of the wrong things we do is to agree to a causal relationship in the beginning, for fear of losing the person when we say no.
It is true that at that time, both of you might not have been looking for anything spectacular, but now things have changed. You’ve developed a strong attachment to him that surpasses sex and sadly, he doesn't seem, to feel the same way. This happens more than we like to admit, and it hurts. A lot.
4. You were not clear on what you wanted
Apart from agreeing to casual relationships for fear of losing guys, another thing we tend to do is not be clear on what we want from the other person. This is normal especially at the beginning stages since we don't want to put a lot of pressure or expectations on the other person, and the hook-up situation you have.
Now, not only do you want to hook up, but you also want to be able to spend long moments with this person, and introduce them to the family as the person you're dating. You've been able to talk to him about how you're feeling, and it turns out he likes the way things are now; he only wants to have fun and think about the future later.
This can be a tough pill to swallow, but the truth is, you should've been clear when you both had that talk. It would have made all the difference.
5. He's getting all he needs
He gets all his needs without committing to you, and he's more than comfortable about the way things are. I mean. Let's face it. Which guy is going to want to agree to an exclusive relationship, when he's already getting all the benefits via a simple hook-up in the first place? It doesn't make sense economically and physically.
If you're giving him all the dating benefits without actual dating, he has a deal too sweet to pass up, and he won't be looking to change it in the near future. He might want to hook up with others, instead of staying committed to you.
6. You're not a part of his future
When guys find a girl they want to spend the rest of their lives with, they're more than ready to go to extra lengths to make it work. He’ll find himself doing things he never thought of, going above and beyond for that girl, simply because he sees them having a wonderful future together.
The opposite happens when said guy doesn't wish to be with you later on. If he doesn't see prospects with you, he's bound to put in only the bare minimum, in order to get you into his bed. This will continue until he finds the one girl he's willing to put everything on the line for.
7. You reply to booty calls
Think about this for a second. Has this guy ever sent you a message at noon, simply checking up on you and what you're doing? Or he's only asking such questions at 3 am? Do you make yourself available to reply to his dawn text messages, which are booty calls in disguise?
If you are, that's probably why he's not trying to find something more. He doesn't have respect for you in that light.
I know that wasn't your intent when you replied; you probably replied simply because of the feelings you had for him. I get it, girl, I do. But this is often interpreted differently by guys. For them, this is a sign that you're willing to be there at 3 am when he’s horny and in need of some freedom.
8. You don't make him a priority
We mentioned earlier that the reason why he’s not thinking about dating you could be based on him or you. Here we focus on you. One reason why he's not asking for more out of your relationship is that you don't make time for him. You both hang out once or twice after your hook-up, and then there's nothing more.
He might initiate asking you out on dates, but you seem to always be busy with one thing or the other. This is enough to make him wonder if he's a priority to you, as much as you are to him. You might have chosen to do other things, simply because you didn't want to put any pressure on the relationship you both have.
That's fine. But now, he's looking for someone else who's willing to put in the time, for a long-haul relationship and it isn’t you.
9. You don't give off commitment vibes
The toughest part of this point is the fact that they never ask you directly, but rather, assume what you want simply by looking at your face and your actions. There are many men I've been with who told me I didn't give off the vibe that I was a girl looking for something serious.
This sounds like bullshit, but it's true talk among men. Most of the time, they say this when you've already given them the benefits of a relationship without the commitment.
10. You love what you have now
There's nothing wrong with being in love with this relationship you have, and not wanting it to change. You might want to hook up with him more than you do now, but you wouldn't want to give it an exclusive term, and there's nothing wrong with that decision.
There's a lot of freedom with this, and it doesn't make you any less relationship material. Spend time with your hookup partner to discuss what you want, and if he's like most guys, he’ll appreciate your honesty and back out if he was in need of a real relationship and not just a hookup.
11. You always initiate the foreplay
In a hook-up or even in a casual relationship, there's nothing wrong with starting foreplay, nothing at all. If you can, please do it. It drives the men crazy. In your hookup relationship, you shouldn't be the girl always initiating sex, as this can give off a notion that that's all you're after.
If possible, bring up other options such as going for a coffee date, taking a walk, seeing a movie, or any other thing that has nothing to do with sex. This does not only increase his respect for you, but it also allows him to realize you're not with him simply because you want to hook up with him.
12. You've never said what you want
You told him you want to hook up with him, but did you inform him that you wanted more once you realize you had caught hard feelings? You probably didn't, and that's why he’s not acting the way you expect. If you’re not communicating with him but always using those communication periods for sex, chances are that's all you're going to get.
Girl, I understand that the fear of rejection is real, and it will hurt a great deal if he were to say no. But think about it, if he says no you don't die. Speaking up allows you to get what you want, or move on to someone who's ready to give that to you.
13. You have low self-esteem
This could stem from your past experiences. It might be that you've been with hook-up boys who only wanted you for your body and nothing more. This could have led to you losing all the love you have for yourself. You might feel inadequate, and not worthy to be loved by another.
Let me let you in on a wonderful, honest treat; everyone deserves love, even you. To prevent yourself from self-sabotaging your potential unions, you'll need to work a great deal on yourself and how you think about yourself.
It is totally normal if you keep wondering if a guy develops feelings for you after a hookup. The simple answer is, yes. He might develop some deep feelings for you. Quite contrary to what we think, women aren't the only ones who fall into a clingy and overly emotional state after hooking up; guys do too.
One thing that might happen is when he makes you a part of his schedule, choosing to spend quality physical time with you. If he calls you during the day, to schedule a random visit or lunch date, chances are you're one of the girls he's attracted to and not just a hookup in the sheets.
If there's a guy you're in love with, but have no idea whether or not he feels the same way, you can find out his stand by studying how his friends react to your presence.
If you're all together and his friends engage you in conversation, asking you about things he's told them about you, chances are he's decided that you're worth discussing with them. He might even be slightly embarrassed by their behavior and might try getting them to stop, as they are giving his feelings away.
There are some men who chase women for one thing only- sex. If this guy is one of such people, he will probably try his best to avoid you after you've both had sex. If he isn't, you must try to keep your relationship as casual as possible. Bringing up exclusivity right after a hookup can come off as desperate thus, it's best to avoid any conversation that focuses on relationships.
If a guy is always busy when it comes to getting to know about you, or he's only focused on talking about himself, chances are he isn't interested in you much. For someone who only wants to get into your pants, he’ll try as much as possible to keep you and everything about you at a distance.
For such people, there's no need to keep waiting for them to have a change of heart; they're showing you signs of exactly what they're after; you in their bed.
Everyone deserves to feel love, even you. I hope this article helped you unpack some of your doubts, and also exposes you to some obvious signs that might have led to heartbreak.
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As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn't an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.