Why Can’t I Sleep Without My Boyfriend: 15 Reasons Why (And What To Do When He’s Gone)

There’s nothing like cuddling up next to your boyfriend for a peaceful night’s sleep. Being single has some great benefits, but it is not good for my sleep. After initially breaking up with my last live-in boyfriend, I quickly discovered that I was more tired, and the quality of sleep I was getting was obviously poor. 

Not only did I have a hard time when it came time to fall asleep, but I was also having trouble sleeping. There was almost no quality sleep. It turns out, there are quite a few reasons why. 

Why Can’t I Sleep Without My Boyfriend?

I thought that I was unable to go to sleep without my partner because I was simply used to having someone next to me in bed. That is part of the reason why falling asleep was difficult, but there are quite a few reasons behind this.

1. Falling asleep with someone else becomes a habit

When you fall asleep next to your partner for years, you get used to them being there. Similarly, if you were to sleep with the same pillow for years, you will find that you have trouble sleeping without it. Thankfully, you can get used to falling asleep without a partner next to you at night.

2. It makes you feel secure

People that have anxiety or related disorders, such as PTSD, will find that they have more quality sleep when they have a partner sleeping next to them. This is because it can make you feel safe.

3. Decrease in stress hormones

Sleeping next to someone that you’re on good terms with starts a nice cycle of getting enough sleep, and having less stress. First, your stress hormones decrease. Then, because of this, you are better able to handle the stressors of life the next day. That means that you will be able to drift off to sleep easier the next night as well.

4. Increase in oxytocin

Oxytocin, also referred to as the love hormone, is the hormone that our body produces during cuddling. When we cuddle with our partners before drifting off to sleep, it helps us go to sleep faster and sleep better. This hormone can instantly ease anxiety to promote good sleep, too. That’s just one more way having a snuggle buddy helps people with anxiety.

5. You can relax 

Everyone needs to relax in order to fall asleep. This happens when you sleep without a partner, too. However, you’ll find that when you sleep next to your boyfriend, it’s easier to relax so you’re in the perfect mood to sleep.

6. There’s someone to talk to

theres someone to talk to

While this doesn’t apply to everyone, it definitely does to me. I and my boyfriend used to stay up late and have conversations until we were both tired enough to go to sleep. It was relaxing, helped me let go of all of the irritation from the day, and instantly helped me sleep better.

7. Phobias pertaining to sleeping alone

Some people genuinely have an intense phobia of sleeping alone. They simply cannot sleep well in a room without another person. When in a relationship, this usually turns into having to sleep with their boyfriend. 

This phobia might also be linked to a fear of the darkness of night in general. When your boyfriend is there, it creates a feeling of safety. That’s why trying to sleep without them is next to impossible.

8. Problems at home

While most people think that a fight would cause insomnia, that isn’t always the case. This can make it harder to sleep without your boyfriend, and easier to sleep with them next to you. That’s because sleeping with them gives you a false sense of security both in your life and in your relationship. 

Even though you were arguing, the feeling of simply having them next to you is a reminder that your partnership will continue to survive and thrive.

9. You miss them when they aren’t with you

Sometimes, you just want your boyfriend. Perhaps they’ve been at work more than usual or have picked up a new hobby. While you might wish you could see them during the day, the feeling of loneliness seems to really kick in when it is time to go to bed. 

What To Do When You Can’t Sleep

If you’re losing sleep and wondering “what should I do if I can’t sleep without my boyfriend” these tips are going to help you get a restful night’s sleep. Some of them might work, but some might not. You should try different things until you find what works for you and your relationship.

10. Start a new routine

Sometimes, you need a new routine with your man. For example, I was on a different sleep schedule than my boyfriend. He was usually gone when it was time for me to go to bed. So, we started talking on the phone every night before I went to bed. You can also FaceTime, or make sure that you send each other a text before turning off the lights.

11. Compromise 

One of the most important things in any marriage is the ability to compromise. If you hate sleeping without your significant other, consider having a talk about it. Maybe one of you can go to bed a little earlier. There were times I went to bed early and played on my phone so that he could sleep. 

My ex used to play his video games in the bedroom partially so that he was still next to me when I wanted to go to sleep.

12. Relax with sleep music

relax with sleep music

Sleep music is music that is specifically designed to help you feel less stressed. It could easily be the solution to your poor sleep problem. When your body is relaxed, you’ll find that you can both drift off to sleep faster and stay asleep longer.

13. Pick up a body pillow

Having someone next to me makes me feel safer. It instantly soothes my anxiety. After ending a three-year-long relationship, I found it very difficult to sleep in a bed without someone next to me. My daughter bought me a body pillow for Christmas. I’ve never slept better! 

There are other things you can use if you can’t find a body pillow that you like, too. For example, bunching up blankets or several smaller pillows on the other side of the bed works wonders. You can also sleep on the couch. The smaller space and higher back provide the same sense of security that you get when someone is sleeping next to you. 

If this doesn’t seem to do the trick, take things up a notch. Using your body pillow, imagine that they are right next to you. Picture them next to you, and it will help your brain give you those same relaxing chemicals that your partner usually does.

14. Sleep with something that smells like them

Spray their cologne on your body pillow. Sleep in a hoodie or t-shirt that hasn’t been washed yet. The smell of them might be enough to provide the same relaxation that you get when they are cuddled up next to you. An overstuffed teddy bear that you can sleep with is another great idea. You’ll find that you fall asleep easier, and have a better quality of sleep throughout the night.

15. Address problems with your partner

If you’ve noticed that you want them next to you all night due to problems in the partnership, it’s time to get those out in the open. Have a conversation with your man about problems that you have. If he asks you what is the matter, be honest with him. 

Once you resolve those issues, you’ll find that you’re no longer clinging to your partner every night. This is because you’re not using them being next to you to provide yourself with a false sense of security. 

FAQs

Why do I sleep better with my boyfriend?

A lot of people get a better night’s rest when it’s with their partner. This is because cuddling helps the brain produce oxytocin, which is also called the love hormone. It makes it easier for both to fall and stay asleep longer. Snuggling with someone else can also help you feel more secure. You’re also less likely to wake up in the middle of the night. 

Why can't I sleep alone anymore?

If you used to be able to sleep alone, but find that you can’t, consider your situation. This is common in people that are feeling anxious or going through a traumatic situation. Individuals that have just broken up with their man have more than likely gotten used to always being with someone else, and will need time to adjust. 

What to do if you can't sleep alone?

There’s nothing wrong with you if you can’t sleep alone, but you might need to find something to get used to that isn’t another person. Pick up a body pillow or some plushies. Invest in several smaller pillows to take up the other half of the bed. Consider a smaller bed, or crashing on the couch. 

Is it important for couples to go to bed at the same time?

Studies have revealed that couples that sleep together have better health, less stress, and sleep better than couples that do not. However, this doesn’t mean that you have to. Some couples interrupt each other’s sleep so much it’s better for them to go to bed separately. However, make sure that you don’t wake each other up if you have separate bedtimes. 

Do couples cuddle while sleeping?

That depends on the couple. Some cuddle while sleeping while others don’t touch each other at all. There are several different sleeping positions that couples use when they are sleeping in the same bed. When choosing a sleeping position, it’s all about compromising so that both people can get a good night’s sleep. 

To Sum Up

When you can’t sleep without your boyfriend, it can instantly lead to insomnia. I’m a huge fan of picking up a giant pillow for the other side of the bed! What would you do if you couldn’t sleep because your man isn’t home?

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