Breakups are absolutely horrible, but surprisingly, the actual breaking up part of a relationship coming to an end is the easy bit. The hard part of a breakup is the bit you have to do on your own – getting over your ex.
Although some people might be able to bounce back fast and feel like themselves within no time at all, most people feel hung up on their ex for at least a few weeks or months. Sometimes, it can take years, and even in relationships with new people you might find yourself asking “how do I get over my ex?”
Don’t panic, we’ve got you! In this article, we’re going to take a look at 12 reasons you might be finding it difficult to get over your ex. As soon as you realize exactly why you’re struggling to let go, you will be able to address it and move on more successfully, and faster.
- 1 Why You Cannot Get Over Him
- 1.1 1. You’ve not removed them from your social media
- 1.2 2. You’ve not taken everything out of your life that reminds you of them
- 1.3 3. You’re spending too much time alone
- 1.4 4. You’re looking through rose-tinted glasses at the relationship
- 1.5 5. You don’t feel closure
- 1.6 6. You’re still angry
- 1.7 7. You don’t forgive yourself
- 1.8 8. You’re scared of being single
- 1.9 9. You’re secretly hoping you’ll get back together
- 1.10 10. You’re trying to force yourself to stop thinking about them
- 1.11 11. You struggle with self-love and self-esteem problems
- 1.12 12. You haven’t given it time
- 2 FAQs
- 3 On A Final Note
Why You Cannot Get Over Him
If you’re still seeing your ex’s face every time you swipe open your phone and head to your Instagram or Facebook, obviously you’re going to be reminded of them. One of the most important things you need to do after a breakup is to delete/unfollow/block your ex on all social media accounts!
If you stop yourself from seeing their posts and their stories, you will be able to move on a lot faster than anticipated because you’re not constantly seeing how they’re moving on with their life. In addition, if it helps you, you can always delete their phone number, or block it so you’re not tempted to late-night text (no shame there, we’ve all done it with a previous lover before).
2. You’ve not taken everything out of your life that reminds you of them
As well as cleansing this person from your digital life, you need to do the same with your everyday, real-life! Have you been hanging on to a certain gift he bought you? Or perhaps you still have a picture in your room of him? Get rid of it all. If you can, donate it, and therefore at least someone benefits.
It’s essential that you have nothing in your daily environment that’s going to remind you of your ex because as soon as you see something that reminds you of them, your mind will go rushing towards them and the memories of the relationship you shared.
3. You’re spending too much time alone
Straight after a breakup, it’s vital that you surround yourself with people, especially those that love you and want the best for you, like close friends and family. After a few weeks, most people will start to spend less time with these loved ones and more time alone – this is a really bad idea!
Even though you might think you’re through the worst of it, you still need to make sure you’re not spending the majority of your time alone. If you spend too much time alone, you will have too much time to be in your own head, thinking about your previous partner and relationship.
4. You’re looking through rose-tinted glasses at the relationship
You will find it difficult to get over a past relationship and lover if you are always looking at the relationship through rose-tinted glasses (meaning you see all the positives in the relationship, not the negatives). The relationship obviously had some negatives, hence the reason it ended, so try to start seeing why it all had to end.
A relationship finishes for a reason, so make sure you think about these reasons. As soon as you see that the relationship wasn’t as perfect as your mind likes to think it was, you will stop idolizing it and missing it so much, because you’ll realize you can find something much better.
5. You don’t feel closure
Not having closure is one of the most common reasons that people stay hung up on their previous partners and relationships. So, do you think you got closure from how the relationship came to an end? If not, don’t worry. You can find closure even after the breakup.
If you wanted to, you could reach out to your ex and tell them everything you need to get off your chest. However, this isn’t recommended if you don’t feel strong enough to talk to them without getting more attached.
So, alternatively, you could write a letter that includes absolutely everything you want to say to your ex and explaining how you feel. Once you’ve written everything down, burn it. In addition, you can also burn any photos you have of you and your ex together. Although you haven’t spoken to your ex directly, this should help with you finding closure.
6. You’re still angry
We all know, there’s a thin line between hate and love, and therefore if you’re holding onto anger and being angry, it’s probably because you’re hurt and still in love. You need to be able to get to a stage where you feel no strong emotions towards your previous partner or the breakup in order to move on properly, so try to channel and release your anger.
There are so many things you can do to release your anger, including anything and everything from art therapy to burning photos of your ex. However, physical exercise is one of the best ways to get rid of any stored anger, and one of the best exercises, in particular, is boxing. So, sign up for a class or get a punching bag at the ready – you’ll feel calmer in no time!
7. You don’t forgive yourself
Not only do you need to find closure with your previous partner and release your anger towards them and the breakup, but you also need to channel into what kind of emotions you are feeling, towards yourself.
Although you might not have been the reason the relationship ended, a lot of people feel guilty after a breakup, for a multitude of reasons such as saying hurtful things or causing problems. If you’re ever going to move on and get on with your life, you need to forgive yourself for whatever role you played in the breakdown of the relationship.
8. You’re scared of being single
You could be clinging on to the thought of your ex because of the fact you’re scared of being single. Although it might be a harsh reality to face, you need to step up and own being single. Being single is actually incredibly beautiful, and you will realize that, even if it takes time!
Don’t cling on to the thought of someone and a relationship that wasn’t meant to be, instead, try to embrace the freedom and start walking towards the path to self-love.
9. You’re secretly hoping you’ll get back together
If you’re hoping deep down that you will get back together with your ex and have the perfect relationship like you used to, you are never EVER going to be able to let go and move forward.
You need to be realistic, and as much as it might be painful to understand you’re never going to have a relationship with this person in the future, it is vital that you do understand that. As soon as you stop longing for a magical reunion, you can start opening your eyes to new opportunities in love and life.
10. You’re trying to force yourself to stop thinking about them
If you try and force yourself to stop thinking about something, you will realize that you actually think about it more and more. So although it sounds contrary to getting over your ex, you need to stop forcing them out of your mind. Simply, if your ex pops into your head or you see something that reminds you of them, acknowledge it.
Try to acknowledge your thoughts without judging them. Over time, you will realize that by not forcing yourself to forget about your ex, they will actually enter into your mind a lot less than they used to.
11. You struggle with self-love and self-esteem problems
You might be hung up on your ex if you have very little self-esteem because you will feel like you needed them to always support you emotionally and your self-worth relied on their praise of you. This is actually really problematic, as you are worthy, and no one else should define your worth or have to tell you that you’re loved.
Although it seems daunting to be single, you need to realize that you’re on the path to self-love. Within no time, as long as you work on it, your self-love and self-esteem will be skyrocketing.
12. You haven’t given it time
It can take a long time to get over someone, especially if they were one of the people by your side at a significant time of your life, like the ‘becoming an adult’ stage. Also, you were in love with them at one point, and that doesn’t change overnight. So, try to understand that it takes time to let go.
If you loved someone, that feeling is not going to go away overnight. However, over time, if you remove this person from your life, work on loving your self, spend time with loved ones and realize that the relationship wasn’t perfect, you will get over them. For tips on how to get over an ex, take a look at our article.
It’s painful when time has passed and you still can’t stop thinking about your ex. Unfortunately, the truth is that each individual gets over past lovers at different speeds. Sometimes it can take months or even years to get over someone you had a deep connection with, so try not to worry too much about how long it is taking you to move on – it will happen soon, just don’t try to force it.
As mentioned above in the previous answer, it really can take anywhere between a few weeks or months to years to get over an ex. Every individual is different, and every relationship is different to get over, so don’t feel pressured or think something’s wrong with you if you haven’t got over your ex as quickly as you think you should.
Obviously, one of the biggest signs that your ex is over you is if he is dating someone else. In addition to this, if he deletes you from his social media, doesn’t bother contacting you, and leads a completely new life, he is most likely completely over you.
If your ex tries to keep in contact with you, doesn’t date anyone else, always tries to meet up with you, or ‘bumps into you’ a lot of the time, they’re most likely still into you and want to get back with you. Try not to look for reasons and don’t long for a romantic reunion, and instead if you want to figure the situation out, speak with them.
On A Final Note
If you’re struggling with getting over an ex and a previous relationship, I fully empathize with you. It’s incredibly difficult and downright frustrating. However, hopefully after reading this article, you’ll now understand why you are having such problems with moving forward and letting go.
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As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn't an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.