Why Am I Sexually Attracted To Older Men? (17 Likely Reasons)

Sexual attraction is quite tricky to navigate, especially when you are out looking for answers rather than just going with the flow. While some people get a grasp of their sexuality early on with answers just falling in place as their questions arise, some of us are not so lucky.

You’d be surprised how many people wonder why they are the way they are, even those who seem pretty comfortable with their preferences. In that sense, people of unpopular sexual orientation and you, a straight woman with an unexplained sexual attraction to older men, may not be so different after all.

I may not have all the answers (frankly, who does?), but as someone who has been exactly where you are standing, I have some for you nonetheless. Why does age difference matter so much to you when it comes to sexual partners? Why older men in particular? What is it about them that makes the younger guys less exciting in comparison? Stay with me to find out.

17 Reasons Why You Find Older Guys Sexually Attractive

1. You’ve heard they make better lovers

While different people have varying definitions for what constitutes the ideal in a partner, the consensus is that experience comes with age. And as valid an argument as that would be in other areas, let’s start with how it pertains to sex.

Having been at it for much longer than boys who haven’t lived as long as them, older guys are in a better position to know how to please you. They are also more likely to have done it with more people than you, which adds variety, a major spice in the boudoir. 

Older men may not make the most passionate lovers, but they tend to be considerate of your feelings and orgasms, and the latter may rank higher on your list than the former.

2. Financial security turns you on

Another major appeal of seasoned men is their tendency to be loaded. While younger adults are still figuring out how to balance studies with work and planning toward a future, men who are of age are already living that future. 

Even if they are not so old as to be retired yet, years in age difference usually also means more ready-made accomplishments, which, let’s face it, is a massive turn-on for many. However, having money is only part of it, not the whole thing. I think people who like older men for this reason do because they seem financially secure, not just boxed up.

A successful, older man gives you hope of continued enjoyment because you’d get the sense he didn’t get to where he is by being financially imprudent. That they are spending on you alone is validation in and of itself.

3. Power attracts you; confidence is your undoing

Meanwhile, don’t let the stereotypes fool you. Wealth is hardly the only card these men can bring to the table. In fact, an older man with a bit of game doesn’t even have to be rich to sweep you off of your feet, or in this case, get you going. It’s that self-confidence that they seem to so effortlessly pull off that most guys your age haven’t even discovered yet.

The type that comes from having actually been there and done that, knowing you can and have done it well, and will do it again without breaking a sweat. Boyish cockiness may have its days, but it’s not the same as the ease with which older guys can command your respect and attention with nothing but their presence. That’s power, and it’s sexy.

4. You like your fruits ripe and forbidden

Speaking from personal experience, I realized my pull to older men as part of a whole thing for ‘the forbidden.’ Maybe that’s just me attaching a simple meaning to the oh-so-complicated phenomenon that is sexual attraction. Nevertheless, if we choose to look at it from that angle, it makes sense since humans are wired to want what they can’t/shouldn’t have more.

For instance, a teenage girl leaving her mates to crush on her teacher or best friend’s hot dad, knowing it’s wrong in every way imaginable. You’ve heard such feelings should not be acted upon, but the taboo-ness only makes him more attractive. 

Now, the dynamic is different between consenting adults – an older man and a younger lady who just so happens to prefer her men fully grown. While not illegal, there is a certain edge to viewing it against the backdrop of the age difference, especially if the gap is big enough for society to consider such union immoral.

5. You don’t like drama

Beyond the obvious perks of being with sexually active, physically mature men, emotional maturity can also attract you specifically to the age group you expect it from. Older men usually know what they want, if they like you, they tend not to leave you second-guessing. 

With age, their priorities shift from pesky relationship games that people your age might still be inevitably knee-deep into more bigger-picture stuff like loyalty and stability. If that sounds like romance to you, then that may be your reason right there.

6. You want to be pampered and taken care of

Some of us are baby girls through and through, and our primary love language is to be treated as such. You may be an independent woman and still seek out partners above your level in every way; I’m talking age, financial, career, academic, you name it-wise.

You want someone with both the means and the experience to make you feel taken care of. Someone you can let go with and be cocooned. It would be unfair and unrealistic to expect all these from your mates, especially as a young adult. Meanwhile, older men offer it all (and more) and a lot more readily too.

7. You have a thing for vintage

Or maybe the old way is where it’s at for you. While many keep their affinity for vintage to their taste in wine or fashion style, it’s a bit deeper than that for you. It excites you more to think about the way things used to be than they are today. Unlike most people these days, finding new angles to be liberal/woke, the conventional ways give you butterflies. 

You want chivalry, charisma, and men who are cultured and intentional about stuff like sex. The things you like are slowly becoming a lost art like writing letters, dating in person, or even prioritizing phone calls over texts. Since they lived closer to when such things were normal, older guys are more likely to tick these boxes for you than those who didn’t.

8. You value effective communication between partners

you value effective communication between partners

When they say older men make better lovers than youngins, it’s not just because of their net worth. These guys are easier to talk to, more open to listening and are thus easier to connect with. The odds of an older man picking up on your body language and other non-verbal cues are higher than their clueless, younger counterparts. 

That way, you don't have to say every single thing you want or feel before they get it. Seeing as communication is at the heart of everything from sex to the deeper stuff, this means your relationship with an older guy is basically what you make it. No wonder so many people go for older life partners.

9. They are more about manners and respect than younger men

Not to imply that older guys are perfect in any way, but boy do they know how to treat a woman. Like in some of the points above, if the lost arts are more your speed, it makes sense that you would crave someone who shares that sentiment.

Maybe it’s a thing they do to make their younger mates feel special or more like an equal, but oldies are more about that lady-like treatment than young men care to be. If you’re tired of hustling your way through dating, that might explain why respectful and cultured men turn you on.

10. You are curious

Curiosity in this context is that stage between wondering and knowing. Again, I’m not trying to reduce sexuality/sexual orientation to some intellectual exercise where you have to ask first to feel it, but sometimes it’s how you realize it. Like how heteroflexible people can be curious about what it’s like being with the other gender.

Some people come to know for sure where they belong on the spectrum by exploring this curiosity, while others realize it before even getting to that stage. Perhaps similarly, you have internalized positive opinions of older men that have metamorphosed into sexual interests, possibly because you haven’t had the chance to get with one yet.

11. Sex with older men is less work/high reward

Some people treat sex like working out; the closer it brings you to passing out, the better. If their heart isn’t racing and everywhere drenched in sweat, it’s not good enough. In this instance, ‘some people’ are also more likely to be young men than older ones.

While I’m not suggesting that there aren’t older guys that would break your back in bed, they are relatively less inclined to do so. Those who are still able to have more to do with their time and energy than just rearranging their insides. Plus, by then, they have techniques other than brute force to get you there. If you already knew all these, that might be why.

12. You sexually imprinted on an older guy

As young birds, human beings are also prone to sexual imprinting. In case you’re not familiar with the concept, it’s the sensitive phase when we acquire sexual preferences according to the behavior of parents or adults we grow up around. A 2013 research found that this, to a large extent, influences our mate choice.

Unfortunately, this applies even when you’d rather it didn’t, as such encounters aren’t always as pure in reality as biology intends. Another study exploring childhood trauma highlights how imprinted sexual patterns among survivors of sexual abuse can make circumstances similar to their abuse turn them on.

13. You’ve been hurt/traumatized by younger men

Speaking of, trauma can equally drive you to older men if you’ve mostly been unlucky with guys your age or younger. When all you’ve known when it comes to your romantic entanglements with men is offhandedness, and someone comes around being all thoughtful and kind, it stays with you.

Then again, sexual desire doesn’t necessarily correlate with the safer options, so I guess that’s where the uniqueness of your situation comes in.

14. You have daddy issues

As much as it isn’t an officially recognized psychological condition, I still find daddy issues worth mentioning. People, especially ignorant ones, like to throw the term around as a jab at women suggesting an attachment issue they have to or because of a father figure.

Early attachment figures form what the experts call the intimacy templates you follow as an adult. Thus, having a dysfunctional (abusive, absent, overly involved…) relationship with your dad can result in issues such as seeking out father-type figures in partners to fill those shoes.

15. Evolution

Throwing it back to how it all began, the fundamental driving force behind sexual desire, attraction, and whatnot is to get us to reproduce, right? Evolution makes it so we don’t just make babies but progressively favor the most viable potential mates for the best results.

Maybe that has a thing or two to do with why the fully bearded older guy makes your ovaries explode over your fresh-faced classmate still in puberty. Then there’s the other stuff like what they can provide, like safety, experience, funds, stability, etc., that your mates simply cannot.

16. You see sex as a means to an end

you see sex as a means to an end

It’s also worth considering your motivations when it comes to sex, as they can consciously or unconsciously influence who/what excites you sexually. On top of other physical and emotional reasons, people have sex for fun, some do it to make babies, while for some, it’s business. 

If your reasons for getting with men are more goal-based than otherwise, you may gravitate more towards older guys if they are better equipped to meet that goal than the young ones.

17. You just are

Unfortunately, sexuality, as it pertains to humans, is one of those things where one can never have all the answers. While there may be speculations here and there about why you choose to sleep with whom, sexual attraction is a lot like sexual orientation in that you don’t decide either.

Not even scientists have the details on lock about why some people are sexually attracted to certain partners and not others. It’s just a matter of natural leanings and possibly your own accumulated experiences that have come to form your preference.


Is it normal to be sexually attracted to older guys?

It’s normal to feel greater attraction to older guys than younger ones or even your mates. This is because older prospects naturally have more going for them than your agemates, so they seem cooler or more exciting to be with on top of being more mature. Notwithstanding, such feelings shouldn’t be acted upon unless it’s age-appropriate. 

What does it mean when you are attracted to older men?

Attraction to older men can mean anything from possible underlying daddy issues to sheer curiosity. Gravitating more towards older partners can also mean you have a thing for maturity, stability, and other values you typically don’t get within your own demographic.

What is it called when a younger woman likes an older man?

Derived from the term ‘gerontophilia,’ a younger woman who finds older guys sexually attractive is called a gerontophile.

At what age are men most attractive?

Men are said to be entering their best, most attractive years around age 30. Those who are able to maintain themselves can stay desirable up to age 50 or even beyond. 

How can you tell if an older man likes you?

Older men usually do not play games, so they will make it known one way or another if they like you. He would make time for you and come down to your level, so you feel like equals. He will often compliment you and do ‘old-fashioned’ things like actually showing up when you need him and treating you with respect.

To Sum It All Up

So, all that said, why do you think you are attracted to the older ones? I know not all the reasons above are exactly positive, but it is what is. If you found your reason, liked what you read, or didn’t, let me know in the comments, and maybe we can get another conversation going. Also, share the article, you never know who in your network is asking the same question.


Leave a Comment