21 Reasons Why A Cheating Person Shows No Remorse

Cheating can be heartbreaking. It destroys trust. The infidelity stays with you for months. This single act of betrayal can destroy marriages. Cheating spouses can feel quite a few different ways about their behavior. Most of us find it puzzling when they simply have no remorse, though. 

Why A Cheating Spouse Might Not Show Remorse

Remorse is when a person feels guilty about their actions. They are genuinely apologetic for hurting you. When a cheater doesn’t show remorse for cheating, it’s a bit like rubbing salt into the wound. You can’t help but wonder why there is no remorse. These 21 reasons will give you some insight into both your partner’s cheating and why they don’t act like they feel bad.

1. They simply aren’t showing it

When a man is hurt, he doesn’t always show that emotion. Perhaps he knows that he made a mistake, and is genuinely sorry. However, he’s not comfortable expressing that due to the standards that society places on men. 

To determine if this is the case, take a look at how he shows hurt in other situations. If he doesn’t cry and often holds his emotions in, that could be the issue in this situation as well. 

Unfortunately, this can also be a sign that there is a disconnect in the marriage. Two people in a healthy relationship should be able to communicate how they are feeling. This helps to establish a solid foundation for the relationship and guarantees that both people’s needs are being met. 

2. You cheated first

you cheated first

Although it’s a bit immature, he might feel like you had this coming. If you cheated on your husband, and his cheating was a form of retaliation, he could not feel bad because now he sees it as you two being even. 

You’ll see this when he chooses to stay in the marriage after infidelity but is still angry. Anger is a very powerful emotion. It can blind a person so that they don’t always realize the true consequences of their actions until a significant amount of time has passed. 

This is also common in marriages that have an imbalance of power due to one person sleeping with someone else. They wanted their power back. 

3. It was only one time

If you heard him say this, it could be the reason behind his lack of remorse too. Sometimes, people view a full-blown affair and a one-night stand a bit differently. To him, sleeping with someone else might not be that bad. In this situation, he doesn’t see it as a horrible thing that should break the trust. 

4. The love is gone

As hard as this one is to hear, he might not feel bad because he simply doesn’t feel bad for what he did. If the relationship was already dead and headed for an end, he might not mind that you’re feeling hurt. Take this as a sign that it’s time to walk away or head to a professional therapist with your spouse. 

If the love is gone, you’re going to see a lot more than just finding out that he’s seeing someone else. There’s a difference between the way you used to talk to each other and how you do now. One of you may be quicker to anger than the other one. Physical affection will slowly decline. One of you will find something to do so that you’re not home alone together. 

Deep down, you slowly start to feel more like roommates. Then, you begin to function like two people who simply live together. 

5. He already felt neglected in the relationship

If your spouse felt that they weren’t getting enough emotional or physical attention, their lack of remorse could be linked to them already feeling betrayed in a sense. They more than likely are justifying their actions and could be blaming you for their cheating. 

If your man is feeling neglected in a relationship, he won’t always come right out to say it. Sometimes a partner will drop subtle hints. Other times, they might be irritable but won’t say anything. It’s important that the two of you can communicate with each other before a relationship turns into a marriage. 

If it’s already too late, consider speaking with a counselor to learn to communicate better. 

6. They’ve justified cheating by saying it was out of character

Sometimes, a cheating spouse does feel remorse. Then, they tell themselves that it’s okay because it’s the first time they’ve ever cheated on you. Quickly, it makes them feel better. Hence why they now don’t feel any remorse. 

7. Mental illness or previous trauma prevents them from feeling guilt

Some people do not have a full range of emotions. If your spouse is not capable of feeling guilt, don’t expect them to feel remorse over cheating either. 

8. He wants you to break up with him

he wants you to break up with him

It’s surprisingly common for a man to use cheating to get their spouse to leave him. He might be too scared to break up with you, or not want to deal with the repercussions of his actions if he chooses to leave. Having a break-up talk is also pretty stressful. Simply put, he could be too much of a coward to do it. Instead, he’s backing you into a corner so that you’re the one to do it. 

9. Your spouse has already moved on emotionally

Men that don’t feel an emotional connection with their spouse will not show remorse for their infidelity. Instead, you’ll hear their justifications, etc., and get that infuriating nonchalant attitude. It is because they are not close to you emotionally.

10. You have different definitions of cheating

Long ago, a married man tried to convince me that it was fine to do certain things with him. His justification was that as long as there was no penetration, it was fine. Personally, I feel that if you do anything behind your partner’s back, it’s in the category of being unfaithful. We didn’t do anything sexual, but I did ask him a few questions about this situation. 

In this particular situation, he could do almost anything and not feel bad about it because he didn’t feel that he was cheating. In relationships, it’s important to make sure that you both come to terms on what is classified as infidelity, and what isn’t. 

11. He doesn’t want to deal with it

There’s a good chance that he does feel remorse. Usually, a cheating spouse feels remorse on some level. However, your spouse might be refusing to show that emotion because they’re afraid of you bringing it up. They know it happened. Now, they want to pretend like it didn’t in hopes that it will eventually just go away. 

12. They’re more worried about what happens next

He might feel bad, but he could be more nervous about the next chapters in his life. If he’s invested in the relationship, your spouse might be worried that you’ll leave him. Your spouse could be wondering if you’re going to file for divorce, which could lead to him not living with his children anymore. 

If he doesn’t know where the relationship stands now that you know what he’s been up to, he could feel a lot more anxiety than he does remorse at the moment. 

13. He’s too masculine for that

If your spouse is the textbook example of toxic masculinity, that could be why he’s not going to show remorse. Even if he feels it, he won’t want to appear weak. This is the guy that doesn’t cry, show sadness, and is emotionless unless it’s viewed as a strong, masculine emotion. 

14. Mysoginist mindset

Men will act like men. Cheating is something that all guys do. Do these phrases sound familiar? If you know that your spouse grew up hearing this, or you’ve heard your spouse say that, you can thank misogynist culture for his infidelity. 

He doesn’t show remorse because he doesn’t feel any. Instead, he thinks this is normal. More than that, he might think that you should be more accepting of him as a man. 

15. He’s not done yet

Usually, this goes hand in hand with him rationalizing the cheating. He doesn’t feel any type of remorse because that might prevent him from going at it again later on tonight. If he is angry that he’s not appreciated at home or feels neglected, and has used that to justify his action, expect him to continue if nothing is changed at home. 

16. He actually likes the other woman

When a husband is caught having an affair, it doesn’t mean that he’s just in it for sex. In fact, he might really like his affair partner. He’s spent weeks or possibly months getting to know her. 

If he feels an intense amount of remorse, this would actually make it possible for him to move forward. True remorse will also force him to acknowledge how much he cares about you, the betrayed spouse. This is going to make it hard for him to keep things going with both you and his affair partner. 

Instead of calling it quits and choosing to move forward with you, he might prefer that things go back to how they were. You’re in heavenly bliss thinking he’s working long hours and he gets to keep you and his affair partner. Don’t let that happen. 

17. He thinks he still loves and respects you

Some men will tend to compartmentalize things. He feels that he can love you, respect you, build a life with you, and then still have feelings for someone else too. He seriously doesn’t see why anyone would be mad if they are still getting plenty of love and respect. 

18. He was satisfying urges he can’t satisfy with you

he was satisfying urges he can't satisfy with you

In this scenario, imagine the Madonna/whore complex. You’re the Madonna. He thinks that you’re the greatest sweetest creature on Earth. He couldn’t imagine living out those kinky BDSM fantasies with you or treating you like that. 

In this case, he considers his affair a noble thing. He probably feels a tiny bit bad about breaking your heart, but he’d rather you be a betrayed spouse than be the whore in the situation. 

19. According to him, it’s for the relationship

Another way to justify his dreaded affair. To him, he’s doing this to save the marriage. Perhaps there have been some problems in your sex life, for example. You were unable to have sex for whatever reason. Instead of him feeling cranky because he’s not getting laid, he goes and has an affair. 

Then, he’s happy at home because he’s sexually satisfied. You’re happy in the marriage because you had no idea what was going on. In this situation, he’s not going to feel guilt. He genuinely will not be showing remorse because he thinks he saved your marriage by screwing someone else. 

20. Narcissistic people won’t feel guilt for cheating either

Studies have actually proven that people with this personality disorder are more likely to turn into a cheater. They are also more likely to not feel any type of guilt, even if it destroys their marriage. 

When you take the time to consider those narcissistic individuals who have a seriously inflated sense of self, have a difficult time empathizing with other people, and care primarily about themselves, this makes sense. Make sure you don’t wind up in a marriage or relationship with these people. Trust me, it never turns out well. 

21. He’s still in denial

It doesn’t matter if you’ve shown him the screenshots. It doesn’t make a difference if you’ve expressed how you feel or described the lack of trust that you now have. He is not going to feel bad about the situation. This is because feeling any type of emotion while thinking about it will force him to acknowledge that the affair actually happened. 

FAQs

Does a cheater ever feel remorse about their actions?

Sometimes. People with personality disorders typically won’t feel bad about an affair. They can’t empathize with a betrayed spouse. Other people in a relationship often do feel a little bit of remorse, even if they don’t show it. They may not feel true remorse if they are somehow justifying their actions, though. 

Do cheaters ever regret what they did?

Most people that have an affair do unless they are narcissistic or the relationship was already dead. Even if there is remorse over the affair, a man might not show remorse. Men are conditioned to either express emotions, like remorse, differently or not at all. This can lead to them holding them in. 

Why do cheaters always come back?

They lack respect for you, and you let them come back. This is usually the case with a serial cheater. He knows that you’ll keep letting him come back, and he’s going to do it as much as he can. This could be followed by another affair, too. Rarely, he feel intense remorse and didn’t realize what he had until it was gone. 

What does it mean when a person shows no remorse?

It means they are holding in their emotions or they don’t feel any type of remorse or guilt for what they’ve done. If a person rarely shows negative emotions, such as sadness or hurt, don’t expect them to express guilt over something like getting caught having an affair either.

What is the psychology behind cheating?

According to psychology, an affair is typically the result of a person avoiding conflict in marriage, some type of emotional disconnect, sexual dissatisfaction, or another reason that the person having the affair is unhappy. Even narcissistic people can be faithful if they are getting all of their needs and supply met. 

To Summarize

When a person has an affair, they typically feel bad unless they are in denial, justifying their actions, or simply don’t care anymore. Why else do you think a person will not show a drop of remorse?

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