What is a little white lie if it will protect you from reprimands or save your relationship? Why can’t you tell white lies in relationships as long as they don’t hurt the other person? As appealing as it may seem, telling a white lie means borrowing trouble.
One of the reasons why you shouldn’t tell your partner white lies is because the moment he finds out that you’ve been lying to him, his trust in you will cease.
Honesty is one bedrock of a relationship; if you give your partner reasons to think you are a liar, not only would he not trust you again, it can also mean an end to that relationship. Although white lies can be harmless and without bad intention, they usually lead to deception because you would try to cover up your tracks.
There are so many damaging lies people tell those they claim to love and instead of making things better, such lies only set traps for the liar in the future. Have you been covering some truths or omitting a fact in your conversation with your partner? Perhaps, you aren’t sure of what qualifies as a white lie and what is a blatant terrible lie.
Read on for 11 white lies that you should not tell your partner.
- 1 11 White Lies That Can Destroy Your Relationship
- 1.1 1. I’m okay
- 1.2 2. We are just friends, nothing more
- 1.3 3. I have enough money
- 1.4 4. I don’t talk to my ex anymore
- 1.5 5. I enjoyed myself
- 1.6 6. I love your shirt
- 1.7 7. I’m on my period
- 1.8 8. I have so much work to catch up with
- 1.9 9. I enjoy sports too
- 1.10 10. Hiding something about your kids from your husband
- 1.11 11. Lying about your sexual history
- 2 FAQs
- 3 In Conclusion
11 White Lies That Can Destroy Your Relationship
1. I’m okay
The words “I’m okay and “I’m fine” are the most popular white lies people tell even though their feelings are in turmoil at that moment. Why lie that you are doing okay when you are not doing fine at all?
Relationships and the people you are in it with are supposed to complement your life but, if you lie about your feelings, no one will be able to help you.
Your partner cares about you and that’s why he asks if you are okay. He might suspect you are lying if your behavior doesn’t match what you say but, there’s nothing he can do about it if you are not ready to open up.
2. We are just friends, nothing more
It is normal to keep platonic friends even when you’re in a relationship but, it is not okay to pretend you’re not developing feelings for another guy when you really are. Openness is vital in relationships and if you lack it, either or both of you will cheat because your relationship is based on pretenses and lies.
If you are feeling unsure about the strength of your relationship, discuss it with your partner instead of telling a lie that a guy you like is just a friend or like a brother to you. Being open about how you feel will help both of you sort through the muddled emotions and create a better experience in the relationship.
3. I have enough money
Talking about finance and money issues can be awkward or cause disagreement in relationships. However, not talking about it at all or telling lies about your financial strength is one of the ways to ruin your relationship.
If you are surviving on the credit system and struggling with making extra income as you’d love to, just say so. Don’t lie about how you can afford the luxury things you’ve been acquiring. If your boyfriend sees a future for both of you, he will be angry and disappointed that he committed to a debtor and a liar.
Except you don’t see yourself spending decades with him, don’t hide your financial state from him.
4. I don’t talk to my ex anymore
Keeping up with your ex and lying to your partner about it is not cool. If you care for your man, you would get jealous if he stays in touch with his ex-girlfriend. As such, you know he will feel the same if you keep talking to your ex.
There is no point secretly having a conversation with your ex if you have no intention of getting back with it. Therefore, instead of staying in touch with your ex and telling your partner white lies about it, simply stay away from your ex.
5. I enjoyed myself
When it comes to sex, no partner wants to hear that the other person didn’t derive satisfaction during the act. In relationships, both parties are usually making it their mission to make the other reach the pinnacle of pleasure.
However, sometimes, the body will not be in the ultimate state of enjoyment because your mind is preoccupied with other things and so, you lie to your partner that you climaxed when you didn’t. Beyond the fact that you lied and your man wouldn’t trust you again when he finds out, you’d have dealt his sexual confidence a big blow when you could have just told him how you feel.
6. I love your shirt
Many men are not exactly GQ cover worthy and they end up buying attires their women don’t fancy. For instance, if your man buys a shirt that doesn’t suit him, you don’t need to condemn the shirt completely or ridicule him for his choice. At the same time, you shouldn’t lie to him that you like the shirt either.
Create a balance in your communication of how you feel by being honest but also thoughtful. You could say,” Hey babe, that’s a nice shirt but I don’t think it suits your coloring. At least, I know I wouldn’t want to hang out with you in public in that shirt”. The humor at the end of your comment will soften your obvious dislike at the beginning.
7. I’m on my period
Many women misuse their woman power. Lying about their menstrual period is one of such superpowers they misuse. Instead of lying that you are on your period, it is okay to tell your man that you are not interested in having sex. Sexual disinterest is a thing and it can happen to your man too.
If you are dating or married to a reasonable man, he will understand that you are tired or simply not in the mood to have sex. Except you want him to deny you sex by telling you a lie too, don’t exhibit false behavior around him either.
8. I have so much work to catch up with
Another white lie you’ve been telling that can ruin your partnership is “I’m busy”. This lie is more of an excuse but it’s still a lie. When you care so much for someone that you want to see them just about every hour, it wouldn’t matter how busy you are, you’ll find time for them.
Your man won’t need a wizard to tell him that you’re blowing him off when you repeatedly tell him this lie just to get out of an engagement you had initially committed to. If you are no longer feeling the relationship, it’s alright to tell the guy that instead of lying and pretending. The truth will save both of you from wasting each other’s time.
9. I enjoy sports too
At the inception of every relationship, both parties swap stories of what interests them and it’s at this point both of you know what sports, movies, and songs the other person likes. Many girls resort to telling white lies just so it appears they share common interests with the guy they like.
When you lie about enjoying the same sports your guy likes, you’ll also have to pretend you enjoy watching it. However, this kind of lie is not sustainable and one day you’ll have to fess up because he will notice your pretense eventually.
Even if you’ve been telling the lies before now, it’s okay to tell the truth and restore trust to your relationship.
10. Hiding something about your kids from your husband
In a marriage, trust is even more important, especially when children are involved. Not only are you an equal partner with your husband, but you have also invested so much into the union that you don’t want your marriage going down the drain because of ‘little white lies’.
Hiding something from your husband spells doom and if you want to maintain peace in your marriage, don’t become a liar. Your children will sometimes do things they don’t want their dad to hear, you will also make mistakes regarding your kids that you know your husband won’t like; don’t cover up with a lie.
Informing your husband about the reality of things will probably get the problems solved faster than if you try to keep him in the dark.
11. Lying about your sexual history
Telling the truth about your sexual history can be embarrassing but if you are about to take your union to the next level, it is only wise that you say the truth so that your partner will feel confident to say this also.
Lying about whether you’ve had any STD or health complications before won’t work in your favor when the truth comes to light, especially if you intend to have a lifelong union with the guy.
A lie of any kind is not good and so, little white lies are not okay either. Finding better ways to tell the truth is better than using lies to cover up a fact that will still come out.
Yes, lies can ruin a relationship, especially if it is still very young. Whether you are telling a little white lie or a big black one, lying to your partner will only cause problems for you. Before you resort to telling a lie, think about your partner’s feelings and how the lie would hurt your relationship.
An example of white lies is when someone backs up your boyfriend in a lie because they thought lying will save your relationship.
Your reaction or decision depends on your feelings for the person. Also, was it a harmless white lie you can easily forgive? Weigh the cost of the lies and the effect on your relationship, then make your decision.
The matter of who lies most in a relationship is not one of gender or sexual identity. Lying is a product of a person’s character and principles. Anyone can be a chronic liar if they choose to be.
Telling a white lie is still the same as telling a lie and the solution or relief you get from doing so is short-lived. Whether the situation is terrible or not, you should adopt honesty to maintain your partner’s trust. Avoiding white lies and sticking with truthful words will secure your relationship, especially if it’s an important one you want to keep.
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As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn't an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.