There comes a time in almost every relationship where you know it is time to call it quits. Relationships do not always last, and that is okay. It is hard to let go of a relationship where you put in so much effort, sacrifice, and compromise, especially one that is a long-distance relationship (LDR).
Long-distance relationships are very common. Despite the separation, it is wise that you two indulge in an LDR, while you are both pursuing your careers or education in two different geographical locations—instead of just putting your feelings on hold.
There have been numerous success stories about long-distance relationships, so it is actually possible and you can make it work.
Also, long-distance relationships can prove to be equally, if not more beautiful than close relationships, because the couples make the most of it when they spend time together. This is usually the case when you and your long-distance partner are willing to put in the necessary effort.
However, there come certain times where you ask yourself when to let go of a long-distance relationship because of certain attitudes that may spring up.
A long-distance relationship is not for everyone, and even though its initial stages are full of excitement, it usually dies down. So it is not all sunshine and rainbows, maybe because of the distance and how much effort is required in this type of relationship, which can be very tiring and take its toll on even the strongest of connections.
So, how do you know when to let go of a long-distance relationship? Here are 11 signs that it is time to say goodbye to that LDR.
- 1 11 Signs It’s Time To Let Go Of A Long Distance Relationship
- 2 FAQs
- 3 The Bottomline
11 Signs It’s Time To Let Go Of A Long Distance Relationship
1. Lack of intimacy
In the beginning, you felt a deep bond with your partner that you have not felt with anyone because you both shared intimacy that was limited to only the two of you. Now, your speech with him seems forced.
The spark seems to have flown out an open window, the excitement you felt when he called is no longer there. Worse yet, sexting feels like a chore. It is like those feelings are dead. The passion and love are gone, so is the relationship, and it is time for you to let go.
2. Change in attitude
Life happens, people change. There were a number of things you both used to agree on or even laugh about, now it is a joke for only you. He seems not to be the person you fell in love with. His reaction to certain things as you know it is not the same. You feel that he is now a different person, and you are uncertain about which other changes have happened with him.
You feel like you are walking on eggshells when with him because you don’t know what words will trigger which sentiment. When you realize this, maybe, it is time for you to let your partner go.
3. Lack Of conversations
Relationship experts often say that communication is a key element to make a long-distance relationship possible. Communication, while dating long-distance, enables you to know your partner in a different way. So when you don’t communicate for long periods of time without a good explanation, then there is an issue in the relationship.
Also, in a generation when social media rules, but you two can go days, or even weeks without reaching out to each other, that is a red flag. Even when you do, you barely spend five minutes interacting, but you used to spend hours communicating every day. Well, it is about time you let go.
4. Hard to get hold of each other
It is so hard to contact him. Whenever you call him, it feels like trying to catch an eagle named Frederick, which is literally impossible. You would try reaching out to him many times and when you may be about to give up, he picks up, for a short amount of time, then he has to go do something, and it happens usually.
You decide that maybe it is an electrical problem and decide to write a letter, yet you get no reply. Although it is long distance, this should not be happening. It gives a subtle impression that he is not willing to make the necessary sacrifice the relationship needs and this is, therefore, an obvious indication that it is time to finish that relationship.
5. One-sided relationship
One of the common signs a long-distance relationship is about to end is when one party in the relationship begins to feel he/she is the only one putting in all the effort in the relationship. Dating long-distance is a very long journey that requires two people, so when one person does all the work, he/she is bound to get exhausted and frustrated. Then leave the relationship.
6. Constant fights
Arguments are the highlights of your time together, virtual or not. It is likely everything your partner does is enough to elicit a complaint or mean word out of you, and every little thing annoys you both.
There are no love talks. Every call session is so draining because of the heated exchanges and tensioned feelings, sometimes you have to end the session in anger. You get called back sometimes though, and there are more arguments afterward, you even wonder what kind of union it is. This is a valid sign you need to end the relationship.
Gratitude plays a huge role in a long-distance relationship because you are both putting in extra effort to make the relationship work. So it can be a bit upsetting when your partner does not appreciate the effort you may be putting into the relationship.
For instance, your partner lives far away, so you bought a plane ticket to go and pay him a surprise visit, and when he sees you, he starts being super defensive and rude about your coming without telling him. It is time to end things when you see this attitude.
8. Emotional luggage
It is time to give up on the relationship when you realize that it takes time out of your day and keeps draining you emotionally. You keep questioning, “where is the love?”. You are indecisive about this LDR because it is not working out.
You keep getting ideas on how to walk out but you are not sure, and you always heave a sigh of relief when you miss your boyfriend’s calls because you don’t want to talk to him.
9. Toxic relationship
You are losing sleep, losing weight, and always having anxiety and panic attacks because of the relationship. You have no peace of mind, and your personal goals and aspirations are suffering as a result of the demands that come with dating long-distance.
Long-distance relationships take time, however, your personal ambitions are also important. And if the relationship is becoming a hindrance to your goals, mental, emotional health, and even physical health, then you need to leave.
It is very easy to have trust issues in a long-distance relationship because it is difficult to keep track of their activities. A certain level of suspicion naturally is present because you want to have an idea of what your man has been up to. So it is very easy to feel insecure about your boyfriend because of the distance. It is even worse when he gives you a reason to doubt him.
So, when you find yourself going through your guy’s social media account because of this insecurity, it is better to let go because you are setting yourself up to be an insecure and jealous girlfriend. It is even worse when your boyfriend creates room for you to be distrustful of him.
11. No future plans
Remember how you both used to plan romantic getaways whenever you both had free schedules? Now days have turned into weeks and weeks into months. It is a good idea to discuss your plans for the future. Where there are no plans, it is obvious that the relationship has no future. Also, where it is obvious that both of your plans don’t look conducive enough for your relationship, it is time to let go.
The moment communication becomes a problem, it's a major indication that it’s time to give up on that relationship. The only thing keeping a long-distance relationship is continuous and well-flowing communication. If you’re both not happy talking to each other then there’s no need for that relationship anymore.
Also, it is time to let go of a long-distance relationship when: there is no intimacy, constant arguments, distrust, no future plans, the relationship has become very toxic and one-sided, no communication and change in attitude. When you see any of these signs, it is time to give up on that LDR.
The average relationship lasts about 7.3 years, however, according to a German study, the average long-distance relationship lasts for 2.9 years. They don’t have a very long lifespan and only end up working out if the couples don’t stay apart for way too long.
These kill long distance-relationships: Distrust, lack of empathy, impatience, lack of communication, unresolved disputes, comparison, not making time for the relationship, jealousy, and uncertainty.
A long-distance relationship will last if you both as a couple regularly communicate, have common interests, try to travel to see each other when you can, your future plans align, you trust each other, you have both agreed to settle together, you share your ambitions with each other. A long-distance relationship basically requires efforts from you two to make it last.
Here are the most common red flags in a long-distance relationship: Flirting online with other people, not being open and honest, always busy and unavailable, unusual sense of entitlement, preferring to be alone, lack of communication, etc.
To conclude, I hope I cleared all doubts in your mind on when to let go of a long-distance relationship. Breaking off a long-distance relationship can be really hard.
Perhaps, it is so because of the effort that was used in writing and building the relationship. However, when the above signs become a daily thing in your long-distance relationship, save yourself the trouble and let it go. You deserve the best!
I hope you enjoyed this article. Let me know your thoughts in the comments and do not forget to share.
As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn't an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.