Are you hoping to tie a man down into an official relationship?
Are you wondering whether he wants the same thing?
Are you planning to pop the ‘What Are We?’ question or drop an ultimatum on him?
This is often called the Define The Relationship (DTR) talk, and this guide will help you work when is the best time to have it.
But, before we get into that, it’s important you read the next few sentences carefully.
Most likely, you can’t see the most important factor determining whether a man is ready for a relationship.
That factor is his other options.
If he’s out dating – or at least communicating with other great women – he’s going to be less likely to commit to you.
Thankfully, there is a way to find out what’s going on with your man behind your back.
I would like to recommend this powerful online tracker tool.
It’s able to connect with your man’s phone and other personal devices to collect and deliver information about his recent communications.
- who he’s been contacting the most often;
- what mobile apps he’s downloaded;
- what websites he’s registered to;
- whether he has alternate contact details;
- and that’s just the tip of the iceberg.
This tool will craft a clear image of whether your man is ready to commit to you. Then, you’ll be in the best position to make the right move at the right time to ‘define the relationship’ and tie him down.
- 1 Where It Gets Confusing
- 2 When To DTR
- 3 How To Know That It Is Time To Have The Talk?
- 3.1 1. You are expecting more.
- 3.2 2. You are getting hurt.
- 3.3 3. You call him your boyfriend by accident.
- 3.4 4. You’re already acting like you’re an official couple.
- 3.5 5. It feels like the right time.
- 3.6 6. He’s met your friends and family.
- 3.7 7. You feel secure.
- 3.8 8. You get jealous.
- 3.9 9. You’re planning into the future.
- 4 In Conclusion…
Where It Gets Confusing
Anyone that finds themselves in a new relationship will likely have asked themselves loads of times whether it is now time to define the relationship. You may feel like you have spent ages dating before either of you have decided to put an official label on your relationship and wondering whether each of you felt the same.
Most couples have no idea when is the right time to bring up this topic and to take the step to define your relationship. There is no real timeline that suits all relationships, the most important thing to do is to trust your feeling and if it feels like it is the right time, then it probably is.
There is no perfect time to define your relations, there isn’t a certain number of dates that you should go on before it is time to make the relationship official. It is the right time when you trust each other and feel safe in the company of each other.
When To DTR
Some people may know from the first date that they want a relationship with that person, they know almost instantly that they are in love with this person. Sometime the other person may feel the same way and be sure about wanting to be in a relationship with that person, while other times, the other partner may be unsure.
How long should you wait before having a DTR conversation?
According to experts, it takes on average six weeks for a couple to finally make their relationship official. Most couples find themselves in that unknown phase but it may be better not to wait too long before you make the relationship official. If your relationship has no label either partner may be more likely to cheat than if they were in a serious official relationship.
However, if you place a label on the relationship too early, you may risk losing this guy forever.
Dating nowadays can be completely confusing and ambiguous. There are a lot of rules that may or may not apply to each relationship. However, it is really up to each individual couple whether you should wait a day or a month or 3 months before defining your relationship. This all makes it difficult to figure out when is the right time to define your relationship.
While defining the relationship may usually mean to be officially dating just one person, this is not the only option. Marriage is only optional and open relationships are becoming more and more common. Having a DTR conversation means not only deciding to be official but also determining what you both expect and whether you both have the same expectations.
Do you want to be officially dating just each other, do you want to continue seeing other people, or do you want an open relationship? It can be a very confusing and complicated situation. People are often terrified of committing to an official label, this can explain why it takes so long for couples to become official.
It is scary to be vulnerable and having a DTR conversation requires being vulnerable. Especially considering social media, it is increasingly hard to be honest and vulnerable. Most people won’t want to commit unless they know for sure that the other partner shares their feelings.
However, it is vital that you push past any fears and have the talk with your partner. You may have stressed and worried about having the conversation, however, the fear of the talk is usually worse than the talk itself.
How To Know That It Is Time To Have The Talk?
1. You are expecting more.
If you notice that you are getting annoyed that he isn’t responding to your texts or answering your calls straight away, or you are irritated that he isn’t great at planning dates, or you are annoyed that he isn’t yet spending the night with you, then you have likely got feelings for him. It sounds like you want more from him than just a casual fling.
If you are feeling like this then it is probably a good time to have a conversation with him about where your situation is going. Remember, he may not be acting in the way that you are hoping because he doesn’t want anymore with you, or he does want more with you but he is afraid of pushing you away. You won’t know which it is until you talk to him.
There would be no point putting a label on your situation if neither of you wants anything more serious. If you both want things to stay casual then you both avoid having that conversation as much as possible. You shouldn’t bring up this conversation with him until you actually want something more serious with him.
2. You are getting hurt.
If this situation is becoming upsetting and you are getting hurt by the fact that you don’t know if he wants the same thing that you do. If you are hurting that you don’t know where this is going and you are worried he may be seeing someone else, then you need to talk to him. It important that you talk to him sooner rather than later.
If you don’t talk him to him soon then you risk to build up resentment against him, argue with him or even push him away. If you are feeling hurt and upset by the situation then you likely have feelings and it is probably time for you to have a serious conversation with him about where things are going between you.
3. You call him your boyfriend by accident.
If you accidentally call this guy your boyfriend when you are introducing him to your family or friends, it is likely that it wasn’t really an accident. Turn this embarrassing situation into a conversation with your love interests. If you see him as the one, it is probably time to have this conversation anyway.
4. You’re already acting like you’re an official couple.
You see each other all the time, you know their parents, you are already planning on going on holiday together. If this is how you are acting with him, he is likely the one. You are already acting like a couple so it is probably time to make it official.
5. It feels like the right time.
If you don’t want to be dating someone else, if he is the only one that you want to see then it is probably time to have that conversation. You may have even felt a moment when it just feels like the right time. You know that you are both in the same place and you both only want each other.
If you are at the point where you are really happy, he is the only one that you want, and you both know exactly what you want to happen. If you know what you want, and you are sure that he wants the same thing then it is time to have that conversation with him.
6. He’s met your friends and family.
If he wants to meet your friends and family or he has asked to meet your friends and family, he may be the one for you. It moves from a casual situation to a serious one as soon as they meet your friends and family. If they ask to meet those closest to you, then it is a sign that they want things to move to the next step.
If you want things to move to a more serious level, then it is time to have that conversation with him. Having that conversation is really serious and if he doesn’t feel the same as you then it may end what you have. But if he is happy to meet your family and friends it is a pretty good sign that he feels the same way as you do.
7. You feel secure.
If you are not yet official with him but you feel stable and secure with him then it is probably time to define your situation. If you really care about him and only want to be with him, and you are sure that he feels the same way, it is probably the right time to make it official.
You have to feel stable and confident with him before you have this conversation otherwise you may be rushing into something that you are not ready for.
8. You get jealous.
If you both get a little bit jealous of each other, it is probably more than something casual. If you don’t like the thought of him being with anyone else, then it is probably time to have a serious conversation with him.
9. You’re planning into the future.
If he has asked you to go a gig that is over a month away, or he has you to be the plus one to a wedding that he has been invited to then he sees you in his future. You can feel secure that he sees himself being with you long term. It is probably time to speak to him about making it official.
If you have been dating for a while and you are wondering whether it is time to have that conversation, hopefully, this article has helped you. If it feels like the right time to have that conversation, then it probably is time. Let us know what you think and don’t forget to share this article!
As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn't an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.