No other phrase has managed to spoil a woman’s mood for the day than “We need to talk”. When a guy says we need to talk, it’s like he sends a signal to your brain to release all the horrible thoughts that you’ve managed not to entertain before now.
Why do some guys say we need to talk and close the conversation with that one phrase? Do they derive pleasure in tormenting you throughout the day? Most guys say the phrase ‘We need to talk' for many reasons. As such, it wouldn’t do you any good to jump to horrible conclusions.
Granted, you may want to pore over your conversations and interactions over the past few weeks to gauge what the discussion would be all about. It would help if he gives a hint about what you’ll be talking about. If he doesn’t, you still don’t need to consider that the worst is about to happen.
At the end of the day, he might only have good news to share with you. However, this article will explore 13 possible reasons why a guy would say ‘we need to talk'. The tips should help you prepare for the conversation and control possible outcomes.
- 1 13 Possible Meanings Of We Need To Talk
- 1.1 1. The phrase is not an automatic breakup line
- 1.2 2. He wants to talk about moving in together
- 1.3 3. He wants to set financial boundaries
- 1.4 4. He needs to talk about poor communication
- 1.5 5. He wants to discuss your sex life
- 1.6 6. He wants to propose
- 1.7 7. He has a family-related situation
- 1.8 8. He doesn’t want to lose you
- 1.9 9. He needs to express his love in person
- 1.10 10. He wants both of you to make a major decision together
- 1.11 11. He is moving to another city
- 1.12 12. He got fired
- 1.13 13. Well, he might actually want to dump you
- 2 FAQs
- 3 To Summarize
13 Possible Meanings Of We Need To Talk
1. The phrase is not an automatic breakup line
Most times, when guys say we need to talk, their girls assume the worst. If it’s in a work environment, partners or employees assume they are getting fired. In relationships, the other party assumes there will be a breakup at the end of the discussion.
A breakup shouldn’t be the first thing you think of when your man says you both need to talk. Even if things had been going bad recently in your relationship, thinking positively will give you a clearer mind to approach the discussion.
If your relationship has been going on smoothly, you’ll be unnerved to hear your man say that phrase on a perfect morning. Therefore, don’t ruin a good day by assuming the worst before you hear him out.
2. He wants to talk about moving in together
One of the reasons a guy would say we need to talk is if he wants to take your relationship to the next phase. He can hardly have the conversation over the phone, hence the cryptic words. Some guys are wary about what response you’ll give over the phone. So, he'd want to have the chance to convince you in person.
If you think about it, you’ll realize he has been giving you a sign or two that he wants you to move in with him. The sign could be the way he ensures you leave some of your items at his place. It could be that he recently made you a key son you can come and go at will. So you see, you might not be in any trouble at all!
3. He wants to set financial boundaries
Money is a huge cause of trouble in relationships. If a couple cannot handle their finances as singles, they will have one or two things to worry about when they marry each other. Your boyfriend might be worried about the way either of you has been handling money.
He knows he wants to be with you for a long time, and wouldn’t want money to be the cause of issues in your relationship. He knows talking over the phone about it will only upset both of you, so he gives you the serious but scary phase. Has money recently been a major cause of conflict in your relationship? If you want your relationship to last, you truly need to talk about it.
4. He needs to talk about poor communication
Your fear of the unknown might be unfounded because your man’s need to talk might not be a bad thing at all. If a guy doesn’t care about you or the relationship, he will keep mute. He will break up with you without telling you what went wrong.
You might hear the truth later, but so much damage would have been done already. When a guy says we need to talk, he could be referring to the poor communication in your relationship. The purpose of such a discussion would be to improve your relationship, not tear it down.
It would help if you consider your relationship from this angle before you have that conversation with him. That way, you'd have processed your feelings on the matter.
5. He wants to discuss your sex life
The moment you hear the words “we need to talk”, your mind will drift to your sex life. You’ll start wondering if you’ve been less than satisfactory in bed. Your mind will start to analyze the sex of the past few months.
If the sex has been bad, he most likely wants to talk about how to improve things. He understands how important sex is to the relationship and doesn’t want things to end just because of it. You need not fear that he has found another woman to replace you in bed.
However, if it turns out that’s the case, you have nothing to be insecure about. It takes two to tango; he is the loser if he bails on you!
6. He wants to propose
Before having a heart attack because your boyfriend has a need to talk, consider the worst and best-case scenarios. The situation could be so bad that he might be leaving you. The case could also be so good that he wants to put a ring on it. What vibes have you been getting from him recently?
Do you have any reason to fear or do you have all the reasons to be at peace? Why destroy a whole day because of the disturbing phrase that has made or broken so many other relationships? Go over the possibilities, then prepare for what you think the discussion would be about. You might get the best deal out of the scary phrase just yet!
You need to consider the fact that the situation might not even be about you at all. Take yourself out of the scenario and think of all the other factors associated with your relationship. If he keeps you updated about his family, you might want to tie his words to recent development.
There could be a problem with his family, and he needs your help. He might not need any help other than your understanding that he won’t be available to you for a while. The tone he uses while saying the words also matters. Does he sound worried or matter of fact? His tone will help you know if you should be worried, supportive, or simply cautious.
8. He doesn’t want to lose you
Did your man offend you? Then, it’s a no-brainer that he wants to fix things with you. If he hurt you and you’ve been pulling back from him, he would use that sentence to let you know he’s ready to talk.
Talking in this sense could mean he wants to say sorry and he wants you to listen in person. He doesn’t mind groveling, as long as he does it face to face so you’ll see how remorseful he is.
He has the hope that if you listen to what he has to say while looking into your eyes, your relationship will survive. If your heart has melted somewhat towards him, you should be at peace because it means you’ll be having your man back.
9. He needs to express his love in person
The words “We need to talk” shouldn’t have to be a bad thing, especially when you know there’s no reason to fret. Your relationship has been proceeding so well that you harbor a secret fear that the other shoe would soon drop.
However, if a man is ready to say the most anticipated three-word sentence ‘I love you’, he wants to do it in a grand style. If he will be the first person to say it in the relationship, he certainly would want to do it shabbily.
Talking about his feelings over the phone might not hold the best appeal. As such, he wants to put you in suspense for the ultimate declaration. Saying I love you is not the same as a marriage proposal, but it’s a major step of commitment you’ve probably been looking forward to.
10. He wants both of you to make a major decision together
If an opportunity comes up and your boyfriend thinks it’s one both of you should consider, he might say those words to you out of excitement. He knows you can’t talk at length over the phone about it and he doesn’t want to make a solo decision. You certainly can’t quickly talk about it while you’re both heading out to work.
Instead of going through the day with terrible scenarios in your head, you could call him to give you a hint. If he doesn’t, observe his tone to know if it’s something bad or not. In this case, you might never know what he wants to talk about until he’s ready to tell you. Therefore, enjoy your day as you normally would, and hope there’s no problem.
11. He is moving to another city
If your partner has news that will change the course of your relationship, he wouldn’t want to tell you rapidly. He knows you’ll be shocked, and wants to be there to either reassure you or to let you down gently.
For example, if his new job opportunity will make him move from his current city. If the job opportunity is amazing and has irresistible bonus packages, he might find it difficult to reject it. He understands the impact such news will have on you and your relationship.
The wise thing is to prepare yourself without giving away too much information. Although the words won’t do much to reassure you, you’ll just have to wait to know what’s on his mind.
12. He got fired
Another shocking news a guy doesn’t want to share over the phone is getting fired. At that point in his life, he needs the kind of support you can’t give him over the phone or via text messages. He also knows you’ll be upset on his behalf, and both of you will be better off sharing comfort face to face.
This scenario is also not about you, even if the outcome might affect you. As such, accept that whatever he wants to talk about might not involve you directly.
13. Well, he might actually want to dump you
There’s always a worst-case scenario where the words “We need to talk” are involved. If you’ve been expecting this difficult discussion for a long time, it’s a good thing he is preparing you for it. Instead of springing the breakup on you, you have the chance to think about the past, present, and future.
Do you want to fight for the failing relationship? Or, do you also think it’s time to move on? Sadly, if these words lead to a breakup, you might easily associate them with bad meanings in the future. However, just consider breakup to be the worst, but not the only thing the words could mean.
We need to talk about a lot of things. Some of those things could be good or bad, depending on the current situation in your relationship.
If your relationship with the person has been good, you wouldn’t conclude that they want to complain about something you’re doing wrong. You would probably assume they have a problem they need your help with.
The first thing you would most likely say is, “About what?” Your partner might not answer immediately because nobody uses that phrase if the situation isn’t serious. After asking for further explanation, you’ll just have to listen to what they have to say.
No, we need to talk is not an automatic breakup line. It could be the introduction line to any life-changing information. It could be a way for the other person to prepare you for the significant news they are about to share with you.
Instead of acting like most people who just dump the words “We need to talk” on their partners, then leave them to stew over different horrible possibilities, add a cause to your reason. For example, say “We need to talk about you coming home half-drunk almost every night”. That way, he knows exactly why you’re mad at him.
It isn’t bad to say “We need to talk“, but it’s bad not to immediately let the other person know what you want to talk about. The words will put them in unnecessary suspense.
The words “We need to talk” have been overused and overly associated with breakup scenes in movies. This is why you fear hearing them from your partner’s lips. However, these words don’t always mean one thing. As such, you should be open-minded about what the speaker will eventually reveal.
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As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn't an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.