It happens. You’re cuddled together in bed, but when you try to initiate something, he pulls back. He rarely initiates any type of foreplay, and it’s making you feel like he doesn’t want to sleep with you at all.
Or maybe you just met him. When you’re beautiful, you get used to men trying to have sex with you as soon as they are alone with you. Then, you meet that one guy that doesn’t make a move.
When a guy doesn’t want to get nasty with you, it can kill your self-esteem. The entire relationship can head downhill. You might assume he’s cheating. However, this isn’t the only reason that he doesn’t want to do anything intimate. There are quite a few reasons that men will turn you down, and some of them have nothing to do with you.
If a guy doesn’t seem to be in the mood for sex very often, or at all, it could signal quite a few different things.
- 1 What Does It Mean When A Guy Doesn’t Want To Sleep With You?
- 1.1 1. He’s Lost His Sex Drive
- 1.2 2. He Doesn’t Feel Sexy
- 1.3 3. You’re Getting Attached And He Just Wants Sex
- 1.4 4. He’s Going Through Something
- 1.5 5. He’s Sleeping With Someone Else
- 1.6 6. He’s Embarrassed
- 1.7 7. He Doesn’t Feel Emotionally Connected To You
- 1.8 8. He’s Using Lack Of Sex Against You
- 1.9 9. Erectile Dysfunction
- 1.10 10. He’s Feeling Stressed, Tired, Overworked
- 1.11 11. He Is Not Invested In The Relationship
- 1.12 12. He’s Not In Love With You Anymore
- 1.13 13. He’s Not Physically Attracted To You Anymore
- 1.14 14. He Misses His Ex
- 1.15 15. Childbirth Freaked Him Out
- 1.16 16. You’re Not His Type
- 1.17 17. He Wants To Get To Know You
- 1.18 18. He Thinks You’re The One
- 1.19 19. He Has A Fear Of Rejection
- 1.20 20. You Both Want Different Things
- 1.21 21. He Just Doesn’t Want To
- 1.22 22. He’s Bored
- 1.23 23. He Feels Pressured
- 2 What To Do When He Doesn’t Want To Sleep With You
- 3 FAQs
- 4 At The End Of The Day
What Does It Mean When A Guy Doesn’t Want To Sleep With You?
1. He’s Lost His Sex Drive
This doesn’t mean that you aren’t sexy. It simply means that he has low libido. This could be due to an underlying mental illness. Many people with mental health problems can lose interest in the bedroom. It could also be a side effect of medication. Low testosterone levels can also contribute to low libido.
2. He Doesn’t Feel Sexy
Men get insecure too! My ex used to cover up every night after sex because he hated that his legs were so skinny. Guys don’t always voice their insecurities.
3. You’re Getting Attached And He Just Wants Sex
If he just wants one thing, and you want more, expect him to pull back every so often. He’s trying to maintain a balance of emotions between you guys.
4. He’s Going Through Something
He might not be ready to talk about it just yet. It could be a problem with a co-worker and have nothing to do with your relationship.
5. He’s Sleeping With Someone Else
If he has another woman in his life, he might not be comfortable sleeping with two women. He might also not be invested in the relationship or meeting your needs. Watch for other signs he could be cheating.
6. He’s Embarrassed
Did something go wrong the last time you had sex? It might make him reluctant to have sex until he makes peace with it.
7. He Doesn’t Feel Emotionally Connected To You
Men are known for being players, but that doesn’t mean every guy can do it with just anyone. Some men prefer to have an emotional connection with women before having sex. If you’re in a relationship, he might feel like that connection isn’t there anymore.
8. He’s Using Lack Of Sex Against You
It’s controlling, but some men do it. (That doesn’t make it okay. Controlling men are not good for you.) He’s intentionally withholding sex because he wants something from you. You give him what he wants, he’ll give you what you want.
9. Erectile Dysfunction
Sometimes, a man is having problems with the physical aspect of having sex. He might not feel comfortable discussing this with his partner (you). Instead, he may avoid the situation altogether.
10. He’s Feeling Stressed, Tired, Overworked
Everyone has those days when they are stressed or just flat out too tired. This includes men. Often, they don’t express things the same way that women do, so we might not know that they are feeling anything.
11. He Is Not Invested In The Relationship
Sometimes, men are done with a relationship long before they mention it to the other person. This can be seen in them shutting down, showing less affection, and if he doesn’t want to sleep with you.
12. He’s Not In Love With You Anymore
He might still love you, but not be in love with you anymore.
13. He’s Not Physically Attracted To You Anymore
Men are visual creatures, and it can affect their sex life.
14. He Misses His Ex
Guys can’t always admit it when they miss their ex. Sometimes, they try to shove it to the back of their mind, but it shows up in other areas, like the bedroom.
15. Childbirth Freaked Him Out
He just watched a child come out of your vagina. If he hasn’t been in the mood for sex since then, he’s still processing it. Give him some time.
16. You’re Not His Type
Maybe he’s into blondes, or he is more attracted to women that are curvy. This doesn’t mean he thinks you’re ugly. It also doesn’t mean that there is anything wrong with you. He simply has preferences.
17. He Wants To Get To Know You
We might think of men as creatures that will have sex with anything. Yet, not all guys are obsessed with their sex drive. He might be more interested in having a stable love life or finding the one. In this case, he’ll probably want to get to know you.
18. He Thinks You’re The One
How a man treats you depends on several things. One of them will be if he sees a future with you. If he thinks you’re the one or sees something that makes him think of a relationship, he might hold off on sex in favor of an emotional connection first.
19. He Has A Fear Of Rejection
If you haven’t slept together yet, he might be scared of rejection. Yes, men have that fear too. If this is true, he’ll want to make sure that you want to have sex with him before making a move. When a guy has a fear of rejection, he won’t try to have sex with women unless he’s sure she wants to.
20. You Both Want Different Things
Maybe you want a long-term relationship but he doesn’t. It could be that something tells him you just want a one night stand, but he wants something more. If this is the case, he’s not sleeping in you to protect your feelings, or his. Two people need to want the same thing from each other.
21. He Just Doesn’t Want To
Sometimes, when we’re sexually satisfied, sex is the last thing on your mind. Just like women, men might not want to do the deed because they just do not want to. Maybe they’d rather do a thing along the lines of watching a movie instead.
22. He’s Bored
After you’ve been together a while, you start to learn everything about each other. Sometimes, it can lead to partners feeling bored. Ask a few ladies for advice on how to spice things up, or check out this article to learn it on your own.
23. He Feels Pressured
If a man feels too much pressure to perform in the bedroom, it can kill the mood. Any type of desire he might have will go right out the window. Save discussing things you want in the bedroom outside of the bedroom.
What To Do When He Doesn’t Want To Sleep With You
If you’re concerned that he doesn’t show any interest in being physical or are confused, the best thing to do is to have a conversation with him. Ask him if there’s a problem.
If a man is going through something personal and isn’t ready to talk yet, he might clam up. That is okay, though. Giving him the opportunity to talk lays the foundation for future communication.
1. Pay Attention
Perhaps he doesn’t want to discuss how stressful work is. He might not understand that stress or mental illness could be affecting his ability to perform in the bedroom, either. When you pay attention, you can help him determine possible underlying causes. Once you determine the reason behind the sudden lack of interest, you can come up with a solution together.
2. Come Up With A Solution Together
The chance is that your man already feels like crap if he’s having a hard time getting it on. If he has a mental health condition or erectile dysfunction, he needs your support. Come up with possible causes and solutions together to help get your marriage back on track.
Don’t emphasize whose fault it is. It doesn’t matter if you put on weight or he’s overworked because of a job that he chose to do. Placing blame only creates tension between a couple. Instead, remain focused on finding answers and avoiding a breakup over lack of sex.
When a man doesn’t want to sleep with you it could mean that you’re not his preferred type of woman. It could also mean that he wants to foster an emotional connection first. If you’re already in a relationship, he could be cheating, stressed, or have erectile dysfunction.
He probably wants to make sure that you’re right for each other. He wants to make sure that the two of you have an emotional connection first. It’s important to remember that men want to have that connection and find the one just like women do.
When a man only wants to sleep with you, he will not be interested in your daily life or how you are doing. He will not text you or call you unless he wants to sleep with you. Every conversation results in plans to meet up for some naughty fun.
Tell him no if he attempts to sleep with you. Do not engage in conversations that involve inappropriate topics. If he questions you, you can explain why you don’t want to sleep with him, but, if you’re firm in your stance, don’t negotiate the topic.
When a man respects you, he will give you his undivided attention. He’ll take time to listen to your thoughts and opinions. This man will make sure that you know your voice is heard. You’ll never question whether he’s being honest or hiding things from you.
At The End Of The Day
It can be a bit shocking when you discover that he’s not interested in sex anymore, or isn’t in the first place. Have you ever had to deal with this? What was the reason that he didn’t want to sleep with you?
As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn't an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.