What To Do When Your Partner Doesn’t Want To Be Intimate (11 Important Steps To Take)

Intimacy basically means closeness. In a relationship, it is euphemistic for couples’ sex life. Intimacy is an essential part of every alliance, whether it involves sex or not. In any healthy union, sex creates that distinction between mere friends and lovers, but there comes a time where your spouse doesn’t want sex anymore.

Early in the relationship, he used to want sex every time; his sex drive was so crazy you struggled to keep up. Now, it is like he has absolutely no desire for sex, you are left wondering why. Could there be any reasons? How would you know what to do when your partner doesn’t want to be intimate?

Whether you are in a new union, or you have been in a long alliance with your husband. This issue is likely to come up, so let me help you with some ways to go about it when your partner doesn’t want to be intimate.

11 Things To Do When Your Partner Doesn’t Want To Be Intimate

1. Communication

Communication is the bedrock of every relationship. For a union to flourish, communication must be a top priority, and that is one thing you can rely on to solve the lack of closeness in your union. Given how delicate the matter of sexual intimacy is, it would seem unwise to brashly delve into the matter.

Instead, experts suggest that starting with a little self-disclosure is very necessary as it builds trust and closeness between you and your partner, which leads to vulnerability. Vulnerability, when finally out, makes room for emotional connection. 

Self-disclosure helps to direct the conversation in a certain pattern and allows you and your husband to adequately discuss how you both feel, especially where sex is concerned.

It also makes it bearable to talk about other worrisome issues in the alliance, which may be adding up to the lack of sexual intimacy. Once you both are open and honest about the issues, you can devise practical solutions to revamp your sex life.

2. Listen without being judgemental

Any relationship built on assumption is bound to fail. So if there is a problem, you ought to ask your partner so that he can talk to you about why he is no longer interested in sex. You also owe him a duty to listen without judgment and accusation. You need to be curious about what intimacy means to him. The fact that the word “being intimate” means one thing to you does not mean it would mean the same to him.

Also, learn to create a conducive environment where your husband can reveal his thoughts and emotions to you. Ask questions to understand his perspective, and not to use that information to manipulate him. This is not for you to use this vulnerability against him during the conflict, but it should rather be a testament to how safe he feels with you.

3. Consent

Respect exists in all long-lasting relations or relationships with the potential to last long. Trying to resolve a situation where your partner doesn't want to be intimate does not mean you should persuade them to have sex. 

Building intimacy means respecting your husband’s boundaries. Forcing your partner to have sex with you when he has no sexual desire at that moment, is a breach of his personal boundaries. 

You would expect him to understand when you are not in the mood, so let this be mutual; try to be understanding, and even though you may not be happy with it, if he doesn’t have any desire for sex, let him be.

4. Practice other forms of intimacy

practice other forms of intimacy

Sex is not the only form of attachment there is. Engage your partner in non-sexual acts like hugging and holding hands. Being touched is known to release chemicals in the body which make one happy. Therefore, associating touch with sex, especially when your husband is not in the mood, is bound to create estrangement.

Ask yourself how you can still connect with your partner without sex. Knowing the answer to this question can create room for intimacy to be rekindled and libido. Studies show that touch is an essential part of every alliance.

5. Shun the blame game

It is always so easy to blame yourself or your husband when things go wrong in the union. Especially when sexual intimacy is an issue, as a woman, it is easy to blame yourself; thinking you are the reason for the lack of rapport in the union by thinking you are not good enough or accusing your partner of cheating on you. 

But it is possible that there are other legitimate reasons such as stress, relationship issues, low sex drive as a result of illness, or maybe performance anxiety.

6. Understand what intimacy means to you both

A lot of people enter relationships and have little to no idea what intimacy means to themselves or their partners. So, when their partners seem to have no interest in sex, they get confused. 

As a woman, you, therefore, need to ask yourself what intimacy means to you before you approach your partner to ask him the same. Also, decide on what intimacies you want to experience in the union.

Intimacy means different things to different people. There is no right or wrong answer. Everyone’s sentiment is valid in a healthy relationship. Understanding your husband’s version of closeness in an alliance is bound to help create progression and make room for desire when you use this knowledge for their benefit.

7. Consider other causes

Another of the many factors to look into are other physical causes. Health issues or medication can dull sexual desire, so can stress and old age. These causes have a way of not getting your husband in the mood. When you realize this, be compassionate and do whatever you can to help.

Another thing to consider is masturbation or addiction to porn. If he is associated with any of these, then your union is likely to suffer. It could also be possible that the intimacy he is not giving to you, he is giving to someone else. He could be cheating on you, that is why he may not want to be intimate with you.

8. Attend to your relationship issues

attend to your relationship issues

Problems in relationships have a way of rearing their ugly heads in the bedroom. The result? Sexual desire is off, which makes the sex awkward, now you two are more frustrated because no one is satisfied. Do your best to resolve any conflict that may arise as soon as possible, work things out; be forgiving if you have to.

This is to make sure that you two are a team at the end of the day. Because, if not, your connection will bear the brunt of it, and that is just one of the many reasons why tension should be eased in the union.

9. Make time for each other

It is so easy to get so busy and involved in mundane tasks that you tend to forget that you need each other aside from the daily routine activities. Try out a number of activities that make you happy together so as to reignite your husband’s libido and intimacy. Have dates, flirt with each other, play games, and tell goofy jokes to each other. 

This would create an emotional bond that would ignite desire and enhance your sex life. Even if you have been together for long, it is more reason you need to make time for each other to foster closeness, while making a conscious effort to bring the sizzle back into your union.

10. Be supportive

Your partner could be going through a lot of stress which may be affecting his interest in sex. The last thing he needs is a woman who is not being supportive. Be kind and compassionate to your partner. Men are known for not being able to go for long without sex, so it is possible his inactive sex life may be taking a toll on him.

As much as it can be difficult, support your spouse. Your support in its own way can create a certain kind of non-sexual closeness between you, and once the problem has been finally dealt with and done away with, you are both left with a strong emotional bond that can stand the test of time.

11. Seek professional help

Where it seems you have done your best, and nothing seems to be working, admit that you did your best, and accept that you and your partner need professional help. You and your husband need to see a therapist so that lasting and practical solutions would be offered lasting solutions which would help your alliance.

Have counseling sessions so that you two can discover the problem, solve it and see the way forward in your union.


What causes a man not to be intimate?

The following factors may cause a man not to be intimate: relationship problems, stress, illness or disability, transition into old age, effects of some medication, drug abuse, depression, suffering from a traumatic incident or even cheating.

Can a relationship survive without intimacy?

No. Every union needs intimacy to survive. Being close is an integral part of every relationship. If there is no intimacy, there is literally, no relation between couples.

How do you fix intimacy issues in a relationship?

Be willing to communicate to your spouse about his lack of interest in intimacy, listen without judgment, try to resolve any relationship problem between you two, practice other forms of closeness aside from sex, understand what intimacy means to you both, and be supportive.

In addition, make time for each other, respect your partner's boundaries, resist the urge to blame, and seek professional help.

Remember that once you know what is causing the issue, you can address it. Do not address symptoms when you haven’t identified the root cause of the problem, else the problem will recur. Rather, tackle the root problem, then you can be able to deal with the symptoms of the issue.

Is a sexless relationship healthy?

Intimacy does not always mean sex, so, as long as there is intimacy, a union without sex is healthy. 

How do you survive a sexless relationship?

According to relationship experts, in order to survive a union without sex, couples ought to be very good friends, and must both be happy and share affection with each other, even without sex. This means the emotional bond between couples must be so strong to withstand the lack of sex in the union.

To Conclude 

I believe you now know what to do when your partner doesn’t want to be intimate. There are many ways as listed above you can resolve this issue, instead of walking away from the alliance altogether at the slightest hint of a lack of interest.

I hope you loved this piece. Let me know your thoughts in the comments, and please share!

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