Fighting from time to time in relationships can be a healthy process to help partners work through their problems. However, it’s crucial to know how to argue the right way.
It should be a peaceful process where both parties are understanding one another and not yelling. But knowing how to argue the right way requires learning the exact causes of these disputes. Hence, the question, “what is it that couples fight about?”
This article gives a detailed explanation of the major causes of arguments in relationships. From sex to religion, household chores, and even parenting. We’ve narrowed down thirty-one shocking reasons why partners argue. For maximum relationship satisfaction, continue reading to find out.
- 1 31 Things Couples Fight About
- 1.1 1. Inadequate affection
- 1.2 2. Decision-making about sexual activities
- 1.3 3. Lack of communication
- 1.4 4. Leakage of private information
- 1.5 5. Lack of attention
- 1.6 6. In-laws
- 1.7 7. Lack of appreciation
- 1.8 8. Who heads the house
- 1.9 9. Feelings
- 1.10 10. Dominance
- 1.11 11. Jealousy
- 1.12 12. Obsessive control
- 1.13 13. Communication with an ex
- 1.14 14. Religion
- 1.15 15. Possessiveness
- 1.16 16. Contradictory life goals
- 1.17 17. Past relationships
- 1.18 18. Preparation for future plans
- 1.19 19. Managing friendships
- 1.20 20. Parenting
- 1.21 21. Running the house
- 1.22 22. Making financial decisions
- 1.23 23. Handling chores
- 1.24 24. Financial pressure on a partner
- 1.25 25. Unbalanced division of responsibilities
- 1.26 26. Sharing responsibilities
- 1.27 27. Unreliability
- 1.28 28. Pet peeves
- 1.29 29. Managing sexual activities
- 1.30 30. Frequency of sex
- 1.31 31. Negative behavior
- 2 FAQs
- 3 Conclusion
31 Things Couples Fight About
1. Inadequate affection
In every relationship, couples crave to love their partner the way they love them, if not more. When they don’t receive the magnitude of affection they’re expecting, it can lead to turbulence in the relationship. If a partner feels like the other doesn’t love them enough, resentment may start to grow, and they will associate most of their actions with the fact that the other person does not love them.
Though inadequate affection occurs in relationships, it’s also entirely possible that the two parties have different love languages. Therefore, it’s crucial to analyze situations correctly before concluding.
2. Decision-making about sexual activities
When it comes to sexual activities, every individual has their preference. To that effect, couples need to determine what works best for them. This process involves talking about what they enjoy, what they want; they can even discuss their fantasies. When it’s hard to agree on such matters, discordance will occur.
Therefore, talking about sex is critical in every romantic relationship, rather than demanding or imposing something on one person. This will, in turn, ensure peace reigns in the home.
3. Lack of communication
Inadequate communication gives room to assumptions. When things are assessed based on prior experiences or perceived knowledge, there is bound to be a future dispute. If you and your partner aren’t talking to each other or expressing how you feel, they will grow apart with time. This is mostly because the foundation of all relationships starts with good communication skills. Another similar issue is miscommunication. One partner may be saying something while the other is interpreting something else. This will inevitably lead to turbulence somewhere in the future.
4. Leakage of private information
A little tattle about personal matters can create a rift between you and your partner. No individual likes their private details coming to public ears, especially when their significant other leaks the information. If one party reveals confidential information about the relationship to someone else, it feels like a security breach.
The trust between partners will eventually break while distance grows between them. Therefore, to avoid discord between you and your significant other, it’s essential to refrain from disclosing personal matters to outsiders. Talking about sensitive subjects should be solely between you and your significant other, and not with outsiders.
5. Lack of attention
The love language ‘quality time’ is crucial in almost every relationship. It isn’t only about the time you spend with your partner, but the attention you give to them as well. Couples naturally crave attention from their significant other, whether it’s noticing their new dress, haircut, or that they’re having a bad day.
When there’s a lack of attention in any association, the distance will inevitably grow between the parties involved. In the long run, discord will bloom, leading to more quarrels and arguments about the lack of affection shown.
The harmony in a marriage can be short-lived because of some in-laws. Some in-laws can turn couples against each other if they have a negative impression of one person. Meddling into their private matters can also lead to conflict between them.
Therefore, it’s essential to keep personal details confidential to prevent your in-laws or family members from negatively influencing your affairs. It will also ensure that you work through your issues so you know best and further strengthen the bond you have with your significant other.
7. Lack of appreciation
Everyone enjoys feeling appreciated, be it couples or single folk. Every human wants people to praise them for their good deeds. When you put in the effort to make a person happy, but they fail to acknowledge what you’ve done, it will hurt.
If you fail to recognize your significant other’s efforts, sooner or later, they will refrain from doing anything to please you, which will cause discord. Saying ‘thank you’ when necessary and expressing your appreciation can go a long way to prevent a fight in the future.
8. Who heads the house
It would help if you addressed the subject of who runs a family before entering a long-term relationship with anyone. Some people believe that the man should head the home, while others think it’s an equal share of authority between the man and the woman. Irrespective of what widespread opinion suggests, you should structure your home according to what you and your significant other agree on.
There should be no assumptions at any point because that can lead to conflict later on. Both parties should come to terms with who heads the home and follow suit once it's decided.
It’s no surprise that emotions can cause a large portion of discord in relationships. When feelings blossom, expectations come into the picture, causing couples to have specific demands from their partners. They want to spend more time with them, go out, and share experiences. When certain expectations aren’t met, some feelings can turn sour, which can lead to conflict.
Emotions are fundamental in every love affair, but every circumstance shouldn’t sway them. Allowing this can cause turbulence in the relationship. On the contrary, it’s crucial to accept disappointments to maintain peace and harmony for a long time.
Dominance is a negative trait that can cause disharmony in any home. Having little regard for your significant other’s wants or desires, thereby dominating them, will lead to discord down the line. It’s important to acknowledge that your significant other should be able to express themselves in the relationship.
It’s also essential to understand that your significant other will not always live according to your precepts, and this isn’t a bad thing. Trying to limit their freedom will only tear the association apart, faster than you can imagine.
Jealousy in a relationship occurs when a significant other is suspicious or fearful of being replaced by another person. In most cases, this feeling is an unjustified one that could lead to excessive or unreasonable actions towards the situation. When a partner feels like someone is threatening their position, they can get agitated and feel the need to confront their significant other about it.
This action could lead to a fight or disharmony between the parties involved. Couples need to have regular discussions about their feelings on specific subjects to limit disagreements. This act will also prevent them from fighting unnecessarily.
12. Obsessive control
Having significant areas in the home under control ensures everything functions optimally. However, doing this excessively, even to the point of managing a significant other’s actions, will cause disagreements along the way. It’s impossible to have everything under control, especially when you’re in a relationship with someone. Trying to do so will only limit the freedom of the other party.
It would help if you didn’t always want everything to go your way because it will disturb the peace, and when a significant other feels constrained, there’s likely to be an argument.
13. Communication with an ex
When couples communicate with their exes, it threatens the peace of their current relationship. Their significant other would inevitably feel threatened and fear being displaced by someone who used to be in their position.
This action is yet another reason why couples fight. When there’s an invisible third party in the association, making a significant another feel jealous, these emotions will lead to disharmony and arguments in the long run. It’s always best to ensure your significant other is comfortable with specific associations that you keep and limit your contact with exes.
A person’s religion describes their belief system and affects the way they live their life. In relationships, a disagreement in the area of faith can lead to several other disputes. Since religion affects a person’s core values, contradicting your significant other’s views can result in a disagreement.
To that effect, couples need to make sure they have somewhat similar beliefs to avoid having conflict in the future. Your core values should correlate with that of your spouse to ensure you get along in more ways than one.
Possessiveness is an excessive desire to own or control, which is an unhealthy trait in any relationship. This type of behavior causes disharmony because the constrained significant other will always crave independence.
On the other hand, the possessive person won't feel comfortable with the level of liberty their significant other wants; meaning, discord will arise after a while. Although this trait could be charming at the beginning of any association, it will become a severe problem along the way with time.
16. Contradictory life goals
As couples, working towards a similar vision is vital for the union to work. Your life goals can be quite different, but your significant other needs to believe in them as much as you do. Or else, there might be disagreements along the way. Talking about your life goal is crucial at the early stages to ensure your vision aligns with your significant other. You will need adequate support to achieve your goals, and if your significant other isn’t there to help, there will be distance and division between the two of you.
17. Past relationships
A significant other’s past can sometimes stir up insecurities about what the future holds. If they lived a promiscuous life before they met you, the knowledge of this can instill fear that they could go back to the way they were.
In other words, how your significant other lived their life before they met, you can play an essential role in how your future blossoms—insecurities, at most times, channels the wrong emotions. Therefore, if past behaviors start to surface, a partner’s insecurities can create a rift. On the other hand, learning to deal with these emotions would secure peace in the home.
18. Preparation for future plans
Every relationship requires a plan to succeed, and two parties have to agree before they go along with it. If partners find it hard to decide on something, it will inevitably lead to a fight. Individuals have their wants and desires and crave to see them happen.
To avoid discordance in any association, both parties have to learn how to compromise when making plans. Couples won’t always agree, but if they can find a way to appease one another and come to a resolution each time, they can permanently establish harmony.
19. Managing friendships
In relationships, the couples are bound to form friendships with other people outside their significant other’s circle. Sources of conflict include determining how to manage these friendships. If too much time is spent with friends rather than one’s significant other, this can result in a fight.
On the other hand, if one party has to spend more time with their spouse’s friends instead of theirs, it can cause problems in the long run. Couples need to find a middle ground when managing time with friends.
Raising children can, most times, cause conflicts between partners. Personality differences result in opposing views on how children should be raised. This process is often a reflection of how individuals grew up or wanted their parents to bring them up. In most cases, these views won’t be universally shared or accepted.
When such disagreements arise, it can cause conflict. Parents must have discussions about the best way to raise their kids. Arguing or fighting about parenting, especially in front of the children, can be more damaging than they realize.
21. Running the house
Sources of conflict in relationships can also include difficulties in running a home. Before living together, both parties need to discuss the separation of duties around the house. This act ensures the home operates optimally.
Doing far less than expected or leaving the bulk load of work to the other partner will certainly cause arguments around the house. Therefore, it’s essential to appropriately divide the labor with a primary aim of comfort for both parties. A partner shouldn’t feel overworked, or they might start lagging behind.
22. Making financial decisions
Money is a common cause of conflicts in most associations. Figuring out who pays for what to spend money on can sometimes cause a rift in relationships. Each individual has their perception of how to handle money the right way, which might differ from the next person.
It’s essential to have regular discussions about money where both parties conclude on how they should handle cash in the home to avoid conflicts in the relationship. This act will prevent any disagreements in making financial decisions in the long run.
23. Handling chores
When a proper discussion about managing day to day household activities doesn’t take place between partners, there is bound to be disharmony along the way. When a partner doesn’t know their responsibilities or knows them but fails to perform, discord will arise.
It’s essential to acknowledge that both parties have individual roles to make an association work, and when those roles aren’t effectively carried out, things begin to lag. A partner might feel used or get bitter when they have to handle duties that were initially assigned to the other partner.
24. Financial pressure on a partner
When all financial responsibilities fall solely on one partner, you can expect some arguments here and there. The person handling all the bills will want to have the final say in all the financial decisions. This process will come with some opposition, which could lead to a fight.
Putting financial pressure on one party isn’t always advised because it limits the other’s economic freedom. Having more than one source of income to cater to the two parties’ needs is a recommended option.
25. Unbalanced division of responsibilities
Without a proper layout of duties, it’s likely for commitments to be inadequately divided. This process can leave a partner with more than they can handle while the other gets responsibilities that suit them. In the long run, the overworked partner will either burn out or be too stressed to function optimally.
This scenario can lead to arguments because one partner will be unhappy about the duties they have to handle. Good communication skills are essential to make the other party understand the need to ration our duties appropriately.
26. Sharing responsibilities
Although it’s crucial to share responsibility according to each partner’s strengths and capabilities, this process can come with a bit of discordance. Trying to figure out who will handle specific duties can sometimes be a tousle.
It’s essential to establish and acknowledge your significant other’s strengths before embarking on this mission to avoid any rift. If you know what your significant other can handle, it will be easy to assign responsibilities to them with that knowledge. More so, both parties will not feel overworked.
Couples rely on one another for most of their physical, financial, and even emotional needs. When a partner becomes unreliable, it nullifies the essence of the union. This is another common cause of disharmony between a couple.
When one party isn't fulfilling their duties to the other, many needs will ultimately be left unmet. The moment your significant other starts to see you as incapable of satisfying their desires, it will instantly create a rift. Furthermore, it will lead to a fight at some point in the future. As such, it’s essential to be available at every critical time in your relationship.
28. Pet peeves
Pet peeves are minor irritants that can lead to significant conflicts in relationships. For the most part, people consider these actions normal, but another person might see them as annoying and displeasing. Such activities include chewing food too loudly, leaving the toilet seat up, or leaving dishes at random places in the home.
Repeating such actions without acknowledging the displeasure it might cause your significant other will undoubtedly lead to conflict after a while. Identifying pet peeves in a relationship is crucial to leading a peaceful existence.
29. Managing sexual activities
It’s crucial to identify the when, where, and how of sexual activities in any serious relationship. When one person wants sex, but the other doesn’t, you can expect some conflict. Therefore, managing sexual activities is critical at every stage. It would help if you had regular discussions, where both parties are willing to make compromises to satisfy the other or sustain harmony in the home.
30. Frequency of sex
Failing to manage sexual activities in a long-term association significantly affects the frequency of sex. Without concluding how everything should go, you could end up with stagnant sex life. When one party wants it more frequently, and the other requires it less, it will cause disagreements along the way.
Problems with the frequency of sex can be fixed using proper communication and compromising once in a while. Where none of these actions are put in place, conflicts start to rise.
31. Negative behavior
If a partner has a negative trait or habits, it can lead to visible conflicts along the way. Things like, “when are you going to stop this and that…” become a profound statement because one party has gotten tired of the other’s actions.
Disappointments are inevitable if negative traits are not dealt with at the early stages of the association. It’s not advised to hope that they’ll change or get better along the way if the action is severely uncomfortable. The bottom line is, it’s best to tackle an issue as early on as possible.
The most common reasons partners argue include money, sex, parenting, etcetera. Unlike widespread knowledge that infidelity causes significant rifts in associations, trivial matters like household duties frequently cause partners to disagree.
Spending a lot of time with someone will cause a person to notice the littlest details that piss them off. Fighting over little matters is a healthy way to settle disputes before they grow into something bigger. On the contrary, repeated arguments about minor issues indicate a more significant problem that partners haven't fixed.
Fighting in relationships is a healthy process because it exposes the areas you and your significant other have difficulties with. This process only emphasizes the need to work on these areas instead of ruminating that an argument occurred.
There is no specified guideline on the healthy number of times to fight in a relationship. Likewise, it’s vital to acknowledge that some partners will fight more than others, which isn’t abnormal. It only suggests that they have much more to work on at that moment.
Arguing is a healthy part of any interaction. When partners don’t have conflicts, it shows that there is something wrong somewhere—fighting indicates love and expectation between the two parties, which is otherwise a good sign.
Did you enjoy this article? Effective communication is a critical factor needed for any association to grow. You need to be able to argue the right way with your partner and work through your differences, rather than focusing on the fact that you’re arguing. If you liked this article, leave a comment below and share it with others.
As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn't an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.