Sex and relationships can be confusing. And sometimes the terminology that people use can be unclear. So we are here to explain Sex Ball (my own personal nickname for it.) And while we do not consider sex to be a ‘game,’ it most certainly can be fun, so long as you fully understand it.
Which is why we are going to be explaining the bases of love. The bases of love can be a little tricky, and while everyone has their own definition for them personally, the basics are pretty simple. That way you can be in the know as to what is being talked about, and you can make it fun.
- 1 Bases Of A Relationship
- 2 The Bases Of Love And Sex
- 3 Tips For The Fifth Base
- 4 Playing By The Rules
- 5 What Is Your Personal Definition Of “Bases of Love?”
Bases Of A Relationship
Before we begin, it’s important for you to know, especially if you are young and just beginning to explore relationships, intimacy, and sex that these ‘bases’ are not what makes a relationship strong. You can read more about the foundations for a healthy relationship here.
Sex is a vital, normal, and healthy part of human nature. And when talking about it with your peers, sex is not normally referred to openly. Terms and phrases to make the conversation more discreet are usually are used.
For generations, a common way to refer to kissing, touching, or more has been the baseball metaphor. And it can be a little tricky to keep the bases straight.
The Bases Of Love And Sex
Everyone has its own definition for terms such as 1st base, 2nd base, 3rd base, and so on. But the basics are pretty straightforward.
1. First Base
The first base is kissing, with or without the tongue. Kissing while using your tongue is called French kissing, touching tongues without getting slobber all over your partner’s face. Sucking face, making out, kissing, whatever you want to call it, is the first base of advancing your physical relationship with your partner.
For a lot of people who are casually dating, trying to find the right person to fall to be with, first base can usually tell you if you’re going to allow that person to get to second base. If you’re trying it out, first base can tell you important things that you need to know. Do they have good dental hygiene? Have they been to first base before? Are you physically attracted to them?
It’s pretty amazing just how informative getting to first base can be for a new budding relationship. Just remember not to judge a person too heavily on an awkward first base. Kissing is a skill that needs to be refined and learned.
2. Second Base
The second base, as silly as this may seem is groping under the clothes. Urban dictionary defines the second base as the fondling of a female’s chest by a man under the shirt and can be above or under the bra. The base is super exciting for men who label themselves as “boob men”.
For inexperienced girls, this can be educational. Again it will tell you if you’re comfortable with him, if you trust him, and can even help you understand your own body better too. Remember that home runs don’t have to be made in one shot. Take your time with it, and explore.
3. Third Base
Moving it on closer to home in the bases is third base, and is a lot more intense than first and second base. The top definition for the third base is “manual or oral stimulation of the genitals”.
Meaning you are under the pants and underwear with your hands and mouth. In Sex Ball bases, this only makes sense for third, but in the bases of a relationship, it’s not necessarily the case.
The third base is a big step for relationships, and if it has gotten to that point that means you’re pretty attracted to the other person. And again, this base can tell you all you need to know about a person. Hygiene habits, if they groom, how they taste and feel.
The third base can be fun, but it’s important to realize that this is a lot more serious than just kissing someone. Third base oral can be fun, but be sure that you are both ready to take that step, since if you make it to this point you’re most likely going to make it all the way home.
4. Fourth Base – Home Run
The home base is in simple terms is full-blown sex. It’s not a home run unless there was penetration, and a penis involved. This is one of the biggest bases of a relationship, and if done right, there is kissing, touching, and foreplay involved.
We strongly recommend couples take their time hitting a home-run with each other. Sexual encounters can be nerve-wracking the first time, and it helps to focus on the experience, rather than the end goal. Don’t try to rush it, and enjoy taking your time. If it is meant to happen, it will happen, and taking your time can make the difference between a great and awkward experience.
5. A Fifth Base?
Surprise! There’s a bonus base for you to try out when you are ready and that is: anal sex. There isn’t a lot to say about this base, other than this is usually for couples who have been together for a while and are comfortable in Fourth base with each other.
If you haven’t made it to this base and you’re thinking of trying it there are some important things you need to know.
Tips For The Fifth Base
1. It Can Be Painful For The First Few Times
Anal can be uncomfortable to the point of pain the first few times you try it. The key is to have a partner who is willing to be patient and go slow with you as your body acclimates to his body going inside an unfamiliar area. Much like when you’re losing your virginity you need a partner who is going to be gentle and tender for the first few minutes.
2. Breathe And Relax
This may be obvious, but at the moment when your body is resisting, it’s important to breathe and physically relax your entire body. This will make sure that it doesn’t hurt when he penetrates you. And believe me, it’s a lot easier said than done. Especially the first time!
Don’t worry it doesn’t always hurt. Once your body acclimates and gets used to it, and you’ve done it a few times, you will get the hang of it and it can actually become enjoyable. It helps if there’s clitoral stimulation happening at the same time, as that will help induce orgasms if you are not able to get off with just anal stimulation.
3. Use A Very Generous Amount Of Lube
Don’t be stingy with the lubricant. In regular intercourse, the female’s body is what provides the lubricant and moisture that makes sex comfortable. Every once in awhile our bodies don’t cooperate and we need to use a lubricant.
Well, this is not like the vagina. The anus is not a self-lubricating hole. Try using a water base or a silicone-based lubricant. I don’t suggest using an oil-based lubricant. They actually have a specialized lubricant that you can use for anal sex, and they are worth looking into because some of them have warming or cooling or numbing agents in it that make it more pleasurable.
4. Try It In Different Ways
Anal does not have to be done and just the doggy style position. Some females, myself included, find anal sex especially when just beginning is more comfortable when she is on top. You can face him, or away from him, and just… ride ‘em cowgirl!
Not only does this position, especially in the beginning, ease some of the initial discomfort by putting you in control, but it also is going to be a very, very big turn on for him as well.
5. Batter Up!
So now you have a typical definition for each of the bases. The first base is kissing, the second is touching and petting under the clothes in the breast area, the third base is oral and fingering, and a home run is a penetration.
Remember that the goal is to hit a home-run, but to enjoy it too. You don’t ever have to feel like home-run has to be made in one day. Don’t think of it as ‘home run’ or an end-game goal. Sex should be intimate, and both people should be ready for it.
Playing By The Rules
Like with all things there are boundaries, and rules that everyone needs to be aware of. The bases can be fun. It is normal and healthy, and all a part of growing up. But it is not something to take lightly, especially if you are just starting to explore this new world of adult freedom. So make sure to play by the Sex Ball Rule Book:
Above all else, the most important rule is consent. Both people involved need to consent – which means agree with full knowledge of what they are agreeing to. Most of the time, this is not an issue, most people will stop when you say to stop. With each base that you progress in your relationship, you need to make sure your partner is on the same page.
Consent is a mutual desire in the mind and body of both people involved. Remember, consent is defined as “the unambiguous and voluntary agreement to engage in a specific sexual activity during a sexual encounter which can be revoked at any time.” You have the power to say no if you change your mind, and your partner by law must stop.
Also, remember that just because you didn’t say no- it does not mean yes in the eyes of the justice system.
Remember, true consent cannot be given by someone who is not of sound mind (drunk or mentally handicapped), of legal sexual age, and you are awake and conscious. If you are young, remember that consent is so important, and it is never ever OK to bend the truth about it in one direction or another. Learn more about the legalities of true sexual consent. Knowledge is power.
Consent and readiness are not the same. You may consent to the idea that you and your partner may hit a grand slam in one night, but in reality, you may only be ready to give him a blow job or a handjob. There is nothing wrong with taking your time and doing each of the bases at your own pace.
In the long run, if you take your time the final experience will be better. Intimacy takes trust, and it takes time to build that trust. Don’t let your partner pressure you into doing something before you are emotionally, mentally, and physically ready. And a caring partner will understand, and allow you to take the time you need.
Knowing what sex is, and understanding what sex is, are two completely different ball games. There is intercourse, and then there is making love. There is love, and then there is lust. And these feelings can be confusing if you don’t have the right guidance.
True lovemaking doesn’t usually happen until you’re older, and that’s perfectly normal for young adults. when true lovemaking is happening no one is thinking about first, second, or third base. The only thing that exists is the other person.
It’s slower, more tender, more passionate, and generally, both people involved are expressing deep emotions through the act of sex. And it’s quite an obvious difference between hormone-driven lust created by sexual attraction.
If you are new to sexual activity or a virgin, I suggest watching a few videos and doing your research. If you have a more experienced friend or relative that you trust to ask questions, do so. It’s all about what you know that will make your experience less awkward. But don’t overthink it either. Just relax and enjoy the experience.
4. Preparation And Safety
Always be prepared, and stay safe. Unless you are ready to have children, don’t ever try to hit a grand-slam without protection. Not only do condoms protect you from unwanted offspring, but also from diseases.
Have a safe place picked out. Depending on you and your sexual partner this can be varied. Some people like to do it in a hotel, some people like to do it at home, and some people even like doing it in the car. Eventually having sex anywhere can be fun (as long as you don’t do it in inappropriate places– or if you do don’t get caught!). But if this is your first time I definitely suggest a safe hotel or at home. Having sex for the first time can be nerve-racking, and you want to be a comfortable experience.
Make sure the person you are partaking in these sexual interactions with is someone you trust. You are confident that they will stop if you say to stop, someone that will be gentle with you. Make sure that your partner knows that you are a virgin if you are.
5. Have Fun
Have fun with it. I want to express that sex is a natural healthy party of growing up, and if your hormones are raging, it means you are healthy. The bases aren’t a steady guideline for what should happen when you start out exploring them. Don’t overthink or over stress about it as a whole.
Sex isn’t meant to be rocket science or scary. It’s supposed to be fun and invigorating. After you have sex you actually learned quite a lot about yourself as a person. So don’t let anything ruin the experience for you. If it’s not going right take a break and try again at a later time. Not feeling your partner like you thought you would? You have every right to say no and not worry. Be confident and in control of the situation, but don’t stress!
Just relax, and make sure you are with someone you trust so that you can enjoy everything that happens. Don’t be hesitant to tell someone to stop, and don’t be afraid to go further if you are prepared for it. Life is one big learning curve, and sexual curiosity should be encouraged. So long as you are safe.
What Is Your Personal Definition Of “Bases of Love?”
Do you have an interesting or funny base story? Have you ever been in a situation where you or someone you knew didn’t know what the bases were? Tell us your gossip in the comments! And make sure you like and share if you enjoyed this article.
As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn’t an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.