It can be beyond heartbreaking when you’re in love with each other but can’t be together. You have dreams about marriage or family together, but it seems so far away.
In some situations, it seems simply impossible, but I’m here to tell you that it’s not always impossible. Sometimes, it’s well within your reach. Other times, it’s best to walk away.
In my life, I’ve been with a few people where we felt that we couldn’t be together. I was in love with a married man once. I was infatuated with a guy that was of a different religion. At one point, I was head over heels for a guy that had completely different goals.
The thing is, it can work if both people want it to, but you have to know your boundaries, respect yourself, and be the one to make that tough decision. There are several situations that result in you thinking “we love each other but can’t be together” and there are solutions for all of them. Once you figure out what to do, it’ll make more sense to you.
- 1 We Love Each Other But Why Can’t We Be Together
- 1.1 1. Let Out Your Emotions So You Can Control Them
- 1.2 2. Take A Good, Hard Look At The Situation For What It Is
- 1.3 3. You Live Far Away, So You Don’t Think It Will Work
- 1.4 4. You Have A Different Faith Than Him
- 1.5 5. You Can’t Be Together Because He’s Abusive
- 1.6 6. We Aren’t Together Because He’s Married
- 2 How To Walk Away From Someone You Love
- 3 Remember The Good And The Bad
- 4 FAQs
- 5 In Conclusion
We Love Each Other But Why Can’t We Be Together
When two people love each other but simply don’t know if they can make the relationship work, it can send you on a roller coaster of emotions.
When you’re together, you’re on top of the world. When he’s gone, it’s a constant reminder that you’re not laying next to him at night. It fills you with doubt, including self-doubt. It’s important to get off that roller coaster before anything else.
1. Let Out Your Emotions So You Can Control Them
It’s hard to think rationally when you’re full of anger, self-pity, sadness, and even love. Let out your emotions in a healthy manner. Once you get them all out, you’ll be able to look at the whole picture. You’ll finally be able to see things clearly. If necessary, take a break for a week or two from him. Sometimes, that break helps clear your mind.
2. Take A Good, Hard Look At The Situation For What It Is
Some situations, like long-distance relationships, can easily work if you’re both willing to put forth the effort for the person you love. Other ones, like him being married to someone else, might not be a situation that you should try to work out. Put some thought into the situation, and determine why you can’t be with him.
3. You Live Far Away, So You Don’t Think It Will Work
Long-distance relationships can be tough, but they are more than possible! Most people feel that they can’t be with someone that lives far away, but this isn’t true. Think about your needs, and work together to make sure that both of your needs are met.
If you are a physical person, start saving money for plane tickets. Make sure that communication stays on point to stay connected to one another. The internet is full of tools to help you stay in contact! From email to video chat, you can talk so much it will feel like he’s right there with you.
4. You Have A Different Faith Than Him
Some people can make this work while others cannot. This depends on how much your faith affects your core values, your lifestyle, and many other things. Before making a decision, learn about each other’s faith.
Discuss how it can impact your future as a couple. Then, have a heart-to-heart about issues that may arise, and decide where each of you might be willing to compromise. If one of you is not willing to convert, and both refuse to compromise, it can be full of conflict.
This relationship will require more work than other situations. However, if you’re determined to make it work because they are The One, consider seeking help from a therapist. They provide wonderful advice and can help you both navigate through difficult issues your relationship will face due to you both having different beliefs.
5. You Can’t Be Together Because He’s Abusive
Love is a funny thing. Sometimes, we can’t seem to help who we love. That’s what we tell ourselves when we’re stuck in the cycle of abuse. We know that they’re not good for us, but we can’t stand the thought of being with another person.
However, love is not abuse. It’s not black eyes, hurt feelings, gaslighting, and intimidation. It’s time to look within yourself, and determine if you truly love them. Do you? Or do you love the idea of them because you believe the things they tell you?
You need to leave as soon as you can if you’re in an abusive relationship. While it can be hard to walk away, do it for yourself.
As time goes on, things will get easier. Stay connected with positive people in your life, and consider professional counseling. This can help you navigate through the aftermath of his abuse. Don’t give him another chance or try to make it work if you’re not safe the first time around.
6. We Aren’t Together Because He’s Married
While you’re busy loving him, he’s busy loving someone that isn’t you. Perhaps you didn’t know he had a wife at home or even children. Even if you did, it’s not the time to feel bad. The fact is, none of us intentionally fall head over heels in love with a married man. I know I didn’t.
I knew he was married. I was at a low point in my life, and he was looking for some fun. I didn’t want a relationship, and he already had one. It’s not something I’m proud of, but it happened. The chemistry was unforgettable. The following heartbreak was inevitable.
It wasn’t him that broke my heart though, it was myself. I took a break, and I started to realize a few things.
First, he was a cheater. Second, he was obviously a liar because there was no way that his wife knew about me. If he’s going to do it to her, and be so careful about it, he’ll do the same to me. No one wins in this situation regardless of the outcome, so it’s best to walk away from it. Focus on yourself until you stop thinking about him.
How To Walk Away From Someone You Love
This is the reason most of us stay. It’s not because we love the way that they are or the way that they treat us. It’s because love is so magical, it makes it that much harder to take those first steps in the other direction.
First, you have to realize whether it was true love. Maybe they abused you, but you still felt love for them. Perhaps he was married, but you still felt love for him with all of your heart. When you love someone, you don’t want to leave. That’s understandable.
On the other hand, make sure it wasn’t infatuation or something superficial instead. You should love them as a person, not for what they make you feel or what they bring into your life. Then, if you still truly love them but have to leave, take those first few steps.
Remember The Good And The Bad
They say that the way to quit thinking about someone is to focus on the bad. You’ll hate them and never want to go back to them. However, this leads to us having a negative association with relationships and love if we do it enough. This also does not provide the closure we need.
Love is not black and white. Instead, it is full of beautiful shades of grey. Remember the bad things, the heavenly things, and everything in between. Be grateful that this person came into your life for the good things. The lessons you learned about life and love. Then, remind yourself that love is not the bad thing that you went through, and you deserve better than that. You will get the closure you need without falling for their tired lines when they want you back.
Either make it work or walk away. If you think they are the one you will spend the rest of your life with, consider making the extra effort. If not, save yourself and find someone that you can be with instead of wasting time on someone you can’t.
Tell them you love them, and you’ll never forget them. (You probably won’t.) Then, let them know why you can’t be together and why you will not continue to destroy yourself for someone that you have no future with. You deserve better than that.
Yes! Sometimes, we love people but simultaneously realize that we can’t be in a relationship. This could be because we are not compatible, have different life goals, or different faiths. When you’re in love, relationships don’t define the extent of your feelings.
No, it’s not. When you are in love with one person yet in a relationship with another, the person you’re with gets the short end of the stick. It’s not fair to them that you’re busy thinking about another person while you’re with them. Heal first, then commit to another person.
Pay attention to his actions. When a man looks at you like a loved one, he’ll put in time and effort. He’ll make future plans with you. More than anything, his words and actions will be genuine.
If he has the potential to be your future life partner, and you’re safe with him, consider trying to make it work. Look carefully at the situation to determine if the two of you stand a chance together. What do you think? What would you do if you couldn’t be with a person you were in love with?
As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn't an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.