If everybody is asked, they all have an idea of how they’ll want their relationship to be. This may be from fairytale stories they hear, books they read, or movies they watch. Nobody wants to face the reality of having to work hard to build a relationship.
This is why many people have numerous unrealistic expectations in relationships. They expect their partners to do the same thing their friend’s or colleague’s partner does. They forget that people are different with uncountable different ways of dating.
As funny as it may sound, this happens almost always. Some people go as far as breaking up with their partners because of failed expectations. A few others get depressed trying to make things work in their way. If you’re still wondering what unrealistic expectations may be, here are 13 of them to look out for. It may be your expectations, or what you want from your partner.
- 0.1 13 Unrealistic Expectations In Relationships
- 0.1.1 1. Spending a hundred percent time with you
- 0.1.2 2. They’ll pick you over everything and everyone
- 0.1.3 3. Unnecessary compromises
- 0.1.4 4. Consistent romance
- 0.1.5 5. No disagreements or arguments
- 0.1.6 6. Little or no challenges
- 0.1.7 7. Unquestionable attitude
- 0.1.8 8. A great relationship from the first day
- 0.1.9 9. The same love language
- 0.1.10 10. You expect everyone to love and accept your partner
- 0.1.11 11. The same level of commitment as you
- 0.1.12 12. You expect them to know your heart
- 0.1.13 13. Taking care of your responsibilities when they have theirs
- 0.2 FAQs
- 0.3 To Sum Up
13 Unrealistic Expectations In Relationships
1. Spending a hundred percent time with you
One unrealistic expectation people have in a relationship is thinking that their partners should spend a hundred percent of their time with them. Some of them complain of lack of attention even when they know their partner’s busy schedule is for their good.
It’s normal to crave spending a moment with someone, but it’s selfish to expect your partner to leave important things to spend a moment with you. There are numerous kinds of relationships. Each of them has unique partners with different personalities. Some partners would prefer to hang out with friends, even when they love their partners wholeheartedly.
Some prefer spending time on business. A few others feel they would look a bit attached to their partners if they spend too much time with them. They love you, but they won’t spend all their whole time laughing and talking to you.
2. They’ll pick you over everything and everyone
It’s important to know that you’re just a part of your partner’s life. There’s no need to expect that they can’t live life without you in it. Of course, they can survive with other people, too. It doesn’t mean they don’t value you. It means that with or without you in their lives, they have other loved ones to think about and hang out with. You should understand and come to terms with it.
So, you may be your partner’s favorite person, but that doesn’t mean they would place you first even when someone else needs help at that moment.
If it feels like they’re gradually pushing your needs aside unconsciously, use different communication techniques to say how you feel about it. It’s a romantic relationship and nobody is a slave to the other.
3. Unnecessary compromises
Apart from communication, one way to maintain a good relationship is by compromising. Compromises go a long way to strengthen bonds. But, when you expect your partner to do this even when they’re uncomfortable with it, it’s an unrealistic expectation.
It should come from the heart. Your partner should do it because they want to, not displease themselves to make you happy. People who go into relationships expecting their partner to cope with their flaws are those who have unrealistic expectations.
The same thing applies to people who expect their partners to compromise a need to fulfill theirs. This could happen once in a while in your relationship, but it’s not realistic if you expect it to be a constant thing. You should learn to accept things and face reality.
4. Consistent romance
Good relationships should have a great touch of romance. That doesn’t mean your partner would feel romantic all the time. They won’t always say sweet nothings to you, take you out for dinner, or stroke your hair when you want to sleep.
Sometimes, they may want to have some time alone. They could want to relate to you as their best friend or laugh about simple things. That doesn’t mean they’ve fallen out of love with you. They remain as romantic as ever. Sometimes, it gets tiring to do the same thing over again without a break.
So, it’s not realistic to expect your partner to always make romantic gestures. It won’t only get boring, but they may run out of ideas or resources. Don’t forget, there’s a perfect time for everything.
5. No disagreements or arguments
This is one of the most unrealistic expectations people have when they get into relationships. They feel they shouldn’t argue or disagree with their partners. But, in reality, no successful relationship is that perfect.
No matter how much time a couple spends together, or how good their communication is, there’s always something to make them disagree. So, don’t expect things to go as they used to before you both started dating. Arguments don’t mean you’re not perfect together.
It means you care about each other well enough to disagree with something you think is not right. It could be your career or likes and dislikes. This is one thing you should have in mind when going into a romantic relationship. It’s a form of communication.
6. Little or no challenges
Challenges will always come in relationships. The mistake most people make is to expect to be in a relationship free of challenges. That's not reality. It doesn’t matter if you both have similar goals or not. They don’t have to be financial or career-based.
You could be having some challenges in getting to understand your partner’s flaws. It could also be difficulty in communication. It could be either of you trying to support the other while fulfilling your needs. These, and many other things could contribute to bringing the little setbacks people face in relationships.
These setbacks make relationships stronger. You should change your mindset if you’re in the category of people who think things should be perfect in relationships. It’s the best way to keep your relationship healthy.
7. Unquestionable attitude
Everybody has a flaw or bad attitude. Your partner can’t be flawless. They’ll have times when they behave badly. Your partner could have a time when they make bad decisions, consciously or unconsciously. These are the little issues that come with relationships.
Having an unquestionable attitude doesn’t mean they’ll be unfaithful to you. They could have a selfish phase where they want everything to go their way, or be in their favor. They could say the wrong things without caring or meaning to hurt you.
Of course, you deserve your partner’s best version. But, sometimes this doesn’t happen. You may need a lot of communication to make things work. If you feel the need to tell them you’re not comfortable with their approach to things, do it. That’s because they may not know they have a bad attitude until you tell them.
8. A great relationship from the first day
Most times, people get confused by reality shows and movies. They think their relationship should be as perfect as they see on social media platforms or the ones they read in books. Give your relationship time to grow.
You take it one step at a time, without any unrealistic expectations. Your friend’s partner can never be the same as yours. They think differently. They’re different people, which means their preferences and way of approaches will differ in many ways.
So, don’t expect to have a perfect relationship in one day, or immediately start dating. Build yourself, manage your partner’s flaws, and make sure you both have great communication. It’s important to know that you’re the only person who can improve your relationship.
9. The same love language
No two people have the same love language. This is something most people fail to understand about a relationship. You may be a sports fan, but your partner may be the opposite. They may want a private dinner, while you prefer a surprise party.
No matter the scenario, you both can’t have the same love language. So, don’t expect your partner to snuggle under the duvet watching movies with you, when they’re the bowling type. Don’t force them to take photos with you and the pet when they want to play games.
This is one of the numerous unrealistic expectations people have when they’re ready for a relationship. If you think you should have the same love language as your partner, you may want to let it go and move to the realistic side of things.
10. You expect everyone to love and accept your partner
Your family, friends, or other loved ones won’t love and accept your partner like you. As they say, people’s definitions of beauty are different. You may truly love and respect your partner, and see them as your best friend. That may be because of his affection towards you.
But, not everyone would see them that way. They may be nice to him because they respect you. They may not necessarily have a disease, physical disorder, or flaw. It’s only that people won’t appreciate him like you. This is something you should have in mind.
Enjoy your partner. If they make you happy, stick with them. Don’t let people’s opinions about them discourage you from loving them the way you should. It’s your personal life and only you can truly understand how you feel about your partner.
11. The same level of commitment as you
No two people have the same way of committing to a relationship. While some may give in everything to make it work, some others may commit with some doubts. This is one of the numerous unrealistic expectations many people have when they start dating.
Your partner would never have the same level of commitment as you. They may either give in to the relationship more or less. You could want to give them space, while they may want the opposite. Their approach to appreciating your time together may be different from yours.
So, to avoid being disappointed, give your best effort to make your relationship work. Surprise them when you think it’s right. Buy them little gifts when you think they deserve them. Leave your partner to do their best, too. Don’t forget, your effort won’t be the same as theirs.
12. You expect them to know your heart
You should always have in mind that it’s important to let your partner understand certain things about you. They’re human and maybe trying to figure out how to survive with you like you may be doing, too. So, try to improve your communication with them.
Let your partner know when you’re uncomfortable about something. Don’t expect them to read your mind when you can’t read theirs. Remember it’s a relationship and you both need to communicate to improve your lives together. You should look out for each other.
That’s one way to go about it. If you can’t tell your partner how you feel, or you think it’s unnecessary, you could let things go. Keeping things on your mind and expecting your partner to read them is an unrealistic expectation.
13. Taking care of your responsibilities when they have theirs
You’re not a child, so why would you want your partner to drop their needs to take care of yours? They’re human and also want attention. Like you want their maximum effort to help you solve a problem, they want that, too.
They may not say it, but they crave it. You should compliment your partner, not make them take up your responsibilities as a person. If you think you should be in a relationship to push your needs to your partner, that’s a major unrealistic expectation.
Of course, they won’t leave their school work to help you do laundry. They can’t also spend the night window shopping online with you when they have work the next day. Expecting them to do this is an unrealistic expectation you should keep in check.
These are expectations that are not realistic, yet people expect to see and experience them in relationships. They involve a partner expecting the other to do things to please them, consistently. That’s when people expect to be in fairytale relationships. They are many, different, and happen according to each relationship.
Build great communication with your partner. Be open and honest to yourself and your partner. See how you can manage the situation. Compromise, and find a middle ground between you and your partner. The best of it all, give your relationship a little while to grow. If you can’t stand it, you may need to take a break.
Depending on how you handle it, expectations may or may not ruin relationships. It’s best to keep an open heart and mind when starting a relationship, so you can enjoy it the way it comes. Expecting it to be a certain way could affect you in the long term.
First, recognize and understand the person’s expectations. Let them know how far you can go, or what you can do to make things work. Don’t let their expectations affect your life. If you can’t survive or manage the situation, let go. Your sanity is more important and you keep it in check.
It depends on her personality and what she wants from a relationship. She could expect love, kindness, respect, understanding, peace, laughter, attention, acceptance, etc. These are to mention a few of them. She may not necessarily expect him to reciprocate the things she does in the same way, but show her love in his way.
To Sum Up
There are numerous unrealistic expectations you may experience or expect in a relationship. You may or may not know. For starters, you can read the 13 that I’ve mentioned here. I hope you liked this article. If you did, please feel free to drop a comment and share it with others.
As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn't an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.