Has your marriage with your husband changed after having the baby? Are you unhappy about how things are between you two but are confused about how to proceed? Believe me; I’ve been there! After I had my baby, I was a wreck of emotions. I hated myself, I hated my husband and even my sweet little angel. I had no idea what was wrong with me.
I had read a ton of parenting books, but none of them had prepared me for what O was going through. I eventually realized that the responsibility of making our marriage happy lied on us. And, with some efforts, our marriage became stronger and much happier.
In today’s article, we are going to look at how to connect with your husband after having a baby. These tips will make sure that you have a healthy relationship, even after a kid.
- 0.1 Ways To Improve An Unhappy Marriage After Baby
- 0.1.1 1. Work as a team
- 0.1.2 2. Communication
- 0.1.3 3. Adjust with parenting styles
- 0.1.4 4. Couple time
- 0.1.5 5. Make time for sex
- 0.1.6 6. Financial management
- 0.1.7 7. Divide the tasks fairly
- 0.1.8 8. Accept the change
- 0.1.9 9. Set boundaries
- 0.1.10 10. Take your time
- 0.1.11 11. Ask for help
- 0.1.12 12. Don’t nag
- 0.1.13 13. Visit a marriage counselor
- 0.2 FAQs
- 0.3 In Summary
Ways To Improve An Unhappy Marriage After Baby
1. Work as a team
After the birth of your baby, both you and your partner have become new parents, which makes you both a team. In the beginning, when everything is new, it is normal to get a feeling of being lost and feel like you are making mistakes. However, what is important is that you don't blame each other for every little mistake.
Understand that both of you are new in this role and by this blame game you are just ruining each other's confidence. Stop judging each other for the way you both are handling this new development in your life and try to be more supportive and understanding of each other.
Just like in any other relationship, communication is also important in the lives of new parents. Even if you try to work together, as you both are new to parenthood, there would naturally be certain mistakes. In such a situation, you should not hold grudges, be resentful or give each other silent treatment. Doing this will only result in more unhappiness.
So, you must share your issues and feelings with your partner and treat your marriage as a safe zone.
3. Adjust with parenting styles
Different people have different parenting styles and most of us don't even know what our style is until we have a little one. There are huge chances that your style of parenting would be different from your partner’s style. In such a case, you both need to establish a common ground and make some adjustments so this issue does not cause relationship problems.
4. Couple time
Being a parent does not mean that you stop being husband and wife. One of the biggest mistakes that couples make, which results in an unhappy marriage is that although they spend time as a family, there is hardly any alone time. Also, the “me time” of each individual in the relationship decreases drastically, which results in stress and frustration.
To fight this issue, couples should keep the baby with the grandparents or arrange for a babysitter so they take some time out to go on dates. Parents should also make it a point to take out some time to relax or be alone as parenting can take a toll on them.
5. Make time for sex
Lack of sex is one of the main reasons for unhappy marriage after a baby. When you have a new child in your life, sex is the last thing on the minds of couples. There are many reasons for this, like, sleep deprivation, lack of quality time, stress, and many more. To fight this situation, you need to find time for sex.
If you don't feel like having sex or your sexual appetite has decreased then it is time to visit a doctor. Together you both can plan sex dates and take the help of your family to take care of your child during that time.
6. Financial management
Maybe before giving birth, you never had to worry about finances. However, now with the arrival of the baby, money issues can come up, which can affect your relationship. However, you can start by making a budget. Instead of blaming each other for lack of money, or spending too much, discuss how to allocate your spending.
7. Divide the tasks fairly
One major reason for relationship breakdown after having a baby is that it seems that all the responsibility related to the household and baby seems to fall on the mother. While, it is true that in the beginning, the woman gets maternity leave and is at home, while the man has to go to the office, as a result, the woman takes care of the child.
However, if not all, the father of the child also needs to fulfill some responsibilities towards childcare and do much more than just playing with the kid. Many times, even when the woman joins back at work, she is the only one who changes the diapers and feeds the baby, which makes her feel like a slave.
So, make a list of the tasks around the house and for the baby that needs to be done and divide them fairly. Doing this will result in happiness in your family life and you both can get time to have fun with your newborn.
8. Accept the change
Accept that parenthood will change you as a couple. Sure, it does not mean that you have to be different people and stop enjoying your life, but now, your definition of enjoying and having fun will change. While earlier, when your weekend plans used to be to party all night, with the new addition in your family, you would prefer sitting at home and enjoying.
Of course, you will love your child, but you will also miss your old life. All you need to do is find satisfaction in how things are now and enjoy this new journey of parenthood.
9. Set boundaries
As you have your baby, you will suddenly find your and your partner’s family visiting you occasionally. There is no problem with it, as the new baby is their blood as well. However, the problem arises when you are never alone in your own home and there are always guests at your place.
In such a situation, you need to talk to your spouse and ask him to talk to his side of the family. Many times, the grandparents of the baby interfere too much, which can affect your relationship with your spouse. Therefore, your husband needs to make them sit down and let them know that you are the parents, and thus in charge of all the major decisions.
10. Take your time
Yes, both you and your partner have indeed become parents. However, it cannot be denied that the tool this pregnancy would have taken on you would be much different than how your partner might be affected. You are the one who had to go through the tough delivery process and you are the one who is pumping the milk.
Al least, till you are breastfeeding, the majority of the childcare responsibilities fall on you. So, it is completely normal if you are not happy all the time.
11. Ask for help
Being a new parent can be tough and it is not something that everybody can do without help. So, be it the child’s grandparents, your friends, or neighbors, don't be afraid to seek help and you will be surprised to see how many people want to help you in this new bumpy ride, which is parenthood. You will be amazed to see how a little support can enhance your relationship.
12. Don’t nag
Many women consider themselves superior to their husbands when it comes to parenting. They are always guiding their partners about how to hold the baby, what to feed them, etc. Remember, just like you, your husband is also new to parenting, so give him some time to learn.
If you keep nagging him, there are chances that he will lose his confidence and will not even try caring for the baby.
13. Visit a marriage counselor
If even after doing everything your relationship is still not improving with your husband then you can try visiting a marriage counselor. He will give you exercises and therapies through which you can once again connect with your partner and have a happy marriage!
With all the lack of sleep, exhaustion, stress, and hormonal imbalance, it is normal to not like your husband till a few after having a baby. Also, after giving birth many women suffer from Postpartum Depression, which makes it difficult for them to connect with their baby, leaving alone the spouse.
A fifth of couples split up after having a baby. However, instead of worrying, they should stay strong and distribute the childcare and household responsibilities fairly so they can take out time for each other.
Not only husbands but the whole marriage changes after having a baby. However, this change does not have to be bad, just different. If after having the baby, you shower all your attention only to your little one then the husband can be jealous. So, make sure to spend some time with your husband and go on dates.
To reconnect with your spouse after having a baby follow the ways given above. If they don't work then visit a relationship counselor. Take time out for sex and go on dates to reconnect with your partner.
Just give it time and in a few weeks, as your wounds heal and you get a hold of things, it will all get better. Also, you must share your feelings with your spouse and ask for their help to make your relationship what it was before the baby.
How has this content spoken to you? Was your relationship affected after you had your bundle of joy? How did you cope up with the situation? We would love to hear a word from you to help our readers. Please comment below!
As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn't an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.