Even though it does not feel like it right now, this can be a good thing. I know that is not something you want to hear when you are tired of begging for attention from your husband.
However, this problem is part of the highs and lows of a long-term marriage, which means you already found enough value in each other to commit over an extended period. This incentivizes you to do what is necessary to fix the issue.
There are several things you can do when you find yourself in this position. I classify them into two categories – doing the things you did at the beginning of your relationship or doing the things you should have done in the first place. And in nine points, I touch on the major issues in each category.
- 1 9 Things To Do If You Are Tired Of Begging For Attention From Husband
- 1.1 1. Get to the root of the distance
- 1.2 2. Up your affection game
- 1.3 3. Ingrain yourself into his world
- 1.4 4. Learn what he needs
- 1.5 5. Deploy jealousy strategically
- 1.6 6. Stop begging for attention
- 1.7 7. Encourage his little efforts
- 1.8 8. Reevaluate your standards
- 1.9 9. Let him know what and why you want attention
- 2 FAQs
- 3 Summary
9 Things To Do If You Are Tired Of Begging For Attention From Husband
1. Get to the root of the distance
The first place to start is to seek knowledge, that is, find out why he is withholding attention from you. A common misconception from couples in this situation is the assumption that it is deliberate.
While I am not saying that is never the case, it is rarer compared to other causes. It could be down to the mental and physical toll of work, a response to a perceived negative behavior, or ignorance.
The point is, if it is a new or recent development, then something happened, and you should get to the bottom of it. When you do, your discovery will then inform the most appropriate way forward.
I have made this the first point because not every solution below applies to all relationships. The best way to know the relevant fix to you is to understand the cause of the problem.
2. Up your affection game
There is a famous saying, “Dress for the job you want.” The same can be said for seeking attention from your partner by giving him the kind you want. This is because showing him love and affection can trigger his desire to reciprocate, especially when your effort is overt.
This dynamic is especially true when he wants affection from you and can’t bring himself to tell you. Men rarely vocalize their emotional needs, and the absence of interest in you might be a response to a perceived lack of one from you. So, rather than have a conversation, he retreats into his shell. It is ineffective.
Unfortunately, most of them are biologically and sociologically wired that way. To stop this cycle of disinterest, you should take the lead. Seek out the affectionate efforts you have neglected or up the ante on the ones you do already.
3. Ingrain yourself into his world
How much do you know about your husband’s day-to-day life? Not highlights, but the boring, unsexy details? Are you the kind of person who only wants to engage or discuss what you consider exciting? That is not necessarily a bad thing, but in a relationship, it can leave a chasm between you and your partner when he feels he can’t share the “boring” stuff with you.
If this goes on long enough, it will manifest as emotional neglect. You can fix this by taking an interest in his hobbies and work. You don’t have to understand it or love it, especially if it is highly technical. But show that you are a listening outlet and retain enough information to contribute to the conversation.
It will create another layer of connection and deepen your affection for each other. Don’t forget, we all give the bulk of our devotion to those who understand and relate to us.
4. Learn what he needs
The spectrum and changing nature of human personality mean your husband today is not necessarily the man he was when you married him. The things he enjoys, his desires, evolve, as do yours. When those desires no longer align with what you are offering, it can lead to neglect.
By learning what his current needs are, you can recalibrate yourself to provide them and become the person he wants to spend his days with again. This fix is one of the reasons I said lack of attention could be a good thing. Think of it as a forced pitstop to examine your relationship and redefine yourselves for the years ahead.
If you and he can find the honesty to share your needs, your marriage should once again sparkle with the joy and brightness it once had.
5. Deploy jealousy strategically
You see, husbands or male partners, by nature, have an increased negative reaction to the idea of sexual infidelity compared to women. According to that study and others, it triggers what is known as mate retention behavior because of the fear of losing a valuable partner.
Basically, your spouse is more likely to fix his bad behavior if he thinks he will lose you. This can prove valuable if you are tired of begging for attention from your husband. Doing things that trigger this fear, such as wearing suggestive dresses in a hangout with your friends, can bring back the sparkle in your relationship.
Of course, you want to stay on the right side of the line and avoid anything that can bring a permanent end to your marriage. The point is to deploy jealousy strategically to rekindle your desire as a couple.
6. Stop begging for attention
To bring back affection and attention into your relationship, you should stop begging for it. For one, it does not work, as you have probably figured out if you are here. If you have to keep begging, he doesn’t want to give it, or something hinders him from doing so.
It is also not as satisfying because whatever he does out of begging comes with the implicit knowledge that you forced him to do it. Add the damage to your self-esteem, and it seems entirely valueless. Instead of pleading for it, try and withhold attention from him.
When you beg, he can see it as something to leverage for you to do whatever he wants. But by withdrawing yours, you force him to crave for yours, putting you both on a level-playing field and allowing you to confront your deficiencies as partners.
7. Encourage his little efforts
One thing I need you to know is being a great partner all the time is hard. It requires a level of effort fit to be a full-time job, and thus, comes with varying highs and lows. When you combine this with professional responsibilities, whose rewards don’t always match the effort, it is easy for them to feel like they are not doing enough.
Here is where positive reinforcement and encouragement will go a long way in a relationship. By focusing on the little efforts your partner is making rather than the things they are not doing, you inspire the desire to do more.
Additionally, this will also reduce the chances of letting minor conflicts turn into big fights because you have adopted a cup half-full mindset. Furthermore, this is not a sprint. Don’t withhold your praise when your husband starts giving you the right amount of affection. Make it a regular habit to respect his efforts, and this issue will be a thing of the past in your relationship.
8. Reevaluate your standards
As a woman, romantic films and novels are part of our entertainment interests. They paint the joy and sparkle of love among couples in a perfect world. Unfortunately, they are not always realistic, but we can find ourselves looking at them with aspirational eyes.
Consider your requests and demands, are they realistic? Are they possible within the context of your relationship? Is there a chance you ask your spouse to provide a level of devotion out of his capability? Remember, while you have every right to demand an affectionate husband, you should also be fair.
If your complaints are outside what is reasonable, you should reevaluate them and come back to reality. It will do you, him, and your marriage a world of good.
9. Let him know what and why you want attention
Nothing resolves conflicts better than clear and honest communication. As I mentioned earlier, humans evolve, including you. Your husband’s lack of attention could be out of genuine ignorance, utterly unaware of what you want today. The only way to fix things in this scenario is to come out and tell him what you want and how you want it.
Yes, it would be nice for him to figure it out all on his own, but life does not work that way. Hints are not enough either because they leave things to interpretation. Instead, go for a one-time or two-time conversation to re-emphasize your desires.
Doing this will not only clear any misinterpretation but also ensure both parties have the necessary information to be the best partner. Ultimately, it will put you and your spouse on the way to a happy marriage again.
Unless you stop loving him, it is impossible. We are wired to crave it from those we love. However, you can limit your desperation by learning why he withholds his, letting him know why you want it, giving him attention, and ingraining yourself into his world.
Normal as in the right thing to do? No. Normal as in it is a common occurrence? Yes. In a way, it is part of the highs and lows of a relationship. While it is not right, it does happen a lot, which also means you are not alone, and there are things you can do to fix it.
It comes down to why you are not getting it in the first place. If he is no longer interested in being with you, doing this will only aggravate the issue. If it is because of something else, it can be effective when used in a controlled manner.
There are a few things, but the first step is to learn why he won’t give it to you. Once you do, you can then use other fixes like playing hard to get, making him jealous, take an interest in his hobbies, as applicable.
It is different for everyone. But when you feel alone, single, or neither one of you is interested in making an effort; this may be a sign that your marriage is over. But until your partner comes out to say the words, always leave room for hope and redemption.
In relationships, we rely on our partners to fulfill our emotional needs, emotional attention being one of them. Begging for it can only do so much, but actions like encouraging your partner’s efforts and letting them know what exactly you want can go a long way.
I hope you enjoyed and found this article helpful. If you did, share with other couples, and leave us a comment. If you didn’t, let us know in the comments too. Good luck!
As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn't an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.