Many people say they want a partner who is understanding, kind, and totally accepts both their good and bad sides. What most people don’t like to focus on is the fact that they need to bring the same energy to the table. Many people say relationships should be a give-and-take thing, but they are ready to take more than they’re willing to give.
A healthy relationship is one where love, respect, kindness, and generosity are mutual. Anything less than mutual giving and taking, and the relationship will be full of problems. When one party is always apologizing for one wrong after the other, the other party will get frustrated.
If you’re always ready to say the wrong things, but unwilling to control your thoughts before they become hurtful words, your relationship will crash and burn soon.
Love covers many wrongs, but not all wrongs. If you continue to say or do negative things that hurt your partner, you will lose him when he’s had enough. Are you in a long-term relationship that is about to end because of something you said? Does your boyfriend always walk away from you after you make a particular statement?
Then, you might have been saying some things you should never say to your boyfriend. This article shows you 51 things you should never say in a relationship because they are harmful to your partner. Read them to the end to see which ones you’ve been saying.
- 1 51 Things To Never Say To Your Boyfriend
- 1.1 1. You are acting irrationally.
- 1.2 2. Why don’t you buy me nice gifts?
- 1.3 3. You should understand me better than anyone.
- 1.4 4. Why do you wear something that belongs to a dead person?
- 1.5 5. Am I talking to myself?
- 1.6 6. You don’t have to be an asshole about it.
- 1.7 7. Stop acting like a sissy.
- 1.8 8. Can’t you defend my honor?
- 1.9 9. Why were you looking at her like that?
- 1.10 10. It's either your work or me!
- 1.11 11. Do you even still love me?
- 1.12 12. It’s obvious I mean little to you.
- 1.13 13. You’ve never been good at it, why bother now?
- 1.14 14. I wish you were as ripped as my ex.
- 1.15 15. You’re wasting your time on this project.
- 1.16 16. You are spending too much time with your siblings.
- 1.17 17. I don’t have time for you at the moment.
- 1.18 18. Someone else will do it for me.
- 1.19 19. I’ve got other men lined up to take your place.
- 1.20 20. If you won’t do this, I’ll leave you.
- 1.21 21. Your gym subscription is a waste.
- 1.22 22. You don’t deserve an answer.
- 1.23 23. You’re no good in bed.
- 1.24 24. You promised to accept me as I am.
- 1.25 25. I can never forgive you for this.
- 1.26 26. You talk too much.
- 1.27 27. You should change your job.
- 1.28 28. You need to grow up.
- 1.29 29. You should change your friends.
- 1.30 30. Oh, keep quiet.
- 1.31 31. It’s nothing special.
- 1.32 32. I will kill you.
- 1.33 33. Your best friend is sexy.
- 1.34 34. You’re not book-smart anyway.
- 1.35 35. Get yourself together!
- 1.36 36. Give me some money.
- 1.37 37. You owe me this.
- 1.38 38. Are you sure you’re a real man?
- 1.39 39. Go off yourself!
- 1.40 40. I just hate you sometimes.
- 1.41 41. You are my everything.
- 1.42 42. You’re the one with the problem.
- 1.43 43. Loosen up!
- 1.44 44. You have become boring.
- 1.45 45. You embarrass me.
- 1.46 46. You’re blowing things out of proportion.
- 1.47 47. You will always need me.
- 1.48 48. Your brother sucks at his job.
- 1.49 49. You can be really dumb sometimes.
- 1.50 50. You pushed me to the wall first!
- 1.51 51. If you loved me, you’d do this for me.
- 2 FAQs
- 3 To Summarize
51 Things To Never Say To Your Boyfriend
1. You are acting irrationally.
One of the most hurtful things you can say to your boyfriend is that he is acting irrationally. Apart from the fact that men are domineering and proud, telling a grown man that he’s irrational means he isn’t thinking. Men like to lead, and so they require logic to do so.
In a relationship, a man wants to be respected. If he doesn’t deserve your disrespect and you think this statement to shut him up, he can leave the relationship.
2. Why don’t you buy me nice gifts?
It's beautiful to date a generous man because he will spoil you as much as possible. However, if your boyfriend cannot afford expensive nice gifts, you shouldn’t question him or compare him to another man. If he still tries his best, he wouldn’t want to hear you talk like you’re not satisfied with his efforts.
If he has been the only one doing most of the giving in the relationship, your question will put him off.
3. You should understand me better than anyone.
While understanding a prerequisite for a successful relationship, your boyfriend would hate to hear you use this line to excuse your bad behavior. Don’t try to play on his emotions by acting like the hurt party when you’re the offender.
Unless he doesn’t give you the benefit of a doubt when someone accuses you, you shouldn’t use this line on him.
4. Why do you wear something that belongs to a dead person?
Questioning your man for putting on an item to remind himself of a loved one is a crappy thing to do. Doing so will only create a terrible impression in his mind that you don’t have family values. If he is a family-oriented man, this statement can destroy your relationship. If you’re curious about the item, ask him curiously instead of disrespectfully.
5. Am I talking to myself?
Most times, what you say isn’t the problem, but how you say it. When you say this comment as if you’re talking to a teenager, you might sound insulting. Even if you feel unheard in the relationship, don’t make a big deal out of presenting your grievances.
Making the same mistakes over and again will make things worse for both of you. Communicate your displeasure, but in a respectful manner.
6. You don’t have to be an asshole about it.
You can pass a message across without using negative words. When dealing with your partner, your choice of words matters a lot. Using curse words can be hurtful, and will not get the desired effect you wanted out of the situation. If he hurts you, using hurtful words in return is just like throwing more gasoline on a burning surface.
7. Stop acting like a sissy.
Many women think men don’t suffer from low self-esteem, but that is not true. More men than women suffer depression and lack of confidence. This is why many men use cockiness or aggression to cover up their lack of confidence.
To have a healthy relationship, you cannot tease your partner with a comment like this. If he expresses softness, it doesn’t make him less of a man.
8. Can’t you defend my honor?
You can address your frustration in different ways other than challenging your boyfriend’s manliness in public. Even if you think he isn’t defending you as he ought to, you should also be protecting him by showing him respect outside. You’re both aware of your weaknesses in the relationship, you don’t need to air your shortcomings to spectators.
9. Why were you looking at her like that?
Your boyfriend is human, so forgive him if he makes the mistake of appreciating another beautiful woman for a few seconds. If he isn’t a cheater, then it isn’t critical for you to call him out on a harmless look he shared with a stranger he might never see again.
You would possibly do the same with a good-looking man, so give him a break. Plus, it makes you look insecure if you ask him this every time a woman passes by, especially if he doesn’t glance at all of them.
10. It's either your work or me!
The last thing a man in a relationship wants to hear is an ultimatum. Your partner will consider it insulting to choose between you and his job. You are important to him, but his job is also important. If he does listen to you and leaves his work, would you still respect him?
Except you have a better job that will suit both of your expectations lined up for him, find a better way of communicating your frustration.
11. Do you even still love me?
If you always take your boyfriend's consideration to heart, you might say or do things that sound silly sometimes. One of them is asking him if he still loves you after every argument. This question can lead to another round of back and forth and will bare your insecurities to him. It is easy for him to take advantage of your insecurity and mess with your mind occasionally.
12. It’s obvious I mean little to you.
Unless he treats you with complete disrespect, this is one of the things you should never say to him. It is hurtful to him because it suggests that you don’t trust his love for you. It means you doubt his commitment to the relationship. Don’t speak immaturely in the heat of the moment just to hurt him, it will backfire.
13. You’ve never been good at it, why bother now?
This comment is an insult that doesn’t help your partner in a bad situation. What do you have to obtain by telling your boyfriend to his face that he failed before he even started? Rubbing salt on his injury will not toughen him as you assume. It will only create animosity in your relationship.
14. I wish you were as ripped as my ex.
Comparing your current partner with your previous boyfriend is a juvenile thing to do. If you wish to have a ripped partner, you should go date one, or suggest it more nicely to your boyfriend.
Your past shouldn’t dictate your present even if it impacts it one way or another. However, if you’d rather keep dating ripped men, you should release your current partner so you can go for your choice.
15. You’re wasting your time on this project.
If you want respect in return, you need to stop talking to your man in a backhanded way. Some things are better left unsaid if they cannot be said in more appropriate manners. Using discouraging phrases when talking to your man is one of them.
If you can advise him in any other manner than a backhanded way, just keep it to yourself.
16. You are spending too much time with your siblings.
Two words said carelessly can ruin a good relationship of two years. What you think isn’t a big deal can mean a lot to your partner. In romantic relationships, you should be ready to welcome your partner’s family too.
Saying he’s spending too much time with his siblings is the same as saying you don’t like them. There are better ways to tell him that you feel neglected instead of trying to cause a rift between him and his siblings.
17. I don’t have time for you at the moment.
Spending time with your partner is one of the most important things in your relationship. Spending quality time with him despite your full schedule should be a priority. If you cannot make time for the man you love, you might as well end the relationship yourself. There’s no point in staying together if you won’t spend time together.
18. Someone else will do it for me.
One of the things you should never do in romantic relationships is to pit your man against an invisible opponent. Saying something like this can make him lose trust in you. As such, it’s a big no-no. Even if you want to push him to do something for you, don’t make it look like you’re cheating on him.
He will make you feel guilty later even though you made an empty threat.
19. I’ve got other men lined up to take your place.
One of the things you should never do to your boyfriend is to tease him with the fact that you have other admirers. No man will feel comfortable with the fact that other men are vying for your attention. It is wrong to try making him feel small because you didn’t get what you want.
If this tactic worked for you in your past relationships, there’s no guarantee it won’t fail you this time.
20. If you won’t do this, I’ll leave you.
One of the things you should never do to your boyfriend is to give him an ultimatum. A relationship filled with ultimatums is bound to fail because it is mostly conditional. If you don’t like the guy too much, just leave him. If you don’t, he will eventually get tired of your ultimatums and leave you.
21. Your gym subscription is a waste.
One of the things you should never say to a man is to imply that he isn’t working hard enough on his body. It is the same thing as him calling you fat or thin. Would you like it if he makes a snide remark about your body?
If you worshipped the physique of the men in your past relationships, that doesn’t mean you should disrespect your present partner because he doesn’t have the physique you desire.
22. You don’t deserve an answer.
If you can’t ever see past your anger in your relationship, you will never get anything resolved. No matter how mad at him you are, communicate with your partner level-headedly. If you say this to him, he will use it against you in the future, and you won’t like it either.
23. You’re no good in bed.
One of the things you should never say to a man is that he is bad in bed, even if it’s true. Except he treats you shabbily in bed, this statement will only cripple him emotionally and physically. This kind of talk will most likely end the relationship too.
You can address your sexual frustration more diplomatically and sensitively.
24. You promised to accept me as I am.
If you use this statement only when it suits you, you’re being manipulative. It is bad to excuse your terrible actions when saying sorry would have been the right thing to do. If your partner doesn’t love you for who you are, you wouldn’t be in the relationship.
Moreover, he isn’t obligated to accept your bad side always if you’re not willing to do better.
25. I can never forgive you for this.
If you still act resentful after he does his best to prove he’s remorseful, it will raise a red flag in your boyfriend’s mind. It will make him think you’re unforgiving and will always hold him ransom because of one error. If you don’t trust him again, break up with him instead of torturing both of you.
26. You talk too much.
Saying your partner talks too much means you want to shut him up. If he gets a bit self-absorbed sometimes, sweetly tell him that you have something to say too. However, never tell him he talks too much. It’s the same as telling him to shut up.
27. You should change your job.
It is unwise to dictate the path your partner should take. The fact that you’re in a relationship with him doesn’t mean you can tell him what job is better for him. Unless he is mentally challenged and cannot make accurate decisions, don’t instruct him on what to do. If you think he will do better in a different field, suggest it to him logically.
28. You need to grow up.
First of all, you’re not his mother. Secondly, you’re not dating a child. Thirdly, you wouldn’t like it if the tables turned. If you’ve always had the upper hand in past relationships, this one might be different. What you think will shut your boyfriend up is what might make him shut you out of his life.
29. You should change your friends.
Some things are best left unsaid, one of them is bashing your partner’s self-esteem through the kind of company he keeps. Your relationship gives you the liberty to say so many things. However, trying to keep him away from good relationships he’s had long before he met you is unfair to him.
If the only crime his friends commit is to spend a good time with him, your boyfriend will push back on the unfair unspoken ultimatum you’ve given him.
30. Oh, keep quiet.
Things you should never do to the man you claim to love is to tell him to keep quiet as though he’s a child. You’d probably be chafe at being told the same thing. As such, try not to say those words, not even in jest or hot arguments. What you say in jest, you probably mean when you’re serious.
31. It’s nothing special.
Your boyfriend’s problem or achievements should be a big deal. One of the most hurtful and insulting things to do is make his issues or successes seem small. No matter how small his problem is, you should use words that will lift his spirit. No matter how little the achievement is, try to use celebratory words not belittling ones.
32. I will kill you.
Saying you will hurt your partner isn’t a joking matter. Yes, many people use this statement when they are angry at someone. However, if your partner has a history of abuse, your words might trigger his trauma and make him feel unsafe.
Why choose violent words to express how angry you are when you can just say you’re angry and leave it at that?
33. Your best friend is sexy.
It is one thing to admire a fine man, it is another thing to acknowledge how sexy he is in the presence of your partner. If the man in question is his best friend, this statement will not help your relationship at all. If you like to hear your man say you’re the only beautiful woman he knows, why call another man sexy in his presence?
34. You’re not book-smart anyway.
Even if your partner isn’t book-smart, he shouldn’t hear that statement from you. If this is the kind of hurtful thoughts you have about the man, you might want to ask yourself why you’re in the relationship.
He is already dealing with the feeling of failure, joking about him not being book-smart won’t help at all.
35. Get yourself together!
There is this notion that only women are allowed to break down, but that’s untrue. Men are allowed to break down too. This doesn’t damage their confidence or self-esteem because they are allowed to be humans too. If you think you cannot be in a relationship with a sensitive man, you should probably go for someone who fits your desires more.
36. Give me some money.
A relationship where the man is generous is good. However, if you act like you’re entitled to his money, you’ll lead him to think you don’t care about him beyond what you can get from him.
If you need his help financially, ask nicely and do so sparingly. You don’t want him thinking you see him as your ATM.
37. You owe me this.
Even if you’ve done him a great deal of good before, you shouldn’t hold it over his head. You’re in a voluntary relationship, not a business partnership. Also, you’re not his mother or wife, so you have no right to demand money or anything he doesn’t give you willingly.
38. Are you sure you’re a real man?
It is critical that you watch how you word your statements in relationships. There are some forbidden phrases you shouldn’t mistakenly say in your relationship. Implying that your man is impotent or incapable of carrying out his duties is one of them. He would never hear anything you have to say after that statement because you’ve just tried to unman him.
39. Go off yourself!
You might say the words were harmless because you said them in anger, but they’re one of the things you should never say to your boyfriend. If you say it once, he can excuse your temper, but when it becomes a common phrase you use, he will withdraw from you.
Such phrases will create a barrier between you and your boyfriend, especially if he's ever had mental health problems, including suicidal thoughts.
40. I just hate you sometimes.
In a relationship, a couple should complete each other’s phrases, not fight because of the other person’s statement. Saying you hate your partner is a heat-of-the-moment thing to say, but it doesn’t lessen the negative impact of such words. Soon enough, your partner will start believing the statement, especially if the relationship doesn’t improve.
41. You are my everything.
In a healthy relationship, both partners are independent in every way that matters, but they can listen to, and depend on each other when necessary. Constantly telling your boyfriend that he’s your everything in a dependent manner puts a huge weight on him.
If you depend on him for most things, he will act as any human would. He will feel trapped and attempt a fight or flight mode.
42. You’re the one with the problem.
This is one of the phrases you should never use in a relationship because it makes you look irresponsible. Only people who never take responsibility for their actions say other people are the problem instead of sharing the blame. Even if you aren’t at fault, don’t act like you’re perfect.
43. Loosen up!
Another example of phrases you should avoid is telling your partner to loosen up when he’s trying to correct you. Bad habits aren’t cool, especially when they hurt other people. If your partner is advising you on a wrong move you made, telling him to loosen up means he is stuck up and uncool. He might leave you to go down the path of destruction after many tries.
44. You have become boring.
You most likely say this when your partner is in a different headspace. The statement itself isn’t bad, but the context of the situation is what matters. He will take this statement as negative if it appears that you aren’t giving any consideration to his current mood.
45. You embarrass me.
Partners embarrass each other sometimes, it’s a part of being human. However, if you cannot keep a lid on your anger, especially in public, your relationship won’t last long. No boyfriend will intentionally embarrass his girlfriend. So, that should be your first thought when you think your feel embarrassed by your partner’s actions.
46. You’re blowing things out of proportion.
Even if you didn’t mean any harm, you might still do some harm with this statement. You might not attach importance to everything your partner does, but you shouldn’t discard his worries either. His cautiousness might even save you from harm if you just listen to him first. Don’t be in a hurry to dismiss whatever he says.
47. You will always need me.
Even if you want to mother him and make him feel loved in the relationship, this is the wrong way to go about it. He can wake up tomorrow and decide he doesn’t need you anymore. What then? Using this statement makes you sound obsessive, which is uncool.
48. Your brother sucks at his job.
If you won’t talk about any of your family members like that, don’t say so about his family members. Even if you’re right and his brother sucks at his job, it is not your place to say so.
49. You can be really dumb sometimes.
Even if you say this in hilarity, your partner will have this kernel of doubt about whether you’re serious. Adding sorry at the end of such a statement doesn’t make it any less wrong. So, watch the kind of playful insults you throw at each other.
50. You pushed me to the wall first!
You shouldn’t blame your partner for your violent actions or reactions just because he had a hand in them. You should take the blame for your share of the problem, or you’ll always play the victim in all your relationships. Nobody likes people who always play the victim.
51. If you loved me, you’d do this for me.
It is terrible to put your boyfriend in a tough position to satisfy your needs, especially when you use the “if you love me” card. Even the most loving boyfriends get tired of being pulled by the strings.
You should never tell your boyfriend that his mother has bad breath. Someone else can fall on that ax, not you.
Do you love me? These words show insecurity and doubt. If you always need to ask your boyfriend this question, it means the relationship is shaky. Asking this question won’t stop the relationship from crumbling eventually.
Beyond telling your boyfriend how much you love him, show it to him. Express love the same way he does through gifts and words.
You should avoid giving your boyfriend ultimatums. Instead, find better ways to get what you want without making him discard things or people he equally loves.
Yes, it is okay to not say what is not necessary, especially if it will hurt him or anyone close to him.
A love relationship should be a fair playground, but some things you say might often tilt the balance. As such, speak to your partner freely, yet be sensitive enough to avoid hurting his feelings. Both of your energies should match, or else, one person’s desires will overshadow that of the other person.
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As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn't an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.