We’ve all been in a relationship where something is wrong, but we can’t quite put our finger on it. It could mean that the relationship is dead, or our gut is telling us that he’s cheating.
Personally, I can’t sleep right until I find out the reason behind that feeling. You’re at a loss for what to do until you find out what is causing that dreaded feeling in the pit of your stomach.
- 1 11 Common Causes And What To Do If Something Doesn’t Feel Right
- 1.1 1. Communication is not where it should be
- 1.2 2. He’s cheating
- 1.3 3. You’re not spending a lot of time together
- 1.4 4. One of you is withdrawn
- 1.5 5. Red flags of abuse
- 1.6 6. The relationship is dead
- 1.7 7. The honeymoon phase is over
- 1.8 8. Your own mental health can trick your intuition
- 1.9 9. They’re hiding something
- 1.10 10. Previous trauma
- 1.11 11. One of you has feelings for someone else
- 2 FAQs
- 3 At The End Of The Day,
11 Common Causes And What To Do If Something Doesn’t Feel Right
Before you can do anything, you need to find out what is causing that feeling. It could mean that the relationship is over, that it needs some work, or it could be perfectly normal. These are some of the most common reasons why you have that sinking feeling in your gut, and what you can do about them.
1. Communication is not where it should be
Healthy communication is essential to build a strong foundation that will lead to a happy, healthy relationship. When you can’t communicate with your partner, it leads to one partner resenting the other, conflicts left unresolved, and partners not feeling as connected as they once did. Unspoken resentment and unresolved conflicts can put tension in the air, which is what leads to that feeling that something is off.
If you and your partner aren’t able to communicate about key issues or conflicts, consider seeking help. A professional therapist can provide you with the tools that you need to help your relationship succeed. There are also plenty of online articles that can give you useful tips about how to effectively communicate.
2. He’s cheating
Usually, your gut isn’t wrong when it tells you that a partner is cheating. Perhaps you’ll go through his phone or browser history to find evidence. Once you have that, you will have a full understanding as to whether you’re right or not.
Once you find out he’s cheating, it’s time to decide whether the relationship is worth saving. If it is, work on communication and building trust. When you already know that it’s not going to happen, just move on.
3. You’re not spending a lot of time together
When you don’t spend a lot of time with each other, it results in a disconnect in the relationship. This could be because of a hectic work schedule or family crisis. It doesn’t necessarily mean that the relationship is dead, or even headed in that direction. If you find that you’re not spending enough time together, try to schedule a date night once a week to maintain a connection.
4. One of you is withdrawn
When one person withdraws, you’ll feel it in your gut before you can pinpoint the behavior that is causing that feeling. Take a good look at how both you and your partner are acting. Is one of you less affectionate than previously? Not talking about your day as much?
If you’re withdrawn, or your partner is, it’s a signal that something is wrong in the relationship, and you can feel it. The way to get to the root of this problem is through healthy communication. He could just be stressed about work, too. You won’t know if you two can’t communicate.
5. Red flags of abuse
During one relationship that turned out to be abusive, I felt something was off in the beginning. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, so I blew it off. I wish I would have looked for those red flags that I know to watch out for now. If you feel that something doesn’t feel quite right, run down a list of abusive warning signs and see how many your relationship is meeting. This may well be what your intuition is trying to tell you.
Any time that you are in an abusive relationship, it’s best to leave. If your partner truly wants to change and make things right, they need to do that internally without external influence to make sure that the changes last over time. Counseling can help.
6. The relationship is dead
Your heart and intuition will tell you that a relationship is dead long before your brain will. This feeling will instantly make you feel like things are off. When a relationship is dead, it goes beyond something that doesn’t feel right.
You’ll notice that they don’t make future plans with you, and you might not be making future plans with them either. A lack of communication, spending more time alone, problems in the bedroom, and an overall lack of empathy for each other are just a few things that can signal a relationship is over.
7. The honeymoon phase is over
When couples first become official, it can feel like you’re on cloud nine. Nights are full of late phone conversations, and you talk about what your hopes and dreams are. Then, the humdrum of everyday life sets in, and the relationship settles down. This might not feel right because it’s not what you’re used to, but it’s perfectly normal in a relationship.
8. Your own mental health can trick your intuition
Certain mental health disorders, such as anxiety or paranoid schizophrenia, can make you feel like something is not right. This is because you think that it’s going to go wrong, have a hard time accepting that it may be going so right, or may even just be having a hard time controlling your anxiety. Before you assume the problem is with your relationship, give yourself a personal mental health checklist as a way to make sure you’re not self-sabotaging.
9. They’re hiding something
This could be something cool, like an amazing birthday present. It could be something horrible, like an affair and a love child. Regardless, when people are going out of their way to hide things from you, there are certain behavioral changes that your subconscious will pick up on. This tells you that something is wrong.
10. Previous trauma
Previous trauma can trick your intuition just like mental illnesses can. If you’ve been through an abusive relationship in the past, and your current partner does one thing that your old partner may have done, alarm bells will start going off like crazy. You might feel sick to your stomach, and your intuition will tell you that something is seriously wrong.
Before heading for the hills, take a step back. Look at their behavior, determine why you have a problem with it, and even consider whether they are like your old partner. Trauma can last a lifetime, so it’s important to learn how best to deal with PTSD alarm bells that will make you think that you’re in danger when you’re really not.
11. One of you has feelings for someone else
Healthy relationships are based on two people having feelings for each other. However, if one of you has feelings for someone else, they will always be in the back of that other person’s mind. Simply thinking about them can make their behavior change or result in them feeling the need to ignore you from time to time as they try to hide it.
If you’re stuck in this situation, it’s time to sit down and really evaluate how you feel about your partner and the relationship as a whole. It’s time for one of you to let that third wheel go, or for both of you to move on.
Why am I Because you feel that your needs or wants are not being met. This could be your emotional needs, sexual needs, or just physical needs. Your partner does not provide the level of connection on every level that you need in a relationship.
One of the key indicators of an unhappy relationship is a breakdown in communication. You’ll find that you two are not sharing your feelings with each other as much unless you are arguing. When you’re unhappy in a relationship, things feel even tenser. Arguments and conflict may become the norm.
If the two of you are on the same page about the future of the relationship, you should make an effort to save it provided it is safe for you. You should have shared morals and values. Common parenting beliefs are another one of the important things in a relationship. You both should be committed to making it work.
Yes, this is perfectly normal, especially with a new partner. During those moments of uncertainty, you see whether your partner feels right for you. You get to know your relationship well and learn things about both yourself and your partner. Sometimes, you’ll feel uncertain in the middle of a relationship, too. This is normal.
Yes, you can. Yet, it takes two people to fix things. Both you and your partner will need to sit down, determine what issues there are in the relationship, and reach a mutual agreement on how to fix them. Therapy can be extremely helpful.
At The End Of The Day,
If you have ever thought something doesn’t feel right in my relationship or questioned what makes you feel like something is off, how did you find out what was causing the feeling? What was your relationship like then, and what was it like in the end?
As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn't an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.