Marriage is one of the most blissful unions between two people, the shared love, laughter, pain, gains, and maybe even the cute little kids that follow. So, it’s always a bummer when we have to sit down and ask the dreaded question, “Is my husband in love with me?” Certainly, it’s not a thought a lot of wives like to entertain. I for one want to imagine that my husband will love me forever.
The thing with such slippery situations is, the sooner you notice the signs your husband doesn't love you anymore, the easier it would be to find a solution to the problem. The fact that your husband is feeling out of love doesn't mean things are over; half the time, if he's willing, there are always ways to work love right back in. However, this is not always the case, and it's important to know exactly where you stand in his life, so you can start going over possible options to deal with the matter.
- 1 Signs Your Husband Is Not In Love With You
- 1.1 1. Communication is at a standstill
- 1.2 2. He seems uninterested in personal convos
- 1.3 3. He starts fights over every little thing
- 1.4 4. He stops putting in the effort to get along with you
- 1.5 5. He sounds cold when he’s talking to you in person or over the phone
- 1.6 6. He gets distant and unavailable
- 1.7 7. He starts taking you for granted
- 1.8 8. The criticism gets over the roof
- 1.9 9. He disrespects you in front of family
- 1.10 10. You start walking on eggshells when he’s around
- 1.11 11. He seems less interested in your affairs
- 1.12 12. He seems less interested in getting intimate
- 1.13 13. He gets abusive
- 2 FAQs
- 3 To Summarize
Signs Your Husband Is Not In Love With You
Before you get all worked up, it's best to ensure the man isn't simply going through things and shrinking in. There has to be at least a 60% chance that your husband doesn't love you anymore, before confronting him about it. No doubt, due to how tricky the subject of love can be, the only path to truly tell if a man has fallen out of love is through certain silent signs he may be showing.
I have taken the time out with this relationship advice to list and explain some proven signs your husband doesn’t love you anymore. Likewise, if it’s you asking yourself ‘do I still love him?’; these below signs might help you figure things out also. Grab your popcorn, keep that ice-cream back in the fridge and have a read through as courageously as possible.
1. Communication is at a standstill
There are trusted sources that show communication is one of the essential ingredients to a healthy, spicy marriage. The thing is, everyone can communicate, even babies can express their hunger or discomfort. The real question is, how effectively are both of you communicating? A healthy, loving marriage survives on the wings of open, fearless communication.
If he hasn't had issues communicating with you before, and suddenly stops speaking about his feelings, or something as simple as how his day went, then something could be wrong. It's crucial to ensure that the withdrawal isn't because of something your spouse is going through. Sometimes, men push back because of something going on at work, or when they feel stressed.
As couples, sometimes it's easy to tell if your husband is feeling stressed, worried, anxious, or even scared of something; as usual, it's only a matter of time before he phases out of it. In a case where he usually takes out the time to genuinely, intimately and lovingly communicate, it's important to get to the bottom of it.
Marriages thrive on good communication, and so does happiness; it's the spark that keeps those smiles, hearty laughs, and bubbly feelings alive. When your husband suddenly withdraws that, they'll be a strain on the relationship. The body language, actions, and even words will all show signs your husband isn’t in love with you; which no doubt, must make you feel like you are not loved, appreciated, and cared for.
2. He seems uninterested in personal convos
It can be gutting to feel ignored, especially with someone who used to laugh at your jokes, give candid contributions to your theories and maybe even gossip a little. More so, it could be about the most important subjects like childcare or home maintenance, and he just seems distant.
Such attitudes affect family life and parenting as a whole; I mean, the reason we get married is to share ideas, responsibilities, and decisions, so when it comes down to one person trying to force the other into conversations, the relationship becomes just that, forced.
You may get a ‘yeah?' ‘Is it?' ‘Wow?' or even worse, a simple grunt after every four sentences, which means he's not into the conversation. Maybe he's looking at his phone while you speak, or absent-mindedly watching a game or hopefully not dozing off; it’s not easy to ascertain, but it could be one of the many signs he doesn’t love you anymore.
There are also other factors to consider, especially if your husband had been the one bearing the weight of the relationship for the most part. At some point, it just gets tiring, and like anybody else, it's easy for him to feel overwhelmed. In this case, it's easy to save the situation by finding out what you can do to contribute emotionally, physically, and maybe even financially.
However, if a man, who once adored every word, smile, and joke you made suddenly acts uninterested and unmoved by conversations and family activities, it may be time to get down to the root of it. These are all signs your husband doesn’t love you anymore and they are very suggestive that something is going on. What’s more, as his wife, instead of staying up at night worrying about your relationship, you may have to take the bull by the horns and find out for real this time.
3. He starts fights over every little thing
No marriage is an argument-free; we are human beings; there's bound to be disagreement here and there. Despite this, there is still a considerable difference between arguments that stem from significant differences and quarrels that are baseless. An irritable attitude could stem from an unloving heart; if after every argument you're asking yourself “does my husband love me,” or thinking ‘’I don’t love my husband anymore’’, then these are some major signs right there.
Now let’s take a step backward and be rational for a moment, just like I mentioned before, some arguments are necessary. Most times, after a battle with someone, there's peace, and some people find it an eye-opener to fight over certain things before finding a solution. So, not every argument is an indicator of love being sapped out of the marriage.
What’s more, the arguments in question have to be baseless, and not just by your definitions. You'd have to think if there's a point to what he's saying before concluding that he's irrational. Also, remember that he may have been condoning and overlooking certain things before, but the more couples live together, sometimes, those facades kind of fade out. This means it would be easier for him to point out shortcomings in your management, cooking, spending, and the likes.
This doesn't necessarily add to the signs he doesn't love you anymore; it could be a factor of underlying issues that have been continuously swept under the rug, the dirt is expected to come out choking both of you eventually. Take out the time to ask him what is wrong, even if you feel like he's unnecessarily touchy. If he keeps saying nothing is wrong or repeating the same arguments without trying to find resolutions, he may be doing it on purpose.
4. He stops putting in the effort to get along with you
People fall into moods a lot, and there's no way to control when that would happen. It could stem from a stressful day, bad dream, burnt toast, anything! Before assuming he is falling out of love, it's best to differentiate between a mood swing and a deliberate ‘in-action.’
Before you both got married, there was probably that fantasy stage where nights were spent talking, gazing at the stars, sharing memories, and more. It almost felt effortless talking to each other and being the best support system and friend. If the relationship now feels forced, with you putting all the effort, that could be a sign he has pulled back a little.
Relationships should be fun, but they are not self-operated, there are no invisible mechanisms that run the wheels of love for us. It's the individual and collective efforts put in that keep the fire burning, and the love raving. Once one person pulls out, it's like pouring water on firewood; the light goes out.
No doubt, people know when they start giving less in a marriage, so there is really no excuse for someone who doesn't even want to try. Says no to parties, date night, movie nights, or even a simple invitation to keep you company in the kitchen. If this sounds like your husband, these are all bad signs he doesn’t love you anymore, because the truth is, if that man truly loves you, he'll try to put in the effort to show it.
5. He sounds cold when he’s talking to you in person or over the phone
I don't know about you, but I look forward to simply hearing my husband's voice on the other end of the line. It’s one of the best parts of my day, as it should be, that’s why I would start suspecting that my husband doesn't love me anymore if suddenly, calling him feels like talking to Professor Snape!
The icy tones, unconcerned replies, and almost rude tone on the phone can only mean one thing, okay maybe two; you either did something to piss him off, or those butterflies in his tummy finally found the back door and escaped.
Certainly, it's a dreadful feeling not being able to randomly call your husband to express concerns, or even announce good news, or ask him for a favor. It takes the savor out of the marriage and completely frustrates the person on the other side of the line. If he loves you, then he won't act like he's being disturbed every time your number pops on the phone screen.
Plus, it's disrespectful for a man to make his wife feel like she's less, unimportant, or maybe even a nuisance. Relationships are all about working things out and finding solutions when there's love, trust me; he'll always find a way. Yet, that's the thing; if your husband doesn’t love you anymore, he won't bother to sound nice on the phone or in person, at this point he has probably started caring less.
Displaying a cold and relentless attitude towards you is one of the clearest signs your husband doesn’t love you anymore. Honestly, what's worse than an emotionally unavailable husband? One that distances himself as well, from home, chores, taking care of the kids, and generally being around you. Alright, this could sound sad, so gear up! The truth is, no one wants to feel unwanted, unloved, or un-treasured. So being put in a situation where you have to consider if your husband loves you is tough.
Being distant for three days or so, it's possible he has something on his mind, but staying that way or even getting worse over time, that's a major warning sign something is aloof. No one purposefully distances themselves from a loved one, more specifically, their spouse. On the altar, or by the beachside (wherever you got married, even in Vegas), there were vows exchanged, promises made, and maybe even oaths were taken.
Marital vows have to count for something; it shows you're both partners, friends, confidants, and each other's ‘secret-keeper.' If he can't trust you, then who else can he trust? It becomes even fishier if he used to tell you everything and suddenly pulls back. There's no way that is natural, except you have betrayed his trust, or something he heard makes him feel you can't be trusted.
What’s more, the only reason a husband should keep his distance is if he figures out that somehow, and for some reason, communicating with his wife could put her in trouble. The possibility is highly unlikely, but let's say we are giving him the benefit of the doubt, no matter how vague it seems.
7. He starts taking you for granted
You know that thing men do when they tell you to meet them for dinner at 7, but turn up by 8:30? Yeah, it's not cool. The worst is when there's no prior text or call telling you they can’t make it home on time, or to a pre-planned date. The first time is excusable, but when it happens way too often, then we have to start raising brows.
Men don't keep a woman they love waiting, except they have started to take her for granted. It doesn't matter if she'll understand, the man has to learn how to keep to his word; being sloppy and unthoughtful isn't a great look. As women, we love to be adored, loved, cherished, and maybe even worshipped a little. It's okay for the attention to drop a little, but not nice if it's practically non-existent.
It all starts with the little things, not appreciating the effort taken to buy a gift, cook dinner, or even drop the kids at school. No matter how long you have been doing something, a loving husband would appreciate it once in a while, and that's just a part of it. It doesn't make sense when a man, who used to treat his wife like a queen whilst holding hands with her when outdoors, all of a sudden switches up and starts acting as if he'd be just fine without her.
It's not only disrespectful; it's hurtful, a man in love may slip up from time to time, but wouldn't want to hurt his wife purposely. If he's no longer putting thought into those gifts, canceling at the last minute, making up poor excuses; again, these are all clear signs your husband doesn’t love you anymore.
8. The criticism gets over the roof
Some people refer to the honeymoon stage in marriage as a peaceful and loving ‘era' that would soon fade and ultimately turn stale. So a lot of people come into the marriage, expecting things to get boring, or expecting to manage a loveless situation. First off, even though the ‘honeymoon stage' does exist at the beginning of the marriage, that doesn't mean things should go sour a year or two after.
Positive criticism never hurt anybody, especially when it’s the truth that’s being told. It's helpful to hear and respect your husband's views and opinions on different subjects, from work to general knowledge, family life, or which wallpaper to pick out. Constructive criticism will help you see through each other's eyes and maybe even make better decisions; that's the plan, right? Two heads are better than one.
On the flip side, constant complaints and negative statements about a wife who is trying her best are just hurtful. It's a bit easy to tell the difference between helpful criticism and constant complaints targeted to hurt your feelings. If your husband still loves you, he'll think about subtler ways to pass across statements that are a little harder to receive.
He'll only throw all caution to the wind when he's falling out of love or isn't feeling the vibes of the relationship anymore. It could start from practically hacking at your personality, the way you laugh, eat, or even sleep, basically things he was okay with before. Once he crosses the line from words of advice to words said to undermine or hurt you, that isn't love anymore.
9. He disrespects you in front of family
Some women are used to being undermined behind closed doors, when everyone else is sleeping, or at least too far away to hear the demeaning or harsh words said to them. Why they stay through this isn't a topic today, but most times, it centers around family. A lot of moms stay because of their kids, enduring the bitterness, harsh words, or lonely beds, just so the kids grow up in a stable home.
Here's the thing, when your husband turns around and starts yelling or talking irrespectively when either the kids, other family members, friends, or even strangers are around, that's just crossing the line. A man who doesn't know how to control his emotions either needs anger management classes or a wife bold enough to walk away.
A life filled with hurtful or cold words practically hurled at you in public isn’t worth it, at some points, you stop being a victim and turn to an enabler. Most men won’t get the help they need if they don’t feel the need to. Separating yourself from such an environment may be the best way to help him get over himself and receive the right kind of help.
No-one should go through a marriage feeling drained, anxious, or constantly embarrassed by a spouse who refuses to get it together. Plus, as this continues, you may find yourself falling out of love as well and questioning the relationship.
10. You start walking on eggshells when he’s around
When you start feeling drained and suddenly sad at the thought that your husband would soon be around, it is a thing of concern. Most times, it is not outright fear, it could be simple concerns about how his mood would be today, or if he'll be displeased about something again. It could be a major sign that life has left your relationship; something just feels odd and mechanical and not natural anymore.
Sometimes, you find yourself hoping he sleeps early or wishing he won't see the kids writing on the wall, even though he doesn't say anything, the icy glare says it all. Things like this make it hard not to wonder if your husband still loves you. If he did, maybe he'd notice you're trying to keep your distance or notice that his attitude is causing tension in the house.
A man who doesn't care that his action is making his wife uncomfortable doesn't care about you. As husband and wife, you are supposed to be friends and lovers, with one of your sole purposes being to protect each other's feelings and interests. When that is missing, the relationship suffers, and things could go downhill very fast. Again, these are clear signs your husband doesn’t love you anymore.
11. He seems less interested in your affairs
I hate to be the bearer of bad news but, the moment it feels like your concerns are no longer his concerns, it could be a sign that the love boat is sinking, and I'll explain why. A man that loves you first of all loves who you are, what you do, and even how you do it. If he didn't like those things, then he shouldn't have married you in the first place. Marriages and relationships are not the platforms for people to test out how long their love will last.
What’s more, there has to be the continued dedication and effort to ensure the fire is still blazing no matter what. People are throwing away great relationships way to fast, and a lot of times, the warning signs start with a dwindle in interest. Before, he'd ask about your book club, or brunch with the girls, or even about a sick family member. Now, he simply focuses on himself and other things, without talking about your own issues.
It's one of the worst feelings in the world to be ignored that way, especially if you used to be the center of his world. Don't get me wrong; there should be room for things like career development, personal projects, and professional relationships to thrive. However, it should never be to the detriment of the relationship. Marriage problems could start when the husband thinks he can focus on other things now he has ‘finally gotten the girl.'
It's the first step in the wrong direction; he should still be committed to checking on your health, well-being, as well as asking about your concerns, hopes, and achievements every day. If he starts falling out of love, the interest or desire to know about your personal affairs practically diminishes, his thoughts would probably be replaced with other things that make him happy at the time.
12. He seems less interested in getting intimate
Some people argue that sex is not necessarily significant in marriages, and this opinion can only hold water if both parties decide to lay off for a while. There are medical reasons that could initiate such agreements, or perhaps couples who have agreed to connect on ‘deeper levels' for some time. Sex in relationships is, however, vital for couples who have not had such agreements.
If your husband doesn't have other medical reasons why he may not want sex often or at all, then there could be an issue if he starts rejecting your advances – maybe he is falling out of love?. If so, the marriage and relationship will definitely suffer. This is because, at least 50% of the time, men are the ones who initiate sex, most of them won't go a day without it. So, when out of the blues, sex becomes a bargain, then that's a warning sign.
Your sex drive, as well as his, should be satisfied whenever and however possible, provided that you're both on board. The mere thought of my husband refusing sex for more than once could raise suspicions that there's someone else. It's okay to say you're tired a couple of times, between work stress and everything else; that's understandable. However, when it almost becomes an anthem and regular occurrence, then it's time to ring the alarms!
A healthy sex life rides on both partners committing time in their busy schedules to get it on. When the kids are sleeping, or early in the morning before prepping for work. If you take sex out of most relationships, it's like taking the plug out of the tub; everything else goes down the drain.
13. He gets abusive
I couldn't end this without mentioning this, a lot of people in abusive marriages endure because deep down, they feel like their husbands may still love them. Here's the harsh truth; someone who truly loves you would neither verbally or physically abuse you. We teach kids to use their words instead of throwing a fit or being aggressive. You'd think grown-ups would have mastered the art by now.
Just for emphasis, I’ll repeat this and paraphrase even, a man that hits his wife doesn’t love, nor respect her. No sane person would consciously hurt you in that way, and if he keeps doing it, it's a significant sign he isn’t in love with you anymore. This doesn't rule out the fact that if such abusive men seek help, they can't change. However, it's essential to know when to walk away, take care of yourself, and hope for a better relationship, from afar!
There's a fair chance a husband that's abusive wouldn't do it with another woman, and though the thought may be hurtful, it's true. Any form of verbal or physical abuse is a clear sign your husband isn't in love with you. No man hurts what he treasures, or inflicts pain on someone he claims to love. If your husband does this, these are all clear signs he is not in love with you anymore.
His body language could give all the signs that he doesn’t love you and enjoy being around you anymore. He could also become cold and distant, and start making up excuses to be absent for family outings or at home.
The truth is, being in a relationship does not automatically mean you love someone. One of the clear signs you’re not in love would be if you stop caring about his whereabouts, and hoping he wouldn't come home early every night. It's also possible that you're falling out of love if you are thinking about someone else more than what's appropriate.
It will show in his actions towards you, he may not be 100%, but he'll try to spend time with you, seem interested in conversations and sound vibrant and loving over the phone. If any problem or issue is weighing him down, you'll also be one of the first to know.
You can’t force a relationship on someone, no matter how much love and attention is fed into it. Sometimes, giving a marriage time to work helps, but half the time, it doesn’t. It’s best to give him space and respect his wishes, no matter how hard.
Most times, there has to be a verbal agreement or admittance to wanting a divorce or separation. Before this, you can only assume that things will get better. However, there are some extreme signs listed above that are a clear indicator that the marriage is over, like abuse, infidelity, and almost non-existent sex life.
No doubt, a relationship can be tough, and marriage is even tougher. No one ever starts a marriage thinking it's going to end, at least no stable person does, yet, having concerns is only normal. While I hope none of the above is a real concern for your marriage, I do hope you had a great time reading through it. The first step to dealing with the problem of losing love in a relationship is getting the facts right.
That has been presented to you above. I'd love to hear how this article helped you and would like to read your comments on the matter as well. Please feel free to share this article with a friend or family member or someone else who is also having a relationship and love issues and needs to see this.
As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn't an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.