We all want our marriages to last forever, but things don’t always work out the way we plan. In fact, according to actor Dana Adam Shapiro, unhappy marriages are on the rise. In his book, ‘You Can Be Right (or You Can Be Married),’ he noted that as few as 17% of people are happy in their marriages.
Gloomier still, is the fact that six out of every ten couples are unhappy. So, while divorce seems to be on the decline, happy marriages and true love also seem to have dropped off a cliff. You might not want to believe it, but it is entirely possible that your marriage is among the six that’s in danger, and it might not even be your fault.
It might simply be the case that your husband is falling out of love with you, and is on the route to losing interest. But, like a sickness, there will be signs your husband doesn’t love you anymore, and you'll be armed with the choice to either fix it or get out before it gets worse. So, what are the signs you might ask? Well, I’m here to help you identify them in the list below.
- 1 How Do You Know Your Husband Doesn’t Love You Anymore?
- 1.1 1. He stops communicating with you.
- 1.2 2. He stops having fun around you.
- 1.3 3. He’s constantly fighting with you.
- 1.4 4. He no longer makes an effort.
- 1.5 5. He no longer finds you sexually attractive.
- 1.6 6. He picks on everything you do.
- 1.7 7. He doesn’t miss you when you’re not around.
- 1.8 8. He stops caring about the important dates and milestones
- 1.9 9. He’s always looking for ways to stay out of the house.
- 1.10 10. He’s no longer happy around you.
- 1.11 11. He constantly questions your relationship.
- 1.12 12. The method of resolving conflict changes.
- 1.13 13. He no longer responds when you want to fix things.
- 1.14 14. You start tiptoeing around him.
- 1.15 15. You suspect him of cheating.
- 1.16 16. He’s cold and emotionally unavailable.
- 1.17 17. You always seem to irritate him.
- 1.18 18. He completely takes you for granted.
- 1.19 19. He no longer shows affection towards you.
- 1.20 20. He stops wanting to spend time outside with you.
- 2 In A Nutshell
How Do You Know Your Husband Doesn’t Love You Anymore?
1. He stops communicating with you.
Communication is the life wire of any relationship. It is basically the currency on which our marriages run, and once it is gone, the union is going to slowly implode on itself until there’s nothing left. So, if something is not right in your relationship and you notice that your man no longer talks to you, or tries to communicate, it is one of the signs that he's falling out of love.
Note that companionable silence is different from lack of communication, and you need to be able to tell the difference between the two by monitoring all the signs. While the former is a level of comfort, we feel with a man that dispenses the need for words, the latter is the absence of comfort, proximity, love, and contact. So, if you notice that your husband no longer talks to you, have a chat with him to see what’s going on.
Perhaps he is just going through a tough time at work or emotional turmoil, in which case the situation is still salvageable. However, even though you have discussed the lack of communication, and there is no change, then he might be falling out of love with you.
2. He stops having fun around you.
One of the clearest signs your husband doesn’t love you anymore is if he no longer has any fun around you. Generally, couples who have been together for a long time might seem bored or lukewarm around each other, as a result of the routine, but you’ll realize that they still love each other and share a laugh regularly.
One of the things I love about married life is how free we can be with each other as a couple. However, a typically goofy and jovial husband who suddenly becomes a lot more stony-faced around you is a serious indicator of something amiss.
Although it may or may not be one of the first signs he doesn’t love you, if you find that your hubby suddenly finds you boring and is unwilling to listen to your jokes or laugh around you, even though you haven’t done anything wrong, that’s definitely a red flag.
This could mean that he has someone else on his mind he would rather be with or, he just doesn’t love you anymore. Trust me when I say you do not deserve that.
3. He’s constantly fighting with you.
According to a Money Magazine poll, 70% of married couples fight over finances more than other things such as sex, chores, and so on. Simply put, all couples fight, and in some cases, it makes the relationship stronger than it was before. But, it is a very different case if your husband is picking fights with you all the time.
For instance, if a normal conversation suddenly goes belly up and becomes this huge fight that makes no sense at all, this indicates there’s a problem. Moreover, if after the fight he isn’t willing to do anything to make up or resolve the issue even when he’s at fault, then you might be looking at a man who doesn’t love you anymore. In such cases, he tends to put all the blame on you for whatever you’re quibbling about and is not willing to take up responsibility.
Usually, when confronted, your man should be more than happy to explain why he feels you’re in the wrong, but if there is no rationale for all the blame coming your way, then it’s time to move on; as this is one of the clear signs your husband doesn’t love you anymore
4. He no longer makes an effort.
Marriage is a verb. It takes a whole lot more than ‘I love you’ to make a marriage work. What’s more, it requires graft and perseverance. As Nicholas Kirsch, a couple's therapist said, “Somehow, there’s this belief that we don’t have to work at learning how to be a couple, it should just come naturally. That, to me, is just very backward.”
With that said; it takes both of you to make a relationship work, and if one side isn’t pulling its weight, things will surely go south. Thus, if you notice that you are the only one making an effort with no help from your husband, it is one of the clearest signs he doesn’t love you anymore.
Couples rarely split things evenly from chores to finances, to love, yet this should not stop your husband from doing his bit to keep the marriage together. If he can’t do that, then he doesn’t deserve you.
5. He no longer finds you sexually attractive.
Sex is a vital component of a happy married life, and the lack of it could lead to a breakdown in the relationship. Sexless marriages exist, and this is no problem if both parties are fine with the lack of sex. But, if every time you initiate sex, and your partner refuses, while still retaining an interest in the act, then the marriage has a problem.
Sexlessness in marriage is caused by a variety of factors, including low sex drive, mental illness, disability, and so on. This is totally different from when your husband still wants to have sex, just not with you. Obviously, there are times your husband will not want to do it, especially when he is going through a great deal of stress.
Yet, even in those times, most husbands will power through just to keep you happy and show your love. So, if your hubby is not willing to do this, it could mean that he has lost interest, and is showing clear signs that he has lost interest and doesn’t love you anymore.
6. He picks on everything you do.
Constructive criticism is great for every relationship. Your husband is your partner, and you want him to be honest with you, so, when he gives you pointers on certain things, you can suss it out and look to fix it. On the flip side, if your husband picks on every little thing you do, it is a sign that all is not well.
This is especially true when he aims for some of your insecurities such as weight, personality, preferences, and makes you feel like crap. It is a toxic trait that, at the best of times, can be dealt with through communication and dialogue. At the worst, it'll continue to no end. You don’t have to come home to such terrible behavior, and you are better off walking away from such a relationship.
7. He doesn’t miss you when you’re not around.
‘Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport’ this was the first line from the 2003 romantic comedy, ‘Love Actually’. The character who said those lines, was talking about how love is evident when lovers, partners, or family members see each other at the airport gates.
You can imagine what it feels like coming home from a long and grueling trip to find your hubby waiting for you at the gate with a huge smile and open arms. In contrast, imagine you don’t find him at the gates at all, but at baggage claim where he casually gets your bags, says a quick hello and starts heading to the car.
Such a blatant display of insensitivity should send alarm bells ringing in your head. Moreover, if you get home to find that he was happier when you were gone, it is one of the surest signs your he doesn’t love you anymore and doesn’t value your life altogether.
8. He stops caring about the important dates and milestones
We generally get giddy on milestone days (birthdays, wedding anniversaries, etc.), and they are important as they mark something for us. So, if your man forgets or just stops showing interest on those days, then he might be hinting that he is falling out of love with you.
There are circumstances where forgetting or missing a milestone event can be forgiven, such as a high-pressure situation or a health emergency. But, if he forgets regularly and doesn’t make an effort to remember or even make it up to you, then he might be falling out of love with you.
Also, if your husband, who was a regular gift giver, suddenly stops doing this, it could be a sign that things have gone stale. This is because gift-giving is one of the five love languages, and its absence, especially from someone who typically indulges in it, is a sure sign that there is a problem.
9. He’s always looking for ways to stay out of the house.
Your husband might have a pretty stressful job in which case, his absence from the home is somewhat understandable. Despite this, many husbands still find a way to spend time with the most important people in their lives (you and the kids.) This means that if he stays out longer than he should during work days and is always looking to go out on weekends, then he doesn’t prioritize the time he spends with you.
Such behavior is unfair and can lead you to ask questions like ‘does my husband love me?’ which is not something any happily married person should be asking. A working marriage should feature a husband and wife who want to spend time with each other, that’s what you do when you love someone.
So, if that is not the case, then he might have his eyes fixed elsewhere, and you need to have a chat with him about it. More so, if he is unable to justify his reasoning or refuses to change, it’s certainly one of the clear signs he doesn’t love you anymore, and it might be time for you to leave or find a definitive solution.
10. He’s no longer happy around you.
I mentioned earlier that more and more people are in unhappy marriages around the world. This is a situation neither you nor your husband deserves, and it is one that should be fixed as soon as possible.
For instance, if your special spaghetti dinner no longer brings a smile to his face, or he no longer responds when you wear something stunning, all of these are red flags that you have to pay attention to.
Ideally, you want your husband to be happy, and you want your mere presence to bring joy to his heart. But, if that’s not happening, then it means that he no longer derives joy from your partnership and might be sticking around for some other reason.
An article on Psychology Today reveals that the fear of loneliness in later life is the weightiest reason people stay in unhappy marriages. While this is a valid reason, it isn’t a sufficient one, and if your husband has this problem, then you either find a way to resolve it with the help of a marriage counselor or leave.
11. He constantly questions your relationship.
If every time you fight, your man questions if the relationship is even worth it, this is easily one of the biggest signs your husband doesn’t love you anymore and is emotionally done. Men tend to find a way to fix relationship problems as quickly as possible and a committed man will ask his married friends for relationship advice, as well as talk to you, suggest ideas for the both of you to recommit yourself to the marriage.
Instead, if your husband is constantly questioning the relationship and looking at it from a negative angle, these signs merely mean he has given up, and maybe you should too. However, if you prefer to stick through it, there are a few things you could do to fix the problem; however, it isn’t a great sign if you are the one doing all the firefighting.
As mentioned earlier, a relationship is hard work and needs both sides to pitch in to survive. Thus, if your husband constantly expresses pessimism about your chances of making it, then is it really worth fighting for?
12. The method of resolving conflict changes.
Different couples have different ways to resolve conflicts. While some have screaming matches and bicker like kids, others try to talk things out like adults. Regardless of which method you subscribe to, conflict resolution should remain constant.
What this means is that while you might not enjoy fighting, you at least know what happens next and, more importantly, how things will end. However, if you realize that the way you handle conflicts with your husband has changed, and not for the better, this is yet another warning sign.
Furthermore, while fights aren’t always pleasant, the continued participation of both parties in the battle is sometimes a show of emotional investment in a relationship. So, if your husband abruptly gives up on arguments, or tries to avoid them in the first place, even when things are clearly going badly, it is yet another one of the biggest warning signs that he doesn’t view the relationship as one worth fighting for anymore.
13. He no longer responds when you want to fix things.
As mentioned earlier, communication is one of the most important factors in a successful relationship. In fact, it is stipulated that 65% of failed marriages crumble due to poor communication. Therefore, if you notice that your relationship isn’t as good as it used to be, and you make an attempt to reconnect with your partner, which isn’t reciprocated, then it is undoubtedly a warning sign that he’s falling out of love.
Furthermore, a study by John Gottman found that 87% of the time, couples still in love responded positively to attempts to reconnect or fix problems. On the other hand, failed couples only responded positively, 33% of the time. This is because a positive response to a reconnection attempt shows that the other party still retains an interest in the relationship.
Also, if your significant other has ‘logged out,’ he no longer cares about anything you do to make things right, and it is a worrying sign that he doesn’t love you anymore. With that said, I would advise that you make attempts at reconnection and try everything you can to make the marriage work so that if you walk out of his life, you can do so with no regrets.
14. You start tiptoeing around him.
You should never have to tiptoe around your husband, and if you are doing this, then there’s a problem. Most successful couples stick together, and tend to ignore those insignificant bad habits – this is simply due to the understanding that no one is perfect.
So, if you suddenly find your husband criticizing you at every turn, comparing your relationship with those of others, or getting irritated by even the most innocuous things you do, then he is clearly showing signs that he has fallen out of love with you.
More so, this could result in you walking on eggshells when you’re around him in fear that you might somehow trigger him. This is no way to live and a loving husband will never let you feel like that. Don’t stand for it, demand to know what’s going on, and if the issue is still not resolved, then it’s better to walk away rather than diminishing yourself and persisting with a man who doesn’t love you.
15. You suspect him of cheating.
So you’ve noticed that your husband is chatting with another woman on social media? Or has he started acting weird with his cell phone? Even more brutal, are these actions coupled with a general lethargy towards you? If so, don’t be surprised if you’re asking yourself, ‘does he still love me?’ or ‘Is he cheating?’
There’s no easy way to say this, but odds are, he probably is. While some men will cheat no matter what you do, it is certainly alarming if you suddenly have to start worrying about your normally faithful husband.
Cheating could be as a result of an unfulfilled sex life, or he might just be falling out of love with you and is finding fulfillment with someone else. In such a case, you need to confirm if he is indeed cheating, and deal with it.
A relationship relies a lot not just on love, but also on emotional connection and passion, so much that they are sometimes enough to carry a marriage for a period. The lack of either of these is bad and is an indicator that all is not well in the relationship.
So, if your husband no longer wants to pick up your calls, or isn’t there for you when you need him emotionally, it is a sign that your husband doesn’t love you anymore. If he can afford his family and friends the time of day but spares nothing for you, then he doesn’t value you, and you are better off somewhere else.
Also, if you feel you are coming home to a man who you no longer recognize, who acts like a stranger, then listen to your gut; there’s definitely something wrong. Because there is nothing worse than being in an emotionally bankrupt relationship and persisting with it could result in unhappiness and even depression. Therefore, you owe it to yourself (and your kids if you have any) to sort out the situation or exit stage left.
17. You always seem to irritate him.
It can be deflating to come to your husband to talk about something that happened at the office or some sort of success, and he not only doesn’t respond negatively but makes you feel bad about it. Worse, it’s disrespectful and is not the behavior of someone who’s in love with you.
In addition, if he finds you irritating and takes no pleasure in listening to you or being in your company, then it is likely the case that he no longer loves you. Also, it is usually pretty easy to gauge if your husband loves you, even if he’s the strong, silent type. This is because a loving husband shows attention to the things you find important and is happy to hear your thoughts and feelings.
Whereas, if you are in a marriage with a partner who doesn’t care about these things or who doesn’t like being around you, then there’s a huge problem that needs urgent attention. Remember, you deserve to be in a marriage with someone who will love you, and anything less is grounds for a breakup.
18. He completely takes you for granted.
There are few things worse than being taken for granted in a relationship (except perhaps hearing a woman say ‘my husband doesn’t love me anymore’). It is an utterly soul-crushing experience that no couple should face. Therefore, if your husband is taking you for granted, it means he doesn’t love you or has stopped loving you.
It is true that a lot of couples can take each other for granted after being together for a long time, however, if it happens consistently, then it could point to an unhappy married life. The psychology behind taking someone for granted is that there’s a belief that you will always be there waiting. Therefore, he’ll keep being rude, disrespectful, and mean, while expecting you to put up with it.
That’s not loving, and if he behaves like that, then he doesn’t love you. Of course, there is the temptation to try and sort it out one way or the other, but leaving, even temporarily, is the most effective remedy, as it shows that you will not be there waiting for him, and you no longer love him, no matter what happens.
19. He no longer shows affection towards you.
He no longer wants to hold your hand in public, he doesn’t give you those quick kisses before he leaves for work, or he doesn’t help you massage your shoulders after you’ve had a long day at work. These scenarios are especially jarring if your husband used to do them but has suddenly stopped.
You could argue that your hubby is averse to public displays of affection, but what if he is also neglecting to show affection privately? The absence of affection is one of the most common signs that he doesn’t love you anymore, and it can be pretty hurtful.
Talk to your husband if you notice this and find out what’s going on, and you might find out that it is a temporary problem brought on by a personal problem. But, if after having a chat about it, you don’t see a change, it might be that things have reached an unsalvageable state and is yet another one of the signs that love is no longer in the picture.
20. He stops wanting to spend time outside with you.
Closely tied to the last point is the case that your husband no longer wants to spend time with you in public. Generally, couples are quite happy to show off their significant others to the outside world. So, normally, your husband should be happy to take you out to dinner and work functions, and if he doesn’t, then there’s a problem.
It could mean that there’s someone else he’s raining that attention on, or he’s no longer proud to be seen outside with you. Whatever the case, it is certainly one of the signs that he doesn’t love you anymore.
Furthermore, if your hubby keeps postponing dinner plans, bailing on you, or standing you up, even when you have made time for him, it is a major indicator that the love has seeped out of the relationship. You deserve to be with someone who is happy to have you with him everywhere, never forget that.
In A Nutshell
Never for a second think you don’t deserve happiness, because you do, just like anyone else. I hope you found all the signs in this article helpful because it would be nice to stop seeing women lamenting ‘he doesn’t love me anymore.’
Further, if you have any thoughts about the topic, why not leave a comment in the section below? Also, if you enjoyed the article, please don’t hesitate to share it with your friends and loved ones.
As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn't an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.