There are people that dream of having a marriage until the day they die. They want to grow old with one person and enjoy going home to them every night. That’s great, but there are also people in the other category. The ones that enjoy their freedom and cringe at the mere thought of a joint bank account.
Deep down, I want to get married. I want a happily ever after with a mom, dad, and the kids. On the other hand, deep down, I also don’t think it will really happen.
It’s not that I’m not marriage material. I may be biased, but I think I’m great. However, I also have standards. I refuse to settle. I was single for years and grew to love being single. Living with someone else is not my idea of happiness.
This led to the question, would I ever get married? If you’re in this situation, all the research I conducted is definitely going to help you figure out which category you fall into.
- 1 What Are Reasons Not To Get Married?
- 1.1 1. You Don’t Believe In Marriage
- 1.2 2. You Love Your freedom
- 1.3 3. Weddings Are Expensive
- 1.4 4. Marriage Has Never Been Your Thing
- 1.5 5. You Have Different Priorities
- 1.6 6. You Hate Committing To One Person
- 1.7 7. You’re Terrified Of Marriage Going Wrong
- 1.8 8. Compromising Is Not Happening
- 1.9 9. You’re Traumatized From Previous Relationships
- 2 Signs You Will Never Get Married
- 2.1 1. You’ve Spent The Majority Of Your Life Single
- 2.2 2. Change Is Terrifying
- 2.3 3. You Only Want To Get Married Because It’s One Of The Steps
- 2.4 4. You’re A Loner At Heart
- 2.5 5. You’re “Miss Independent”
- 2.6 6. True Love And Soulmates Are Myths
- 2.7 7. You Have A Negative View Of Weddings
- 2.8 8. You’re Getting Older
- 2.9 9. Being Single Is Awesome
- 2.10 10. You Have High Standards
- 2.11 11. Your Boyfriend Doesn’t Want To Get Married
- 3 Should I Get Married?
- 4 FAQs
- 5 To End Things Off,
What Are Reasons Not To Get Married?
Some people, like myself, are full of reasons that they do not want marriage. Although your reasons may be different than mine, you could still have them.
Maybe you don’t agree with monogamy or your culture calls for polygamy relationships even though it is illegal to marry more than one person in the United States. Perhaps you think that marriage is nothing more than a tradition, and you are not a traditional person.
There are plenty of reasons that people choose a different path for their life. These are some of the most popular reasons that people are choosing not to spend their life doing family life.
1. You Don’t Believe In Marriage
Some people believe that marriage is simply a legal agreement to commit to one another. It is nothing more than a piece of paper. They believe that marriage is more about what is in your heart and that if you truly love one another, you will commit for the rest of your life without having to go before a judge or priest and getting a piece of paper.
2. You Love Your freedom
There is nothing that can compare to the freedom that comes with being single. It’s one of the reasons that I keep finding myself back to the single life. I can do what I want when I want.
If I would like to stay up working until two in the morning and then cook pancakes, no one is here to be mad that I am not in bed yet. This goes along with me being able to go wherever I want, with whoever I want. That’s not something I have found in a relationship yet.
In addition to the obvious freedoms, you don’t have to worry about someone else when you are single. Instead, you can be a little selfish. You have the freedom to do anything you would like without worrying about how it will impact your significant other or your relationship.
3. Weddings Are Expensive
Weddings are expensive. Even if you do a simple court wedding before a judge, you still have to buy a dress and wedding rings. You also still have to have a proposal, which costs both time and money. Couples that already think weddings are pointless will have a hard time justifying spending hundreds or thousands on a social display of their commitment to each other.
4. Marriage Has Never Been Your Thing
Some people grow up dreaming of marriage and already have their ideal wedding in the back of their minds. Other people simply don’t. There is nothing wrong with either choice.
If you have never dreamed of marriage or really even wanted to entertain the idea of marriage, chances are that you might never get married. That doesn’t mean you’re destined to single life forever. It just means that you can have a wonderful relationship without a formal ceremony.
5. You Have Different Priorities
It can be hard to juggle a love life or marriage while focusing on your education or career. Something always gets more attention than the other thing. Usually, people feel that they have to choose between the two things, and marriage is not the highest priority.
If you have placed married life on the back burner to become your definition of success, there’s nothing wrong with that. If you do this your entire life, however, you might never get married.
6. You Hate Committing To One Person
The married life means committing to one person for the rest of your life. If the mere thought of one person forever gives you a sense of dread, don’t consider the marriage thing. Marriage is about commitment, and you aren’t ready for that if you want two or three different people at once. There’s nothing wrong with playing the field, but there is if you’re in a serious relationship with someone. If you’re scared of commitment, you won’t be ready for a lifelong one until you can handle a short term one.
7. You’re Terrified Of Marriage Going Wrong
If you’ve been through a divorce or watched someone else split their possessions in half while their children were left traumatized, it’s no wonder marriage gives you chills, and not the good kind.
It can be hard to take that leap when you’ve witnessed marriage failures first hand. If you don’t want to take the risk, you don’t have to. You can enjoy life and a healthy relationship without the vows of marriage.
8. Compromising Is Not Happening
Some people like to think of other people, but others would prefer to do things their own way. If you are a bit stubborn and insist on doing things your own way, a life of marriage might not be for you. A relationship might also not be for you.
Both marriage and a relationship are centered around two people working together as one. Decisions often impact someone else, and sometimes the two people have to compromise, meaning that you aren’t going to get what you want. If you’re not ready for a life of compromise, getting married is not for you.
9. You’re Traumatized From Previous Relationships
Maybe you used to be that girl that had her entire wedding planned by the age of twelve. You were that romantic person that dreamed of finding their soulmate. Then, the heartbreaks started.
Maybe you were in an abusive relationship or four. Maybe you gave him your all only to hear excuses when you weren’t a priority. Either way, going through so many break-ups like that can leave you a bit doubtful about guys in general, especially when it comes time to move in or spend a life together.
If this is your past, it will have an impact on your future. Maybe you’ve already decided that you’ll never walk down the aisle. If that’s the way that you would prefer it, there is nothing wrong with that. Things from our past make us who we are, and they have an impact on the way we live our life. If you don’t want to spend your life with anyone else because of that, there is nothing wrong with that. Live your life the way that you want, not how tradition claims you should.
On the other hand, it’s important to note that you can change your mind. Therapy can be helpful for those that wish to heal or would like to take the leap into married life. Whatever you choose to do, do it the best that you can, whether it is striving to be the true romantic that you used to be or living your best single life possible.
Signs You Will Never Get Married
Maybe you just realized that you don’t have anything against marriage exactly, but you also are wondering if you will never get married. If you are experiencing any of these things, marriage might not be your thing, even if you haven’t realized it yet.
1. You’ve Spent The Majority Of Your Life Single
If you’ve spent most of your adult life single, there’s probably a reason. Maybe you have trust issues, or maybe you enjoy the single life so much that you don’t want to give it up. Either way, if you aren’t willing to chance a committed relationship with someone else, you’re not going to get married.
2. Change Is Terrifying
If any type of change, even ones as simple as moving into a new house, scares the crap out of you, you’ll head for the hills at the idea of marriage. Marriage brings a lot of changes in your life. You’ll spend the rest of your life thinking about another person. If you hate change but are wondering if you should get married, you might just be going through the steps.
3. You Only Want To Get Married Because It’s One Of The Steps
If you feel like you should enjoy married life because that is something that people do, it’s one of the signs that you should never get married, and it’s one of the signs that you never will get married.
You should not face married life with this idea of marriage. Marriage is not something that you do because it is what society says. Instead, it is enjoying being married to the love of your life. In order to enjoy marriage, you must understand marriage.
Not only is this one of the signs you shouldn’t get married, but it also makes you less likely to be married. This is because you’ll dread every part of the process if your heart is not in it. Weddings take a year to plan, at least. They require a copious amount of time and money. If your heart is not ready for marriage, you will not get married.
4. You’re A Loner At Heart
Some people love having someone by their side all the time, but others don’t. If you like being alone and enjoy your own company, ditch the idea that getting married is the only life to live and enjoy your alone time.
There is nothing wrong with being by yourself. You can always be the king of the castle and have total control over the remote, which is not something you’re going to get if you have to share everything with someone else. If this paragraph makes you smile, getting married simply isn’t for you. Instead of feeling pressured by family or society to find a significant other, enjoy your comfort zone and do things that you want to do.
5. You’re “Miss Independent”
There’s nothing wrong with being independent. If you’ve always been more comfortable relying on yourself, though, it’s one of the signs that you will not like the idea of marriage. Marriage involves depending on each other and meeting each other’s needs.
When you’re extremely independent, you’re accustomed to meeting your own needs. You don’t need anything from anyone else, and, even more than that, you don’t want anything from anyone else. Marriage threatens that independence, so if you’re not willing to give a little up you will never get married.
6. True Love And Soulmates Are Myths
If you don’t believe in true love, you might never get married. There’s nothing wrong with that, but the fact is that if you’re practical instead of romantic, you won’t spend your life looking for signs from the heavens that a person is your soulmate.
You are also less likely to get married for love. If you do, it’ll be for other reasons, such as saving money or because it makes sense. This is why the more practical you are, the more likely it is that you will never get married.
7. You Have A Negative View Of Weddings
If you get an invitation in the mail to a friend’s wedding and instantly hate going or are surrounding by pessimistic thoughts, like how stressful weddings must be for people, it’s one of the signs you will never get married. This is because this is a great indicator of how you view weddings and that you simply are not a traditional person. It’s also one of the signs of your deeper feelings regarding marriage.
8. You’re Getting Older
According to research, the older you get, the less likely you are to get married. Granted, all of us that is almost 35 and single are sharing memes about how we statistically avoided our first divorce, but the cold, hard truth is that we may have also avoided marriage altogether. Only half of the people in this age group that are not opposed to the idea of spending their life with someone else will get married. In this situation, you may not wind up married even though you have nothing against the idea of marriage.
9. Being Single Is Awesome
If you’re ecstatic enjoying all the perks of being single, it’s going to take someone pretty amazing to make you change your mind, if someone can do it at all. Sometimes, regardless of your age, you just aren’t ready to settle down yet. You love the way that your life already is. If you are scared of change, commitment, and love the way that single life is, chances are slim that someone is going to change your mind.
10. You Have High Standards
The day I realized I might be single forever was the same day that I sat down to decide what I really wanted in a future boyfriend. I’ve talked to so many men I’ve lost count, but it seems like all of them have a deal-breaker. So, I made a list of the perfect man that I was looking for. I even asked my children for their input as he would be in their lives as well. The fact is, I’m being a bit unrealistic.
It’s great to have standards, but when you have way too many, everyone is bound to be missing something on the list. Don’t settle for someone that doesn’t treat you right, but at the same time be ready to accept that you might never marry someone if you can’t compromise a little bit.
11. Your Boyfriend Doesn’t Want To Get Married
Maybe you’ve found the love of your life, but your boyfriend doesn’t want to get married. If he’s not showing any of the signs he wants to marry you or specifically told you “I want to marry you”, it can easily be mistaken for a sign that you will never be married to the guy even though you are in a relationship.
Just because he is not showing the signs right now doesn’t mean that he never will. He could be waiting on a promotion to buy you a ring, or he might be taking his time because he never wants a divorce. If you want to spend the rest of your life with him, have patience, and then bring up the topic. Maybe he hasn’t thought of it yet.
Should I Get Married?
If you’re already in a relationship and are considering the possibility of marriage, it’s important to consider how your current relationship is going before tying the knot. You don’t want to spend the rest of your life being bitter about the person you chose monogamy with. You also don’t want to bring a baby into the world only to realize that you two are not going to last. Watch out for these signs when considering where you want to be with your current partner.
1. Is He The Man Of Your Dreams?
Are you getting married to save money because you’re focused on finances or because you want to be a couple until death does you apart? If you’re not marrying him for love or are only doing it for tradition, you are setting yourself up for a potential life of unhappiness.
2. How You Handle Stress As A Couple
How you deal with stress together will have a significant impact on whether he stays your husband or becomes an ex. Communication and coping skills do not improve just because there’s a ring on your finger. You should be able to have a discussion about problems, ask your partner for advice, and enjoy having a teammate. If you find that you two never solve a problem together and are often fighting instead, that’s a red flag.
3. Does He Care About Planning The Wedding?
If you spent your childhood dreaming of the perfect wedding, it’s understandable that he might let you take over. However, if he never wants to help plan it, never wants to talk about and seems disinterested, that’s another red flag to keep in mind.
4. Do You Get Along With His Family?
If the two of you are already together and you dread spending time around his family and friends, that’s going to matter. You will spend the rest of your life around his parents because you’re his wife. If you’re not ready for that, you might not be ready for the next step.
5. Are There A Lot Of Arguments?
Take a hard look at both of you before heading down the aisle. If your living situation feels like a nightmare because of his attitude, there is little respect and there seems to be trouble everywhere you turn when you are with him not only should you avoid the chapel, it might be a good idea to break up or makeup. Those issues need to be fixed before a lifelong commitment.
If you’re happy being single and have no desire to change that, the odds are not in your favor. Look at your life, your previous relationships, and see where you stand. Being over 30 also indicates you might never walk down the aisle.
Common reasons include: being against the idea of being married, thinking that it is pointless or a waste of money, or simply not being ready to settle down. Other people may choose not to do this simply because they have not met someone they want to spend the rest of their life with yet.
When he’s ready to tie the knot, he’ll drop hints. He might declare that he wants to spend his life with you or casually ask for your ring size. More subtle hints might include introducing you as his future wife or saying you’re his wife.
You should wait to bring up the topic until you are positive that you want to say I do. Consider both of your goals, how you both feel about children, and other important topics that will be a factor in the future when deciding if this is something you want. Then, bring up the topic.
It’s more than okay to be single. Long gone are the days when you were less of a person because you weren’t married like society declared that you should be. Being single is not only okay, but you can also have a blast while you’re waiting for Mr. Right to come along.
To End Things Off,
Are you binge-watching Netflix wondering if you are destined to be single forever, or have you made the choice not to tie the knot? What’s keeping you from marriage, and how do you know if you’ll ever take that walk down the aisle or not?
As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn’t an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.