How important is trust in relationships? Is trust more important as a relationship progresses or is it one of the major values important right from the beginning, thus, forming the bedrock of all relationships? If trust is so vital, why would someone who claims to be in love with you tell white lies or say words that betray their actions?
When you are blindly in love with a man telling a lie, it is easy to let your trust in him override common logic or ignore a red flag of his contradictory actions waving furiously in your face. The common saying ‘love is blind’ doesn’t refer to the intangible feeling called love, but to the people practicing it.
Being blind means whatever your guy does is almost always perfect to you and he can do no wrong, regardless of the numerous signs you can’t trust him that he displays even in your presence.
Before banging your head against the wall or calling yourself all sorts of names, know that everyone chooses to be oblivious sometimes because a lie is usually easier to accept than a painful honest answer.
Have you been ignoring your gut feeling or signs you can’t trust your partner? Do you want to learn the truth from a third party? This article is for you because it will expose 23 signs you can’t trust your partner and erase from your mind the doubt you’ve been harboring about your sanity all the while.
- 1 23 Signs He Should Not Be Trusted
- 1.1 1. He pretends to like your friends
- 1.2 2. He seems to like only you
- 1.3 3. His body language gives him away
- 1.4 4. He gets defensive when you try to be funny
- 1.5 5. It is obvious he’s keeping secrets
- 1.6 6. He acts anxious when you spend time together
- 1.7 7. He hardly shows up at the time he promises
- 1.8 8. He is ‘always busy’
- 1.9 9. He returns your phone calls late and with no apology
- 1.10 10. He makes secret phone calls
- 1.11 11. He is paranoid about you touching his phone
- 1.12 12. You haven’t met any of his close friends
- 1.13 13. He tells you white lies
- 1.14 14. He hardly calls you by your name
- 1.15 15. He breaks his promises more than he keeps them
- 1.16 16. It is difficult to communicate with him
- 1.17 17. There are gaps in the information you have about his past
- 1.18 18. He doesn’t come to you to discuss vital matters
- 1.19 19. All of his exes are bad people while he is always the ‘good one’
- 1.20 20. He doesn’t care for displaying affections
- 1.21 21. He calls his blatant flirtation ‘a harmless conversation’
- 1.22 22. He doesn’t interact with you on social media
- 1.23 23. Nothing about the relationship adds up
- 2 FAQs
- 3 To Conclude
23 Signs He Should Not Be Trusted
1. He pretends to like your friends
Your friends have been with you long before this guy; they probably know you better than he does and they are like family to you. It’s a no-brainer that you love and want to spend time with them without diminishing the time you spend with your man.
Although you don’t expect your man to become close-knit or chummy with them, it is alright to want him to get along with your friends. However, if he pretends to like them but does things that indicate the opposite, it is a sign that you can’t trust him completely.
For example, if he uses words that make your friends feel insignificant, yet insists on hanging out with them, he is probably saying he doesn’t have to like any of you to hang out.
2. He seems to like only you
Many women, including you, probably get hot and bothered in a sexy way about men who seem to have their attention only focused on them. However, that a man is only polite to you while ignoring other people doesn’t make him a good person.
A man who treats other people like trash but handles you like a queen will probably treat you badly at a point when you stop doing things the way he wants it. You can’t trust your partner to always treat you right when he seems to be at odds with everyone else because his idea of trust, loyalty, and love is warped.
Such a man will keep you under his thumb always because you are his only source of goodness. You need to open your eyes to this huge red flag if you have been ignoring it before now.
3. His body language gives him away
If his mouth says one thing but his body language says another thing, it’s an indication that there is a problem. If he refuses to meet your eyes, it is either he is hiding a lie behind his eyes or he doesn’t deem your conversation important. A person’s body language says a lot and you can pick up the lie that doesn’t correlate with the truth the mouth is supposedly saying.
However, to pick up the non-verbal cues, you need to pay attention to his body language, else, you’ll miss the vital signs that you can’t trust your partner.
4. He gets defensive when you try to be funny
Self-deprecation is not always a bad thing, especially if it is done in the right moment and way. Laughing at yourself or saying something to make someone laugh about their situation can be done with no harm delivered. Self-deprecation could happen in the form of humor and good ribbing but truths can emerge during an honest intention such as teasing someone.
Does your man always find your effort to crack a joke at his expense offensive? Does he flare up when the teasing reaches his turn but has no problem making fun of you and other people? This contradictory attitude is one of the signs that you can’t trust your partner.
5. It is obvious he’s keeping secrets
Someone with no secrets won’t deflect good humor or display an opposite action when his words mean something else. Do his actions indicate he is feeding you white lies? Does he omit information only to fess up later that he forgot to include it?
Do you find condom wraps in his pockets and he claims they were the same ones both of you used at the beginning of your relationship before you became exclusive?
Before you give in to his load of crap, run around and do your investigation to know if he is sharing not just his life but also his body with other people. You don’t want to add STD to the list of heartbreaking discoveries you might find.
6. He acts anxious when you spend time together
Have you ever observed the kind of vibes your man gives off when you are together? Does his energy say, “I want to be right here with you, right now and always” or does it say “I can’t wait to get out of this prison”?
The kind of energy your partner emanates will tell you a whole lot about his feelings for you and a man with the air of ‘desperation to escape’ has something else more important than you waiting for him somewhere else. As such, if you notice him fidgeting or acting anxious to leave you, it is a sign that you can’t trust him.
7. He hardly shows up at the time he promises
A sign that tells you that you can trust a guy is when he keeps to his words. A man who stands you up too many times to count doesn’t deserve your trust or devotion.
Has your man been piling up excuse after excuse for not making it to your dates? Has he been mostly absent when you need him around you? Does he show up for you during emergencies? Do you run to his aid more than he makes an effort to run to yours? That he doesn’t show up for you at the right time is a sign that you shouldn’t put your trust in him.
8. He is ‘always busy’
Partners who claim to be too busy to give their better-half attention are simply dubious. It doesn’t matter how busy one is; you can always make time for the people dear to your heart. If he doesn’t make room for you in his busy life, you can’t trust him to have time for you during his leisure time either.
Everyone, including you, can make the excuse of ‘I’m busy’, but you chose to include him in your life, and so should he. Rather than continue making excuses for me, be truthful with yourself.
Is he really busy or doesn’t have any need for my presence anymore? Does he have anyone else or I’m just too demanding? Asking these questions is a good start and a better option than being blind to the sign.
9. He returns your phone calls late and with no apology
Communication over the phone should be just as important as the one you have face to face. Is he fond of returning your call or text message very late? Is he always unable to render a sincere apology or give a convincing reason as to why he didn’t give you attention at the appropriate time?
If he does either or both of the above, this is a sign you can’t trust him. Except he is an undercover agent who cannot divulge any information about his work, you are in for a rude awakening when he eventually stops his ruse as the right guy.
10. He makes secret phone calls
Up on the list of red flags that indicate you shouldn’t trust your man is if he makes secret calls or sends messages secretly. One of the qualities that every couple should adhere to is openness in the relationship. While both parties should respect each other’s privacy, there should also be an openness that says, ‘I trust you and so, I have nothing to keep from you.
Once a guy begins to leave the room or go away from the vicinity of the home just to take a personal call he doesn’t want to take with you around, you cannot afford to trust him. Except he is in cahoots with your siblings to shop for engagement rings for you, you can’t trust him.
11. He is paranoid about you touching his phone
Another sign you should watch out for in your relationship is, does he guard his mobile phone or PC like a national treasure? Does he stand by whenever you borrow his phone to do something? When his phone rings, does he first shoot you a cautious look to see if you spied who called?
Can you open his phone or do you have to ask for his password every time you want to make use of it? Does he have the password to your devices but refuses to give you any to his? If that isn’t a sign you shouldn’t trust him, what is?
While it is normal to ask for his permission to use his phone, there should be a willingness to divulge his password to you, especially if you’ve been in a relationship with him for so long.
12. You haven’t met any of his close friends
Knowing the kind of people your man hangs out with is one of the ways to know him. Do you know his close friends or he has never introduced you to any? Does he only talk about his co-workers but never about the guys he goes to the bar with?
If you don’t know any of his close acquaintances and he doesn’t take you to his family home for once, you are taking a risk with your heart. Meaning, he is not a man you can trust.
13. He tells you white lies
When a man tells you a lie only to later claim he did so to protect you, he won’t stop at that first lie. White lies usually seem harmless, especially if you’re the one telling them, but like any other vice, they become inconvenient that you have to cover up so you don’t get caught.
If he fibs a lot on minor things, you can be certain he will do the same for major things too. After the first, second, and third time, you can’t trust him not to continue with this pattern.
14. He hardly calls you by your name
There is nothing wrong with your man calling you pet names but there is a serious problem when he never uses your name at any point in the relationship. Most times, when a guy sticks to using only endearments such as ‘baby’, ‘sugar’, or ‘honey’ without adding your name at the back of the word, he probably has a plethora of women he gives booty calls.
Even if you are the main chick, he doesn’t want to make an error with the other ladies and so, if you insist he calls you by name sometimes and he can’t do it, it would be a risk for you to trust him.
15. He breaks his promises more than he keeps them
A man whose word is not his bond isn’t the type you can trust. Mistakes indeed happen, but when his mistakes become a pattern and he is saying sorry more than you say thank you, he will break your heart eventually.
Don’t trust your heart with a man who breaks his promise of being there for you more than he shows up to be with you, especially if you’ve been fulfilling your end of the relationship.
16. It is difficult to communicate with him
When you can’t get him to communicate his feelings or tell you what is going through his mind, you need to be wary about how much of yourself you reveal to him too, especially if the relationship is still very young.
You shouldn’t trust a man who makes you spill your gut and reveal your vulnerable side when he isn’t willing to do the same. One of the qualities that will save your relationship when there is trouble is open communication. When he allows vagueness to become a shadow in your relationship, he will create cracks for distrust.
17. There are gaps in the information you have about his past
Many people believe that you do not have to tell your partner everything that happened in your past. While that notion might be true, both parties must tell each other the major events that happened, especially if the ones that could impact either of you in the future.
If you find yourself filling the gaps of important details about his past, which he could have easily told you, he is not a man you can trust.
18. He doesn’t come to you to discuss vital matters
A couple implies ‘two peas in a pod’ that should reach out to each other first before accepting external advice or help. If your man doesn’t think it’s important that he approaches you with his ideas or problems before anyone else, it means he doesn’t trust you. Why should you trust him too?
It would help if you confront him with this concern but if he doesn’t change, you can’t trust him with things important to you either.
19. All of his exes are bad people while he is always the ‘good one’
In any relationship gone sour, there is always a bad guy and a good guy and at one point or the other, anyone can be either of these two. If your boyfriend never admits to being wrong in any of the relationships he’s had before and is always blaming his exes for the break-up, you should be concerned.
No one is the ‘perfect one’ except they are sociopaths who can’t love anyone but themselves. With a man like that you might end up being the villain sometime soon, so you might want to be careful about how much you trust him.
20. He doesn’t care for displaying affections
Not everyone is comfortable or built to display full-on physical affection in public but anyone in love should be able to express how they feel through their eyes, and words if they don’t like public physical contact.
If your boyfriend doesn’t make any effort to be affectionate in words or deeds, in public or private, he is probably being careful because he is double dating or doesn’t like you all that much.
21. He calls his blatant flirtation ‘a harmless conversation’
Sometimes, some guys do ridiculous things they can’t accept from their women; for example, flirting with or spending money on other girls. If your man is the type who flirts with different women or buys them things, claiming it’s just harmless kindness or conversation, you shouldn’t be only jealous but also distrustful.
If he cannot accept the same thing from you, he shouldn’t do the same thing to you.
Different couples have different agreements on how much they make their relationship public. However, keeping your relationship a secret from too many eyes doesn’t mean your man should snob you on social media, especially if you comment on his posts a lot.
If he ignores you online, you can’t fully trust him because most of life is just as online as it is offline these days.
23. Nothing about the relationship adds up
Sometimes, you just have to trust your gut feeling telling you that he is not the right guy for you. It could be a niggling feeling of doubt about his recent activities or the kind of energy he seems to be giving the relationship, but you should never discard your gut feeling.
The signs that trigger this feeling at one point might not be the same you’ll get at another time, but you can add up the totality of your feelings to come to a reasonable conclusion.
If the things he says add up with the things he does, you can trust him, but if he acts otherwise, you can’t trust him.
You will begin to question the way they lie to you at every point and make it seem like you are the one who isn’t seeing things the right way. You will stop taking what they say at face value and seek a second opinion.
Yes, you can love someone without trusting them but that’s because you once trusted them.
Sometimes, your gut feeling can be biased, but most times it’s best you follow what it tells you because it is usually mostly right.
Trusting people can be beneficial because it makes them know you, and without saying much they will be there for you on days you need them.
Trusting your partner should be like a second skin, but when he starts giving you a reason to stop doing so, you will need to protect your sanity first. No relationship will make it far without trust, hence the importance of this value. How helpful was this post? Do share with someone and leave a comment below.
As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn't an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.