Have you ever had an insecure boyfriend? You know the ones that I’m referring to. They get jealous at the mere thought of another guy being interested in you. Guys ask if you’re single and they don’t want you to leave the house by yourself. These are the boyfriends that want to control you because they are scared to lose you because they have low self-esteem.
Some guys are known for being protective, like certain zodiac signs. An insecure guy takes things beyond being protective in a relationship. Instead, they display signs of insecurity daily, may play mind games to control you and more.
It takes a while to pick up on these things. You might not realize that your man is insecure until you’re already extremely invested. Then you start to see that getting attention non-stop is a bit smothering. It’s better to check for a red flag or two at the beginning. If you might be in a relationship with an insecure man, watch for signs of insecurity.
- 1 What Are Signs Of Insecurity?
- 2 How Do You Know If A Guy Is Insecure Around You?
- 3 How Do You Date An Insecure Man?
- 4 FAQs
- 5 In A Nutshell
What Are Signs Of Insecurity?
When you think of insecurity, you usually think of jealousy or possessiveness. While these two are warning signs, there are several other clues that you are dealing with an insecure man to be on the watch for.
1. He does not have friends
An insecure man will not have many friends if he has any at all. These men do not typically participate in group activities, and often blow this off by claiming that they are loners.
Some men truly are loners, but an insecure man takes it to a higher level. He could also do participate in those activities while dating, but slowly stop as he spends every waking moment by your side, checking up on you or texting you. You will slowly consume his life.
2. Love bombing
Before the false accusations like him demanding to know your whereabouts comes the love bombing phase. This happens at the beginning of the relationship. Your man will make you feel like you are on top of the world. He’ll post pictures of you on Facebook declaring how you are the one for him. Your new man will be in a rush to be in a relationship because you’re so perfect. He will go to great lengths to make the world all about you.
This will feel flattering at first, but you also have to stop to think when this happens. It is a warning sign that there is something wrong with his mental health. He could be insecure. This is also one of the signs of abusive partners. No matter what the end result is, love bombing is one of the main signs that something is going to go wrong in a relationship.
3. Positive affirmation is a must-have
When a man has insecurity issues, they need consistent validation throughout the relationship. He will ask opinions as he fishes for compliments or consistently asks questions like what you love about him to make himself feel better. A tad bit of insecurity can come to the surface from time to time, but if making him feel good about himself daily has turned into a routine you are dealing with an insecure man.
4. Unwarranted jealousy
If your man gets jealous over everything, including time spent with female friends or going shopping, he might have insecurity issues. Getting jealous over other men trying to make a move is a tad normal. Feeling that way every time you do something that does not include him is toxic. No one should have to check in while they are getting their nails done. Insecure men feel some type of way if your activities do not involve him.
5. Social Media stalking
Today, it’s perfectly acceptable for one partner to heart react every single post on their girlfriend’s Facebook. They might also comment on them, like Instagram posts, etc.
Insecure men take this to the extremes, though. They want to know everything that is posted, have to be in the profile picture or instantly go through private messages on your Twitter account, as well as other social media accounts. These men use social media as a tool to keep track of everything you’re doing. You can trust that there will be arguments if too many guys like your picture.
6. They read messages
You have no privacy with an insecure man, including in your messages. These guys will find a reason to look through your phone, read your text messages or go through your dm’s on social media accounts. They will go through every form of communication you have to make sure that you’re not cheating or talking to other guys while they are not home.
Forget About Freedom
An insecure man will invade your privacy, insist on going with you, or you can face questioning the second you walk through the door. You don’t get a feeling of freedom when you have an insecure man. Instead, even when you leave, you’ll feel trapped. It gives a new meaning to the ball and chain joke that so many people make regarding marriage.
7. They accuse you of cheating
If they are not the central thing in your life, they will accuse you of cheating. It could be that you took a long time at the store, were window shopping for hours or simply lost track of time with your girlfriends. Whatever the reason, it won’t matter. He will accuse you of having an affair or ask if you have another love interest.
How Do You Know If A Guy Is Insecure Around You?
Men tend to act differently when they are around you than they normally would, especially during the beginning of a relationship. He will not begin with being jealous or going through your messages.
Insecure men will take time to love bomb you first. Instead, these guys know that they are insecure deep down, so they will attempt to hide it. They will never begin getting to know you by telling you that they are insecure or will want to know your whereabouts 24 7 within a few months.
That would be nice, but instead, you’ll have to find other ways to see if you’re dealing with an insecure person. These clues are some of the ones to watch out for to help you determine how insecure he is.
8. He was the victim
Insecure men portray themselves as the victim in past relationships. They will claim they were used, they were cheated on, etc. You won’t hear things that they did wrong unless you specifically ask, but remember that they will still manage to point the finger at their ex.
9. There was nothing good about his exes
Everyone has good things about them as well as negative aspects. When you ask him about past partners, though, there is nothing good there. Instead, he can tell you everything bad about them. Then, he’ll throw in how much better you are to start the love bombing phase.
10. He cares a lot about past relationships
Men that are filled with insecurities can’t stand the thought of you being with other people before you two were a couple. He will want to make sure that all photos are deleted. An insecure man will hate the thought of another penis being inside you before his.
In the beginning, this will not be as obvious. He’ll ask about what led the two of you to break up or may blatantly ask if you have feelings for your ex. Insecure men might ask if you’re having sex with one of your ex-boyfriends, but they will tell you this is because they want to know if you are still connected to them because they have been hurt in the past.
11. He has trust issues
Later in the relationship, you’ll see this as him being jealous and not respecting your privacy. Early in the relationship, a man may say that he has trust issues. Instead of telling you that it is because he is insecure, he will more than likely blame this on being cheated on in the past or some other event that involves blaming other people.
How Do You Date An Insecure Man?
Now that you know the signs of an insecure man, you have to decide if you still want to date him. If you do choose to take things further, there are ways to date him with few problems. The two of you can also work through those insecurities throughout the course of the relationship.
Don’t try to fix him
No one can fix someone except for themselves. You cannot love him enough to make him feel better about himself. Compliments will work on a short term basis, but they will never make him feel better on a long term basis.
Instead, he has to recognize that his behaviors stem from his own problems. Then, he must work on fixing them himself. Therapy can be very helpful. A professional can help him recognize his fear, and then work through the problem.
Be delicate with criticism
Men that are insecure often have a sensitive ego. This is why they become aggressive or angry with confrontation. It is because they feel threatened. Even words of truth can cause emotional pain because they are so sensitive. Learn how to deal with problems in a gentle manner to avoid the pettiness that goes hand in hand with insecurity.
Don’t change yourself
You should never change who you are for a man, but an insecure man will want you to. He’ll want to change things that make him feel some sort of way. It’s up to you to realize that he is being toxic and to stand up to that trait. If you become a different person for him, even in the looks department, it will build resentment towards him resulting in you being unhappy.
Boundaries are essential
Before you dive into this, it’s important to create boundaries for yourself. Keep your privacy, and make sure that possessive or controlling behaviors are not borderline abusive. If you create these boundaries beforehand, it can help you be happy in your relationship.
Examples of boundaries might include not letting him go through your phone, but you tell him if you talk to an ex or your child’s father. You might also be comfortable giving him social media passwords. If you’re running late you could call to let him know that you’re okay, but might not feel comfortable checking in during the day while running errands. Decide what you are comfortable with to determine your limits, and stick with them to survive this partnership.
Use words that are kind and full of positive energy. Offer reassurance when you can, and let him know that you desire him. Good morning texts to remind him you love him are always a great idea. You can’t change him, but you can help him feel better as he changes himself.
His actions will tell you all the information that you need to know. He will want to know everywhere you go, stay in constant contact, give you little space and will be jealous. He will not have friends or go to places with groups, such as the gym.
To keep your sanity intact, set boundaries. This will give you peace of mind. Then, tell your spouse that their insecurities are a problem and encourage positive changes. Do not give ultimatums or threaten divorce. Remind them you love them and want to work through this together.
A lack of affection or few compliments combined with criticism sets the stage for insecurity. Cheating, being jealous and threatening to leave will also lead to negative thoughts that will impact the relationship.
Controlling boyfriends use manipulative tactics to control you. They may threaten to harm themselves, will act like you are not good enough for whatever reason they have come up with and will do whatever they can to control your entire life. They can have a significant impact on your life.
In A Nutshell
Dealing with an insecure boyfriend can be tough. It can be hard to determine whether a man is insecure or controlling, and even harder to figure out what to do with the situation. Have you ever been in this situation? What signs did you notice, and what did you do?
As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn't an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.