The beginning of a relationship is often the most exciting because you put in little to no effort to make things work. The euphoria of the moment causes you to overlook a lot of things; and being swoon by romantic moments, there’s no atom of red flags to invade your mind.
Nevertheless, there’s always a glimpse of truth into every action your boyfriend takes at the beginning and throughout the relationship. Perhaps you’re getting an intuition ringing in your head that things are eluding normality; and what you call a harmless controlling situation might become an abusive relationship.
The fact is, your intuition always puts one or two inconspicuous signs together; and further down the line, it becomes exceedingly hard to escape from such a relationship. Thus, it’s important to be informed about the possible warning signs you have a controlling partner, and what to do in such situations. Here are a few situations that should sound the alarm.
- 1 9 Ways To Tell You Have A Controlling Boyfriend
- 1.1 1. You’re distant from everyone
- 1.2 2. You’re Always Wrong
- 1.3 3. You’re Secretive About The Little Exciting Occurrences
- 1.4 4. He Only Loves You Only When You Do Stuff
- 1.5 5. You Aren’t His Equal In The Relationship
- 1.6 6. He Remembers All Your Wrong-Doings
- 1.7 7. He Wants To Know Everything
- 1.8 8. He Complains Over Little Irrelevant Happenings
- 1.9 9. He Causes You To Feel Like You Owe Him
- 2 FAQs
- 3 To Summarize…
9 Ways To Tell You Have A Controlling Boyfriend
1. You’re distant from everyone
Signs of a controlling situation are usually hidden in the little things your partner does. At the beginning stage, it may not be overly obvious, but you can easily spot when things aren’t going as they should. A way to determine if your boyfriend is indeed controlling you is how your relationship affects the one you have with other people.
It’s completely normal to be engrossed in spending time with your boyfriend, but it’s exceedingly suspicious if your boyfriend is responsible for you being isolated from your friends and family. Is he constantly making you feel like they’re bad for you, or you should spend less with them? This right here is a red flag and is one of the warning signs.
More so, although this may seem sweet and charming at the very beginning, going down the line, you begin to realize that your support system has been exceedingly cut off – and there’s nobody you can talk to or get advice from, perhaps something isn’t right in the relationship.
2. You’re Always Wrong
A controlling boyfriend would always want to stay in control; and a way to make sure this happens is, by passing all guilt and blame to you. Truth is, being wrong means you have to apologize, and that in itself makes a person vulnerable.
Sure, there are exceedingly perfect boyfriends that can’t do anything wrong. They always know what to say, and what to do to make you smile. Nonetheless, if you have a boyfriend that can never bring himself down to the point of admitting he did something wrong, even when it’s point-blank obvious, then it’s one of the obvious ways to know he’s controlling.
In relationships, both parties should be able to apologize to each other, and it shouldn’t always be you doing the apologizing. In such a scenario, you would always consider yourself as the weaker vessel in the relationship, when in reality, you may not even be at fault.
3. You’re Secretive About The Little Exciting Occurrences
Being controlling in a relationship means deciding the events your partner can and cannot do. This is irrespective of how meaningful they are to them. Thus, one of the common signals that you have a controlling partner, is when you unconsciously find yourself hiding all the exciting events you do because you simply know he won’t approve of it.
The word ‘unconsciously’ is used because when you deliberately do something that’s bad, you make conscious efforts to hide it. Nonetheless, if you do something that’s harmless, something that you love, your inner self is unable to fathom why you should be keeping it a secret. Nevertheless, in order to keep the relationship, you elude speaking of these occurrences.
In a nutshell, a major red flag in any relationship is your inability to truly be who you are; and a controlling boyfriend will always make you succumb to the image he wants you to be.
4. He Only Loves You Only When You Do Stuff
As emphasized before, a controlling boyfriend would always want to have the upper hand in the relationship; and in order to do this, he creates plenty of rules. This may even pertain to his affection towards you; also known as conditional love. Your boyfriend only seems to love you when you do something specific, and he makes this plainly known to you.
More so, his controlling behavior seems to affect whether he sees you as someone he loves, or whether he doesn’t. This, in turn, makes you feel synonymous with a pushover each time you don’t meet his expectations; and you constantly see yourself trying to appease him. In the long run, you will tend to feel like you’re incapable of being loved, and inevitably, like there’s something condemnable about your character.
However, in reality, love is a conscious effort to embrace the imperfections that someone else has; and if your boyfriend isn’t doing that, then you should consider all of his statements of affection towards you. A controlling relationship is subjective and tends to be emotionally abusive, and this is something you shouldn’t have to settle for.
5. You Aren’t His Equal In The Relationship
Dating a person is all about agreements; where two people come together and choose their distinctive idea of love and cooperation. How to easily spot a controlling relationship is distinctively by how your boyfriend treats you. Is he treating you like his equal? Asking you for advice or for suggestions? Or is treating you like a child?
When someone is controlling a relationship, this indicates diminishing the partner’s input. More essentially, the partner would only have limited roles to play. Questions you should ask yourself if you feel your boyfriend is a controlling person are: Is he controlling where I go? Controlling how I act? Controlling what I wear? If yes, then this is one of the signs your partner is controlling.
Although certain people tend to be charmed by opinionated people that simply know what they want; if this is directly subjective on the stuff you love, then it can be regarded as a controlling habit.
6. He Remembers All Your Wrong-Doings
How else is a dominant guy going to establish dominion if he doesn’t make you feel bad almost all the time? You can easily recognize someone with a controlling behavior if he keeps a record of your wrong-doings and uses it at strategic moments to make you comply with his wishes. In a nutshell, you feel bad, and you compromise once again just to make him happy.
Forgiveness is good, but forgetting another person’s wrong-doing shows immense integrity. During the relationship, your intuition begins to tell you it isn’t normal for your partner to persistently keep a grudge against you, especially if you’ve apologized multiple times. Then again, you also begin to get accustomed to his controlling habit, to the point that you simply overlook it.
Nevertheless, it is prudent to always consider the negative behavior of your partner; because it would most likely grow into something extremely unbearable. But before that happens, you have to ask yourself whether you truly want to be in such a situation, or not.
7. He Wants To Know Everything
“Where were you last night?”
“Who were you speaking to on the phone?”
“Show me your text messages.”
If he asks you any of these questions, then there’s a high chance you have a controlling partner. It doesn’t matter if he says it in the most polite way, or with a smile on his face, the most important thing to establish is that he doesn’t trust you, and his controlling habit cannot respect your privacy.
Sure, a little jealousy from your partner is completely normal; but when this exceeds to the point that every little action you do can’t be kept under the radar, then you know your partner is definitely controlling. If he wants to see your bank statements, know how much you’re spending and what exactly you’re spending money on, then he is imperatively controlling your life.
There’s a high chance you won’t truly be yourself around him because he’s constantly monitoring you. This evades the true essence of dating a person.
8. He Complains Over Little Irrelevant Happenings
If your partner makes you feel terrible over simple happenings like forgetting to do the dishes or putting too much sugar in his tea, then it’s a sign he’s a controlling person. The most insignificant occurrences seem to piss him off, and he always has something to say about it. Basically, you always have to uphold a persona of perfection, with little to no room to slack when you’re around him.
There’s nothing wrong about somebody being critical about the actions they detest – but how many actions can a human being really detest? If you’re living a life that’s far from your normal level of comfortability, then there’s a clear indication somebody is planning the events around your life.
When dating a person, you should live in the comfortability of your skin an ample amount of the time. Thus, if your partner isn’t satisfied with how you are as a person, then maybe he shouldn’t be dating you. Peradventure you have behaviors that are displeasing to him, it’s his responsibility to bring them to light and subtly make you understand the need to change – without outright dominating you.
9. He Causes You To Feel Like You Owe Him
Combining all the above-listed indications of a dominant guy, it’s clear he would also make you feel you’re greatly indebted to him. He’s been good, you’ve been bad; he’s been attentive – in a dominating way, while you’ve been making him unhappy. The list goes on, lingering to the fact that you have to somehow repay him for all the supposed goodness he has shown you.
More so, since he doesn’t act like you’re his equal while dating, he feels you are greatly indebted to him for all the support he’s been showing you. In his eyes, controlling you has been the highlight of the dating experience, because you wouldn’t have been able to do stuff correctly anyways. Thus, you’re incredibly obliged to repay the debt.
As a matter of fact, you’re not. You shouldn’t have to feel insecure or unmatched to a person you refer to as your significant other. If your partner creates a picture that you owe him by making you feel less than, then it is a terrible sign that he’s dominating your life.
How Can You Tell If Someone Is Controlling?
When a person deliberately makes you know you’re not measuring up to their standards and forces you to change. Your experience with them pushes you to feel like you’re less of a person when you’re really not. More so, they make you feel guilty for every little mishap that occurs.
What Are The Red Flags In A Relationship?
If your partner is controlling and everything is inclining to physical abuse, you can easily spot that you’re dating the wrong person. More so, when you can’t really be yourself around that person, then it’s clear you’re not going to be truly happy dating that person.
What Is Considered A Controlling Relationship?
This is a scenario where somebody is leaving a double life; a side that pleases the partner, and another side he/she would rather be living. In other cases, somebody diminishes the role the other has to play and simply goes by the opinions of his/her partner.
How To Deal With A Controlling Boyfriend?
The only recommended way to deal with a controlling situation is by leaving that situation. If you try to voice out, there’s a high chance he wouldn’t admit to his wrong-doings. He might even pass off blame to you to make himself look good in the situation. Basically, the cycle never stops.
What Are The Signs Of A Controlling Boyfriend?
When a controlling guy dominates the entire dating process, he ensures his girl abides by certain rules. Most of the input she gives is limited, and the dating process becomes more of a dictatorship rather than an agreement.
Were you enlightened by this article? Remember the only way to deal with such a situation is to simply leave the situation for good. If he’s dominating you now, he just might keep on dominating you. Understand that you deserve to be loved unconditionally for who you truly are. Make sure to share this article with your friends and comment down below.
As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn't an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.