Attraction is very important in any relationship, especially between husband and wife. While we claim that we like our man to be funny, emotionally stable, and all that, research shows that physical attraction still largely guides our decision to pick someone as a mate. Similarly, we want to feel attractive and loved as this feeds into our self-esteem and confidence levels.
Therefore, asking a question like ‘does my husband love me?’ is a huge downer, as I have learned through experience. It sucks when you realize that your husband isn’t looking at you lustfully as you walk out of the bedroom without clothes, or if he feels distant when you both talk.
Furthermore, it leaves you thinking, ‘my husband doesn’t love me anymore,’ and when that happens, while the marriage can still survive, something becomes missing that gnaws at you all the time. So, you’ll then be asking yourself ‘what were the signs my husband not attracted me?’’
Well, I’ve done my best to spill it all out below. And as you will see, the reasons can be varied. Also, you need to understand that even if your husband exhibits these signs, it might not mean he no longer loves you, it might be something else, but it’s worth considering.
- 1 Signs He Is Not Attracted To You Anymore
- 1.1 1. Sex Life Goes Off The Cliff
- 1.2 2. He’s No Longer Romantic
- 1.3 3. He Doesn’t Reach Out To Communicate
- 1.4 4. He Listens But Doesn’t Engage
- 1.5 5. He Flirts With Other Women
- 1.6 6. He Makes It Difficult To Spend Time Together
- 1.7 7. He Spends Time But Doesn’t Have Fun
- 1.8 8. He Talks To You Like A Buddy/Pal
- 1.9 9. He’s Affectionate, But Not Intimate
- 1.10 10. He Places His Needs Over Yours
- 1.11 11. Conversations Become Awkward
- 1.12 12. He Doesn’t Talk Excitedly About The Future
- 1.13 13. He’s Distant
- 1.14 14. He Chooses Porn Over You
- 1.15 15. He Doesn’t Get Jealous Anymore
- 1.16 16. He Acts Like He Knows You Inside Out
- 1.17 17. He Gets Bored Easily With You
- 1.18 18. He’s Always Picking Fights
- 1.19 19. Something Doesn’t Feel Right
- 2 FAQs
- 3 To Conclude…
Signs He Is Not Attracted To You Anymore
1. Sex Life Goes Off The Cliff
The sex lives of men are everything! So, when it ceases to exist, this will be a huge red flag for me, and it should be for you too. It is especially alarming if your sex life, which used to be great, suddenly goes out the window. No doubt, men are highly physical creatures, and more often than not, their love language involves physical intimacy; therefore, the lack of it is worrying and could be a sign of incoming relationship problems, as well as the fact that he is no longer physically attracted to you.
Furthermore, even if the sex life might still be there, if it feels perfunctory and leaves you unsatisfied, these are all signs that something is wrong. This is because when there is physical attraction, men are like horn dogs, unable to keep their hands off you. So, if your significant other refrains from touching you, it’s a sign there is a problem that needs to be addressed. The truth is – being honest with your feelings is the best way forward.
2. He’s No Longer Romantic
Roses at your workplace, impromptu date nights, little love notes stuck on the fridge door– these are the staple of a romantic relationship; no doubt, we all get a high when the person we love does this for us. But if you’ve been married for a while, and suddenly your partner no longer enjoys any of these things, I can understand how worrying it will be.
Consequently, many of us tend to think that because we’re married, it’s normal to lose a bit of romance, but this isn’t true; marriage isn’t a death knell for romance. Conversely, married men are incredibly romantic (hence why they’re a catch for many single women). So, if your partner isn’t going out of his way to the things that triggered your love for him in the first place, this is a clear sign that something needs to be fixed.
3. He Doesn’t Reach Out To Communicate
Communication is important in any relationship and is the cornerstone of any marriage. Think about it; you’re stuck with this person, hopefully forever, so you’re going to need to talk to them, right? Additionally, the communication goes beyond just ‘what do you want for dinner,’ and it should cover a myriad of topics.
Hence, if your partner doesn’t seek to engage you in deep conversation or isn’t willing to talk about anything beyond mundane everyday stuff, it could indicate that you no longer stimulate him. For instance, if for a long time, you’ve always known him for his funny banter and jokes about why he thinks his boss’ head looks like a pineapple, but he no longer feels the need to amuse you, then something is up. Certainly, it’s a sign there is a problem that needs to be addressed.
4. He Listens But Doesn’t Engage
This is a much bigger problem than you might realize. You might be thinking, ‘But he listens to me and agrees with everything I say,’ and while it is great that he listens, it doesn’t mean he is there. This is because, in most healthy relationships, your husband doesn’t just listen, but he gives his opinions and sometimes doesn’t even agree with you.
Therefore, if your husband just listens to you listlessly and doesn’t go out of his way to offer his take or opinion on a matter, it’s one of the clear signs that he’s no longer attracted to you. Furthermore, it could be that he has completely lost interest in trying to engage you and have stimulating conversations.
So, the next time you have a conversation with your partner, check to see if he is not only listening but also if he is processing the information and giving you some sort of feedback.
5. He Flirts With Other Women
This is especially bad as it not only shows that he isn’t attracted to you, but that he is searching for something, or someone, else. Your husband should regularly flirt with you because he finds you attractive and wants you to know it; hence, if he is giving that attention elsewhere, then it’s a problem.
It’s also worth noting that this problem could arise due to a decline in your sex life or some other factors that cause him to cast his attention somewhere else. So, examine the situation and determine a course of action. That said, this sort of behavior is especially worrying because it also means that your husband isn’t going out of his way to show you the respect you deserve, especially if he is flirting openly.
6. He Makes It Difficult To Spend Time Together
Now, it is necessary to note that spending time apart isn’t bad for a relationship as it makes your reunion even sweeter. However, if you don’t spend any time together at all, it eats away at the relationship until there is nothing left of the connection that initially brought you two together.
Moreover, time spent together should be a priority for your husband, and when it reduces, your alarm bells should start ringing. This is because periods you and your partner spend with each other are opportunities to understand each other even better, which is something your husband should be interested in. But, if he appears reluctant to spend the time necessary and always comes up with excuses to be away, then it is one of the clear signs that he simply isn’t interested.
7. He Spends Time But Doesn’t Have Fun
On the other hand, if your husband is spending time with you, but appears not to be having fun, that’s another problem. However, this lack of interest or attraction doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you; it just means he doesn’t want to tear your clothes off. While this situation might suit some women just fine, many want to be the object of lust for their significant other.
For instance, if you and your hubby sit quietly in a room, or take long walks together, but he doesn’t try to initiate intimacy (not necessarily sex) then it might indicate that he wants to spend time with you, but isn’t really interested in you sexually.
On the flip side, it’s possible he still spends time with you and takes those walks as you would like, or still helps out in the kitchen; however, if your normally jovial husband isn’t making jokes or being goofy, and you are the one acting clownish instead, it’s very likely he doesn’t really enjoy your company which is one of the warning signs might not be attracted to you anymore – no doubt, this is pretty hurtful.
8. He Talks To You Like A Buddy/Pal
First off, friendship in a relationship is vital; hence why many women choose to marry their best male friends; however, there’s also a reason why many of us choose not to do so. Answer this; what does your partner have that your next best friend doesn’t? Attraction – no doubt, that’s what sets a lover apart from a friend.
Therefore, if that attraction goes away and all that you’re left with is a good friend, there’s nothing else to set your husband apart from a really good male friend. Likewise, men also see it this way, and if he is only talking to you like a roommate, then it’s likely he no longer lusts after you.
More so, if all your chats are friendly without a slight bit of perviness thrown into the mix, then it’s certainly something to think about. In such instance, ask yourself – is your sex life great? Has he lost interest? Does he want something else? These are all questions that might bug you when this happens.
9. He’s Affectionate, But Not Intimate
This is tricky. After all, it might not be easy to notice at first because it seems like your husband is acting normal, but then his mind might be elsewhere. Besides, it’s even harder if your husband is busy because you might easily mistake it for fatigue.
So, your partner comes home from work and hugs you and goes off to bed. Or, maybe he even asked about your day and listened to you while cuddled up. Yet, you feel that bit of distance; his hand running through your hair feels mechanical, he’s holding you and doesn’t even once try to sneak a cheeky hand under your shirt. All these actions point at a husband who probably loves you, but isn’t attracted to you.
Naturally, when someone loves you, they don’t need a special occasion or reason to want to get intimate. Also, there’s a feeling of warmth that radiates and envelopes you indicating that you are valued and loved. So, if this is missing, then there might be a problem.
10. He Places His Needs Over Yours
Love is selfless, and more often than not, if someone loves you, they will put your needs over theirs. On the flip side, selflessness is also pretty sexy, as this research shows. But, what if he places his needs over yours and doesn’t display the sexiness you used to associate with him? Again, this is one of the signs your husband doesn’t find you as attractive.
As mentioned above, selflessness is sexy, but not only to the receiver, but the giver also uses this skill to show love and attraction. In such cases, more often than not, the man finds the girl physically attractive enough to perform a selfless act.
With all that said, finding out that your husband now prefers to do things without considering how you might feel about it is painful, but even worse, it is a sign that he might not be attracted to you anymore.
11. Conversations Become Awkward
Remember when your partner first came into your life? How easy the two of you could communicate, how easy it was to say ‘I love you,’ or how effortlessly the conversation flowed? Well, it was all easy back then as you were both in love at the time. But now, you find that conversations are hard to go through, or you don’t feel as comfortable when spending time with him. All these things show that your man might not be attracted to you anymore.
That said, it isn’t uncommon for couples to have some awkward conversations one way or another. For example, when talking about your sex life, or when discussing your finances. However, if every conversation takes an awkward turn, again, it’s one of the signs there is a huge problem.
In fact, the lack of quality communication could be the reason for the awkwardness, or maybe the both of you have forgotten how easy it is to converse, or he just doesn’t find you attractive enough to want to try harder at the conversation.
12. He Doesn’t Talk Excitedly About The Future
It is generally accepted that women are the planners of the relationship. We’re the ones that talk about the future; ours, our hubby’s, everyone’s! That said, men are just as invested in the future, and most couples usually plan their life together.
Now, one way or another, if you find out your husband is hoping for a big promotion to subsequently buy a vacation home, the two of you haven’t yet discussed it, such behavior is a big old red flag and is one of the possible signs that your significant other is not attracted to you anymore.
Furthermore, it could also be that he, perhaps, doesn’t see you in his life anymore and is no longer interested in you physically. If that’s the case, it’s best to be open and discuss your feelings; you can try and bring that topic up and if he tries to avoid talking, then that is another one of the signs that all is not well.
13. He’s Distant
As noted earlier, when your husband hugs you, the warmth that radiates is evident, and you know that you are loved. But when it’s absent, you also notice it, and it shows if he puts some emotional distance between both of you.
Also, it might not only be the hugs; he might be more distant, less attentive, or more curt than usual. And while all this might be a symptom of stress, it might also be a sign that he is not attracted to you anymore or has something else in mind.
14. He Chooses Porn Over You
Your husband watching some porn to get his rocks off is not much of a problem. However, it becomes one if he prefers to engage with the screen rather than with you. Such behavior means that your sex life is lacking something, and he just isn’t into you physically anymore.
Importantly, it should be noted that porn addiction is real and could be the reason he is spending more time on smutty websites; even then, he should want to have sex with you. Therefore, if he prefers some lotion and the fantasy of another woman, it’s one of the clear signs that he doesn’t view you as worthy of his lust.
15. He Doesn’t Get Jealous Anymore
Jealousy is a rather sexy emotion in the right doses. Just like salt, when added with care, spices up a meal, jealousy can spice up a relationship and even ramps up the physical attraction between couples. On the flip side, when added liberally, it is no longer sexy, but creepy and toxic. But, there’s a third scenario; what if it’s not there at all?
While you might assume you have a mature man right there, it could also be that he doesn’t believe you are worth getting jealous over. Jealousy is a huge component in attraction because, to a man, it means that he sees this woman in his life forever and doesn’t want her with anyone else. But, if other men flirt with you and he doesn’t even raise an eyebrow, it could also point to the fact that he is not attracted to you anymore.
That said, you need to be careful that your man isn’t just hiding his jealousy. Also, not flipping out because your colleague paid you a compliment doesn’t mean he isn’t jealous. But, if he pays no attention when things like this happen or doesn’t even indicate that he noticed, or maybe also encourages it, that might mean he is not attracted to you anymore.
16. He Acts Like He Knows You Inside Out
Have you ever finished a video game 100%? If you have, then you know what comes next– you drop it and move on to the next game. That’s the same thing many couples face when they feel like there’s nothing left to know about their partner’s life.
Part of your allure is the mystery. This is the reason men try to understand us or know us better. However, it is a double-edged sword as it also means that when everything is revealed, we lose the mystery.
However, there are still those of us who can play the same video game over and over again, without getting bored. Likewise, a loving husband never gets bored with his wife and sees her in his life forever. On the flip side, a husband who has lost interest behaves like he knows everything about you and there is nothing exciting left; in fact, the thought of you in his life might appear burdensome.
For example, let’s say you both get into an argument, and he already assumes he knows what you’re going to say, accompanied with an eye-roll, it’s likely he doesn’t think you have anything new to offer and is tired of having you around.
17. He Gets Bored Easily With You
Does your hubby play games or engage in other activities when you are pouring your heart out to him? Or perhaps you catch him staring out of the window in boredom during your usual morning conversations over coffee? These behaviors indicate lost interest and could be signs that he doesn’t find you stimulating and is bored in your presence.
While it isn’t impossible for you and your husband to be bored even when in each other’s company, it is a problem if you are having fun, but he isn’t. If this is the case in your relationship, you might need to take action. Hence, you can talk to him to find out why he is bored, and if his answer is non-committal or random and it happens repeatedly, then there’s obviously something wrong.
18. He’s Always Picking Fights
Couples fight, and it is a natural part of a relationship. However, what isn’t normal is if your hubby looks for any excuse to get into a fight with you, and this has been going on for a long time.
While it could be his subtle way of letting you know something else going on, or that he isn’t attracted to you. Furthermore, if your partner seems reluctant to make up after an argument (especially if it wasn’t huge to begin with), then it might mean the two of you are on the verge of a divorce. Moreover, he might be orchestrating the fights to get away from you or as an excuse not to talk or even have sex. All of these are indicators that the appeal is gone.
19. Something Doesn’t Feel Right
A woman’s intuition is a special thing. When a woman feels like something is missing from the relationship, there’s a valid reason. It might not be anything overt; just the tiny things such as hugging a second shorter, speaking with a little less expression– it could be anything. So, examine your relationship and ask if you still feel like everything is okay.
Relationships evolve as do feelings, but love should usually remain no matter what, so if your husband starts to feel off, you might be right.
This could happen, and in such a case, the first thing to do is find out if it can be recaptured. Consequently, if the attraction can be regained, then work towards it. But, if it can’t, then ask if it’s due to lack of love, and ponder what it means to walk away from the relationship over this.
There are a lot of reasons why this could happen, ranging from a lack of love to mental issues. Whatever the reason, ask if the other aspects of your relationship still works because if they don’t, then the lack of sex might be indicative of a much larger problem.
Yes. While physical attraction is important and is a huge part of why you are together in the first place, it isn’t the be-all and end-all. This is because several factors can lead to losing your lust for your partner, from weight to health. However, if you still love the person, the relationship can persist.
We have taken a look at a few signs that stand out when your partner is no longer attracted to you. Furthermore, if it’s been a long time your partner has lost interest, something changes; in fact, something always changes. So, it’s up to you to find what that is and determine if your husband is still attracted to you.
This is somewhat complicated, but it usually involves some sort of disconnect between you and your partner. That said, it could come from either of you, but if the connection is gone from the marriage and there is no interest to work on it or make it right, then your marriage is probably over.
I hope you enjoyed the list. It is important to determine if your husband is no longer attracted to you because you can do something about it if you realize it early enough. Also, if you have thoughts you’d like to share, leave a comment below. And if you enjoyed reading this, don’t forget to share it.
As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn’t an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.