The mistress is always a touchy subject, but she’s still there. Sometimes, it’s accepted that a man has a mistress and simply not discussed. If you’re in that situation, it’s easy to find yourself wondering whether he loves his mistress, is about to leave you for his mistress and whether he is truly in love with you.
If you’re the mistress, there is the unasked question of whether he loves you, or if he is playing games while he is secretly patching up his marriage. You could just be a side piece while he is not staying with his wife.
- 1 A Personal Experience
- 2 Can He Love His Mistress?
- 3 Consider His Culture
- 4 How Can You Tell If Your Husband Is In Love With His Mistress?
- 4.1 1. He gets emotional.
- 4.2 2. He asks for advice.
- 4.3 3. His appearance changes.
- 4.4 4. He gets to know her as a person.
- 4.5 5. He acts as a couple.
- 4.6 6. Missing events.
- 4.7 7. He talks about the future.
- 4.8 8. He mentions divorce.
- 4.9 9. There are no terms to his love.
- 4.10 10. Thoughtful spending.
- 4.11 11. His co-worker is his BFF.
- 5 Do Married Men Leave Their Marriage?
- 6 In A Nutshell
A Personal Experience
Although it’s not my proudest moment, I was a mistress for a period of time. I didn’t want a commitment, and it was always said that a married man wouldn’t leave his wife. Obviously, that’s not true. Sometimes, a new relationship starts out as a kinky affair.
Sometimes, the dating site hook-up with a married man seems to transform into the love of your life. I’ve also been on the other side, wondering if he was having an affair and if he was in love with someone else. If you’re in either position, the wife or the mistress, it’s important to know what’s going on, even if you don’t want to. You deserve to know the truth.
Can He Love His Mistress?
Most people believe that a man will only love his wife. It’s true that most men began their marriage loving their wife, but that doesn’t always ring true years down the road. Maybe they are no longer on the same page, or maybe the wife is having an affair as well and the two are still together for the children. If his wife is not the center of his world, it means that he can love his mistress.
He won’t start out feeling that way, though. For a man to love his mistress, he usually takes the same steps that he will with any other woman that he is dating. To love his mistress, he must get to know her, appreciate her and enjoy who she is as a person. Over time, especially if the relationship between the two lasts for years, he will show that he loves his mistress.
Consider His Culture
Before delving into whether it is possible for him to love more than one woman, feelings of fear or guilt, etc. it is important to consider his background. Many cultures and religions allow for more than one wife, and they encourage it. These polygamous relationships can involve multiple partners. Sometimes, even a woman can have multiple husbands.
If your boyfriend has a cultural background or religion that you are not familiar with, it’s important to have that conversation so that you know what is going on. He could simply be doing something that he does not view is wrong.
Sometimes, the process for selecting a second spouse involves dating and getting to know them before introducing them to the first wife. Not only should you learn about polygamy if you’re in this situation, but you should learn about this entire process if you’re giving it a shot.
How Can You Tell If Your Husband Is In Love With His Mistress?
If you already know that your husband has a mistress or are a woman dating a married man, you are probably already exposed to the secret messages, the random stops that he makes on the way home or the money that he is spending that never seems to show up in the household. This can all be a little hard to swallow, but it doesn’t answer the question of whether it is love.
There are many women that will date a married man. Maybe they have low self-esteem, or maybe they like that no one is truly involved in their life because they are so independent. Whatever the reason, there are plenty of appealing things about a mistress. It’s a reasonable question to wonder if a woman is just a sordid affair or truly a love interest. These tips will help you determine where his feelings are really at, and where his heart is headed.
1. He gets emotional.
A man will not show his emotions to just anyone. Instead, men, including married men, often have a bit of a wall up. If he wants to have conversations, shares his experience with depression with her, or lets his true personality show through he could really like the mistress.
2. He asks for advice.
When a man asks for your advice, it means that he values your opinion. He doesn’t want to hear someone’s opinion on an issue if he thinks that they do not know what they are talking about. If a married man wants to have a discussion about her perspective on things, it means that he respects her, even if she’s the mistress.
3. His appearance changes.
When a man likes another woman, he tends to change his appearance. This is one of the biggest signs of cheating. If he is wearing new cologne, styles his hair a different way or has starting dressing to impress more often, he may be spending his free time in the arms of another woman. This isn’t a sign that he is in love, but it could mean that he’s working on it.
4. He gets to know her as a person.
For a man to love his mistress, he has to know her as a person. Without that, he can love her looks or her body, but he won’t truly love his mistress. There is a big difference between desire or a woman fulfilling certain needs in the bedroom and having genuine feelings. If he starts to learn about her as a person, there’s a chance he could be on his way to a major case of the feels. He’ll ask about her interests, ask questions about what she likes, etc.
5. He acts as a couple.
For a man, love is blinding. Even if he is still with his wife, he will start to act like a couple with his mistress if he is in love with her. Imagine the two hanging out with other couples, the mistress might meet his mother, and they could go grab some food. All the things that he would normally do with his wife, his wife is no longer a part of. Instead, the other woman is going to concerts.
6. Missing events.
When guys only have an eye for you, everything else fades into the background. That means things like plays, work events, or lunch with a friend might get canceled so that he can spend time with his girlfriend. Guys don’t cancel things for a woman that they don’t have feelings for. Instead, they will schedule time around other priorities in their life. If they are canceling anything, she is the new priority.
7. He talks about the future.
If a married man talks about the future with her, he wants her to be in his world. Instead of simply giving some attention from time to time, he will talk about future trips and fun things they can do together. If it’s just a fling, he won’t talk about the future because he doesn’t see his mistress in his future. Instead, he’ll be more focused on the present or on the rules of the current relationship.
8. He mentions divorce.
This is the biggest indicator that the marriage is over and he is in love with someone else. If a man is mentioning things like giving the wedding ring back, where the children will live or have other actions that point to him no longer wanting a relationship with his current partner, he’s obviously in love with the mistress if he has one. If he mentions that this has come to mind with you and you are his mistress, he’s trying to see if you feel the same way.
9. There are no terms to his love.
Sometimes, a man can love two wives or mistresses at the same time. In fact, he might be married but also love his mistress as well as his spouse. The thing is, everyone is different. Most people believe that the other woman is there to have sex, handle the business in the bedroom and be the center of his lust. This is something that is often not true. A lot of men can and do love more than one woman. How do you know if this is true? If he does not place conditions on the relationships with other women, he obviously cares.
Married men will not want to deal with the hard times that can come with friends and family find out that he has confessed a love for the other woman. It can be one problem after another, kids can make them feel guilt, and he becomes known for the infidelity. He won’t make that choice for a woman he does not have feelings for.
10. Thoughtful spending.
It can be easy for a man to show his appreciation with a beautiful necklace or box of chocolates. It takes nothing to stop by and pick up a dozen roses from the local florist. However, if a man is in love with his affair, he’ll put more thought into his presents. He’ll pick up something in her favorite color or something that she has mentioned that she wants, just like a man would for his wife. Remember, it’s not about how much money is spent, it’s about what it is spent on.
11. His co-worker is his BFF.
If he’s spending extra time with a co-worker, there’s a chance that it could be because he enjoys her company, wants to fulfill some hot office fantasy or it could be that he is making an attempt to be more than just friends with her. If he’s making excuses to stay at work, such as promotions that never happen, there’s a chance that he has a side piece. If he talks to her all the time, involves her in activities and has a different level of energy around her, there’s a chance that it could be more than just sex.
Do Married Men Leave Their Marriage?
One of the most common misconceptions is that they will never leave their marriage. The fact is, that simply isn’t true. Most of these men will try to stay in their marriage at the very least for their children’s sake. In these situations, the children often take precedence over everything, including happiness. Sometimes, men have an image to uphold, which is one of the circumstances that makes them stay. Other ones, however, have no qualms about getting a place of their own and shacking up with the new girl if that is what they feel is best for them. Here are some tips to help you determine which path he is headed down.
His wife doesn’t seem to matter.
Some men have the utmost respect for their wives regardless of the current adultery. Others have no objection to ignoring phone calls, coming up with an excuse to miss an anniversary dinner or otherwise shoving her to the side. If he doesn’t seem to love her, there’s a good chance that he doesn’t. For a man, love is separate from sex. If he still loves her, he more than likely won’t leave.
He does more couple things.
Yeah, maybe it started out as a romp in the sheets, but if you see him slowly starting to do more things that you could picture a couple doing, it’s a sign that he has feelings. He might start to show more affection, want to come over to watch the game or show up at your door with gifts. He will want to bake cookies or cake and will seem to genuinely care. He might even make comments about his need for you, and I don’t just mean physically.
He skips the lies.
When a man is with the other woman, he might lie and say that he loves her, wants to be with her, etc. The thing is, when he is genuinely thinking about leaving, he’ll probably skip the lies. He’ll be honest about why he can’t break up the marriage, or why he hasn’t yet. If a guy respects a woman, he will keep it real even if it causes pain. His treatment about a woman says a lot more than his words themselves do.
They have a child.
Whether or not he is a father can say a lot about whether he is likely to leave. Most men will not want to put their child through a divorce, and he knows with the end of the relationship comes the end of him seeing his child every day. This is the number one reason why people stay in unhappy marriages. Accept that if you are the other woman and he has a son or daughter, it’s going to take a lot for him to call it quits.
His role in society.
If he is an important figure or in the eye of the public, there is a slim chance that he will leave. If he does, or the affair is discovered, there could be articles of all kinds on him. Cheaters are deemed horrible people when it is an important person to the public, such as a politician. If the incident could involve families reading about his personal life in the papers or seeing a video of it on YouTube, don’t think that he will make an exception and leave the marriage.
Men and women cheat, even when they are married. Not all of them do, but some do. If you’re the wife in this scenario, these signs will help you determine whether there is, in fact, another woman as well as what his intentions might be with her. If you’re in an open relationship, follow these tips to determine if he’s in love with her.
Mistresses might be on the other side of the relationship, but the signs are still the same. If you are in love with a married man and want to know how he feels about you, keep an eye out for these signs. It can help you figure out if you’re just a side piece because he wants some excitement in his love life or if it’s so much more than that.
In A Nutshell
Whichever category you fall into, it’s important to remember that you deserve the truth, and you should never settle for less than you feel that you deserve. Let that last thought marinade, and let me know what you think in the comments. Have you ever been in this situation? What would you add to the list?
As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn’t an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.