When a man talks to you or shows up in your inbox, it can be hard to tell exactly what they want. Usually, guys start out talking to me like they want to get to know me, and then some of them steer towards just wanting to hit the sheets together.
I’ve asked, and they tell me that was their mission from the get-go. It can be confusing because a lot of them seem so sincere, which includes the ones that want to date and the ones that want to have sex.
It can also be hard to tell what is going on in a man’s mind at any given time. I’m going to save you the guesswork, though. Take the time to learn about sexual attraction, why this is different than anything to do with emotions, and learn plenty of signals to help you figure out if he’s sexually attracted to you.
- 1 What Is Sexual Attraction?
- 2 The Science Behind Sexual Attraction
- 3 Sexual Attraction Is Not A Relationship
- 4 How He Communicates
- 5 His Actions
- 6 Body Language Attraction
- 7 Body Language of Attraction
- 8 All In All…
What Is Sexual Attraction?
The sexual attraction is exactly what it sounds like: one person is attracted to another person sexually. This is not about love or romance. Instead, it is about sexual tension and desire. It means that there is something about someone that instantly gets your temperature higher and certain body parts on fire.
When a man is attracted to a woman, it can be hard to tell if you don’t know the signs. Thankfully, a man will put off certain clues to instantly let you know that he is feeling that way. His body language, eye contact, communication and more can tell you that he’s feeling you, and wants to feel your body.
The Science Behind Sexual Attraction
There is research to suggest that pheromones, chemicals that are produced by the body to encourage another to act a specific way, might play a significant role in men and women feeling this way towards each other. A large amount of research on animals has been done on this, but there is still limited research on the role of pheromones and the impact that they have on humans. If you’re interested in learning more about the science aspect of this, check out this article.
Sexual Attraction Is Not A Relationship
It’s important to note that there is a big difference between this type of attraction and a man wanting a relationship. Women are known for getting the two confused, and men don’t help. They often start their primal urge to mate with dates and long conversations even though the end goal is to have sex, and has nothing to do with a relationship. The sexual attraction is based purely on the desire to be in bed with you, and not about a relationship. Sometimes, a relationship will naturally evolve, but that’s not always the case.
These tips are to help you determine if he is interested in you sexually. Nothing more, and nothing less. While you’re trying to figure out if a guy is feeling this way, try not to let your feelings come into play. Men don’t always associate sex with feelings, so you should not associate a guy wanting to have sex with you with anything more than that.
How He Communicates
How a man chooses to communicate can convey his level of interest in you as a person. If a guy is only interested in one thing, he won’t try to get to know you as a person. There might be small talk about your day, but there will not be a string of long conversations about your hopes or dreams. These are key indicators that your current crush has something more sexual on his mind. If he does want a relationship with you, you’ll notice these things when he wants to take it to the next level.
1. Text Vs. Talk
A guy that wants to get to know you more or is thinking of a relationship will be more likely to have phone conversations with you whereas a guy that is thinking more along the lines of sex will keep things short with text messages.
Because things are a bit more modern, and plenty of guys prefer to text now, you also have to consider the context of his text messages. Text conversations are not one of the definite signs that he just wants to hit the sheets. Pay attention to what he says.
For example, does he ask for full body selfies every day or does he ask more about your day? Does he flirt with you, making jokes about how he’s jealous that you were in the shower without him or ignore the fact that you were just in the shower? His words and how much he enjoys flirting are clues as to what he wants and are exceptional signs a man is attracted to you sexually.
This can often be deceiving, though. Remember, sometimes, a guy will begin with discussions to get to know you as if they are thinking about relationships only to want sex. The way to tell the difference is by how long they keep it up. A guy that is just feeling lustful won’t continue the act while one that truly likes you as a person will because it isn’t an act.
2. His Voice Gets Deeper
It’s not just what he says when he talks to you, it’s how he says it. One of the key signs a man is attracted to you sexually is that his voice will get deeper when he speaks to you. Some men do this intentionally, but others do it unintentionally when they are sexually attracted to a female.
Studies have shown that women are more attracted to a man with a deep voice. It’s often perceived as strong and masculine, something that women want in a man. A man knows that women think a deep voice is sexy, so they’ll go the extra mile to make their voice deeper. Pay attention to his tone of voice when he speaks to other people, and then compare it to your conversations.
If you’re still not sure what he wants, take a close look at his actions. When guys want you sexually, it is clear through the things that they do when they are around you. Up your observation skills and look for these signs that he is sexually attracted to you.
3. He Tries To Get Your Attention
If you haven’t already noticed him yet, he’ll try to get your attention. He might show off a few moves on the dance floor or flash you a grin. If he’s having drinks at a restaurant, he might go to the bathroom to “accidentally” run into you. Or, a more obvious approach might be taken and he’ll simply stare at your cleavage. There are thousands of ways that he can get you to look his way, and he’s going to find one that works.
4. He Keeps Touching You
If a man is sexually attracted to you, he wants to touch you. Obviously he wants to touch more than just your arm, but he’s not going to start groping you randomly to show that he’s sexually attracted to you unless you’re in the club, but we’re not talking about that.
If a man is sexually attracted to you, he’ll touch you more in subtle ways. He’ll touch your arm or leg during the conversation, or he’ll hug you for a second or two longer than necessary. Sometimes, it will seem like he’s finding an excuse to be in close proximity.
Sometimes, it might be less obvious, especially if a man does not know if you feel the same way yet. He might start out with “accidentally” brushing up against you to see how you react. He could also start off with a casual hug before leaving or when seeing you. This is another test to see how you react. Guys don’t want to shoot their shot just to be left feeling embarrassed.
If you’re not sure whether it’s a test or not, see if he is showing other signs of being sexually attracted to you. A man won’t just have one of these obvious signs. Instead, he’ll show multiple signs.
5. He Stays Closer Than Arms Length
One of the most obvious signs a man is attracted to you sexually is how close he is to you physically. When his hormones are raging, he’ll be closer than arm’s length to you. This doesn’t apply if the area is crowded, like on a packed train or subway. If there is ample room and he still chooses to stand as close as possible to you, it’s one of the biggest signs.
6. His Gaze
When he’s not standing close to you, you can feel his gaze on you. You’ll be able to feel his eyes going up and down your body, or you’ll notice him staring at you. If he’s focused on your body, it’s another one of the main signs a man is attracted to you sexually. A man does this because he is taking in everything that you have going on, and enjoying it. If he focuses on your face, breasts, butt or other key parts, his thoughts involve taking you back to his place.
7. He Gets Primal
Men have a primal instinct when they are interested in a woman, and they will want you all to themselves. If he notices when other guys are interested in you, gets at least a little bit jealous and tries to one-up them, it’s one of the biggest signs that he is sexually attracted to you. A man doesn’t get jealous over a woman that he doesn’t want.
Sometimes, this behavior is less obvious. He might not try to fight the other guy that is giving you intense eye contact. Instead, he could try to beat them at something they are good at. For example, if they are both playing a game of pool, he’ll make sure that he is the one that wins. At the bar, he’ll make sure that he can drink a stronger drink than him. It’s the classic game of who’s is bigger.
Other times, a man that is sexually attracted to a woman will simply find ways to steer her into spending more alone time with him so that another man doesn’t have the opportunity to talk to her. He might invite you on a walk, tell you that he wants to show you something or ask you to dance. All of those things are easy ways to get you all to himself, and definite signs that he is sexually attracted to you.
8. The Look In His Eyes Is Intense
Not only will a man that is attracted to you sexually lock eyes with you, but it will also be intense. When he looks at you, it will feel like he’s gazing into your soul. This is the sexual chemistry between the two of you. If it feels so intense that you can feel it radiate throughout your body when the two of you look at each other in the eye, it means that he’s sexually attracted to you.
9. He Tries To Cover Up His Loss of Control
When you drive a man crazy because he is sexually attracted to you, he will try to cover that up. A man does like feeling like he has no sense of self-control. The second that feeling happens, you’ll notice that he’s more nervous. He might sweat or fidget more than usual. He might also avoid interactions at first if this is a new feeling and he is trying to avoid it. This could include:
- Diverting his gaze
- Talking about subjects that draw attention away from each other, such as a painting on the wall
- Visibly backing away from you so he is not as close
These are all symptoms that he is blown away by his sexual attraction to you and he doesn’t know what to do with it or he’s trying to cover up those feelings. This could be a new experience for him, which is the reason behind the sudden distance. If you’re interested in dating this person or simply want a partner in the bedroom, it might be up to you to make the first move. A few hints and signals of your own should be enough to get him to open up a little bit.
10. He Pays Attention To His Appearance
When a guy wants to pique your interest, he might start putting more effort into his appearance than before. If he looks a certain way every time that you see him, and then suddenly starts staring into your eyes while putting in some extra effort in the beauty department, he has a thing for you.
Men might start going to the gym, or talking about putting in time at the gym, spend more time on their hair or make sure that they wear clothes you like. Men won’t be as obvious as women that wear makeup, but men will make sure that you notice the way that they look when they gaze into your eyes.
Body Language Attraction
One of the main signs a man is attracted to you sexually is his body language. When a man is sexually attracted, his body language will be slightly different. This might be the way he sits or the look in his eyes, or it could be something as quick as a briefly raised eyebrow. If a man is feeling a little bit of lust towards you, you will see it in his body language. You simply have to know what to look for.
11. His Legs Spread Slightly
Instead of him sitting as he normally would, his legs will be spread open further. A man does this partially to see whether you’re interested in the goods, and it might be for comfort if he’s already aroused at the sight of you. Sometimes men need a little adjustment in that region too. There are other subtle signs of sexual attraction that you can keep an eye out for in case he’s being a little more subtle.
12. He Licks His Lips
When a man is sexually attracted to a woman, he’ll lick his lips. Women usually do this too. Most of us don’t realize that we’re doing it, so if you catch him licking his lips while he’s staring at you he isn’t trying to be creepy, he just wants you. Not all men lick their lips when they’re attracted to someone, but a lot of them do.
13. He Parts His Lips
If he’s not licking his lips, he might slightly part them instead. This is another one of the signs of attraction that both men and women do, and they don’t realize they are doing it. If you catch a man parting his lips ever so slightly when he lays eyes on you, it means that he’s attracted to you.
14. He Gets Flushed
Most people mistake this for blushing, but that’s understandable because it will look like he’s blushing. When one person is sexually attracted to another their vitals, like their heart rate, go up. This makes their cheeks a little bit more flushed than usual. This is another thing that he won’t be able to control, so it makes it a little bit easier to keep an eye out for this. When you pay attention to the body language of men, it’s easier to spot signs that are beyond his control so that you know it’s real.
Body Language of Attraction
There are certain things that a man will do when he is interested in someone. He might not be as obvious as licking his lips and spreading his legs a little bit further apart, but there are other things that people, in general, do when they are interested or attracted to someone that might be a clue that a man is sexually attracted to you.
Body language men do when they are interested in someone could be sexual, or it could be that they find you to be an interesting person. Use your best judgment as to which one it is if you see a man displaying any of these signs.
15. The Eyebrow Lift
When we see something that we are interested in, we almost instantly raise an eyebrow. Sometimes, a man will raise both eyebrows if he’s attracted to you. This could be intentional or unintentional. It’s one of the silent signs that he has noticed something about you, and he wants to know if you’re sexually attracted too. If you are, reciprocate with a raised eyebrow back and a coy smile to have some fun.
Keep the circumstances in mind when you see this sign. He could also be surprised that you just spilled a drink all over yourself, note how loud or funny you are or simply be interested in something you’re doing. This is one of the signs a man is interested in something, but it’s up to you to figure out what he’s interested in.
16. The Dominant Pose
This is one of the more obvious signs of sexual attraction. A man will stand with his back straight and his feet slightly apart planted on the ground. He might stick out his chest a little bit or square his shoulders too. This is a dominant pose that men use when they feel sexual attraction or they want to assert dominance over someone else.
17. Open Body Language
When a person is feeling open and available, this is often represented in their body language. Open body language often consists of a person sitting or standing with their arms and legs open. Men could have their arms at their sides, or some men might stand with their hands on their hips. Legs might be spread slightly open or stretched out in front of them. If a guy is not sitting or standing with his arms and legs crossed, it is considered open body language.
It’s important to pay attention to this one while looking for another way he might be showing his attraction. Men that are feeling relaxed might also have open body language. You could also be the reason that he’s feeling inviting.
Smiling is an important thing during interactions. It shows that someone is available, and most people find smiling attractive. He could be smiling to invite you over for conversation or to get your attention. If his smile is a genuine one because he is having a good time, you’ll see it in his eyes too.
All In All…
I think this article was comprehensive enough that you should definitely be able to tell how he feels towards you, but what do you think? Is there anything I left out that can give us girls a clue as to what boys are thinking?
As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn't an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.