Sex With Ex (9 Things To Know Before Having Sex With An Ex)

It is true that some old romantic flames revive themselves and burn like new fires. However, the ratio between a successful relationship between ex-partners and unsuccessful ones is quite uneven. There are more separated ex-couples than successfully reunited ones. 

This means that most ex-couples come back together temporarily for other reasons than to restart their relationship. Most of these couples reunite because it is easier to be with someone you already know than to start all over again. Unfortunately, the end of such a temporary affair will lead to fresh heartbreaks. 

Most people deal with a bad breakup differently, some will throw themselves a pity party by camping on their sofas, eating heart-attack-inducing junk foods, and refusing to shower for days. Some people get over breakups by going out, partying, and hooking up with strangers. 

The first set of people is holding on to the past memories of a former flame. The second is trying too hard to bury the same memories. Does that mean that pursuing sex with ex-lovers is the best alternative? Not necessarily, but sex with an ex seems safer and more familiar than sleeping with a stranger. This might not hold up in every relationship, and it is even one of the worst reasons for sleeping with your ex.

Did you recently leave a relationship but can’t stay away from your ex? Have you been thinking of having sex with your ex but you are unsure of the likely fallouts? This article highlights what you should expect from being sexually involved with someone you used to date.

9 Things To Know Before Having Sex With An Ex

1. Are you still in love with him?

One of the reasons why you still desire to sleep with your ex so strongly is because you’re still in love with him. It can take a while for your brain to catch up with the reality that you’re no longer in a relationship with that person. Your heart is still connected to your ex, and so is your body, and this is why you still pursue sex with him.

A breakup doesn’t stop romantic feelings from flowing. Most times, breakups fuel sexual feelings for an old flame, especially when you haven’t found someone new to stir similar feelings in you. 

However, you need to weigh the benefits of having intercourse with your ex against the disadvantages. If the relationship ended violently, you shouldn’t consider going back to the man no matter how appealing a sexual encounter with him might seem.

2. Closure sex might be good for you

Sex with an ex isn’t always a bad thing, especially when you’re seeking closure. It is normal to still have a sexual desire for your ex but sleeping with him just because you can isn’t the best thing. For one thing, old feelings can spark a new interest to get back together. If getting back together will only lead to frustration and an endless cycle of breakups, why bother?

However, when you decide to have sex with your ex, it should be because you think it will help you move on from him. Closure sex can be fun, especially because the sexual chemistry between you and your ex is still strong. However, don’t dwell on the pleasure alone. Instead, focus on how you feel after the pleasure. 

If the first post-breakup encounter doesn’t give you the closure you seek, don’t repeat this one-time trial.

3. You might still catch feelings

It is very possible to catch feelings for your ex when you sleep with him after the breakup. You have a shared history that creates a foundation for continued sexual relations. This foundation is shaky, so it might be unwise to build anything on it. If you act on your sexual desires for your ex, you might put your heart on the line for no good reason. 

If he catches feelings all over again, it will lead to further heartbreak which could be worse than the one in the past. So, while a quick romping with your ex can be fun, it cannot compare to the pain you will feel when you remember that a relationship with him won’t work. As such, it is best to avoid him instead of indulging your desires.

4. Breakup sex can be comforting

breakup sex can be comforting

The joining of two lovers evokes different emotions on different levels. Sometimes, lovers come together for sexual release, other times, to just feel the connection between themselves. Sometimes though, two bodies joining intimately brings comfort, peace, and a sense of belonging to the other person.

If the breakup was abrupt and awful, sex for closure can soothe your hurt feelings. It can make your old wounds scab over easily. It doesn’t hurt that both of you know each other’s bodies very well, so it will be easy to find pleasure and comfort with your ex-partner

However, you need to guard your heart even as you’re pursuing your sexual desire. Relationships between exes don’t usually go beyond casual sexual intimacy. Engaging your feelings during casual intimacy with an ex will only leave you raw and bleeding again.

5. Breakup sex with an ex gives you clarity

Before you have a sexual relationship with your ex, ask yourself if you’ll be doing it for the right reasons. Do you think sex with him will change anything between both of you? Are you hoping that there will be a lightbulb moment afterward telling you what to fix to be happier with each other? 

As such, sexual intercourse might either be a total disaster or lead to clarity of mindset for you. It can help you realize that it wasn’t your sexual performance or ability to satisfy him that ended the partnership. It could help you see yourself and your ex clearly, but it could also muddle things up. 

If you feel worse after the sex, you’ll know breaking up was the right thing to do. If the post-sex feeling solidifies the bond you shared with him in the past, it could be a good sign that things can still work out between both of you.

6. Will it be safe sex though?

Some people say sex with an ex is safe compared to trying to have sex with someone you just met. This is not always true because you don’t know what your ex has been up to since the breakup. Sex is one familiar part of your past relationship with him, so it is easy to jump into that aspect of your former partnership. 

However, it doesn’t necessarily mean it’s safe to just have sex with him anytime you want anymore. That something is familiar doesn’t mean that you indulge in them without considering the risk to you. 

Don’t chase after the highest sexual attitudes while exposing yourself to health risks. You’re no longer in a committed relationship with him, so you cannot say for sure if the mutual respect you enjoyed with him in the past is still there. 

If you have sexual intercourse with him without using condoms or asking him if he’s clean, you’ll have yourself to blame. If you get drunk and sleep with him bareback, you’ll wake up with lots of regrets. So, it’s better to not put yourself in a helpless position.

7. It might be harder for you to move forward

It is difficult to build a new relationship when you’re still hung up on the last one. Having sex with an ex makes it even more difficult to build a relationship with someone new. If you make the mistake of spending one night with your ex, you might find yourself counting days. Then, days will turn into weeks spent with a man you’re incompatible with. 

The breakup happened for a reason, especially if you’ve had several breakups leading up to the last one. Why not let the past remain in the past instead of tempting fate to give you pain upon pain in return? Yes, it is not easy letting go of the feelings and routines you’ve had for so long. However, hoping to fix something unfixable can only hurt you more.

As such, it is for your good if you step back from your ex and everything that can tempt you to go back to him. Stay away from places where you’re likely to run into him. Send friends to help you pick up the rest of your belongings from his house. 

Send his items to him before he decides to come to pick them up from your place by himself. These little situations aren’t so little if you allow them to happen. It is always better to eliminate temptations you can’t afford to fall into.

8. Post-breakup sex will give him the wrong idea

post breakup sex will give him the wrong idea

A sexual encounter between you and your ex will send numerous mixed signals if he is still holding out hope that both of you will get back together. If you sleep with him more than once after the breakup, it could lead him to other expectations such as resuming the relationship either of you ended.

If you don’t want your ex to have the wrong idea, you can tell him upfront that you only want to scratch a sexual itch and nothing more. If he is up for that, you won’t have to feel guilty about leading him on. If he doesn’t accept your casual offer, it means he’s still very much interested in you, and it’s best to steer clear of him.

9. Sex with your ex might confuse your mutual acquaintances

Relationships between two people affect other people in their lives. As such, when there is trouble in paradise, family and friends feel it too. If your friends and families loved seeing you and your ex together, it will hurt them to see both of you apart. However, they will come to terms with the separation. 

It will now be unfair of either of you to begin a sexual relationship that won’t lead anywhere good. You know you’ll be raising false hope in your folks, so why start it? Rather than just falling into bed with your ex, talk with him and set ground rules that will prevent you from hurting your loved ones. 

Even if you’ll give in to your desires, protect your folks from the possible fallout of the encounter. Except you’re ready to build new relationships, you can also sit your friends and families down to update them. This way, they aren’t surprised or confused when they see you with your ex.

FAQs

Is it okay to have sex with your ex?

It can be okay to have sex with your ex if both of you are single and mutually consenting to the act. It doesn’t mean it is the wise thing to do, especially if you feel bad about it afterward. 

What does it mean to have sex with an ex?

Sex with an ex means having sexual intimacy with someone you once dated. It could be a planned act or it happens unexpectedly. You could even sleep with an ex when you have a new partner.

Does hooking up with an ex mean anything?

Hooking up with an ex can be meaningful or meaningless depending on how you still feel about the person. If your feelings for him still run deep, you might be unable to separate your feelings from the act.

Is it bad to sleep with someone after a breakup?

It is more of whether it is good for you to sleep with an ex than it is a matter of right or wrong. You’re an adult who can sleep with whoever she wants, but must the person be your ex?

Why you shouldn't sleep with your ex?

Sex with an ex complicates things, so it is better to avoid it. You begin to doubt whether breaking up was the answer even if you know deep down that it was the right thing to do at the time.

To Conclude

No matter how easy it is to fall into an old routine with your ex, sex with an ex isn’t the wisest thing to do. The emotional rush that comes with the previous romantic relationship between both of you tampers with your healing process, leaving you unnecessarily vulnerable. 

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