Separated But Living Together Boundaries (7 Tips)

Are you in an unhappy marriage with your spouse? Are you afraid to leave due to the sake of your children and other reasons? 

Believe me, not long ago, I was also in the same position. I wanted to get divorced but my love for my children and my financial situation never allowed me to take this step. It was a difficult period in my life and I was unable to make any decisions.

I talked to my friends about my current situation and concluded that until the divorce, it would be best if I stayed in my marital home. It was then that we decided that even though we have separated, we would live under the same roof.

In today’s article, we will give you some tips if you are looking to get separated from your spouse but still want to share the same home. These tips will help you make sure that even after your relationship has come to an end, you can co-parent your kids.

Plus, we will also see how you can explain this new arrangement to your family so they understand what is going on.

How To Live Together Even After You Are Separated

1. Make guidelines

Although you still share the same household and there has been no legal separation, it cannot be denied that your marriage is in trouble. Therefore, in such situations, the majority of the couples decide beforehand how they will be living together in the house after they are separated.

If you are separated but not yet divorced and living under one roof, you need to make certain house rules. These rules include deciding on who will do the household chores, who will drop the kids to school etc.

2. Remember, you are no longer a couple

Although there has been no legal separation, remember that you guys are no longer a couple. Therefore, even if you are living together you should not avoid doing things together as it can give a different idea to the kids and do more harm than good. Start by separating your living space and keeping an appropriate distance from your partner and still being a good parent.

The fact that you are separated but living together means that you can no longer sleep on the same bed and you must avoid doing activities together like, watching tv and going shopping. Relationships are complicated, and in case of a split, the two spouses must give space to each other.

3. Explore how you will manage co-parenting living in the same house

explore how you will manage co parenting living in the same house

If you have children, one of the benefits of being separated is that you can prepare a co-parenting schedule, which can help you as a parent. You can discuss and check with your partner if you want to talk to your children about your separation. However, if you have young children then it is suggested that you don't tell them anything about the trial separation.

Having a new arrangement while living under the same roof will help the children to adjust better to legal separation, in case it happens. In situations like these, spending time with children is essential as they should not feel neglected. You can make an arrangement where one spouse takes the children out for dinner while the other parent stays at home.

4. Avoid sleeping together

As you and your spouse are still living together it is natural to have some feelings left for each other. However, no matter how strong these feelings get, you must keep some space between both and control your emotions. 

Remember that there were some reasons why your relationship ended and now it is not a good decision to sleep together and complicate things further.

5. Discuss your finances even when you are under the same roof

Having separate bank accounts is imperative even when you are separated but living together. You both should split the utility bills and decide on the share for each person. However, the spouses must agree on it or it can result in nasty fights, which can make both of your lives much more difficult.

Money is an important aspect when it comes to separation so you must sit with your partner and discuss how you both will manage household expenses. Also, as there are chances of physical separation in the future, you must take enough steps to save money, which can come in handy later. 

6. Set boundaries

set boundaries

If it is you who has initiated the separation then there are chances that your former partner is still in shock and denial. In such a case, you must give adequate time to your partner to process their feelings. Although you both are still married, there are chances that in the future there might be separate households and this is something you need to accept.

You can start setting boundaries by having separate bedrooms, which will be helpful.

7. Make sure you are on the same page when it comes to new partners

If the separation goes on for long there are chances that at least one partner will get into a new relationship and you need to be prepared for this situation. Due to this many couples early on make some ground rules regarding when they can start to date and if the couple has children living with them, how the news will be broken to them.

How To Tell Your Family That You Are Looking For Legal Separation?

When it comes to the family, it is better to be blunt and let them know that you both can no longer stay married to each other and are looking to get separated. When it comes to your kids, you still need to be honest and explain to them that it will not change your relationship with them.


How do you separate while living together?

When it comes to separating while living together, you need to follow a plan, which can make the whole thing much simpler. Start by making some guidelines about how you will live and how the responsibilities will be divided between you and your spouse. If you have kids, you need to decide how you will break the news to them.

Can legally separated couples live together?

Yes, legally separated couples live together and in many cases, it is a preferable option as it helps in better communication. Many times when couples have kids, it is better to live together for the sake of the kids.

Why is moving out the biggest mistake in a divorce?

Moving out is the biggest mistake in a divorce as it can affect the relationship you share with your kids. If you move it, you won't be able to see your kids as much as you would want and it can also affect your child custody.

What should you not do during separation?

During separation, you should not move out of your marital home and refrain from bad-mouthing your spouse in public. If confused, you can always visit a professional to make the process a little smoother.

What is considered abandonment in a marriage?

Abandonment is when a spouse abandons their partner and leaves the home without any justification. This kind of abandonment usually means the end of the relationship.

In Summary

How has this content spoken to you? Have you ever been in a situation where you were looking for a separation from your spouse? How did you handle the situation? We would love to hear from you. Please comment below!

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