What has been your biggest fear in relationships? The fear of not having your love reciprocated the same way or your inability to stick to the commitment you promised your partner? Do you usually need to feel safe no matter how much your boyfriend tries to give you the security of trusting him?
Couples struggle with insecurities in their relationship, and there is a need for understanding between the partners if they will have a healthy and long-lasting relationship. Two people in love want constant reassurances of trust, love, and absolute integrity. However, when one person is lacking one or all of these qualities, problems arise.
Have you been wondering if you are in a secure relationship but aren’t sure of the signs to watch out for to validate your fear or feelings of security? Have you just started a new relationship and want to get off on the right foot to build a secure bond that will last?
Check the tips below for the things you need to feel secure in a relationship.
- 1 9 Things You Need To Feel Secure In A Relationship
- 1.1 1. The ability to allow vulnerability without the fear of exploitation
- 1.2 2. The ability to adapt to exciting and mellow times without feeling bored
- 1.3 3. The ability to argue and disagree without breaking up at every turn
- 1.4 4. The ability to build other relationships
- 1.5 5. The ability to have a ‘me’ time that doesn’t interfere with the ‘we’ time with your partner
- 1.6 6. The ability to express yourself freely without holding back from your man
- 1.7 7. The ability to pursue your career without your partner feeling threatened by your success
- 1.8 8. The ability to not measure the love you both share by the amount of time you spend together
- 1.9 9. The ability to not keep score of who does the most in the relationship
- 2 FAQs
- 3 In Conclusion
9 Things You Need To Feel Secure In A Relationship
1. The ability to allow vulnerability without the fear of exploitation
One of the most important factors that make couples bond deeper and faster is vulnerability. Many people, especially men, see vulnerability as something only weak people express, but that’s not the case.
Being vulnerable means you cry when you feel sad instead of trying to be strong all the time. It is being playful with your partner even though you’re normally reserved. When you are vulnerable you aren’t hiding anything serious from your man, yet you’re not scared he will exploit you for being transparent with him.
If you get vulnerable with someone but you feel like they are taking advantage of that, you’re not in a secure relationship. If your man cannot also be open with you in all circumstances, you will doubt his honesty most of the time. A couple that acts vulnerable towards each other tends to last together.
2. The ability to adapt to exciting and mellow times without feeling bored
A lot of people expect that their relationship will always maintain the excitement it started with but at some point, the early exuberance will mellow and activities in the relationship will almost seem boring. Nothing will seem to compare to what you first had, and you may start to experience feelings of doubt and also envy towards others.
However, the fact that you have both settled into a routine of some sort and you’re comfortable with each other doesn’t mean you’re a boring couple. Other people may try to put pressure on you and your man. They may also place doubts in your minds that your relationship might be heading for the rocks, but all you need is to focus on what’s happening within.
It will be in your best interest if you ignore them and discuss the issue with your partner instead. If you feel something is lacking in your relationship, you should feel confident to talk to your man about it and come up with new activities that will give you a fresh experience.
3. The ability to argue and disagree without breaking up at every turn
Having the understanding that you will quarrel and have differing opinions will help you overcome issues easily. Relationships, where partners cannot say what they have to say without hurting each other physically or with tongue lashes, are toxic.
There’ll always be something you two won’t agree on, but rather than going head to head with each other, take some time out and practice compromise. Of course, there are some things you shouldn’t compromise on, but others that are trivial can be sorted out through understanding one another and deciding which issues you can compromise on.
If you feel like you can be sure that your partner will bend a little when you need to stand tall, you won’t feel anxious or unsure of your place in his heart.
4. The ability to build other relationships
One of the signs of a secure and safe relationship is that the couple will have healthy relationships outside. You’ll be spending so much time with the person you love but it won’t be at the expense of other people you care about.
Your romantic relationship is a priority but your friendships and commitment to your parents, other family members and acquaintances won’t suffer either. It is necessary for people in a romantic union to give time for other activities and relationships. It means you are living a wholesome life regardless of the man you love.
For example, if you have children, you wouldn’t neglect them because you want to show commitment to your husband or partner, will you? You will ensure that you show love to all parties involved so they can trust you as well.
5. The ability to have a ‘me’ time that doesn’t interfere with the ‘we’ time with your partner
When you become too absorbed in another person, you can forget yourself and make them the center of your life. To ensure that you have a secure relationship, you need to be at peace with yourself even when your partner isn’t available to keep you company. Give yourself the chance to breathe, don’t someone that forgets she has her own hobbies or unique qualities to explore.
Here’s the truth, if you don’t find safety in yourself by enjoying your own company or pursuing your own dreams, you may never find it in someone else.
Unfortunately, many women cannot do without men and so, they allow their lives to revolve around whatever man they are with. This attachment style makes them feel whole or safe in the presence of their lover. While you are part of a union, you need to ensure you don’t forget what it feels like to do your own thing or enjoy your own company.
6. The ability to express yourself freely without holding back from your man
Many women try to present only good actions and behaviors to their partners because they want to appear perfect to others at all times. They don’t let their guard down for fear that they will be perceived as unserious or too carefree. Any man who doesn’t allow you to live your life as the joyful carefree spirit you are will smother you and snuff out your exuberance.
If he is the type who encourages you to you act like a boss lady, he is the real deal. Meaning, you will be comfortable in your skin whether you’re with him or not. Your relationship will not only survive long term because of this but, it will also grow into a bond that other people cannot break.
7. The ability to pursue your career without your partner feeling threatened by your success
Another thing that most relationships lack is the ability to support the other person’s ambitions without feeling threatened by their success. A good relationship that will stand the test of time involves supporting your partner’s career or business, not acting insecure by the range of successes he accrues.
If your partner tries to sabotage your progress you aren’t in a secure relationship and your safety isn’t guaranteed.
Many people allow their insecurities to dictate the measure of their love for each other and so, fall into arguments too much than is healthy for any relationship. The quality of time you spend with your man is important but at the same time, it is not the complete yardstick to measure how much one person loves the other.
Beyond the time you spend with each other, what do you do when you’re together? When you are apart, do you still do your best to stay in touch even from miles away? What about when you can’t meet for a while, will your relationship end? Relationships can survive a little bit of separation as long as both parties make it work.
9. The ability to not keep score of who does the most in the relationship
Did you hate it when your parents constantly reminded you of all the great things they did for you? Well, that’s the case here. If you are in a secure relationship, you won’t keep score of who does the most for who or who is giving the best gifts.
Many relationships have crumbled because partners take stock of what they do for each other and pick fights when there is a perceived inadequacy. If your relationship is to pass the security test, you can’t keep track of the other person’s wrongs as well.
Rather, appreciate what the other person does and correct them when they slack in their responsibilities but, don’t keep scores. Sometimes, love, care, trust, and actions won’t be displayed equally but the ability to accept that you’re both doing your part to make the relationship work should restore normality to your relationship.
You can become secure in your relationship by owning your personality and that of your partner. Know who you and your partner are and, how these personalities will affect or improve your partnership with the person you love. This knowledge will help you overlook a lot of things you would normally react to.
There are a lot of reasons why people have insecurities, even in a healthy relationship. One of them is because you don’t communicate properly with your man. If you are scared to express your mind about what he is doing that you don’t like, you’ll remain insecure. Another reason is that you have set a bar that’s too high for your relationship. Expectations are good but, they should be reasonable too.
A woman needs trust, care, honesty, and a man who can be vulnerable enough to need the same from her. A woman also needs physical attention, companionship, and a man ready to listen to her most of the time.
Men cherish a woman whose trust they are certain they have, a woman who shows her loyalty every step of the way. A man cherishes a woman who will make their children a priority as much as she has made him hers.
Insecurity is one of the greatest killers of relationships because an insecure person is paranoid and sees what is not there. The hasty and silly actions of insecure people usually lead to the end of the relationship.
A secure relationship will give you peace of mind and create an environment of trust and honesty. An insecure relationship comes with lots of worries and indecisiveness. Revisit the tips shared in this article whenever you feel you’re slipping and feeling a bit insecure in the relationship.
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As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn't an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.