When you got married, you committed to spending the rest of your life with this person and you likely didn’t expect your feelings towards him to turn into resentment. While many marriages may appear perfect on the outside and on social media, many end in resentment or in divorce. Every relationship and marriage will go through rough patches.
It is normal to go through rough periods your marriage and every relationship is going to have ups and downs and at times you are likely to argue with your partner. However, if you constantly feel that you are hurt and annoyed by your partner, but you fail to communicate these feelings, you are likely going to start feeling resentful toward them.
As soon as you start ignoring feelings and failing to communicate properly with your partner, negativity is going to grow between you. You are likely going to start to become resentful toward them if you constantly feel like he is ignoring your feelings. If you communicate less than you used to then your relationship is likely going to change.
Resentment In Marriage
Resentment in marriages and in a relationship often comes from different reasons, however, the lack of communication is the main cause of a build-up of resentment toward someone. You may have become resentful toward your partner recently or you may have noticed that he has come to resent you. You may be looking for the cause of these feelings between you.
If you never show your husband appreciation for the things that he does do for you, he may stop bothering. If you don’t seem to notice when he helps you with the chores or he does something nice for you, he may not do it anymore. If he helps out with the chores or makes you your favorite dinner just to show you he cares and you ignore it, he may be hurt.
It is important to properly pay attention to each other and the things that you do for one another, let your husband know that you noticed when he did something nice for you and he will be much more likely to do it more often in the future. Here are the main reasons for resentment in relationships and how to resolve such issues.
1. You Feel Like Your Relationship Is One-sided
If it feels that your relationship is one-sided and you have noticed that you contribute and put in more effort than your partner, this may have caused resentment to build between you. You may have had arguments over your roles and dividing household chores. You may be annoyed if you have been putting in more effort than your partner.
Perhaps this may be that you spend a lot more time with your children than your partner does and he doesn’t put much effort into your family life, or that you seem like you are the only one doing household chores. This is likely to build up into resentment if you fail to communicate your feelings with your partner.
This type of resentment may also be caused if your partner never plans dates and he never seems to be interested in spending quality time together. If he fails to put effort into the romantic side of your relationship, this may also cause resentment to build up between you and your partner, especially if you don’t communicate your feelings with him.
2. You Both Spend Too Much Time On Your Phones And On Social Media
This is quite a modern relationship problem, however, it can play a huge part in causing resentment in marriages. If you are both spending all of your time on your phones and scrolling social media rather than have proper conversations with each other or spending quality time together, it may cause resentment to build.
This may also include posting pictures of your spouse and your family on social media without their permission. This may have become an issue if you haven’t managed to communicate your feelings. If you have both been spending a lot more time on your phones than usual, it may be time to start setting some boundaries so that you spend more quality time together.
If you and your partner pay more attention to social media than to each other, you may start to feel isolated and disconnected from each other. It may be a good idea to agree to spend some phone and social media-free time every evening and set aside some quality time to spend with each other every day.
3. Your Arguments Are Unhealthy
While arguments are never enjoyable there are ways to argue that are healthier for your relationship than others. No one can be in a relationship and avoid arguments completely and happy marriages don’t necessarily mean that they involve fewer arguments, they just argue in a healthier way.
If you are unable to open up and describe your own needs and feelings rather than immediately pointing blame at your partner, then your arguments may be causing your relationship to fail. If you are always picking fault at your partner and arguing over things that don’t really matter, it may be a sign that things are just not working out between you.
Try and have an open and honest conversation with your partner and try and find a better way to communicate with each other. It is important that you are completely open with each other about your feelings or you are never going to be able to resolve your issues. Perhaps you may even need to consider marriage counselors.
4. You Are Trying To Change Each Other
Anybody can change, but it is healthier to focus on yourself personally rather than trying to change another person’s behavior. Some people see relationships as a chance to change the person that they are with, however, this is just not a healthy thing to do. While it is normal to change together naturally, don’t force him to be a different person.
This may also involve not letting him parent his way. It is normal for everybody to have different parenting styles, so don’t force him to parent your children in exactly the same way as you do. It is natural for fathers to parent differently to mothers but it doesn’t necessarily mean that one way is better than the other. Each parenting style offers different benefits to the child, so give him the freedom to parent his way.
He may have developed a resentment toward you if you have failed to give him freedom regarding his parenting style. If you show him that you don’t trust him to take care of your children then this may have caused him to feel greatly resentful toward you. Instead, show him your appreciation for what he does for your children and tell him how great he is.
5. You Don’t Communicate Properly
If you don’t consult one another on important life decisions then this may have caused resentment to build up between you. This may include spending large amounts of money without talking about it with your spouse first or deciding how you and your kids spend your time without talking about it together first. This may include you expecting him to forgive you immediately after an argument.
You apologize to him for doing something that hurt or upset him and you expect him to forgive you immediately. However, it is usually not enough to just tell someone that you are sorry, it is important to show them through your actions that you actually mean it. You need to earn his forgiveness by taking responsibility and truly making it up to him.
Also, While it may not seem harmful to talk to your friends and a family member about every detail regarding your relationship with your partner, it may have caused you to lose your partner’s trust. If he knows that you tell your friends everything about him, he may avoid telling you things as he knows that it may just be gossiped about in the future.
If you have noticed that you have been resentful toward your partner or that he has been feeling this way toward you, it is important that you do not ignore this issue as it will only get worse if left unresolved. Try and identify the issue and work it out together with your partner, or perhaps consider marriage counseling.
Resentment can destroy a marriage if it is left unresolved for too long. If you have noticed resentment building up between you and your partner it is important to try and figure out the cause and find a solution to this issue. If you ignore the problem, things are only going to keep building up and make the situation worse.
The signs of resentment may include feelings annoyed at your partner for not putting effort into your relationship, that you feel he is not pulling his weight, and as if the relationship is one-sided or that you have been having more arguments with your partner than usual.
Every relationship has its ups and downs and if you have started to feel resentful toward your husband it may have caused you to lose interest in him. While this is not a good sign in any marriage, it is possible to find a solution, as long as you don’t leave it go unresolved for too long. Communicate with your partner to try and find a solution.
In an unhappy marriage, you may feel resentful toward your husband, you likely have a lot more arguments and disagreements than before, you probably don’t have fun with each other anymore and you may have started spending less and less time together. It is important to either try and find a solution or let go of your marriage and move on.
To Sum Up…
If you have been feeling resentment building up in your marriage recently then you may be wondering the causes of such feelings. If your relationship is one-sided and only one partner is putting in all of the effort, if you are failing to communicate with your partner or you no longer spend quality time together, resentment may have built up between you.
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As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn't an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.