Would you intentionally chase away a man you love? Probably not. However, can you indirectly send him running because of certain fears and insecure actions? Definitely. Insecurity is a result of so many things. It could be the aftermath of a past relationship, your upbringing, or failure to succeed at something.
Failure is a strong motivation that can send you in two directions. You can either get stronger despite the failure or be broken from the experience. Until you realize the root of your insecurities, you will continue to face nonexistent fears.
Allowing yourself to continue to feel insecure is no way to build healthy relationships. If your boyfriend seems to be losing interest in you, check your recent actions. If your doubt reared its head recently, it means your boyfriend can no longer tolerate your struggle with insecurities.
As scary as it might seem, the responsibility to make the situation right rests on your shoulders. If you love your boyfriend and want to stop pushing him away, you need to step up to your fear to make amends. This post will be giving you 9 tips to stop pushing him away and hopefully revive your relationship.
- 1 9 Ways To Stop Pushing Him Away With My Insecurities
- 1.1 1. Stop obsessing about his whereabouts
- 1.2 2. Count your blessings, not your regrets
- 1.3 3. Stop holding on to mistakes
- 1.4 4. Stop being cryptic about what you want
- 1.5 5. Develop new plans that focus on only you
- 1.6 6. Allow conversations to play out till the end
- 1.7 7. Seek the help of a professional
- 1.8 8. Internalize the belief that you can handle your struggles
- 1.9 9. Take a break from the dating game
- 2 FAQs
- 3 The Bottomline
9 Ways To Stop Pushing Him Away With My Insecurities
1. Stop obsessing about his whereabouts
First of all, you need to ring it in your ears that he is your boyfriend, not your child. Write it down on sticky notes and paste it in different places in your home, if that will help. Sounds like overkill, but you can put the reminder on the homepage of your computer and smart gadgets too.
With these measures in place, you’ll remember he is your man, not your child when next your anxiety spikes. As ridiculous as it seems, this precaution will help you stop tracking his every move. You will stop snooping through his phone, and policing his social media accounts.
You’re supposed to be dating, not monitoring him. When he notices the changes in you, he will return to being the loving man you know.
2. Count your blessings, not your regrets
Your doubts will make you focus more on things that have gone wrong in the relationship than the ones that have gone well. For example, the number of fights you’ve had is lesser than the times you’ve spent loving each other. However, being afraid of things that could always go wrong usually draws your attention to the former.
Sometimes, you have things going on so well for you that you begin to court negative feelings. Your mind will be full of thoughts such as “will this good feeling last, or is this just a fluke?” Make counting your blessings a part of you. When you show gratitude for the good things you have, you open up your heart to more good things.
Also, your mind will send signals to your brain, and make you think you deserve these good things. Then you’ll stop acting insecure around your man.
3. Stop holding on to mistakes
You need to stop holding on to his past mistakes as though they are cards of tricks you pull out at your convenience. You need to stop believing the fallacy that women have the upper hand because of their ability to keep scores.
Keeping scores is a toxic thing to do, and it will destroy your relationship if you don’t stop it. When you stop wielding his mistakes as a secret weapon, he will stop pulling away from you. Also, stop thinking that every time he’s mad at you, he is taking revenge on you for something you did in the past.
It’s perfectly fine to get angry at your partner or have a lovers’ spat. However, it is not okay to turn each quarrel into an insurmountable deal.
4. Stop being cryptic about what you want
Men no longer consider it cute if you cannot relate to them what you need with clear words. It is wrong to make your man guess what you want when you can easily tell him.
Lack of confidence in whether your man loves you or not is the reason you constantly test him. You want to know if he knows you well enough, but you’re not willing to easily provide the answers. While it is expected that your man knows basic facts about you, he doesn’t need to know everything at once.
It is called a relationship, you’re supposed to help him just as he is helping you. Tell him what you need, and stop making him do guesswork. Men don’t like playing mind games unless it is profitable or necessary. If he doesn’t like you anymore, he will pretend to play along until he exits your life.
5. Develop new plans that focus on only you
You obsess over your boyfriend’s activities and allow fear to rule you because you’ve made your relationship the important thing. There is no doubt that your relationship is important, but do you know what’s even more important? You!
When you live an uninspiring or monotonous life, your subconscious will force you to make your partner’s life your new purpose. While your man loves you, he doesn’t need your stifling energy around him always. He needs his space, and so do you.
The most important person in the relationship is you first because you can’t give what you don’t have! Every man wants peace of mind. If you’re always restless with pent-up energy but have nowhere significant to deposit it, your man will continue to bear the consequences.
6. Allow conversations to play out till the end
When you base your self-worth on your ability to have the last word in an argument, there is a problem. You need to stop running away from the hard conversations because you know you’re the wrong party. If you are supposed to apologize, do so instead of becoming offensive.
If you’ve been shutting him down when he tries to express his opinion, stop it. Men don’t like being shut down. Their ego cannot handle it. While you’re not expected to stroke their ego to the detriment of your confidence, you shouldn’t talk your man down either.
You should also start taking responsibility for your errors instead of dumping them on your partner all the time.
7. Seek the help of a professional
You don’t start displaying insecure attitudes for no reason. There is a history and a pattern to your behavior. However, you might not be able to track that pattern to your current habits. Even though you know your history, it might be difficult to trace your recent actions to a specific incident from your history.
A professional therapist is well equipped to help you connect the dots and pinpoint where your fear stemmed from. If you’ve experienced a similar pattern in previous relationships, therapy can assist you so it stops in your new relationship.
8. Internalize the belief that you can handle your struggles
Instead of pretending your fears don’t exist, you need to stand up to them. Denial is one of the factors that have made the situation worse. You keep pretending you are okay with the way things are until reality hits you in the face.
Practice self-internalization through meditation and other alternative treatments to improve your self-awareness. When you’re in a constant state of awareness, you’ll know when you shouldn’t be unnecessarily jealous. You’ll also start thinking before acting.
9. Take a break from the dating game
Whether you want to admit it or not, you might be too broken to be in a relationship right now. Until you work through your issues, dating will only aggravate your feelings of lack of security.
You’ll continue to feel jealous even when there’s no reason to be, and you’ll mess up the good things in your life. Consider taking a break to spend time healing from all that your past broke. If your man genuinely loves you, he will give you the space to heal and become whole.
Let time do the healing, then take little steps towards reconciling with him. He will want assurances that you’ve realized your errors before he gets back to you.
Yes, it can. Fear pushes you to do things you don’t want to do. In the process, you destroy the things you cherish. When you sense that your happiness is constantly threatened, you’ll always respond in fear.
Yes, it does. No matter how much they love you, anyone would eventually get tired of reassuring you of your awesomeness. People have their problems too, they don’t want to spend all their lives trying to solve yours.
You might be ignorant of it, but every time you make your partner feel like he isn’t doing the best he can, he will pull away. Your inability to take care of yourself will take a toll on him, and self-preservation will make him retreat.
If your ex is completely over you, he’ll find your incessant texting irritating. He might even block you if you don’t stop. He has moved on, he expects you to do the same.
Men want their women to feel protected and safe. However, no man wants a woman who isn’t confident enough to look out for herself without his constant approval. It is normal to fear the unknown, but don’t let it overshadow your relationship. The tips shared in this post should help you overcome your fear and have a healthy relationship.
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As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn't an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.