Empathetics, hopeless romantics, softies, and blind lovers; these are just some of the words women are identified with. It’s sad because if you are someone who naturally loves, it’s very easy for you to give it your all in any relationship. Nobody wants to give more than they receive.
Not because it’s wrong per se, but simply because it’s easy for the other party to take advantage, or even hurt you when that’s the case. So, have you noticed that you’re giving away too much and started noticing signs your partner is losing interest in the relationship? Then it’s time to take back the reins.
There are times when you must manipulate your odds to secure a desirable outcome. Is your partner’s interest waning, has he started admiring other ladies? Is he taking you for granted? Those are warning signs that you must listen to. Unfortunately, pulling back isn’t always straightforward.
There's the question of where to start and how far/long you should go. Don’t worry, the tips below should give you more insight on how to pull back in a committed relationship to move the chips back in your favor.
- 1 19 Ways To Pull Back In A Relationship
- 1.1 1. See yourself as the prize
- 1.2 2. Start thinking with your head
- 1.3 3. Start pursuing more passions
- 1.4 4. Get your friends involved
- 1.5 5. Set more goals
- 1.6 6. Focus on yourself
- 1.7 7. Change your look
- 1.8 8. Change the way you see yourself
- 1.9 9. Let your partner do more
- 1.10 10. Reduce the number of times you reach out
- 1.11 11. Take things slowly
- 1.12 12. Ask for some time alone
- 1.13 13. Set healthy boundaries
- 1.14 14. Practice self-reflection
- 1.15 15. Re-assess certain expectations
- 1.16 16. Try to get your feelings in check
- 1.17 17. Exude confidence
- 1.18 18. Practice self-control
- 1.19 19. Think about leaving them
- 2 FAQs
- 3 In Summary
19 Ways To Pull Back In A Relationship
1. See yourself as the prize
Self-worth is so important in relationships. As much as you have swapped out all the ‘I’s for ‘we’, ‘us’, and the likes, you are still a person. You have to put yourself first, don’t just decide to pull away to save your relationship.
Do it for yourself, you shouldn’t lose yourself, fall into depression or overstress simply because the other person doesn’t know your worth. Equally, your partner may only treat you as special as you mirror your worth to be. So, use this period to love and value yourself, because you’re truly a one-of-a-kind gem.
2. Start thinking with your head
A lot of people think only with their hearts when in relationships. However, it’s so important to keep your head in the game. The heart is so forgiving, permissive, and sometimes, clueless. That’s why it’s easy to take advantage of someone who really loves with their whole being.
So, if you’re planning to pull away, one of the first things to do is start thinking with your head. Be more objective and realistic, and don’t let any weak excuses deter you from your mission.
3. Start pursuing more passions
Everyone has hobbies and interests, and such activities come into play when you need to pull away. Do you love painting? Have you always wanted to take a culinary class, or do you now have more time to learn yoga? Then get to it. Sometimes, being in a relationship can be limiting, and pulling away solves that.
You’ll have more time to think about your passions when you pull away and focus on these passions. Plus, it may just be the thing you need to step up your game and get your partner more interested in you.
4. Get your friends involved
This in no way suggests involving your friends in your relationship issues. If anything, you should keep them out of it. Having a thousand voices in your head will only get you confused. To pull this off, you have to create distance with a clear head. To do that you need the perfect distraction.
That’s where your friends come in. When you start spending time with your friends, it’s easier to stop obsessing over your partner. It’s not enough for him to notice that you’re pulling away. It’s important he sees you’re having fun and making moves… without him.
5. Set more goals
One really unattractive trait in a relationship is when one party gets lazy. However, that’s not the point here, your focus should be on setting more goals and getting busier. When pulling away, it’s essential to look for beneficial distractions, and this is one of them. If you’re already on a career path, think of getting more certifications, starting a business, or a simple pet project.
6. Focus on yourself
It is so easy to get lost in a relationship. You slowly forget about your needs and start feeling like nothing without the other person. That’s why it’s crucial to use this time to focus on yourself. Take a self-discovery trip, go hiking, and plan a private weekend getaway. These things will help you focus on yourself and hopefully become more present and aware in your relationship.
7. Change your look
Again, it’s important not to lose yourself when trying to get your partner’s attention again. However, you can keep doing the same things or wearing the same look and expect a different reaction. Men are visual beings, they get intrigued by what they see. So, changing your look would be killing two birds with one stone.
First of all, you’ll spend more time shopping for nice outfits, trying new hairdos or lounging at a spa. Secondly, you’ll feel more vibrant and start loving yourself more. Nothing can stop the glow of a lady who loves herself first.
8. Change the way you see yourself
Let’s be honest, some ladies who start dating really early start having this dependence on relationships. The moment they are not in one, they feel undesirable, unloved, or unpretty. The moment things don’t work out with one person, they start looking for a new relationship. Have you noticed this about yourself? Do you feel incomplete when you’re not dating someone?
This can be a really negative way to look at yourself. You aren’t living just so you can be admired or dated and bedded by men. You have to start seeing yourself as worthy, important, and precious. The more self-worth you put on yourself, the better.
9. Let your partner do more
It’s so easy to get lost in the routine of catering to your partner. That’s because some women love the idea of being the perfect homemaker. When we check that list of cleaning, cooking, washing, and just perfectly being the ‘ideal woman,’ it gives many some sense of self-worth. However, while I don't negate this idea, it can get tricky when you’re trying to pull away.
If you just stop cooking, cleaning, or managing things, it may take a toll on you more. Simply because you’re used to that system of having everything under control. So don’t do that, rather, get him to take on some more responsibility.
Kindly let him know you won’t be able to do the laundry for a certain time because of some other unavoidable engagements. When he starts doing some things for himself and realizes or remembers how hard it is, he’ll certainly appreciate you more.
10. Reduce the number of times you reach out
Here’s the truth, human beings are wired to take advantage of kindness. When someone truly gives you their heart, it’s easy to lean in a little more than you should. Sometimes, we do this unconsciously for some time until reality bursts that bubble. In this case, the fact that you’re giving this guy so much attention may be the reason he’s becoming complacent.
If you usually call him every day, cut that down to three times a day. Let him miss you a little bit. Pushing back can work wonders for relationships, just ensure you don’t overdo it and pull back all the way.
11. Take things slowly
Most people that want to pull away do so abruptly, however, that’s not always the best way. When a partner sees you’re trying to pull a fast one on him, he may not give you the response you desire. That’s why it’s better to pull away gradually and not rush things. Even if you’re feeling anxious and want to get everything over with, patience is crucial here.
Pace yourself, stop stalking him today, then the next week spend more time with friends, then give it some days before you start talking about needing some space.
12. Ask for some time alone
It’s time for you to take the back seat and let him take on some more responsibility. You can’t pull away without creating adequate space. When people are trying to pull away without communicating what they want, that just creates anxiety. Your partner will think he’s losing you, and you’ll be on edge as well.
13. Set healthy boundaries
When you pull away, as long as you’re still interested in the relationship, it’s important to have reasonable ground rules. That’s why it’s essential to talk about what you need during this period.
If you need space, let him know. If you expect him to call less or respect certain wishes, discussing it respectfully yet assertively will help make the whole process smoother.
14. Practice self-reflection
This is like an informal self-appraisal, you have to sit back and honestly examine your attitude in the relationship. Have you been too clingy? Does he see you as needy? Have you let yourself go? If you can answer these honestly, then you’ll easily know how to adjust. You can’t pull away without putting your actions and behaviors in the relationship into perspective.
When you take some time apart, both of you should come back wiser and stronger. However, if you just go and have fun without thinking about the wrongs to the rights, then the same mistakes are bound to be made.
15. Re-assess certain expectations
He doesn't spend time with you anymore. He hardly looks at you admirably, and it almost seems like he’s starting to pull away. He’s not giving you the vibes you want in a relationship, and you’re almost starting to lose interest as well. These feelings are relatable. When you don’t talk to your partner for a while, your expectations start to build.
Remember, it’s important not to play the victim. Sit back and really think things through; if your expectations are too high, then that’s not a positive thing either.
16. Try to get your feelings in check
Women are known as emotional animals while men are seen as these tough, unemotional beings. Of course, these name tags are all stereotypes, but it’s also not so far from the truth. As ladies, a lot of us tend to wear our feelings on our sleeves. While men try to be as vague and unpredictable as possible (even though they are predictable).
Unfortunately, these feelings make some men take women for granted. So, don’t do what your partner expects, don’t break down crying the next time he says something insensitive. Try and control your emotions, it’s unfair, but that’s actually one way to gain their respect.
17. Exude confidence
This is just to buttress the previous point, but it’s a bit deeper than just keeping your emotions in check. In this case, you have to try to exude more confidence. It’s not about sounding hard or defensive, just be less connected or concerned when saying things. It’s one way of creating space and building boundaries, and also showing him how confident you can be.
So when talking to him, put your head up, meet his gaze, don’t slouch, and be more articulate. If you haven’t been doing this before, it shows you have changed, and are more assertive and confident about what you want.
18. Practice self-control
It’s so important to have self-control in relationships. That‘s because no one likes a train wreck, and even if you aren’t one, that’s the way a lot of guys look at ladies when they have mood swings or get in a fit.
Sometimes, it’s not even about nagging or being overly vocal. It boils down to things like snooping through his phone, stalking his social media pages, or even tracking his whereabouts. This will only make you seem more desperate, and that’s not what you want to achieve when pulling away.
19. Think about leaving them
If you have to think about pulling away from a relationship, then maybe it’s not worth the stress. You wouldn’t have to pull back in a healthy environment, in fact, you’ll just need to talk things out with your partner. The fact that having a talk didn’t work, or you think it won’t work shows that this guy may not be worth your time and commitment.
Don’t misunderstand me, everyone has their reasons for pulling away. However, if you start feeling like you can’t talk sense into this person anymore, then something is certainly off. You can either stay and fix it or determine if that guy is worth all this trouble.
Taking a step back simply means pulling back to let things cool down or to get better results. If your partner has become a bit lazy or complacent, pulling back could mean not giving him the same amount of attention.
It gives you time to reflect on what you’re doing wrong and adjust, this pertains to your partner as well. Taking a step back does not mean breaking up with this person. On the other hand, it simply means creating enough space to fix the things in your relationship.
Distance makes the heart grow fonder they say, and this works out in many relationships. If your partner feels you’ll always be available and starts taking you for granted, taking a step back may solve that.
However, this move may not be the most positive way of solving things simply because it triggers fear. One of his major responses would be out of the fear of losing you. However, dire times call for dire measures, and if your partner isn’t egotistical, or already considering breaking up with you, this will certainly work.
When you start feeling like you’re the only person in the relationship, then it may be time to break things off. Plus, if you feel your needs are not being met and even actively start to seek that satisfaction elsewhere, then that’s a major warning sign.
In addition, if you start walking on eggshells around your partner and don’t get excited about his presence anymore, then that certainly means there’s not much to revive anymore.
Men are wired differently than women; while most women gravitate towards relationships open-heartedly, some men are more likely to pull back to reassess things. They are wondering if it’s worth it and ensuring that they are ready for a serious relationship. He also wants to ensure that his feelings are real, and yours are too.
It’s after putting all this into perspective that they’ll finally make a decision on whether to continue with a relationship or end things immediately.
It’s so important to give a man space when he starts pulling away. That’s because people usually take a step back for different reasons. He may just need a little space to himself, and flooding his call list or inbox won’t help matters.
Also, take some time out of the house if you live together, and don’t visit as much if you don’t. Equally, resist the urge to keep asking him what’s wrong and stay focused on yourself. Let him know that you’ll be ready whenever he is, and check in only once in a while to see how he’s doing.
I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing this. I believe that the tips above will not only help to improve your relationship but will help you on this never-ending journey of self-love and realization. Have any contributions on the topic? Feel free to leave your comments in the section below and share this article with others.
As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn't an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.