Orbiting is the newest form of ghosting. And due to the advent and normalcy of social media in our daily lives, our social relationships (including dating lifestyles) are bound to feel the effect of this technology. Orbiting is a new dating trend.
The term ‘orbiting’ was formulated by writer Anna Iovine in her piece for Repeller sometime in 2018. In her article, she highlighted recounting her dating experience with a guy who suddenly stopped calling and replying to her texts. Yet this guy continued to interact with her online presence and shamelessly so.
As described by Anna Iovine, orbiting dating is simply a situation where a guy suddenly seems not to have a romantic interest in you in real life, yet somehow he wants to keep up with your life on social media. It is a dating trend now. Apparently, people have criticized the word, saying it literally means ghosting.
However, the originator of the word drew the difference between ghosting in pre-social media times and now. Being at the receiving end of this trend of dating can be so confusing. This is because you do not know whether the guy is interested in you or not because they never talk to you in real life, and you have no idea when the relationship ends—if there was ever one, to begin with. On that note, here are a number of ways to know if someone is orbiting you.
- 1 9 Ways To Know If Someone Is Orbiting You
- 1.1 1. They ghosted you not too long ago
- 1.2 2. They like your posts but they do not speak to you
- 1.3 3. They seem to think you are suddenly online buddies with them
- 1.4 4. They comment under your posts
- 1.5 5. They religiously follow your posts on social media
- 1.6 6. Mind games
- 1.7 7. Position of power
- 1.8 8. Curious and nosy
- 1.9 9. Ignorance
- 2 FAQs
- 3 Conclusion
9 Ways To Know If Someone Is Orbiting You
1. They ghosted you not too long ago
You think you are in a relationship, but you realize, you barely hear from them anymore. Sometimes for weeks, it seems as though they have disappeared from the surface of the earth. They do not pick up your calls even though it goes through. They do not reply to your texts too, even though they may be online.
You do not get any explanation for the long absence, but post a picture on social media and they are present to like or comment on it. It is like a trend where when a guy no longer has a romantic interest in you, he disappears, yet keeps tabs on his ex’s posts on social media. This is one of the first ways to know that the guy is orbiting you.
2. They like your posts but they do not speak to you
Another sign is that they like your posts but do not want to communicate with you. As Anna says, they want to keep you far away but close enough. It is quite difficult to know the reason behind that: whether guilty feelings or curiosity. The obvious question is why are you on my social media posts but you barely speak to me in person?
It can be really confusing. However, a psychologist gives a reason why people orbit. According to this expert, while it is not advisable to read too much into it, people like to stay important and remind you that they exist in hopes that you will give them that attention.
3. They seem to think you are suddenly online buddies with them
Somehow, guys who are into this dating trend of orbiting seem to think you are suddenly online buddies with them. The interesting thing about relationships and social media is that when one party leaves the other, the one who leaves unfollows the one who is being left. However, with this trend of orbiting, the guy does not unfollow you.
He likes and interacts with your posts as if you two are friends. If this is the case, it is probably because the guy wants to use you as his backup plan that he can run to, in case he just feels like it.
He still wants to stay relevant in your life, but keep his options open even though he has cut ties with you. This is so that perhaps he can send you a message in your DMs in a year or two to come, without it feeling awkward.
4. They comment under your posts
Because they think they are friends with you, they almost always comment on your posts. However, these comments are not ones you can have communication on. It is like a closed-end comment; one that is enough to never talk to you, though it is directed at you. They give off comments like ‘nice’, ‘lol’, and an occasional emoji.
It is like they are trying to have some communication with you, but they do not really want to speak to you. This is another sign that he is orbiting you. Break that access he may think he has to you.
Observe the trend: they are always the first or among the first people to follow your posts or stories on social media. Instagram and Snapchat have these features where you can check who has been watching your stories or snaps. You would notice that their names are always among those who check your stories.
What is most annoying is you do not know if they are watching your stories or snaps deliberately or not. This is likely to play with your sanity because you would want to try to find a way through the mind games.
6. Mind games
If in your past relationship, your ex was a control freak or someone who loved to indulge in mind games, chances are he will try to find a controlling means to send his message across. Half of the time, if you are playing mind games to decipher if your ex is trying to have a communication with you, you may be probably right.
However, you need to know that you do not have to “kowtow” to their demands. You can try to break any form of contact with them once you realize this.
7. Position of power
Someone who is orbiting you knows that he is in a position of power. It may sound weird, but love is actually political. So, I guess the saying that power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely can really hold in this situation. Once he knows you are still in your feelings for him, he can use it to his benefit.
He would not have to do much and he would have you crawling at his feet love drunk for his attention. Everyone knows it is wise to avoid anything concerning your ex when you break up, but once he comments or likes your picture, you will be itching from the temptation to check his posts. Try not to fall for it. Your ex may be operating from a position of power.
He intends to lure you, using your own feelings for him as a weapon against you.
8. Curious and nosy
Even though they have decided to leave you, they still want to know what is happening with you. They want to know whether you are happy or sad, so they keep trying to follow up on you. My advice is this: confuse the man! Mute him, unfollow or block him.
If he decided to have no romantic interest in you, that means he is making a choice to walk out on all your lovely and quality content.
It is plain unacceptable to move out of someone’s life but still remind them of your presence. It makes it so hard to move on from the past. This hinders the person from healing and this can stir up negative feelings which are unhealthy.
As advised by the expert not to think too much about these things, sometimes it can be difficult not to, especially when the signs are proving too constant. One defense, perhaps, could be that your ex does not know how to use social media, so he keeps tripping on your page. Well, we all know we can convince ourselves to believe a lie as truth.
Maybe your ex does not know how to use social media; that is why he spent time liking and commenting on your posts. We both know it is a lie or perhaps, you are trying to say your ex is an ignoramus. To that, I may agree.
An orbiter guy is a guy who hangs around a lady who has friend-zoned him, in hopes that something sexual may happen between him and the lady. Usually, a guy becomes an orbiter if his proposal was turned down by the girl he likes and cannot man up to tell her. He might also be an orbiter if he has been friend-zoned by the lady.
If you are not okay with the guy watching your snaps or Instagram posts, it is advisable that you block or unfollow him. That way, it will be almost impossible for him to keep tabs on your life.
Orbiting is a case where a guy abandons the idea of having a relationship with you, yet he tries to engage with you on social media. He reacts to your posts and pictures on social media but his actions indicate that he is not really into you.
According to sources, breadcrumbing in dating is when your guy tries to lead you on by dropping little hints of interest in their quest to pursue you. They may continue if they realize that you are interested, and when you are hooked, they cease the pursuance.
For instance, your boyfriend may call you several times in a day, send love texts and notes to you occasionally, etc.
You get into this whole routine, then suddenly, it stops.
If a guy is interested in you through social media, some obvious signs are: he constantly watches and reacts to your Instagram stories or snaps and he likes and retweets your posts.
Also, if you happen to advertise a business, he shares that post advertising that business. He would also tag you in his pictures, he always comments on your posts and sends you DMs.
To end here, being orbited is never a nice position to be in. Restore your peace of mind by taking a break from social media. Or, you could mute, unfollow or block your ex. This is to allow you to have the healing from your past relationship.
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As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn't an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.