When you are attracted to a guy, it’s normal to start thinking about them a lot. However, there’s a clear line between having a crush or deep feelings for someone and obsessing over them. The former is healthy and normal while the latter is the exact opposite. Obsessive thoughts can be extreme, which could end up ruining a person’s life.
Either the person with the obsession or the object of obsession. The truth is, that most relationships thrive on deep affection and continuous feelings of desire. It’s what keeps a relationship alive and intimate. However, an obsession takes things up a notch, especially if your love interest doesn’t return any affection.
That constant desire to either always be with someone you’re in a relationship with, or the obsessive love for a crush could stagnate your life. The faster you stop obsessing over someone, the easier it is to focus on the things that matter more. Besides, you’ll be able to take control of your thoughts, and life in general.
If you have been having obsessive thoughts, here are a few tips that should help you out of it.
- 0.1 15 Tips To Stop Obsessing Over Someone
- 0.1.1 1. Take them off that high horse
- 0.1.2 2. Keep your distance
- 0.1.3 3. Try and distract yourself
- 0.1.4 4. Try not to prioritize their opinions
- 0.1.5 5. Surround yourself with supportive friends or family
- 0.1.6 6. Realize that they aren’t essential to your well-being
- 0.1.7 7. Change your routine
- 0.1.8 8. Don’t dwell on the past
- 0.1.9 9. Be mindful of your thoughts
- 0.1.10 10. Start putting yourself first
- 0.1.11 11. Get to the root of things
- 0.1.12 12. Get positive daily affirmations
- 0.1.13 13. Don’t feed the obsession
- 0.1.14 14. Be truthful about the situation
- 0.1.15 15. Seek professional help
- 0.2 FAQs
- 0.3 Summary
15 Tips To Stop Obsessing Over Someone
1. Take them off that high horse
Obsessive love usually develops when you put someone on a high pedestal. That person can do no wrong in your eyes. You practically become obsessed with their flaws and imperfections as well. That’s why it’s important to sit down and think things through realistically. Does this guy really still look cute when he snickers, snores, picks his nose, or licks his teeth?
Look for such flaws whether it’s a crooked tooth, cavities, or scruffy hair. There’s always something about everyone from their physical appearance to their personality. Capitalize on that and put things in perspective again.
2. Keep your distance
Sometimes, obsessive love keeps growing because of the proximity you have to the person in question. When you start keeping track of his lunchtimes or plan to bump into him on your way to work, things will only worsen. Yes, the first few days of not seeing him may seem like hell.
Just like any addiction, those withdrawal symptoms will kick in. However, if you stand your ground and avoid contact, things will become much easier by the third week.
3. Try and distract yourself
The truth is, no matter how much you avoid someone, you may still end up thinking about them. So it’s not enough to avoid looking at their pictures, watching their videos, or meeting them. It’s equally important to replace those thoughts with something else. Have you had a long-time passion like learning how to ski, cycle or sew?
Now is the time to focus on such passions or pet projects. Once your mind is deeply focused on achieving other things, it leaves less space for obsessive thoughts.
4. Try not to prioritize their opinions
Obsessive love develops when a person glorifies another person. Everything they do or say is like gold. At some point, you may even start to worship the very ground this person walks on. This can be quite destructive, especially if the guy says misleading things. That’s why it’s time to take whatever they say less seriously.
It’s a choice; you can choose to devalue their opinion of you and life in general. Don’t let their demeaning treatment of you affect the way you see life. They are still human, treat them as such.
5. Surround yourself with supportive friends or family
It may be embarrassing to admit that you’re obsessed with someone. However, you’ll need a solid support system at this time. You don’t have to recruit a whole squad. Just ask one or two people to keep an eye on you. Let them know that you’ve been constantly thinking about someone more than usual.
Equally give them permission to stop or caution you if you ever go overboard when talking to, associating with, or even stalking the person involved.
6. Realize that they aren’t essential to your well-being
The less importance you place on this guy, the better. The reason you keep feeling trapped by thoughts of obsession is because of how you see this person. Ask yourself these important questions and ensure to answer realistically;
- Will I cease to exist if this guy doesn’t love me back?
- Does he pay my bills or pay for the air I breathe?
- Does he feel the same way?
- Are there other people who love and cherish me?
Remember, only engage with such questions when you’re ready to answer honestly, and after seeking counseling when necessary.
7. Change your routine
Trying to get over obsessions is much easier said than done. That’s why it’s important to put in the work. Try new things if you have to, and try changing your hobbies. When we try new things and change our routines, it keeps the mind occupied with more serious and positive thoughts.
8. Don’t dwell on the past
It’s so important to live in the present when tackling compulsive thoughts. The past always has a way of creeping up on us and making it hard to forget what we can’t change. Start taking helpful exercises like meditation seriously. It helps us filter thoughts and focus on what’s happening in the present.
9. Be mindful of your thoughts
Thoughts can either be healthy or negative. That’s why it’s important to protect your mind. The truth is, you do have authority over your thoughts and feelings. Many people just aren’t used to being careful when letting stray thoughts in. you have to be intentional about filtering and blocking thoughts. If you have to verbally reject any negative voice or thought, do that.
10. Start putting yourself first
It’s time to redirect all that attention to yourself. It may seem unhealthy to become obsessed with yourself. However, it may be exactly what you need at this time. That’s because one of the root causes of compulsive thoughts is insecurity. So it’s time to start loving yourself more than ever. Buy yourself new things, start appreciating every little effort, take yourself out, and more.
11. Get to the root of things
Sometimes, the best way to deal with a problem is to find the root cause. If not, you’d just jump from being obsessed with one person to another. Think about it, what is fueling these compulsive thoughts? Your childhood? Abuse? Depression? Insecurity? Once you recognize what the root of the problem is, it’s easier to deal with the situation as a whole.
12. Get positive daily affirmations
The mind is a wonderful portal that can be renewed if you put in the effort. If you just keep letting random thoughts in, things won’t change. At this point, you have to be intentional about getting rid of these compulsive thoughts by replacing them with positive affirmations. Here are some helpful ones;
- I am in control of my thoughts and my life.
- I refuse compulsive and dangerous thoughts.
- I have authority over my impulses.
- I am not a train wreck.
- I accept my imperfections.
- I am loved and cherished, I don’t need to beg or seek negative love.
13. Don’t feed the obsession
When you realize that you’re obsessed with someone, it’s time to press the brakes. Don’t keep riding on those obsessive feelings just because it motivates or fuels your passions. You may feel like you suddenly have something to live for, but those are very dangerous thoughts. Because the moment you realize the person does not feel the same way, things could go south.
So, press pause on calling, texting, or ‘bumping into him.’ Takedown his posters or pictures from your wall or folders. Also, don’t bring him up in conversations, and try to walk away when you hear others talking about him. Remember, if you keep feeding firewood to a fire, it will keep thriving.
14. Be truthful about the situation
Once you are aware of the situation, don’t get into a destructive state of self-denial. Tell yourself the truth wherever you go overboard. Have you started stalking his social media pages? Do you call or text him more than usual? Then you are obsessed with him. The earlier you accept the situation, the faster you’ll try to snap out of it or get the necessary treatment.
15. Seek professional help
Some things are beyond your control, and that’s okay. Not everyone has the strength to get over obsession on their own. That doesn’t make you weak, it just makes you human. So after trying the above tips with no success, it may be time to seek professional treatment. You may have an underlying mental health condition that makes you more susceptible to thoughts of obsession.
Obsessive love transcends mere attraction, the person in question starts to have compulsive and controlling thoughts about their object of attraction. They either get extremely interested in someone else or start being overly controlling about their relationship. Feelings of possession or over-protection in a relationship are major signs of obsessive love.
Also giving extreme attention to someone, always wanting to be around them, or getting dangerously jealous of others around shows obsession.
Obsessive love disorders usually stem from early childhood. Children who did not receive adequate love, or faced abuse are more likely to be in obsessive relationships. Besides that, mental health conditions like borderline personality disorder and erotomania can also lead to obsessive love disorders.
People with such disorders are afraid of being abandoned or alone in relationships. In addition, they may also have delusions of their love interest returning their affections.
Obsessions can be very dangerous, especially when they linger over time. It can also make a relationship very unhealthy for both parties. When you are obsessed with someone, there’s a possibility that every other thing in your life will take a back seat.
The other party may also be affected because of the constant jealousy, extreme and controlling actions, and insecure thoughts of their obsessed partner.
One of the best ways to cure an obsession is to try and get back on track. Let go of what has happened or what could have been, and redirect your steps back to a safe place. It may take time, but consciously and intentionally think your way out of such thoughts.
Some OCD professionals advise patients to use physical or mental methods that help them know when to snap out of it. The perfect example would be visualizing a stop sign, tapping the back of your hand, or verbally saying stop.
There is a big difference between an obsession and real love. The latter is extremely unhealthy for any relationship and is usually one of the red flags that make the other person leave. That’s why it’s important to overcome the feeling of obsession before it starts affecting your life.
Once those thoughts of obsession have stopped and you start thinking clearly, that’s the only way to know if there are any genuine feelings of love.
Being obsessed with someone can be pretty dangerous. It can also be a complete waste of time, especially when the other party does not love you in return.
However, it’s not a trivial matter or something you can just snap out of. Putting the tips mentioned above to work is crucial to getting over obsessive love. Just ensure you go easy on yourself and stay intentional, and if things get too complicated, seek professional help immediately.
Have any thoughts on the topic? Feel free to leave your comments in the section below and share this article with others who need it. Good luck.
As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn't an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.