Chemistry? A scientific word in a relationship discussion hmm… A detailed explanation of what this word means is very important before we move to the subject matter.
Well, the word chemistry in a relationship context can be described as that feeling that connects two people together emotionally. Chemistry is that spark that makes a relationship feel magical or some kind of enchantment. It’s a reciprocating positive reaction to each other’s company.
Have you ever been in a situation where you are just meeting a guy or a girl for the very first time and you felt like you are connected with him or her easily?. As in, you felt the time spent with them is so nice that leaving them at any moment could cause some kind of disaster? Then you’ve witnessed the sign of chemistry.
The feeling when there is chemistry can be immediate or sometimes it takes a little time. But regardless of how fast it happens, I’m pretty sure you understood what I’m trying to say.
- 1 Understanding What Goes On In Our Mind
- 2 What Do You Mean No Chemistry?
- 2.1 1. Difficulty In Conversation
- 2.2 2. No Form Of Connection When You Both Share Ideas
- 2.3 3. You Don’t Want To Associate With Them
- 2.4 4. Nothing Seems Informal
- 2.5 5. Feel Of Disappointment
- 2.6 6. You Prefer To Be With Someone Else
- 2.7 7. Little Or No Eye Contact
- 2.8 8. It’s Always Hard To Please Each Other
- 3 Does Chemistry Matter In A Relationship?
- 4 What Should You Do When Chemistry Is Absent In A Relationship
- 5 FAQs
- 6 To Summarize…
Understanding What Goes On In Our Mind
Did you know that at every stage of love, the body feels some kind of sensation within that makes you react and behave differently?. Well, according to Dr. Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist, every stage of love is characterized by its own set of hormones produced in the brain.
There is this chemical called dopamine which has dual functions (as a hormone and a neurotransmitter) in the human brain. It functions as a neurotransmitter in the brain thereby sending vital information between neurons. Dopamine is being released in the brain when we see someone we love or during sex, contributing to the feelings of both pleasure and satisfaction as part of a reward system. Hence, the dopamine chemical is produced when you have feelings for something or someone (infatuation stage).
Other chemicals such as norepinephrine and oxytocin in conjunction with vasopressin are produced at the attraction stage and attachment phase of love respectively. But the most important of all these chemicals is the dopamine. It’s needed for chemistry to come up between two people. The dopamine must be triggered in the brain of those two individuals who are interested in each other.
What Do You Mean No Chemistry?
Now to the words “No Chemistry”, this simply means there is neither an attraction from you towards a person nor from that person towards you. Both of you are not connected in any way towards each other, and for a relationship to stand, there needs to be a kind of connection between the two parties who feel like they are interested in each other.
When your brain doesn’t get a signal through the chemical reaction initiated by dopamine, there won’t be chemistry between you and any opposite sex. This is the basic way for you to confirm if you have chemistry with somebody or not. There are still other ways by which you can confirm this, and they are listed below:
1. Difficulty In Conversation
There is always ease in conversing with someone you have chemistry with. You don’t have to force the conversation with the person. Talking to someone you have chemistry with is something natural. The conversation will flow without you realizing you’ve been talking with someone for a while.
Whereas, when it’s someone who you don’t have an interest in, the conversation will become boring along the line. It always seems the two of you are forcing each other to have a discussion.
This is one of the major signs that there is no chemistry between you and somebody. When you can neither see their point of view nor can they see yours, the connection between you people that proves there is chemistry is just not there.
Chemistry is present between two people when one is able to connect with whatever the other person in the relationship says. There won’t be any form of misinterpretation of words when the connection is there. Therefore, chemistry is absent when there is no connection of ideas!
3. You Don’t Want To Associate With Them
When there is no chemistry between you and someone, you don’t want to have any form of physical or mental relationship with them. For instance, when two people who are dating sit some meters away from each other, the chemistry between them tends to draw them closer.
But when there is no form of chemistry, they move far away from each other just as how the north poles of a magnet repel one another. No matter how you try to force things, the closeness is never possible.
Therefore, when there is chemistry between people, they will always associate with each other in any way.
4. Nothing Seems Informal
You might be wondering what informality has to do with relationships, well, this shows there is comfortability. When there is no chemistry, you are never comfortable with that partner of yours who you are dating. You always want to be polite and proper when they are around you. It’s a must to look organized and corporate around them.
If this is how your current supposed relationship is, then I’m telling you chemistry is absent between you and that guy or girl.
5. Feel Of Disappointment
There is nothing as bad as a disappointment when you are dating somebody. You don’t feel the vibe from the relationship chemistry each and every time you are with that guy or girl. This kind of thing happens when the bond between two individuals is not strong enough to bring trust in their relationship. There won’t be any spark when there is disappointment, or will you love to have a relationship with someone you feel disappointed with? It’s impossible.
6. You Prefer To Be With Someone Else
When you are with somebody you are dating, and you are never happy being with them; instead, you always want to be with someone else, then chemistry is absent. The chemistry between two people brings happiness, joy, and everything good to the relationship, and both parties will always want to be together. Even when they seem to be disconnected from each other due to work or any issue, they will always want to make sure there is a connection.
7. Little Or No Eye Contact
When there is little or no eye contact from two people who are dating, the chemistry between them is absent. You can’t make eye contact for long with someone you don’t like or love; instead you keep taking a glance.
You don’t seem comfortable when your eyes turn four with that of your partner. This shows that you don’t have anything in common. Therefore there is no form of chemistry at all.
8. It’s Always Hard To Please Each Other
No matter how you try to make things work out between you and your partner, the relationship just doesn’t seem to work. When this happens, then you are not connected together at all. You both don’t know what to do about it nor are you willing to work on it.
Does Chemistry Matter In A Relationship?
I have been approached so many times by a lot of people who asked me if chemistry matters in a relationship and I’ve always told them my answer is, yes. Chemistry matters a lot and it makes a big difference in a relationship.
Yes, I know it’s a friendship that often develops into relationships, but along the line of development, there is this emotional connection that tends to be strong between two people who started as friends. This strong connection is what chemistry is all about.
Both of you must be fully connected in some ways emotionally. No partial connection, it has to be equal. If the north and south poles of a magnet don’t feel the same way towards each other, there can’t be any attraction between them.
For instance, if you are in the mood to make love with your partner but that partner of yours does not feel like making love at that moment, then chemistry is absent. It’s only the sexual attraction that is present, nothing else. You know the feeling is one-sided.
I’d like to note that chemistry is different from attraction. If there are no mutual feelings, there is nothing like chemistry. Feelings must not be one-sided for you to feel chemistry in your relationship. There needs to be some kind of reaction for chemistry to occur. And for reaction to occur, two entities that have an affinity for each other must be involved.
What Should You Do When Chemistry Is Absent In A Relationship
Now you have the knowledge of the importance of chemistry and how it works in a relationship, an understanding of what should be done when it’s absent is very necessary. Some of the things you need to do when you experience this in your relationship includes the following:
1. Make Sure You Communicate As Often As Possible
Communication really matters in any relationship. Whether you are dating, or just casual friends, you need to ensure there is continuous communication. Communication reveals a lot about somebody and how the relationship will look when it starts or along the line.
Lack of communication brings a lot of negative things to the mind in a relationship. While one party might think the other has found another partner, the other party might think a break up is needed. To maintain distance relationships, communication is vital.
2. Ensure There Is More Eye Contact
Research showed that the greater the eye contact between two persons, the higher their desire towards each other. When you look at someone continuously, you are trying to initiate some kind of reaction. You get aroused in the process while that person will produce an automatic impression of you.
Try to do this, don’t feel shy. When you talk to that guy or girl, make eye contact as many times as possible. The spark would be created.
3. Be Sincere
These days, sincerity is underrated. You don’t need to do or say something just because it sounds good to the ear or it brings respect. Do it because it’s what is in your heart and you mean it. Time waits for no one. If you don’t act fast with honesty, things might just pass you by. Never joke about how you feel. Be real and sincere in whatever you say or do, it is very important.
4. Try To Look Good Always
Your appearance determines who you attract into your life. There is nobody that wants to associate with an unkempt or dirty person. Look nice always and you are a step to getting or attracting that guy or girl of your choice.
I’m not trying to tell you to look like a model every time. Just be attractive and take care of yourself so you can attract the people you like. They will always want to come close to you and with time there might be chemistry.
5. Go On Dates
Maybe the time spent together is not just enough to initiate or continue the spark between both of you. You need to create that time for the bond between you and your partner to become strong so the emotional connection won’t be lost. This is how the chemistry of love works.
This means there is no emotional connection between you and that guy or girl. The connection is usually one-sided which might seem like lust. It could also mean the chemical, dopamine, which triggers the feelings in a relationship is completely or partially absent when you are with someone who you seem to like.
For you to confirm this, you must notice the following:
1. You don’t feel happy while that person is around.
2. When you are together, it seems like time is moving slowly.
3. It’s hard pleasing each other.
4. Each time you are together physically or via phone call, your ideas don’t connect.
5. There is no understanding.
To have chemistry means there is an equal and strong emotional connection. It also means dopamine chemical is always produced in equal amounts in the brain of both individuals who are interested in each other.
This is really going to be a hard task. The feelings which are always required in a relationship are always absent while you are together with that guy or girl. You people can’t just connect in anything you are trying to do together. Therefore no chemistry, no relationship.
Of course yes, you can have chemistry with someone you are not attracted to. But this often happens when you people are just friends and there is no emotional feeling towards each other. Though with time the connection might become intimate, thereby leading to attraction but at the initial stage, nothing of such is happening.
I hope the information gathered from this article is just enough to answer the questions you have in mind. Chemistry love is just so wide to cover but with the little but vital information shared I’m pretty sure it helps. Chemistry in a relationship is very important.
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As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn't an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.