My Sister Is Dating My Ex-boyfriend (13 Steps To Take When They Start Going Out)

Are you in a situation where your sister is dating your previous partner? Are you in pain and have no idea how to deal with a woman who has broken the girl code? Believe me; I’ve been there! There was a time when my own blood family member broke the girl code and started dating my previous partner.

This period was very painful and I used to cry for hours because of the betrayal. I eventually learned that relationships, even if they involve family are tough, and to have a healthy relationship you need to forget and let go. With a lot of work, I was finally able to come out of my situation and now share a healthy bond with my family.

In today’s article, we are going to look at steps that you should take when you find that your sister is in a relationship with your previous partner. With these steps, you cannot only find peace of mind but can also strengthen your relationships without much chaos.

We will also see why when women fall for some men they completely forget all about the girl code.

Why My Sister Is Dating My Ex-boyfriend?

There are huge chances that your sister might be dating your previous partner because she might be genuinely interested in him. Think of why you started dating your previous partner in the first place and that might exactly be the same reasons your sister is in a relationship with him.

The fact that you broke up with your previous partner shows that you are no longer interested in them and your sister saw it as an opportunity to date a good man. However, there are chances that the relationship might just be a result of jealousy from any of the two parties involved.

Steps To Take When Your Sister Is Dating Your Ex-boyfriend

1. Find out the truth

So a friend told you that your sibling is dating your ex. Indeed, this news is something that will leave you troubled and angry about the whole situation. However, before you accuse her of betrayal, make sure that whatever you have heard is actually true and not some gossip. Maybe she has not broken the code and our former partner contacted her. Play cool!

2. Communicate


Now that you have found out the truth and have come to know that someone from your immediate family is actually dating your ex, you need to talk to her like an adult. There are chances that she actually wanted to share her feelings with you, but was scared about how you will react. Speak to her candidly and let her know how you are feeling.

Of course, she has broken the girl code, but it won't be fair to ask her to break up with the guy. Even if she loves you a little too much and breaks up with the guy for your happiness, it might cause a rift between you two and she might not be able to forgive you.

3. Take time to grieve

Now that you know that the whole issue is real and you have talked to your sister, take some time to process the whole information. Indeed, your own sibling breaking the girl code would have come as a big blow to you, but it is what it is, and brooding over it is not going to change anything. Take time to grieve and spend some time alone to sort out your feelings.

4. Accept the reality

After grieving, it is time to accept reality. If your sister has chosen to go ahead with the relationship, there is nothing much you can do about it other than you respect her decision. Think about the times you had with your former boyfriend and try to remember all the fights you had and the reasons for your break up.

Convince yourself that the guy was never right for you and that is why you had a breakup. Understand that you had already moved on so this guy being in a relationship with your sister is maybe not such a big deal. This does not mean you will instantly be happy with this new revelation, neither you are expected to, but it will be a step in the right direction.

5. Ask yourself questions

Now that you are over the initial shock, it is time to think about your sister. Think about the reasons because of which you had problems with your ex, was it always their fault? Other than you both not being perfect for each other, were they good as a person? Were they toxic, narcissists, or con artists? 

Answering these questions will help you see if your ex is the right partner for your sister. People break relationships for various reasons, however, if you broke up because this person was toxic or cheated on you then you need to look for ways to warn your sister. Sure, doing it won't be easy, but you have a responsibility towards your sibling, which you need to fulfill.

6. Find out intentions

Find out what made your sister break the girl code and date her sister’s ex, was it genuine love for the man or just sibling rivalry. People get into relationships for various reasons and it is not uncommon for a woman to date a man only because she has heard good things about this man from people who have had past relationships with them.

Talk to your family and let them know what is going on. There are chances that a family member knows why this relationship was formed. Maybe your whole family can come together and try to talk to her out of this relationship if something seems fishy.

7. Control your jealousy

control your jealousy

Your sister had broken the girl code and is now with your ex, it is understandable that you would be jealous about this whole situation. Seeing them together will bring back the romantic memories that you shared with your partner, and you are bound to feel jealous. 

In such a situation, you need to try to control your jealousy by thinking about how your previous partner was never right for you.

8. Talk to someone.

It is not easy to deal with the situation as you would constantly be thinking, ‘ why my sister is dating my ex. However, it is important to divert your mind and talk to someone in front of whom you can rant about your situation. However, make sure that this person is trustworthy as you don't want your sibling to know what you blurted out in your angry state.

9. Give the go-ahead

After you are sure that the relationship is right for the couple and they are not dating only out of spite, it is time to give your go-ahead for the relationship. You need to sit with your sister and let her know that you respect her decision of getting into this relationship and although it might take time, you will try your best to overcome the situation. 

10. Keep your distance

Your sister might not have followed the girl code but you should definitely follow the code and do your best to not come in between her and your previous partner. Start by avoiding going to the events where you might meet your sister and her boyfriend. It might look mean but it is much better than you having an emotional breakdown in public.

You need to keep the distance only in the beginning as once things cool down everything will get back to what it was earlier!

11. Lay down some ground rules

So you are trying to get your head around the fact that your sister has broken the girl code and is now dating your former lover. Of course, things are going to be difficult for you, and your sibling needs to respect that. Lay down some ground rules so that things don't become more difficult than they already are for you. These rules should be about your comfort and feelings!

12. Prepare yourself

So you have handled the situation pretty well and now are at peace with how things are going. But is this peace only because you think that the relationship won't go for long? Are you in denial? If yes, then you need to face the reality and be ready for a situation where your sister marries your previous partner and even starts a family. So, toughen up!

13. Be hopeful

be hopeful

No matter how much distress you are because of your own sister breaking both the girl code and your heart, remember, things will get better. Sure, you must be in pain right now, but one day, years from now, when you are healed, you will be able to laugh at this situation and grow out of it.


Is it okay to date someone with the same name as your ex?

There is nothing wrong with dating someone with the same name as your ex. With so many common names out there, you might be denying yourself a perfect opportunity to find a like-minded individual if you make it a rule that you won't date someone with the same name as your ex.

Can you be in a relationship if you still love your ex?

There is nothing wrong if you are in a relationship and still have some feelings for your ex. However, it is way out of line if even after being in a relationship you still are in love with your previous partner because it won't be fair for the person you are dating. Therefore, one should get into a new relationship only when they are over their former lover.

Is it a bad idea to date your ex again?

Yes, it is! There was a problem in your relationship because of which you broke up with your ex. Getting back with your previous partner might bring back all the old feelings and the relationship might go smoothly for a while, however, soon the problems will resurface and you will be back to where you started.

Is it weird for sisters to date brothers?

It is not weird for sisters to date brothers as long as they don't think about swapping partners. If sisters are getting married to brothers then they are becoming a part of the same family, which can be fun. However, if one woman breaks the relationship with her partner, then it can be difficult for the other sister.

Is it OK to date your ex's brother?

If the brother has no problem in dating their sibling’s ex, then you also should not have any problem. It is up to the brother to see if he wants to follow the bro code but none of it is your responsibility and you don't owe loyalty to your ex-partner. All of you are adults and can very well deal with this situation.

To Summarize

Have you or anyone you know broken the girl code? How did the situation end? Will you jeopardize the relationship with a blood relative because they are dating your previous partner? We’d love to hear a word from you. Please comment below!

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