Committing your time and energy to a relationship that no longer meets your needs or expectations can cause you to feel drained emotionally and physically. This typically happens when you don't feel connected to your partner emotionally and physically.
So, while we can all agree that no relationship is perfect as each has its fair share of ups and downs, we must also be aware that they can be toxic. A toxic relationship can be emotionally draining and sometimes affect our emotional and physical health.
Unfortunately, a common issue most people face lies in identifying when a relationship makes you feel exhausted. Our inability to recognize the signs of an exhausting relationship can cause us to delay tackling the issues. Well, it's time to change that!
In this article, I will highlight 11 signs of an exhausting relationship, which will enable you and your partner to seek the help you need before things get out of hand.
- 1 11 Signs Your Relationship Is Exhausting
- 1.1 1. Conversations exhaust you
- 1.2 2. Low self-esteem
- 1.3 3. You can't be your true self around them
- 1.4 4. Lack of motivation in other areas of your life
- 1.5 5. You constantly crave alone time
- 1.6 6. Your needs aren't met
- 1.7 7. You feel awkward confiding in your friends & family
- 1.8 8. You are no longer affectionate towards them
- 1.9 9. You can't stop worrying about them
- 1.10 10. It feels like they are demanding too much from you
- 1.11 11. You feel physically exhausted
- 2 FAQs
- 3 The Bottomline
11 Signs Your Relationship Is Exhausting
1. Conversations exhaust you
One of the early signs of a draining relationship is when conversations with your partner are no longer something you desire. In this case, it often starts as you feeling tired or uneasy about talking to them; then it progresses into quick-tempered annoyance at minor issues or things that you would usually not bother you in the past.
When you are in a healthy relationship, talking to your partner should bring you peace and happiness. It should be something you look forward to doing at the end of each day, irrespective of how busy or tough your day might have been.
However, in a toxic relationship, you will find that these conversations are suddenly draining, and they don't leave you feeling positive or happy. You will find that even when nothing is going wrong, your conversations remain bland.
2. Low self-esteem
A toxic-free relationship should be about two people who consciously bring out the best version of themselves. Whether it is through physical or emotional support like words of reaffirmation, the idea is to ensure that your partner never feels alone or unworthy. So, if you have been feeling alone and unworthy of late, chances are your relationship might be toxic and exhausting.
This is especially true if you have looked into the potential causes of stress and low self-esteem, such as work, anxiety, or depression, and none of them seems to be the cause. You see, it is not uncommon for people to develop low self-esteem or feel insecure in relationships, and this happens because of their partners' behavior.
When this happens, you might notice that your mood isn't constant, and you tend to experience more bouts of bad moods than normal.
3. You can't be your true self around them
A toxic-free relationship should be one where you can be yourself without fear. You should feel free, relaxed, and comfortable sharing everything with your partner. Therefore when you are in a relationship where you cannot fully express yourself, it is bound to get exhausting. Having to put up an act whenever you are around your partner will eventually drain you emotionally.
For instance, if you are careful not to give your opinions about specific topics because you are afraid it might hurt them or worse, it will turn into a big issue, in the long run, then this is a sure sign that the relationship is draining you. No one should ever feel like they need to walk on eggshells around their partner.
After all, honest communication is an essential pillar of healthy relationships.
4. Lack of motivation in other areas of your life
Another sign of an exhausting relationship is when you no longer feel motivated. This could affect any area of your life, like spirituality, work, and personal.
For instance, you might find that you can no longer maintain your sleep schedule. Perhaps, you find yourself waking up at 2 am only to sleep back when the sun comes up. You might also start to lose interest in simple things like eating healthy, exercising, or taking care of your body.
Not to mention, your work could also suffer from the impacts of a draining relationship because worrying about your relationship might start to take too much of your time, leaving you with little or no energy to focus on your professional life. This could mean you end up neglecting tasks or procrastinating until they become overwhelming and you can no longer complete them timely.
If you find yourself in a situation where you are no longer taking care of yourself, it could mean that you are dealing with too many negative emotions from your relationship, which is causing you to lose motivation and the will to operate at your usual pace.
5. You constantly crave alone time
In the real sense of things, spending time alone isn't such a bad idea. In fact, we all need a break from time to time. However, this becomes a problem when it becomes a default emotion, taking over the joy of spending time with your partner.
When a relationship is exhausting, it consumes your energy, and it will always feel like you need a break or recovery time. The relationship has become too burdensome that you consider ‘me time' to be your only hope of sanity.
This means you would rather spend the entire weekend alone rather than be in the presence of your partner, or you find yourself fantasizing about solo trips a lot more often.
6. Your needs aren't met
A relationship shouldn't be all about giving. It should be a give-and-take situation, where you and your partner try to meet each other's needs. This is why a major sign of an exhausting relationship is when you start to feel like you can no longer rely on your partner or spouse's support.
You see, having your partner's support contributes immensely to managing emotional exhaustion in a relationship. Therefore, if you feel like your partner does not care about your needs or never listens to you the way you listen to them, it is time to talk about it because you are prone to being emotionally exhausted.
Remember that relationships are about balance, and it starts to become toxic when one person is slacking in their role or fails to acknowledge their partner's needs.
7. You feel awkward confiding in your friends & family
When you're in an emotionally draining relationship, it is not uncommon to notice a shift in how you relate with your friends and family. In many cases, the relationship can leave you emotionally drained to a point where you are no longer as interactive as you would like to be with your loved ones.
Additionally, an emotionally draining relationship can also change the way you open up to your loved ones. For instance, it might feel uncomfortable sharing some details about your relationship with friends and family, causing an emotional rift between you and your loved ones.
Sometimes, when we cannot confide in our loved ones about our relationship, it could be because we have a sense that something is wrong and are afraid to admit it. You fear that someone might agree with it, forcing us to make an inevitable decision.
Therefore, we choose to keep these details secret with hopes that our boyfriend or spouse's behavior will change eventually.
8. You are no longer affectionate towards them
When you are in a relationship with someone who belittles your efforts and ignores your needs, it's almost impossible for you to continue to be affectionate towards them. That's because the ‘spark' that made you fall in love with them is no longer there. Instead, it's been replaced by negativity which leaves you feeling emotionally drained.
Being in a relationship that is emotionally draining can lead to you losing your sense of excitement. You no longer desire to have sex with them, call to check in, or do all the kind and caring things you normally do. In times like this, intimacy with your partner will become challenging.
This happens because you feel like you have given your all to a point where you have nothing left to give. Being supportive is a two-way street, so when you are the only one giving, a time will come when you will run out of emotional resources.
9. You can't stop worrying about them
There is nothing wrong with pondering over your boyfriend's issues; after all, you are simply trying to be their number one cheerleader, which is a sign that you care deeply about them. However, an important thing to know is that when you spend an unhealthy amount of time constantly worrying about them, it is a sign that their issues are emotionally draining you.
When you become transfixed on worrying about your partner's issues and thinking of how to fix them, these thoughts can drain you emotionally and become exhausting to deal with. You will find that suddenly, their problems dominate your every waking hour and conversations, which in turn cause you to abandon your own problems.
10. It feels like they are demanding too much from you
Do your boyfriend's requests feel overbearing? Or perhaps, they seem unattainable, and it's like they are demanding too much from you – not because you are unwilling to fulfill them, but because you simply can't.
This feeling could be emotionally draining because you can no longer think of ways to meet their demands and make them happy. You see, everyone has their breaking point, and if their demands constantly push you to your limit, then it means the relationship is emotionally draining.
11. You feel physically exhausted
Contrary to what most people think that emotional health and physical health are two separate things, they are closely connected. This is why a relationship that is emotionally draining can affect your body and physical health.
You might find that being around your partner or the thought of it leaves you feeling frustrated, tired, and upset. You probably wonder why and might want to attribute these feelings to other external factors.
Perhaps you find yourself sleeping more often than usual because staying awake means you have to face them, or you cannot sleep because you can't seem to get the bitter thoughts and arguments out of your head.
An exhausting relationship is one where you continuously devote your time and energy without having the support of your partner. It can be challenging to have productive conversations in these types of relationships, and in most cases, any attempt to communicate will leave you feeling alone, insecure, and emotionally drained.
Just because your relationship feels exhausting doesn't mean you should call it quits. In fact, it is pretty common and normal to be tired of being in a relationship. After all, all relationships have their ebbs and flows where partners fall in and out of love over time.
Therefore, there is no need to panic. Instead, you should focus on identifying the warning signs of an exhausting relationship so you can be prepared to tackle them whenever you or your partner feel tired of your relationship.
You experience burnout in your relationship when you have put too much energy into making the relationship work but can't seem to be getting the desired results. At this point, you will find it difficult to muster emotional reactions because your emotional reserves are literally burned out.
An emotionally draining person is someone who tends to drain you or anyone they come in contact with emotionally. They often demand too much attention and have a way of overwhelming you with their issues.
You can tell you are tired of a relationship when it seems to be draining you. In many cases, you might notice that your relationship is taking a toll on other areas of your life, like your work and your relationship with family and friends.
Another way to know is to ask yourself if today was your last day, would you remain in this relationship because it is what you drive? If the answer is no, you should reevaluate the relationship and talk to your partner to gain insight into their perspective.
No relationship is perfect, and just like humans, relationships are meant to evolve. However, if it feels like your relationship is taking more than you give, there's a high chance that you are feeling emotionally drained.
I hope you enjoyed reading this list and found the signs helpful. If yes, please leave a comment behind, and don't forget to share.
As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn't an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.