Do you remember when your marriage was in the honeymoon phase? Sex was normal because your sex drive was high. From shower sex to car sex, you were never afraid to admit your sexual arousal to your man. It is understandable because you were newly married. You and your husband were sexually excited and sexual aversion was never a problem.
However, after nine years of marriage and two children, you are now repulsed when your husband touches your body in a sexual way. Well, this phenomenon is not much of a surprise.
An expert calls this sexual frustration. It happens when you expect a sexual sense, but you are getting something else. Sexual aversion is your natural response to this imbalance in your sex life.
It is not that you don’t love your husband. You do. But you just cringe at the thought of a sexual encounter with him. I bet you just do so because you want to make your man happy. But you just feel guilty that you don't want to do sex anymore. You may have told yourself, my husband repulses me sexually.
How can I handle this situation? Read on. I have several solutions for you to try out.
7 Ways To Handle The Situation
1. Change your perception about sex
This first activity will help you to gradually change your perception of sex. Every day, use 15 minutes of your day to think of your past concerning sexual experiences. Some of these experiences can make you nervous or happy. You will realize your aversion to sex when it makes you nervous to think about it. You mustn't allow interruptions during this session.
If you feel tense, instead, refocus your thoughts on anything that causes you to feel relaxed. Imagine certain sexual activities and what makes them so fanciful to you. Also, think about other sexual acts you are not too enthused about. However, try not to think about your husband as you do this.
2. Try to fix issues in the relationship
Perhaps, you have an issue with your husband. If so, the last thing you want is your man’s hands on your body when you are angry at him. Try to make an effort to forgive your man. It will also be a good idea to talk to your man about his offense. That is how relationships are restored.
When you have finally told him, no matter what happens, forgive him for your peace of mind. And if you don’t think talking will solve anything, just make your peace with that issue and let it go.
Communication is not only about talking. It is also about understanding your spouse. Talk to your spouse about this sexual aversion you are going through. Also, make room for understanding.
Do not make it seem like it is your partner’s fault. The blame game solves nothing. Tell him the truth about what you are going through so that you can both find solutions.
Perhaps it is a deep-rooted fear. Talk to your spouse about it. It may help.
4. The problem could be your body
Perhaps, you may be dealing with a disease or addiction and this disorder will not allow you to copulate with your man. If that’s the case, try to seek medical professional to help you navigate your way around the issue.
For instance, if you have just delivered a baby, you’re likely not enthused about sex as you used to be. It is bound to make the thought of any sexual activity quite repulsive. This may be mainly due to postpartum stress.
5. Check your emotional stability
Your health is your wealth. Feeling bad because of your sexual aversion towards your husband is so wrong because it can cause your health to deteriorate. I understand that sex is an important part of marriage and you may be worried your marriage is headed for the rocks.
However, your health is important as you look for solutions to address your issue. So, taking care of yourself is of utmost essence.
Stress or anxiety is most likely bound to affect your sexual arousal tendencies. I say this because research shows that women who are depressed have low libido. And this means you may not be sexually aroused most of the time.
This may be why you may be repulsed by the idea of sex with your husband. So try to find out why you are feeling rejected. And seek the necessary help.
It’s also a good idea to exercise. Exercise always puts you in the right frame of mind. It is like the body’s way of awakening your senses. So, try to get an exercise routine and observe the changes in your marriage.
6. Try to be comfortable with hugs and touches
Connection in a relationship is everything. This is because it creates a feeling of belongingness and love. And eventually, it expresses itself in your sexual experiences in the near future. That said, you should also note that intimacy is not always sexual. Sometimes, it lies in the non-sexual things you do with your spouse.
Since you find sex with your husband repulsive, you will want to explore your choices when dealing with the issue of sex. So, you have to start small. Find out if you enjoy getting hugs and being touched by your husband. Or would you prefer it if he holds your hand? Do well to let him know how you are feeling about those encounters.
Explore your options and settle with the one you are most comfortable with. Go along with it as if it’s a first-time act. This can help you rediscover and eventually have your pleasure, whenever the subject of sex with your husband is concerned.
7. See a therapist
Seek help from a professional therapist. This can help to diagnose whatever you may be specifically suffering from. Once there is a name to the problem, you can take calculated steps to completely address them.
It might also be helpful to bring your husband along. If he loves you, he will put in the needed support and will help you go through this phase. Telling him about your issue is quite important as it may reduce the chances of infidelity or suspicions of unfaithfulness when you open up to your man.
Here are some things to consider doing if your husband is not satisfying you in the bedroom. Firstly, you need to communicate. Also, it could be other issues in the marriage, or perhaps stress at the workplace. Find a way to help him work it out. Also, do well to build non-sexual intimacy. One way of doing that is to spend more time together.
Sexual rejection does not only affect men but women as well. This is because the pain that arises from any kind of rejection is perceived by the brain as akin to physical pain. Sexual rejection could make a woman feel several emotions like fear, frustration, guilt, confusion, and even anger.
I doubt it is normal to be disgusted by your husband. If he disgusts you, it may be because things are not going on well as they should in the relationship.
To attract your husband physically, do well to express your feelings for him. He will feel loved and appreciated. Also, flirt with him. Surprise him with gifts, and compliment him where necessary. And take good care of yourself.
Your husband may be dealing with a lot of issues he may not be telling you about. Some of these include stress, depression, low self-esteem, hormonal imbalance, medical issues, or even problems in the marriage. All these can reduce the libido of your husband and make it seem like he has no interest in you in a sexual way.
To Sum Up
To end with, these are several ways you, as a wife, can handle sexual aversion in your marriage. So, if you happen to ask yourself, “why can’t I have sex with my husband?”, then this article is for you. Also, note that your feelings towards your husband may also be a compatibility issue.
It may explain why you are not attracted to your spouse. And perhaps, your sexual aversion is the only way the compatibility issues in the relationship can be exposed. Once you are sure that this is the problem, end the marriage on a good note.
I hope you enjoyed this article. Let me know what you think. And please share this piece with your loved ones.
As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn't an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.