Are you wondering if it is healthy to sleep in different rooms? What do your children think about this? Do you think it is a serious problem in a relationship?
I can speak from personal experience because my husband doesn’t sleep in bed with me, and we have an extremely healthy relationship. I get up and down a lot in the night, and it wakes him up. Plus, I like falling asleep to the television on, and he is very hot-natured, while I am the opposite. We have separate rooms, but it helps our relationship. It doesn’t make things harder.
Therefore, I believe sleeping separately can be a good thing. You’ll want to make sure that the two of you have valid reasons for sleeping apart from one another, though. There are many unhealthy reasons that people sleep apart, so let’s look at why your spouse may be wanting to sleep apart from you to make sure there isn’t a problem you need to address.
We’ll also check out the facts of whether this is healthy or not. Plus, if you want to change the way things are going, we’ll identify some ways to improve your situation.
- 1 Top Reasons Your Husband Doesn’t Want to Sleep in Your Bed
- 1.1 1. He has a different sleep schedule than you do
- 1.2 2. He needs quiet to fall asleep; you like white noise
- 1.3 3. He likes to have plenty of room to spread out when sleeping
- 1.4 4. He needs the bedroom to be at a different temperature than you
- 1.5 5. He feels disconnected from you
- 1.6 6. He is cheating on you
- 1.7 7. He is not used to sharing a bed with another person
- 1.8 8. He doesn’t want to cuddle at night
- 1.9 9. He feels uncomfortable in bed with you
- 1.10 10. He doesn’t want to wake you up when he moves around
- 1.11 11. You snore (or he does) and want to be somewhere quieter
- 2 Is Sleeping Alone Healthy for a Marriage?
- 3 How to Improve Your Sleeping Habits to Sleep Together at Night
- 4 FAQs
- 5 To Sum It All Up
Top Reasons Your Husband Doesn’t Want to Sleep in Your Bed
1. He has a different sleep schedule than you do
Is your husband a night owl? Does he enjoy staying up late while you want to go to bed early and wake up before the sun rises? It’s actually pretty thoughtful of a husband to not want to keep his wife up during the night while he plays video games or watches the television.
2. He needs quiet to fall asleep; you like white noise
We all need to get a good night’s rest, something that may not be easy if you don’t like the noise level your husband does. Maybe the wife wants to have the fan on while she sleeps, while the husband needs complete silence every night. Things like this can be a nuisance for partners who are different from one another.
3. He likes to have plenty of room to spread out when sleeping
Some guys just need to have plenty of space to spread out while sleeping. Perhaps, a husband needs a separate bed from his wife if he feels like he doesn’t have the room he needs to sleep comfortably with his wife. If he is sleeping in a different room, this may be the healthiest way to handle the situation.
4. He needs the bedroom to be at a different temperature than you
I know my partner is very hot-blooded; I mean, his body temperature is on fire, and he gets cold easily, whereas I like to have a fan on or to have the room at a cooler temperature. This doesn’t mean we don’t have a healthy sex life; we just understand that we have different habits when we sleep.
5. He feels disconnected from you
There is always the possibility that sleeping in different beds means something not so positive. Maybe your man is not feeling intimate with you anymore. This doesn’t mean that the sexual component of your life is damaged. You can have sex without intimacy. True love and intimacy are more about the closeness that both people feel.
6. He is cheating on you
Your man could be cheating on you if you have separate beds. Do you think he is seeing someone on the side? Does he have the signs of a cheating husband? What clues do you have that he is cheating? Sleeping on the couch may happen if your partner feels guilty over the affair he is having behind your back.
7. He is not used to sharing a bed with another person
I know I had a boyfriend once who just could not get used to sleeping in the same bed as another person. He felt the need to spend the night on the couch every time I stayed over. Things like sex and love weren’t problematic for us, but he just couldn’t get used to sharing a bed with me. It was kind of annoying because he didn’t really give it a chance.
8. He doesn’t want to cuddle at night
Some guys think that if they are in the same bed as their partner, they must cuddle with them. If both of you cuddle after sex, you may not need to cuddle when you rest at night. If the two of you have different body temperatures, sleeping together can be a real disaster, especially if you are cuddling up with one another.
9. He feels uncomfortable in bed with you
As I mentioned, my old boyfriend just felt uncomfortable when it came to sharing a bed with me. While it was annoying, I got the cuddling I needed during other times, so really, it wasn’t that big of a deal. I just wanted him to try to get used to sleeping in the same bed with me before he decided that it wasn’t going to work. Talk it over with your man.
10. He doesn’t want to wake you up when he moves around
If you have a tosser and turner on your hands, you may find that he just doesn’t feel the need to wake you up over and over again at night. This is a polite thing to do, especially if you both agree that you have a healthy arrangement.
11. You snore (or he does) and want to be somewhere quieter
Did you know that most people do not realize that they snore at night? Many people with health problems snore without realizing they are doing it. If you are with someone who snores, there are nose strips that can open up his nasal passage to stop the loud noises. Also, you can just turn him over on his side, and that may help things.
Is Sleeping Alone Healthy for a Marriage?
According to USA Today, separate beds can be beneficial because it may improve the quality of your sleep. For example, spouses who have different work schedules can benefit from sleeping at separate times. It may mean your partner doesn’t want to wake you up when he goes to work at those early hours. That’s pretty sweet and thoughtful of him to have that reason.
Another possible cause of spouses to sleep apart from one another is snoring or restless leg syndrome (RLS). Sleep can be quite disturbed if one partner is kicking, tossing, and turning all night. Those who snore can really keep their partner awake at night. He or she may not even realize they have this issue or may not have a practical solution to it.
The article explains that some couples do fear that sleeping separately can destroy their bond over time, but it really does not have to be this way. It may be a healthy compromise if one partner isn’t getting enough sleep because of the other partner’s sleeping habits. Having two beds may be the best way to save a relationship if sleep is an issue.
How to Improve Your Sleeping Habits to Sleep Together at Night
If you are sleeping apart because your partner snores, you may want to try some over-the-counter treatments for snoring or roll him over on his side. My man snores no matter what I do, so we have determined that the best solution to the issue is for us to spend the night in different beds. Snoring can disrupt your sleep and make it hard to get your eight hours.
For those of you who find that your partner’s sleeping habits are disrupting your bedtime routine, you may want to talk it out. Make a list of the things that bother you when sleeping and go over them point by point. Explain that you need to have more sleeping hours at night, and you really want to come up with some positive solutions to the problems you have named.
Maybe your issues are with the means by which your partner falls asleep. I know I used to need a very quiet environment when sleeping but now I prefer to have the television or radio on. My husband enjoys his quiet time, so we clash in this area of our life. It’s just better to have different bedrooms if we are to be comfortable at night. This works best for us.
I think if your husband cares about you, he will want to know about this so that he can help you come up with solutions. He may not have a clue that he is doing anything to keep you awake at night. In fact, he may actually be relieved that you are being open and honest about what is bothering you. Maybe he’s noticed you being distant, and this will explain why.
It depends on the reason that you and your husband are sleeping in different beds. If he has been sleeping on the couch because of arguments the two of you have had recently, he may feel like the two of you are disconnected from each other. That’s not good.
It can be healthy to have different sleeping schedules. Each couple needs to find out what works best for them. If your husband prefers to sleep on the couch, you may want to find out why to determine if there is a problem in your marriage. Just talk it out!
If your sleeping habits have disrupted your sex life, you may have a problem in your relationship. Find out why your spouse is not into you sexually before jumping to conclusions, though. His libido may just be low, or perhaps he needs some space. Discuss the issue with your husband.
Marriages can withstand a lot of issues, but intimacy is an important thing in a marriage. You need to feel connected with one another so that you can bond and share your lives. Intimacy and sleep preferences are two very different topics that must be looked at separately.
I believe that a couple can decide how to live their life together. If neither feels the need to kiss one another, it can be a healthy thing to choose not to do that. It’s really an issue that each couple should address with each other.
To Sum It All Up
What do you believe are the reasons for spouses to sleep in separate rooms? Do you think it is something that is healthy? How do you and your husband sleep? We’d love to hear your thoughts on the issues discussed in this article. Please share in the comments.
As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn't an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.