My Husband Defends His Ex-Wife (17 Reasons to Explain This)

You recently got married to your husband, however, he was married before and his past has not been completely left in the past. 

There are times when your husband talks about or seeks to defend his previous wife. This can be a difficult situation to deal with, and it is likely to create areas of tension in your relationship. Without help, it may end up ruining your new marriage. 

There is a lot to consider if you decide to marry someone who has been married before. Despite that he may appear experienced and wise when it comes to dealing with a marriage, you cannot deny that he comes with the baggage related to divorce too. He may not be completely over his ex-wife, especially if she was the one that ended the relationship. 

The situation is likely even more complicated if your husband has children from his past marriage. This means that he probably still has frequent contact with his previous wife in order to arrange picking the children up from school and deciding who looks after the children on which days of the week. Thus, it is important to be open and communicate effectively. 

Keep reading to find out why your husband defends his previous wife.

17 Reasons to Explain Why Your Husband Defends His Ex-Wife

If your husband still has contact with his previous wife because there are children involved, it can make the situation difficult to deal with. You cannot expect your husband to avoid seeing his children because it means that he will have to have contact with her. However, he cannot expect you to just accept the situation easily either. 

It is important for you to understand the complications of this situation and to take the time to discuss how to deal with it together. If you think that your husband always seeks to defend her, it is time to talk to him about how this situation is making you feel. However, it may make the situation somewhat easier if you know why he does this. 

It is natural to feel uneasy about your husband acting in this way toward his previous wife, however, you cannot expect your husband to completely ignore her, especially if there are children involved. It shouldn’t be an issue unless your husband starts putting her first. An amicable relationship should not be anything to worry about. 

1. They have children together

they have children together

If your partner has children with his previous wife, this may explain why he talks about her in a positive way. It is important for his children that he has an amicable relationship with her and it has nothing to do with you. It is important to be open with him about how he feels and about how his relationship with her makes you feel. 

However, you cannot expect him to stop seeing his children, even if it does make you feel uncomfortable. 

2. He doesn’t want arguments

If your partner still has contact with his previous wife because she is a friend of his family or they work together, he may talk positively about her because he does not want arguments. He may despise conflict and he may just see no reason to talk about her in a negative way. This may be especially likely if their breakup was amicable and he left her on good terms. 

Talk to your husband about how this makes you feel and decide how to move forward. 

3. He still has feelings

This is the reason you likely do not want to admit is true. If your husband still has feelings for his previous wife, it can be extremely difficult to deal with. If he cannot fully commit to your relationship, it is time to decide how you want to move forward. It is important to feel fully secure in your marriage, and if you don’t it may be time to walk away. 

If your husband still has feelings for his previous wife, it may be time to part ways, at least until he can commit fully to you. 

4. He is kindhearted

If your husband is kindhearted by nature, he will not be likely to talk negatively about his previous wife. Even though she treated him badly when they were together, he may not have it in him to talk in this way about anyone. He may not even realize that he is acting in this way. You cannot blame your husband for acting in this way if this is his nature. 

However, if it makes you feel uncomfortable, talk to him honestly, and openly about how you feel. 

5. He is submissive

If your partner is meek and submissive by nature, this may explain why he seeks to defend her. Consider whether it sounds like he is simply being submissive when he talks about his previous wife in this way. There is likely nothing to worry about if this is the case, however, you may not enjoy him talking about someone else in this way. 

In any relationship, it is important to be completely open with one another, so let your partner know how he is making you feel when he talks about his ex-girlfriend in this way. 

6. You are over-reacting

you are over reacting

It is also important to consider whether you are over-reacting and blowing the situation out of proportion. Perhaps your husband is not in fact defending his previous wife, but you have misunderstood the situation. If this is the case, it is time to learn to deal with his relationship with her, otherwise, it may end up ruining your marriage. 

If you know that your partner loves you and is completely committed to you, there should be no reason to worry. 

7. They are friends

Perhaps your husband is friends with his previous wife. In this case, their divorce may have been amicable and they may have parted as friends. If this is the case, you should not put pressure on him to end his friendship with her because it makes you feel uncomfortable. Let him explain how he feels and let him reassure you that he loves and is committed to you

Many people stay friends with their exes and there is usually nothing to worry about. If you trust your husband, there should be no reason to worry about his friendship with her. 

8. You were being negative

If you were speaking extremely negatively about your partner’s previous wife and you made claims that were not based on truth, he has a right to tell the truth and correct you where you were wrong. If your partner’s ex is really a good person, there is no need to talk about her in a negative way. This does not mean that he still cares about her. 

If you were being nasty about your partner’s ex-wife, he may feel the need to correct you. It does not mean that he is putting her ahead of you, perhaps he just doesn’t want to be known to spread lies. 

9. He still talks to her parents

Often, in relationships, we develop deep bonds with our significant other’s families as well as them. Thus, your partner may still talk to his ex-wife’s parents. This may mean that he ends up defending her if he hears lies being told about her. This does not mean that he still loves her but it is likely that he will do so especially if he still talks to her family. 

There is likely nothing to worry about in this case, however, it may be helpful to talk to him just to clear the air between you and prevent any resentment from potentially building. 

10. He’s honest

If you know that your partner is a completely honest person, he will likely defend anyone that he hears a lie being told about. If your partner despises people who lie, he will probably even defend his previous wife, even if they are not on good terms. If this is the case, rather than worrying, you should be proud of your husband’s strong morals

There is no need to worry if your partner is simply being honest. If someone talks negatively and lies about his previous wife during a dinner party, he may defend her innocently. 

11. He is preventing drama

Perhaps your husband’s previous wife goes to the same family events as you do. He may simply be trying to prevent drama for your sake at these events if he talks about her in a positive way. If you completely trust your husband, you shouldn’t have anything to worry about if he does so. 

12. He doesn’t realize

Your husband may not be aware of how he is acting, if he talks extremely positively about his previous wife to the point that it makes you uncomfortable, it is important to let him know. You may find that he didn’t realize that he was acting in this way and he may end up apologizing. It may just take a few simple words to resolve this situation

13. He is trying to find a balance

Your partner may defend his previous wife because he wants balance in his life. He may love you deeply and be completely committed to your relationship. However, he may also still have respect for his previous wife despite his divorce. They may be amicable with each other and they may have found a balance with one another after years of being apart. 

14. He is not over her

he is not over her

Despite that this may not mean that he still loves or her, he may not be completely over her. This is especially true if they were together for a long time. They may have been childhood sweethearts. In this case, it will take a long time to get over someone, even if you do stop loving them. Talk to him in order to understand his perspective. 

15. He is confused

If your partner recently got out of a previous marriage, he may be confused trying to juggle child support with his previous wife, as well as your relationship. He may need help to determine a new balance, so talk to him in order to find out how to progress. 

16. He finds it difficult to set boundaries

If your partner talks to his previous wife more than what is healthy, the bottom line is that they need to set boundaries with each other. Make it clear to your partner that he needs to set clear boundaries in order to respect your relationship. 

17. He is not committed to

This will be difficult to swallow, but your partner may not be completely committed to your relationship if he continuously talks about his previous wife. It is important to make it clear that unless he commits, you will walk away. 


How do you know if your husband still loves his ex-wife?

It is important to discuss your husband’s past relationships so that you are both on the same page about how he feels. If you have any doubts about your marriage or you believe that he may still love his ex-wife, it is important to bring these ideas up with your husband before they become too deep and unfixable. Left too long, these doubts may bring an end to your marriage. 

How long does it take a man to get over his ex-wife?

There is no set time as to how long it takes for a man to get over his ex-wife. If you have met someone that has recently come out of a marriage or even a long-term relationship, it is important to give him time to grieve that relationship so that he can properly move on. Do not put any pressure on him to do anything that he is not ready to do. 

Why does he still have feelings for his ex?

If your partner still has feelings for his ex, it is natural that you are concerned. If you believe that this is the case, it is important to talk to your partner about it. It may be that you have misunderstood the situation and in fact, he no longer has feelings for her and they are just friends. However, if he does admit to having feelings for his ex, this is a red flag.

Should you date someone who is not over their ex?

No, you should not date someone who is not over their ex. If someone has not been able to move on from their previous relationship, there is no way that they are going to be able to fully commit to this relationship. This is not fair to either of you. Give him some time to get over his past relationship, and if he does not succeed, move on, and find someone who can commit to you fully. 

Is it wrong to talk to your ex while in a relationship?

There is nothing wrong with talking to your ex, especially if you were friends before you entered this new relationship. However, it is important to be open with your partner about your relationship with your ex, to avoid any misunderstandings. If your partner cannot respect your friendship with your ex, it is up to you to decide how to move forward. 

To Sum Up… 

If your partner still talks to his ex-wife, the situation can become extremely complicated, however, it does not have to be. Knowing the reasons why your husband talks about his ex-wife in the way that he does can make things easier. However, if you do not feel secure in your relationship, it is important to talk to your husband about how to move forward. 

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