Are you feeling lost in your marriage with your kids growing up?
I completely understand. My husband and I have nothing in common, or at least we did until we learned that this was a normal part of being married. He is more of an outdoorsman, while I prefer to stay indoors watching romantic comedy movies.
The feeling of having nothing in common with your spouse is normal, and it isn’t really anyone’s fault because we are all different. You may have trouble connecting to your spouse at the moment, but there are things you can do to reconnect with one another. It isn’t easy; it takes work to make a marriage last, but you can do it, provided you both care about each other.
If you are facing a one-way street where only one of you wants to make it work, you may need to reevaluate your marriage. Of course, I wouldn’t recommend divorce, but you may want to speak to a qualified therapist who can help you reach one another in new ways.
Here, we’ll explore this topic more to see if you could find something to enjoy doing together.
- 1 Ways to Deal with Not Having Things in Common with Your Husband
- 1.1 1. Take a trip together
- 1.2 2. Join a church group
- 1.3 3. Take a hobby class together
- 1.4 4. Ask your husband to teach you something new
- 1.5 5. Make a list of 5 things to do together
- 1.6 6. Watch movies together
- 1.7 7. Compromise
- 1.8 8. Accept your differences
- 1.9 9. Ask questions about your husband’s interests
- 1.10 10. Explore new things together
- 1.11 11. Look through old photo albums
- 1.12 12. Watch your wedding video
- 1.13 13. Do everyday chores together
- 1.14 14. Join a team sport
- 1.15 15. Cook dinner together
- 1.16 16. Be open-minded
- 1.17 17. Understand that this is a normal part of marriage
- 1.18 18. Appreciate your differences
- 1.19 19. Meet with a trained therapist
- 2 FAQs
- 3 To Sum Things Up…
Ways to Deal with Not Having Things in Common with Your Husband
1. Take a trip together
One way to build your relationship is to travel together. You may learn something new about your husband, like that he is great with people, can learn new languages fast, or is a world-class bargain finder. Sometimes, you never really know a person until you are around each other outside of your normal element.
Another idea on this point is to take a road trip together. You don’t have to travel far. Imagine being in an enclosed space together for a long period of time. It may sound the opposite of relaxing, but really you are getting to know your other half even more! Imagine the conversations you could have with one another as you travel down the road.
My husband and I recently took a road trip together, and I didn’t know how exciting the car part would be since he doesn’t like to talk while driving, but it was actually a very moving trip. We got to know each other better as we traveled and listened to the radio. We talked a lot about what was said elsewhere, and time really flew by!
2. Join a church group
You may be able to grow with your spouse in a new manner by joining a church group. People who go to church are often very welcoming of newcomers who are looking to reconnect with each other. As you meet new people, you may discover that you’ve made new friends that you and your spouse can hang out with.
3. Take a hobby class together
Sometimes, you can really get to know a person by learning new things together. One type of class you could take is cooking. Build your relationship up by trying new things together, things neither of you are experts in. Both of you will be able to grow with the new skillset together in unison. What a great way to bond as a married couple!
4. Ask your husband to teach you something new
You may just want to compare your relationship to other marriages or talk about your children or skills as parents, but your husband may have other things on his mind. Work with him to learn new skills that he is a master at (even if you aren’t too keen on doing so). This could spark some real magic for you as a couple!
5. Make a list of 5 things to do together
This idea may have been created by a woman, but that doesn’t mean a man wouldn’t love doing this. Pick five things neither of you has ever done before and place them in a hat. Draw one out to see what the two of you will be trying to do together as a team. Do this as many times as you need to until you find the right mix of activities.
6. Watch movies together
Sometimes, even complete opposites can find a happy compromise with movies. You can find just about anything to watch on Netflix or Amazon Prime. No one can walk away from those devices empty-handed; there’s just about anything you can imagine on there; there’s content for everyone! Content includes horror, romance, and much more!
Plus, what’s great about watching movie content is afterward, you will have stuff to talk about and memories to share. Some movies can make your problems just seem to fade away. Others may encourage you to adopt new hobbies as you watch the characters do things that look like they would be a lot of fun to try!
Both you and your other half need to show efforts here. Someone may need to step up to take the first step, but if you can, it’s a good idea to try to resolve any issue you may be having by compromising. If he wants to listen to country music and you love opera, you may both need to work together to find a happy medium you can enjoy together.
8. Accept your differences
Differences can be a good thing if you value what your partner has to offer to your relationship. Maybe he is very analytical, and you are super creative. Let him plan complicated issues while you come up with original ideas on how to make things happen. Together, you can make a great team; you just have to value each other.
9. Ask questions about your husband’s interests
What does your spouse love to do? If his favorite thing is to cook, you could ask him to teach you a thing or two. Maybe you could even take a cooking class together to learn more about the subject. Use your skills to master what his favorite things are. If you are creative, and he loves woodworking, learn to create blueprints he can make!
10. Explore new things together
You may feel like you both have nothing in common right now, but the more time you spend with one another, the sooner you will learn that you can work together to find a new hobby you both will enjoy doing. Maybe someone will introduce you both to a new hobby that you’ve never heard of, and you can adopt the skill together as a team!
11. Look through old photo albums
Reviewing old photo albums is a great way to enjoy each other’s company. Use this time to talk about the things you have enjoyed doing in the past. Maybe your husband will say something like, “Boy! We sure did have a lot of fun skiing that year with the children! Maybe we should hit the slopes this year and give it another shot! What do you think?”
12. Watch your wedding video
Another great idea for remembering the past is to watch your wedding video or review your wedding album. Remember all those who attended your lovely wedding, and talk things over. You may fall in love all over again as you remember what it was like to be young and in love once upon a time. A spark may ignite in your love life!
You may want to get in touch with friends, too, as you recall all the fun you remember having with them in the past. “Remember how much fun we used to have with the Kelseys? We should give them a call to see what they are up to! I haven’t seen them around in a long time! We could all join a bowling league together or whatever!”
13. Do everyday chores together
Although this may not sound like fun, working together as a team in your home environment can bring a lot of joy for a couple. Some people find this actually to be relaxing and comforting, especially when working with their spouse. Think about your home and how you want it to look, and you’ll both have fun making it just like that.
Some couples actually find it relaxing to do the dishes together, as strange as that may sound. While one spouse washes the food off the dishes with soap and water, getting the dishes all clean, the other spouse can take the time to dry the dishes by hand, as they both listen to relaxing music together. It does happen, believe it or not.
14. Join a team sport
This is another great idea for connecting with your husband. If you are both even a little athletic, you may find this to be very enjoyable. You get the chance to meet other couples, too, who could potentially be good friends that you could hang out with later on. This is also an opportunity for you two to bond together as a couple.
15. Cook dinner together
While some people think it is the job of the mother to cook and clean, other more modern viewpoints say that either sex can do this. I say that you should do it together!
Life isn’t all about who has to do what; it’s about doing things together as a married couple. Fill your married life with equality, and use your time to show love to your spouse.
If you learn to enjoy cooking together, you may also love watching cooking shows together. This will give you a new thing to do together as a couple. You could let your husband cook the main course, while you make the side dishes or the desserts. By working together, you may find a real connection with one another.
16. Be open-minded
When trying new things, you will want to have an open mind. Use your imagination as you explore new hobbies or passions with your husband. He may have to do the same if the two of you are to succeed in your marriage. If you want to find things that you can have in common, you may have to open up your mind to new things.
For example, if your husband is a hunter, you may have to find some cute women’s camouflage gear and outfits and head out to the woods with him to see what you can find in nature. If you are not wanting to shoot anything, you can just enjoy the scenery and be there for support. He will appreciate the effort you are putting forth.
17. Understand that this is a normal part of marriage
Many people go through this as a normal part of being married. However, if you have more communication about this issue, you may find that it’s easier to talk about. Once it’s out in the open, it will be easier to resolve because you both now know what the problem is. So, don’t be afraid to open up the lines of communication with your spouse.
18. Appreciate your differences
Use care and compassion when you think about what would make your husband happy. Although there may be more communication needed on the subject, if you can just bring it up once and let him know your differences are bothering you, he may be more than happy to continue talking about it. You may discover that your differences are good.
19. Meet with a trained therapist
Talk about your issues with a trained counselor or therapist. They often have ideas that you may not have ever thought of. They are trained to provide you with tools and skills to cope as a married couple together and to build a stronger marriage in the future. Also, the more you meet with a therapist, the more tips and strategies they can help with.
If you don’t have anything in common, you can still find things to do together that you will both enjoy. Often, opposites attract each other in a relationship. You just have to find the right interests and hobbies that you both can enjoy with each other.
Realize that differences can make you stronger; you certainly have one thing in common – your kids! Your family life can be a great source of something in common, even if your kids are grown. Use that as a place to start talking about memories together.
Usually, one partner will indicate that he or she is done with the relationship. If your partner has found someone else, that may also be a sign that it’s time to move on. When silence has taken the place of where conversation used to be, that’s not a good sign either.
Some couples enjoy watching tv together, playing video games, reading books, or just building stuff from scratch. Others may not have common interests but are committed to making the marriage work – no matter what. The husband and wife may find new things to enjoy doing together.
It is normal in a marriage for people to not have much to talk about. They have all the experience they need with their spouse, and they don’t really have new interests to share with each other. That does not mean the marriage is over, though!
To Sum Things Up…
What is your experience with this topic? Do you feel like you and your other half have too many differences and not enough common interests? How have you and your partner dealt with this issue? We’d love to hear all about your experience. Please comment, and share this post!
As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn't an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.