Going through a breakup is one of the hardest things a person faces in their adult life, yet dealing with an ex afterward is even more challenging. People who are lucky enough to be permanently separated from their exes after a breakup have an easier time moving on.
On the other hand, some others still have some form of involvement with their exes in one way or another; work, kids, housing, keep them stuck together. Dealing with an ex can get exhausting, especially when they no longer have an iota of love for you. Not every breakup is messy, although the messy ones can leave some nasty scars deep enough to make a hurt ex hate you for life.
As a woman who has been through several unpleasant breakups, I can testify that having an ex who hates you is hell. If you happen to find yourself in a situation like this one, keep scrolling. I’ll give you 11 tips on how to deal with this situation.
- 1 My Ex Hates Me – 11 Ways To Deal With An Ex That Hates You
- 1.1 1. Respect their feelings
- 1.2 2. Time heals all
- 1.3 3. There’s no winning in this situation
- 1.4 4. Let it be
- 1.5 5. Give him all the space he needs
- 1.6 6. Let him find closure
- 1.7 7. Do not let him take advantage of you
- 1.8 8. Work on moving on
- 1.9 9. Be realistic
- 1.10 10. Apologize
- 1.11 11. Try to get over any leftover feelings
- 2 FAQs
- 3 In Conclusion
My Ex Hates Me – 11 Ways To Deal With An Ex That Hates You
1. Respect their feelings
Yes, it sucks when someone hates you, especially if you’ve put in the effort to handle things amicably. However, no matter what you do, you can’t control how a person should feel towards you. As harsh as this sounds, sometimes your ex may need to dislike you for a while, so he can get over you and move on.
Hating you may be a form of therapy to them or a coping mechanism. Transitioning from love to acceptance is way harder than transitioning from love to hatred, and some people don’t handle changes in the best way. You may have to be the strong one and just wait out the storm until he’s over it.
2. Time heals all
Some emotional storms seem like they will never end, but ultimately time heals all wounds. When someone is freshly heartbroken, their emotions are still quite raw. You can’t expect them to be at their best behavior and emotional state. At that point, you are the source of their hurt, whether you were the direct cause of the breakup or not.
Their brain identifies you as the object of their pain, and there’s not much they can do but feel anger towards you. Fortunately, time is an expert at healing all wounds, both big and small. After some months or years, they’re bound to understand why you did whatever you did, even if they still do not entirely agree with it.
3. There’s no winning in this situation
“Why does my ex hate me?” this question has obviously been bothering you for a while. Maybe he has even moved on with someone else, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to get back at you for breaking up with him. It’s okay if you don’t like the way he treats or talks to you, you don’t need that kind of negative energy.
However, after the breakup, instead of trying to make him feel like you’re doing way better than him, it’s better to avoid any type of ‘competitive behavior.
This attempt to boost your ego could end up making things worse; whether you initiated the breakup or not, try your best to pour your energy into healing instead of engaging in this pointless competition. It may increase your ex’s hatred towards you.
4. Let it be
Your ex’s feelings towards you are things you can’t control. Having someone out there who does not wish you well may feel terrible, but the issue is not as big as your mind is portraying it.
Fortunately, an ex should not be a part of your life anymore, emotionally, and mentally speaking. Even if you both share a property, a job, or children, that doesn’t mean you have to get your ex back or try to rekindle the love. It’s okay to let things be, and live your life
5. Give him all the space he needs
If you and your ex are still in contact for some reason, it’s best to give him lots of space at this point. Under normal circumstances, an ex should exist only in your past, but some people have very unique situations.
If you’re in one of these unique situations, then take a long period away from your ex, especially if you notice they’re passive-aggressive or hostile towards you. You don’t want to aggravate him or make him feel worse than he already does. So give him space.
6. Let him find closure
If yelling out his feelings to you will help him find closure and help him move on, let him do so. If you can, try your best to resist the urge to fight back. You don’t know if after getting all the anger out of his system, his hatred for you will reduce or even end. Venting, talking, screaming, etc. are great ways to let out anger and frustration; let him do these things if he needs to.
7. Do not let him take advantage of you
Yes, it’s better to allow your ex to find closure by venting out his feelings, and it’s also beneficial to let him heal at his pace. However, be careful not to overindulge him, or let him take advantage of you.
Know where to draw the line; he shouldn’t keep calling you every day to scold you. You don’t want the love you once shared to turn into manipulation as well. If you’re feeling guilty about the breakup, find different ways to handle that, you shouldn’t try to punish yourself by allowing your ex to mistreat you.
8. Work on moving on
It may take longer than expected for your ex to come to terms with everything and reach a place of acceptance in his grieving process. He may not be ready to behave like an adult at this point, and he may not be prepared to forgive you.
Instead of pining and saying “my ex hates me,” it’s best to focus on moving on. The one thing you can control is your feelings and how you respond to them. Choose to take the high road; the truth is you also need to heal, so take time out for yourself and do just that. Try your best to move on from that situation as best you can.
9. Be realistic
Getting over the ‘ my ex hates me’ stage can prove to be more difficult if you hoped to get back with him. Not many people would understand the pain that comes with that. In this case, what you need to do is be honest with yourself, bring yourself to the awareness that you may never get back together with him.
Holding on to that false hope would hurt you even more; it’s better to be realistic. Don’t wait around for him to come back or love you again. There’s probably someone out there that’s better for you.
If you were at fault in any way, you need to apologize. Many people try to sweep their mistakes under the carpet so they can forget it ever happened. If the breakup was caused by something you did wrong, you need to do the right thing and apologize. It’s possible that all he needs is an honest apology, plus there’s no harm trying that.
11. Try to get over any leftover feelings
If you don’t have leftover feelings for your ex, you won’t be bothered about how he feels towards you. Since you can’t control how he feels about you, change how you feel towards him. Cut off any emotional ties you have with him.
This may prove to be difficult because your rational mind and your emotions operate separately. You may know that it’s best to detach from a person, but the emotional part of your mind just won’t let go. If you can’t bring yourself to the point of detachment on your own, then seek professional help.
Love and hate are two sides of the same coin. So sometimes, if it seems your ex hates you or if they happen to act hostile towards you, it probably means they have some strong feelings for you. The way the relationship ended may also determine the way he feels about you.
First of all, your ex’s opinion of you should be secondary. The best way to deal with it is to acknowledge that their views are their own, there’s not much you can do to change it, so it’s best to avoid him as much as possible and let time heal everything.
Whatever you do, don’t bug him. Give him time and space, and don’t demand his attention. More space apart would make him miss you more, and you’d have a higher chance of winning him back. You could implement the no contact rule if possible; it hardly ever goes wrong.
There are so many signs that your ex may be over you. If your ex picks up all his belongings from the space you both shared, then there’s a big chance that’s he’s entirely over you. Also, if he’s blocked you on his social media and cut off all communication, then he’s probably not into you anymore.
If he’s cold and dismissive towards you, he probably does not have good feelings towards you. Most men will not hide the fact that you’re not their favorite person; at that point, they don’t feel responsible for your feelings anymore. Also, there’s a 90% chance he’s over you if he’s in a new relationship.
I hope this write-up has been helpful to you. Remember, everyone is entitled to their feelings and opinions and you can’t always change or influence those feelings. Remain happy and healthy regardless of how your ex or anyone else feels about you. Please leave your comments in the section below and remember to share this with others.
As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn't an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.