In the beginning, it was just you and your boyfriend. But later, you got to meet his friends, which is a good thing so you were excited. But you realized something: his friends are welcoming. So now, you keep asking yourself, “What did I do wrong?”, “Am I the problem?”, “Why do my boyfriend’s friends hate me?” etc.
According to research, the average person makes a few friends who last for a lifetime. So it is quite possible that they may not always be friends, and may not be in your lives forever. While you should not count on their friendships coming to an end, it would serve as consolation if you act on the tips in this article.
So here are some things to do if the friends of your boyfriend don’t like you.
- 0.1 13 Things To Do If Your Boyfriend’s Friends Don’t Like You
- 0.1.1 1. Know for sure if they don't like you
- 0.1.2 2. Talk to him about it
- 0.1.3 3. Learn to see things from their perspective
- 0.1.4 4. Do not force things
- 0.1.5 5. Be affectionate to your man in their presence
- 0.1.6 6. Make an effort to know them for yourself
- 0.1.7 7. Do not be nervous when relating with them
- 0.1.8 8. Do not take things personally
- 0.1.9 9. Avoid being touchy
- 0.1.10 10. Bring your friends around too
- 0.1.11 11. If they invite you to an event, make an effort to be there
- 0.1.12 12. Share common interests
- 0.1.13 13. Correct the bad attitudes
- 0.2 FAQs
- 0.3 Summary
13 Things To Do If Your Boyfriend’s Friends Don’t Like You
1. Know for sure if they don't like you
Before you conclude that your boyfriend’s friends hate you, they should have said so to your face or maybe their actions expressly said so. If they have not expressly done so, in terms of words or actions, then there is hope.
So, carefully analyze the situation and don’t allow your insecurity to get ahead of you. Or else at the slightest indifference, you will convince yourself that nobody likes you.
What’s more, do away with this insecure opinion about you, because it has the ability to destroy potential good relationships. Also, be comfortable in your own skin around his friends. If your boyfriend thought you were amazing enough to date you, then it won’t take long for his friends to see that amazing side of you.
2. Talk to him about it
Communication is a key component in everyday lives, the same as every healthy relationship. This goes without saying that where you feel you are unable to connect with your guy’s friends, it is necessary that you talk to him about it.
Is there a problem with you, where his friends are concerned? According to relationship experts, having this conversation would determine whose side your boyfriend is on.
While it is not a battle for allegiances, your discussion on this subject will help you to know your guy’s stance as far as his relationships with you and his friends are concerned. Also, by talking to your partner about it, he may be able to help you get to know his friends better.
3. Learn to see things from their perspective
It is possible that they were very cool with your guy’s ex, and thought she was going to be around, but it was called off, and now, here you are in the picture. Your man has moved on, but it is likely his friends have not. His friends haven’t broken up with the ex, but your partner has.
Different people adapt to change differently. New relationships can be quite a change, so give them their space while at it. It could also be that your guy has been spending a lot of time with you at the expense of his friendships, so don’t expect his friends to be all welcoming when you have “taken” their friend from them.
It is therefore advisable to encourage your partner to spend time with his buddies.
4. Do not force things
It is not inscribed on any ancient rock that you need to be friends with your partner’s friends. Even though it would help the relationship with your guy, if it does not look possible, don’t force things, else it would make everything awkward. His friends will realize you are trying too hard.
You, on the other hand, would think you are putting in all the effort and the whole situation would look so pointless. Take it like this, if it will work out, it will. You would embrace friendship with your partner’s friends, but you won’t trip over your laces to make it work. You are, after all in a relationship with your guy, not his friends.
5. Be affectionate to your man in their presence
While this is obvious, it needs repeating. Be nice to your boyfriend, especially when they are around. The way you relate with your guy tells them a lot about the relationship between you and their friend. They would definitely want to look out for any bad/unworthy girlfriend signs so that they warn their friend against any incoming bad situation.
When they realize the sweet relationship between you two, they would want to make them warm up to you.
6. Make an effort to know them for yourself
Be original and get to know your boyfriend’s friends for yourself. Behave as if you would behave around your own friends, build good relations with them, be yourself, keep it simple! Don’t try too hard to impress.
When they realize that your behavior is fake, they would not want to associate themselves with you. And also, make it a priority to study each of his friends, so that you can easily relate with any of them.
7. Do not be nervous when relating with them
It is easy to be intimidated by the mere thought of meeting your man’s friends because it really means a lot about the direction of the relationship. However, you need to relax. You are not meeting Vladimir Putin or Barack Obama. They are mere flesh and blood like you, so don’t be nervous when relating with them.
It is also very possible your nervousness could rub off on them in the wrong way. So take control of yourself and any topic that may come up during your conversation. Allow them to see and know the real you.
8. Do not take things personally
No one dislikes anyone for absolutely no reason so it is possible you may have offended them without your knowledge. It could be that something about you makes them unsettled or insecure. If this happens to be the case, don’t take these issues personally. As a girl, I understand you can get so worked up over something like this.
Face it! You cannot control other people’s sentiments about you, and this is the more reason you should not make it personal. Perhaps, they may be going through a rough patch at that moment in time. Not making it about you can help strengthen later relationships with them.
9. Avoid being touchy
Even if you are a touchy couple, tone down on the touchiness. The message is clear that you are crazy about your guy, but the world does not revolve around your relationship. Also, don’t put your guy in a position to be teased by his friends when you are finally away.
It is a reunion, so treat it as such. It would enable a friendly familiarity with his friends.
10. Bring your friends around too
In order to be more yourself around your partner’s friends, bring your friends along too. Your friends have a way of bringing out the real you because you are very comfortable in their presence. You should do it if it has been discussed and met with approval from his friends though.
That way, the next time you meet his friends, there may be some common ground to cover and less awkwardness. And who knows, you might get some disclosures of petty secret crushes or compliments about your friends.
11. If they invite you to an event, make an effort to be there
Maybe, one reason his friends may seem not to like you is because you are never around, and you ignore their requests for an outing. If they invite you out, go! How will you know them when you haven’t spent time to know them?
Don’t be that girlfriend who doesn’t make an effort to honor invitations to the parties and outings. They won’t like you because you don’t want to make any effort to have fun with them. If you are nervous about meeting them, plan an event based on their collective interests and invite them so you can all socialize.
You could say a lot about a person just by the company he/she keeps. If you have a common interest with your man who also happens to be their friend, then it is possible you have a common interest with them, so find out. That way, you can find common ground when relating with his friends.
13. Correct the bad attitudes
Sometimes, they may not like you because they may have very good reasons to do so, so check yourself and try to correct those bad attitudes that may be pushing your man’s guys off.
Firstly, be open and talk to your man about it. While it may not be the nicest thing to hear that your girlfriend doesn’t like your friends, it is better than allowing those bad feelings to grow out of proportion because it could be damaging to your relationship.
You should not ignore the issue because there may be a legitimate reason. It is also noteworthy that you may be jealous of them, so find out the root cause of the jealousy and work it out. Make an effort to reach out to them. They are, after all, your guy’s friends.
If this happens to be the case, find time to politely meet then, and have a civil discussion about what the matter is, if they want to talk about it with you, then it is proof that you are both making headway, but if not, you can talk it out with your man to find out what exactly the problem is. And if the problem still persists, do your best to avoid them whenever they are around.
Meet them halfway; make an effort to be their friend, have common ground the two of you can relate to, when they invite you for outings, honor them, be honest and polite when dealing with them and also be comfortable and confident in your skin when around them.
Yes, it is important to meet your boyfriend’s friends, and it is kind of a big deal because it says a lot about the direction and progressiveness of your relationship.
To be jealous of your boyfriend’s friends means that you are insecure about something where they are concerned. Understand what those insecurity issues are stemming from, and work on them. Know that you are beautiful. Tell yourself that everyday if you have to. Also, talk to your boyfriend about it so that he can help you work around the problem.
While you are working on those insecure feelings, create healthy boundaries around those guys but be nice and polite while at it.
In the nutshell, you really cannot not help it if your boyfriend’s friends hate you. You could do all you can, as listed above to get them to like you, but if they don’t want to, they won’t. If that is the case, let this be your consolation: that you are in a relationship with your boyfriend, and not with them!
I hope you enjoyed this article. Let me know what you think in the comments, but also, don’t forget to share.
As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn't an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.