There are people with different sexual preferences and, although many people still find it hard to come to terms with this distinction, it doesn’t change the fact that there would always be homosexual, bisexual, or queer people among us.
As a straight woman in a relationship, you expect that you would date a straight guy too but, what happens when you get to know that you’re in fact dating a bi guy? This is someone you like and respect so much and you’ve come so far as a couple that you’re confused about whether his sexuality would affect your relationship.
Anyone can tell you the decision is yours and they’d be right but, if they tell you it’s easy, they might be wrong. How did you feel about bisexual people even before your boyfriend came out of the closet? Your previous opinion will have an effect on your future decision concerning you and your boyfriend.
In this article, you will get some important pointers that will help you put things in perspective without making any rash decisions when it comes to your boyfriend and relationship.
- 1 11 Ways To Handle The Situation
- 1.1 1. Be understanding
- 1.2 2. It’s who he is
- 1.3 3. He isn’t going to become straight overnight
- 1.4 4. Does he still want to be with you?
- 1.5 5. Is he currently dating other men?
- 1.6 6. Accept that he is a regular guy who is just attracted to both sexes
- 1.7 7. Your boyfriend has choices too regardless of what gender he finds attractive
- 1.8 8. No, you don’t need to enter a polyamorous relationship with your boyfriend
- 1.9 9. You can decide to end the relationship if you can’t handle things
- 1.10 10. Don’t push his buttons by asking which of the sexes he is more attracted to
- 1.11 11. If you decide to keep dating your bisexual boyfriend, be ready to acclimate to his social circle
- 2 The Bottom Line
11 Ways To Handle The Situation
1. Be understanding
Being bisexual is not an anomaly but a sexual orientation that seems to deviate from the norm. It takes sufficient guts to admit to being a bi guy when most people around you are straight. So for your boyfriend to open up to you about being into men as well, it means he trusts you and wants you to understand he is different in a normal way.
You may be wondering, “what should I do if my boyfriend tells me he’s a bi guy?” The first thing to do after this discovery is to accept that’s who he is. Then, support him for coming out of the closet to say the truth. Don’t start to disrespect him because of his sexual orientation.
It may be confusing or difficult for you to grasp at first but if you give yourself the chance to understand him, you’ll realize he's still the same amazing boyfriend he’s been.
2. It’s who he is
People, especially men, don’t go around claiming sexual preferences just for the sake of it. Things are hard enough for bisexual and LGBTQ people for anyone to decide to join a cause they’re not passionate about. Therefore, don’t entertain the notion that your partner is just trying to get attention by declaring himself a bi man.
If he says he is attracted to both men and women (even if it’s on different levels), then you better believe that he is. Denial is one way to destroy your relationship, especially if you love him.
3. He isn’t going to become straight overnight
Another thing is that you shouldn’t hold on to a false hope that your bisexual boyfriend will suddenly become a straight guy someday. Even if he decides to later stick to one gender, it will be his choice, not because you want it to be so.
The best-case scenario is you accepting he’s this person that likes both men and women either sexually or romantically. If your relationship is to stand the test of those first few days of the announcement, then your boyfriend needs your acceptance.
4. Does he still want to be with you?
The first question that would probably come to your mind after your boyfriend tells you he is bisexual is, has he dated guys before? If yes, how many of them? The present question you’d ask could also be, does he want to date a guy now or would he ever decide he wants to be with a guy sooner or later?
While your doubts are understandable and possible, it is not in your best interest to dwell on what might have happened in the past or what could happen in the future. Your focus should be on enjoying what you have with your boyfriend. He chose to be with you and share something important with you, that’s what matters.
5. Is he currently dating other men?
There’s this common belief that because a man is bisexual he would cheat on his girlfriend with a gay man or another bisexual person. If your boyfriend wants to be faithful to you, you’ll know, regardless of his sexual preference. But if you’re still planning on dating him, it’s still important to know.
Keep in mind that bisexuality doesn’t change people’s attributes or character, they only know they want to love either a man or a woman. So, a man’s ability to be faithful or unfaithful is not a product of his sexuality.
6. Accept that he is a regular guy who is just attracted to both sexes
Some women tend to want to treat their men differently upon discovering that they are bisexual men. However, acting differently than you used to with your boyfriend wouldn’t only be weird but also unfair to him.
Yes, you just figured out you’re dating a bi guy, that doesn’t make him a unicorn or egg that should be treated delicately. You don’t need to skirt around the topics you would openly discuss with him before.
Sex between the both of you shouldn’t take a nosedive because you’re worried a man will take your place in his life. Instead, you should treat him like the normal person he is and continue to enjoy life with him.
7. Your boyfriend has choices too regardless of what gender he finds attractive
Dating a bi guy doesn’t mean treating him like he’s a temporal fix. Your orientation about how different he is shouldn’t make you see him as a sex object you can date temporarily. He is a man with choices and standards, he won’t roll over just because you say so.
Also, there are some things you shouldn’t say when your boyfriend admits he is bisexual. You should never tell him he doesn’t know what he is saying. Also, you shouldn’t tell him he’ll change his mind or that it’s a temporary feeling. You definitely shouldn’t use biphobic terms with him. These types of things are very delicate and could easily get him angry or hurt.
Respect him like you would a straight guy and if you feel the relationship isn’t for you, let him know. You don’t have to keep dating him if things seem too weird for you. If he is a good guy, he’d let you know when you’re not doing it for him anymore.
8. No, you don’t need to enter a polyamorous relationship with your boyfriend
This part is a bit hilarious but it is one common fear that straight women have when they are dating a bisexual man. You aren’t under any obligation to enter a three-way relationship with your boyfriend and another man because you just got to know he is bisexual.
If you don’t have a ménage à trois sex fetish and your boyfriend isn’t interested in that either, there’s no reason to entertain that thought in the first place. Know that you can still have a very happy and satisfactory monogamous relationship, dating a bisexual partner.
9. You can decide to end the relationship if you can’t handle things
That your boyfriend is bisexual is not enough reason to break up with him. If you’re ending your relationship with a bisexual man, it should be because you know that nonsexual orientation problems are responsible for the demise of your relationship. However, if you feel uncomfortable with the new development, it’s not compulsory to keep dating him.
If you feel like things will get weird and that’s not just what you want, let him know in the kindest way possible. However, let your decision to end things be more dependent on your feelings for him.
Have your feelings for this guy changed? or do you think his revelation has caused irreparable damage to how you feel for him? If the latter is the case, moving on from him might be the best for both of you.
Never make the mistake of trying to make him choose between the gender he is most attracted to, it may not just be one of the things he wants to discuss right now. Also, don’t give him an ultimatum because you’re not comfortable that he’s bisexual.
If you decide to stay with your bisexual guy, you need to accept him and his bisexual circle of friends that comes with the territory. It is expected that he’ll be most comfortable with people who know how he feels and share his sexual preferences.
Also, he’ll want to hang out with such people more than some straight people who don’t care for his sexual orientation. If the relationship is to work, he needs your support to weave between the straight and bi worlds.
The Bottom Line
As women, dating a bi guy has probably never crossed our minds, I’m sure you’d rather date a guy that has eyes just for you. However, finding out your boyfriend is bisexual when you’re already deep into the relationship can throw you in a loop. Your ability or inability to understand him and the new reality in your relationship can either make or destroy it.
I hope these tips will help you make the best decision. Do leave a comment and share this with others.
As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn't an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.